The Dimwit
What the hell was going on here? Just Chosun showing up out of nowhere was already threatening to overload my brain circuits, but to my astonishment, Lü Bu was acting like he knew her?
“You’re… alive?”
Lü Bu’s eyes darted wildly from side to side. The color drained from his face as if he had just seen a ghost standing right in front of him.
Shrrk…
Even the blade he had been pointing at me slowly lowered. He was completely losing it…
“Did you really think I was dead or something?”
Chosun’s tone was a touch calmer than his. But only a touch—for the first time, I could feel a crack in the icy composure of those sanpaku eyes that had always stayed so coldly sharp.
“That can’t be. Everyone said you were dead…”
“I almost was. I never imagined anyone could survive throwing themselves off a cliff hundreds of feet high. And yet… somehow, I opened my eyes again.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? You were perfectly fine, and you let me waste years of my life?”
“There was a benefactor who saved my life, and I decided repaying that debt came first. More than that, I judged that remaining at your side would not help you, Lord Lü.”
“Judgment is mine to make, not yours! Do you have any idea what I’ve been feeling all this time? What I’ve been thinking until now…”
“Must you waste time with words like that on a day like this?”
“…”
The breathless exchange between the two of them finally hit a pause. I had heard every word with both ears, yet I still couldn’t begin to guess at their past.
“Where are you now?”
“I live in Luoyang. I can’t say more than that.”
“You knew I was here, didn’t you? You were watching me in secret, so how can you speak as if you’d forgotten me?”
“You’re wrong. I wasn’t watching you, Lord Lü—I was watching him. I only learned yesterday that the person he was meeting was you.”
“…?”
Lü Bu turned his head toward me, clearly wondering what that was supposed to mean. At the same moment, I finally understood how Chosun had managed to arrive at exactly the right time.
So yesterday’s encounter wasn’t a coincidence after all? Yu Bi’s group really did come looking after spotting Red Hare, but Chosun had been tailing me from the start, checking who I was meeting.
It turned out to be Lü Bu—and someone she already knew. Even if it hadn’t been, she would have wanted to confirm whether the job succeeded, so following us was only natural.
“What is your relationship with this man?”
“I can’t say. But I need to take him back safely, so put that sword away.”
“If you don’t explain properly, I won’t just let him go. Do you know what this man said to me?”
“That you should betray Ding Yuan and join Dong Zhuo, I imagine. It doesn’t matter either way. The decision is yours, Lord Lü. I only need to get this man out of here unharmed.”
“…”
Lü Bu’s shoulders began to tremble like aspen leaves. Then he fixed me with bloodshot eyes that gathered every scrap of resentment, jealousy, hatred, and loathing he could muster.
Why am I the one getting that look? The only reason Chosun wants to take me back is because Yu Hyeop ordered her to.
But since she isn’t saying that, Lü Bu is starting to suspect there’s something between me and Chosun.
The conversation had been completely incomprehensible, yet at least I could tell there was a deep bond between them—one I wouldn’t have dared imagine.
“If you thought I would simply let you go after meeting you again after so many years, you were badly mistaken.”
“What, are you going to kidnap me?”
“I only want to talk. Just the two of us—without this man.”
“I’m afraid that’s impossible. If you refuse to release him, I will have no choice but to fight to free him.”
“F-Fight? You’re going to draw a blade against me?”
Shrring.
As if to prove the words were true, Chosun drew a hidden dagger. Those unshakable, fierce sanpaku eyes flashed.
Lü Bu reeled in the saddle from the shock.
“How… how can you do this to me?”
“Time has resolved a great many things.”
“Not for me. I’ve spent these past years longing for you as if every day were only one. And yet how can you…”
“We’re leaving.”
Chosun didn’t even allow a final farewell. I turned my horse with her, watching our backs in case Lü Bu tried a sudden strike.
But no matter how far we rode, Lü Bu never moved from that spot—as if nails had been driven through his horse’s hooves, or a dagger through his heart.
We returned to Luoyang. Chosun immediately tried to spur her horse toward the palace, but I blocked her path at once.
“Hold on! Don’t we have things to talk about?”
“I have nothing to discuss with you. All that remains is for you to invent an excuse for Dong Zhuo.”
“No! What was that just now? You and Lü Bu clearly knew each other. You even knew I’d been tailing him since yesterday, trying to win him over.”
“And what of it?”
Chosun tilted her head as if to ask what the problem was. Her stonewalling was so absurd that for a second I almost wondered if I was the one in the wrong.
“How do you know Lü Bu?”
“We crossed paths once.”
“That was not a ‘crossed paths’ atmosphere. From what I overheard, the two of you had a deep relationship, then were forced apart for some unavoidable reason. In the process you threw yourself off a cliff hundreds of feet high, ready to die, but were rescued. Bingzhou… Wang Yun is from Bingzhou, isn’t he? Did he save you then, and you became his trusted agent to repay the debt?”
“For someone who can’t even persuade Lü Bu, you certainly notice far too much. If you’re thinking of running around blabbing about this, you’d better change your mind.”
“Because if Wang Yun finds out, he might use you to pull Ding Yuan onto his side? God, I’m going crazy. You worked so hard to hide everything from Dong Zhuo, yet you and Lü Bu already went all the way—kissing, sucking, the whole nine yards…”
Smack!
That was when Chosun’s swift hand cracked across my cheek. I had been so worked up that neither martial skill nor anything else did me any good.
“Y-You hit me? What did you do that was so great you get to hit me?”
“Should I simply ignore a scoundrel who spouts filthy words without a second thought? You’ve been saying strange things ever since then—as if meeting Lü Bu were as forbidden for me as meeting Dong Zhuo.”
“Fine. You lied to me, so from now on I won’t tell you any more truths either.”
“Do as you like. You’ll be so busy inventing excuses for Dong Zhuo that you won’t have a single hair left on your head anyway.”
“…”
Hee-hee!
Chosun shot me a contemptuous look, then turned her horse and headed for the palace. And I… slumped, every ounce of strength draining from my body.
What is this? Not only did I fail to win Lü Bu over, but the very Chosun I tried so hard to protect had already done ‘this position’ and ‘that position’ with him?
So that’s why Lü Bu ends up attacking Dong Zhuo. Chosun, unable to stand watching the country go to hell, throws herself at Dong Zhuo to enrage Lü Bu.
I felt depressed. I had reallocated my stats and thought I was finally ready to survive the chaos of the age—only to run into an unexpected reef like this.
“Urrrgh… Boss, another bottle!”
So I ducked into the first tavern I saw and started pouring drinks down my throat with no side dishes at all. Going back to the palace would only get me discarded by Dong Zhuo as the idiot who failed to extract Lü Bu and only wasted Red Hare.
Dong Zhuo would try to win Lü Bu over in his own way. I would just sit there sucking my thumb and watch Chosun get mating-pressed by Dong Zhuo.
Nothing changed. Not Chosun’s cruel fate, and not the fact that I was still the White-Haired Failure of Chi-byung-nan-byung.
“Ah… Do Yeop? Why are you drinking alone in a place like this?”
“…?”
But there was one more thing that hadn’t changed. When I lifted my head, Yu Bi was already sitting across from me with worried eyes.
“Yu Bi…? How did you end up here?”
“I happened to see you drinking through the window. Did you… have a big fight with Lady Chosun, by any chance?”
“What are you… Why is Chosun coming up again?”
“B-But yesterday you put her on your horse and rode off together. Sigh… From the first time I met you two, I thought there was something between you. So someone like me was just left behind like a little fish caught in the net…”
“Haa… Yu Bi, I’ve had a few drinks, so let me say one thing. This isn’t the time for you to be wandering the marketplace at your leisure, is it?”
“What do you mean by that?”
Yu Bi had been trying to comfort me in her own way, but she flinched when I turned serious. Except today was not the day for me to listen to her useless fretting.
“Am I wrong? You came to the capital with a letter of amnesty to receive a new post, didn’t you? Then you should be clinging to Gongsun Zan, who keeps pestering Lu Zhi, or doing whatever it takes to find a way to eat. Your two younger sisters, Jian Yong waiting back home, and hundreds of retainers are all looking to you alone. Does it make any sense for someone responsible for so many lives to be loafing around with nothing to do and just happen to find me?”
“W-Why would you say something so harsh…”
“It’s not harsh—it’s for your own good. Like I told you, the age of chaos is right around the corner. Everyone else is making preparations to ride that chaos and soar, but what do you have right now? Are you really planning to live and die as the big-eared kid from Nusang Village, relying only on Lu Zhi’s influence for the rest of your life?”
“…”
She had no answer to the scathing criticism. Yu Bi’s soft red lips began to tremble, and then large tears started falling from those big eyes.
Sniff… sniff…
And then she started crying again. Whether it was a skill activating or the alcohol clearing my head, she looked so beautiful it nearly sobered me up.
I suddenly felt so guilty I wanted to drop to my knees. Or pull her into a full embrace and pat her back…
No, no, no…
What the hell am I thinking? This girl has been nothing but a crybaby who gets everything she wants by crying ever since she was little.
If I really want to give Yu Bi advice, I absolutely cannot just let this slide.
“I’m in a bad mood today. So don’t poke the bear—just go home. Or go find that Yuan Shao you like so much and ask him to take you as a concubine…”
“What did you just say?”
“…?”
It was Guan Yu. She was already sitting to Yu Bi’s left, glaring at me like she wanted to kill me, while Zhang Fei was busy trying to soothe her crying older sister.
“I mean… even you can see Yu Bi is wasting time right now, can’t you, Guan Yu?”
“Whether she’s wasting time or not, she doesn’t need to hear that from a half-baked human like you. Do you need to lose your head right here before you come to your senses?”
“Why the threats again… Just because you’re good at fighting doesn’t mean you get to act like this!”
“Then apologize. Kneel to my sister and apologize for what you just said, and I’ll forgive you.”
“…”
Was that even reasonable? What had I done wrong that I had to kneel and beg Yu Bi?
But even I had to admit the “concubine” crack had been a bit much.
On top of that, Guan Yu was so furious she wasn’t even breathing, and Zhang Fei was snorting and glaring with those turtle-like eyes as if she was ready to join in at any second.
Guan Yu alone was already more than I could handle—add Zhang Fei and it would be like throwing myself into the River of Three Crossings rather than facing Lü Bu on Red Hare earlier.
“S-Stop it, everyone! Do Yeop is only like this because he’s in a bad mood today. I’m sure he fought with Lady Chosun…”
“That’s not it. Haa… You remember the person we saw here yesterday? I was supposed to persuade him into doing something, but I failed. So I was depressed and the words just came out… Anyway, I’ll take back the ‘concubine’ thing.”
In the end I didn’t kneel, but it was basically the same as tucking my tail and begging forgiveness. So this was how Su Shuang and Zhang Shiping felt when the three Guan-Zhang thugs robbed them of their horses and goods?
“Ah… So it had nothing to do with Lady Chosun? I’m truly sorry things didn’t go well. I wish I could have been of some help…”
“Don’t apologize, Sister. Why should you feel sorry just because that half-baked guy failed at his job?”
“I didn’t fail because I’m half-baked! I explained everything perfectly logically—he just weirdly refused to understand!”
It was true. I had done the absolute best I could, and a normal Lü Bu would have gone for it right there.
But the developers must have made some mistake, because Lü Bu’s character was a little different. Wait a second—then how does Dong Zhuo win Lü Bu over?
“Not half-baked? Whatever you say, I don’t want to hear a single word of it, so of course that guy yesterday ignored you too.”
“I’m going crazy… Guan Yu, you have a bad habit of looking down on me because of that damn Yuedanping, but I’m not the same person I used to be.”
“Uuung… But Sister’s right. Do Yeop seems like a good person, but somehow his words just don’t feel trustworthy.”
“…”
Even Zhang Fei was piling on. In this moment I almost wanted to ask Yu Bi—who usually shielded me pretty well—for some comfort.
“Yu Bi, you say something. Do you really think what your two sisters are saying is right?”
“Ah… I believe Do Yeop is a talent without equal under heaven. However…”
“However?”
“However… how should I put it… your words lack depth? They’re clearly reasonable, yet after listening I always end up tilting my head a little.”
“…”
What was that supposed to mean? In the end she was just saying it nicely—that like Guan Yu, she didn’t even want to listen to the half-baked guy’s talk?
But maybe because I was pretty drunk, I felt I ought to pay attention to what they were saying.
Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were one thing, but even Yu Bi—who called me a “talent”—was agreeing with the core of it?
For example… had I forgotten that this place was still “inside a game,” no matter how realistic it felt?
Things like this had been happening a lot lately. I would deliver long speeches using historical knowledge no one else had, only to get shot down with “stop talking nonsense.”
Think about the conversation I had with Lu Zhi in front of Dong Zhuo’s camp. I said the exact same things as Cao Cao, yet they believed him and didn’t even listen to me with half an ear.
I failed every attempt to persuade Dong Zhuo’s forces and finally had to use force, and today I couldn’t even win over Lü Bu.
The stat that affects all those actions is Intelligence. And I had dumped everything into Force, leaving Intelligence at 1.
But persuading people requires Intelligence. The help text clearly says Intelligence affects “Eloquence.”
That’s why I kept losing at go yesterday. Even if I’m only an amateur 3-dan, that still makes me a considerable expert in ancient times.
Yet getting completely wrecked—holding black stones, no less—by a Lü Bu who had lost interest in go from constant losses, or by a Yu Bi playing her first real game, made no sense.
So this was it. As a gamer, making big-picture judgments isn’t affected by stats. Simple situation explanations shouldn’t be a big problem either.
But the moment I take actual action, Intelligence decides the outcome.
For example, even if I use a historical stratagem against the same opponent in the same situation, if their Intelligence is higher than mine, it somehow fails.
“W-Wait a minute! But Yu Bi, you’ve always listened to me and done exactly what I said, haven’t you?”
There was an exception, though. Yu Bi, Yu Hyeop, Chosun—even Dong Zhuo—had all lent me their ears.
And every one of them had Intelligence higher than mine, never lower.
“Ah… That’s because I trust you, Do Yeop. Our relationship isn’t ordinary, is it?”
“…”
So that was it. No matter how big the Intelligence gap, if Affinity is high enough, the words get through.
Otherwise how could White-Haired Failure eunuchs like Huang Hao or Cen Hun shake emperors and control entire countries?
Yu Bi had accepted me as a friend because I was the only one who treated her warmly. I had built favor with Yu Hyeop by clearing a few quests, and with Chosun, trust had naturally accumulated because everything I said kept turning out right.
Dong Zhuo’s case was a little different. I hadn’t so much persuaded him as simply explained facts.
And because he was excited about committing treason, he recognized the value of me—practically the only ally he had left in the court. In other words, any excuse I made after going back would never work.
A ruthless game world where stats decide every contest. In the end, as a White-Haired Failure, I had no choice but to carefully reallocate my abilities every single time.