The Food Taster
“His Majesty the King of Chenliu approaches~”
Accompanied by a coquettish male voice, a girl dressed in splendid robes stepped forward. This was the entrance of Yu Hyeop, whom we would later come to call Emperor Xian.
“What the hell are you doing, you bastard? Move already!”
The senior eunuch jabbed me in the side, complaining about how slow I was. Only then did I realize my duty and hurried behind Yu Hyeop to hold up the trailing hem of her robes that was dragging across the floor.
Three days had passed since Chosun had turned me into a eunuch and brought me into the palace. After a blood-coughing intensive training, I had finally succeeded in gazing upon the august face of Yu Hyeop, the one I was meant to serve.
But why Yu Hyeop of all people? Because Chosun had ordered me to, of course.
‘From now on, you will serve His Majesty the King of Chenliu. I will come by from time to time to give you your tasks, so you must never let your identity be discovered.’
I had turned the reason over in my mind any number of times, but no proper answer ever surfaced. The best I could guess was that Wang Yun and Chosun intended to use me to keep watch over Yu Hyeop.
Originally, Emperor Ling had two children: the current emperor, Yu Bian—Emperor Shao—born to Empress He, and Yu Hyeop—the King of Chenliu, later Emperor Xian—born to the Consort Wang.
Empress He, jealous of the Consort Wang who enjoyed Emperor Ling’s favor, had tried to poison her at every opportunity. Yet even after repeated assassination attempts, the consort managed to give birth to Yu Hyeop before she died.
After that, Empress Dowager Dong, Emperor Ling’s mother, raised the motherless Yu Hyeop herself and grew deeply attached to the child. She doted on her so much that, before his death, Emperor Ling had begged for Yu Hyeop to be named his successor.
But Empress He, backed by the power of the eunuchs, simply installed her own son as Son of Heaven even though Emperor Ling had left no such will. Because he was the legitimate heir, no one raised any objection.
In any case, to Empress He, Yu Hyeop was the greatest thorn in her side. Especially in times of political turmoil, if someone used Emperor Ling’s supposed last wish as a pretext to set Yu Hyeop up as a rival emperor, a bloody civil war could erupt overnight.
So as a loyal subject of the realm, Wang Yun probably wanted to keep an eye on whether anyone was approaching Yu Hyeop—that was my working theory. But something else bothered me far more.
Why was Yu Hyeop a girl?
I had already reached my own conclusion about the Female DLC. Those who would later become the warlords of the chaotic age remained male, while every last one of their subordinates had been gender-swapped. That was the theory.
Of course, Liu Bei alone had somehow escaped that fate. And the Han officials who had nothing to do with the coming chaos had kept their masculinity as well.
And. Yet. Why was Yu Hyeop—the one who would become the final emperor of Han—a girl? Absurdly enough, Yu Bian (Emperor Shao) was still a boy.
I couldn’t make heads or tails of the criteria.
“Have you tasted it?”
Anyway, this happened at mealtime. Yu Hyeop, seated before imperial dishes so mouthwatering that saliva kept sliding down my throat just looking at them, suddenly tossed the question at me.
“Uh… they tasted it in the kitchen.”
“I am asking whether you tasted it yourself.”
“The Shangshanjian—the eunuch in charge of the food—has already determined it is safe.”
“Why do you keep talking about something else? I asked if you tasted it. Why are you hiding behind the Shangshanjian?”
“...”
Come on, kid, just eat what you’re given. Why so many words? She was giving me a dressing-down with a straight face, ears flushed bright red, and I couldn’t get a single word out.
“Taste it.”
“Pardon? This is Your Majesty’s food. How could I possibly…”
“I told you to taste it!”
“...”
She looked ready to force it down my throat if I refused. Left with no choice, I picked up the chopsticks and tasted each dish one by one.
“I already said it was fine, didn’t I?”
A little irritation crept into my voice and I raised it. Only then did Yu Hyeop seem to relax and begin eating.
Honestly, for such a tiny thing, she sure acted high and mighty just because she was royalty.
Thud! Thud! Urgh…
It didn’t take long to realize just how stupid I had been. After the meal, the other eunuchs dragged me to a storeroom and beat the dust out of me.
“Has this bastard lost his mind? When His Majesty tells you to taste it, you shut up and eat! How dare you glare at her?”
“I-I’m sorry… I’ve only just started this work…”
“You think that’s an excuse? What are you going to do if the trouble spills over onto the rest of us because of you?”
Thud! Thud!
How long had it been since I’d taken a group beating like this? I’d been in fights before, but a lynching like this was a first.
“Kh… kh…”
Gasping for breath, I finally staggered out of the storeroom. But damn, I was pissed. Why the hell was that little Yu Hyeop taking her period out on me?
“The new eunuch? Already getting the initiation treatment?”
The one silver lining was that the palace maids took a fair amount of interest in the newcomer. Ordinarily, palace maids were the exclusive property of the emperor or king, so they weren’t even supposed to speak with outside men.
But they knew I was a eunuch who’d had his manhood removed long ago, so they acted friendly. It was a lot like women hanging out with their gay friends.
“It’s nothing special.”
“Trying pretty hard to act manly, aren’t you? Don’t tell me you’ve still got something dangling down there? Kyahahaha…”
Palace-maid humor, I guess? Without little amusements like this, the endless surveillance work would drive anyone insane with boredom.
I bantered with the maids for quite a while before turning away. Yu Hyeop had gone for a short nap, so aside from the eunuchs she actually needed, no one would be looking for me.
I was just about to head back when it happened.
“Having fun, are we? I don’t believe I sent you here to chat with the palace maids.”
“...?”
The voice was so beautiful it sent a chill through my chest. I turned my head and, as expected, Chosun was standing there.
“When exactly did you arrive?”
“From the moment you were surrounded by flowers and acting as if you’d become a king yourself. Are you in your right mind? An uncastrated man, daring to speak to His Majesty’s palace maids?”
“No… I didn’t start the conversation. They came to me. And I had no choice but to answer if I wanted to stay in character.”
“You’re denying it with everything you’ve got. I saw the whole thing, so where do you get off lying?”
“I’m just making it clear that there’s only you for me, Chosun. The entire time we were talking, I was thinking only of you.”
“Out! Enough of that nonsense. This is the last time I’ll overlook a mistake. Never leave His Majesty’s side again.”
“...”
I had mustered the courage to try a little flirting, but it didn’t land even a little. Of course it didn’t. What serious attention would Luoyang’s number-one beauty ever pay to anything a Chi-byung-nan-byung White-Haired Failure had to say?
I was sulking a little when she suddenly broke into that signature bright smile of hers. When her face was blank she was the very picture of a cold beauty, but every time she showed that expression I couldn’t figure her out at all.
“How has His Majesty been?”
“She seems rather high-strung. She suddenly got irritated and demanded to know whether I’d personally tasted the food.”
“This is the age when one becomes extremely sensitive about what one eats. So you must not take your eyes off that either.”
“Pardon? What do you mean by—”
Whoosh!
But Chosun left only those words behind and vanished like the wind. Only then did I notice the tramp of footsteps approaching from behind; I hurriedly turned and pretended to be rushing off.
What had she meant, though? Don’t take my eyes off—Yu Hyeop, or the food?
“Hey. Shift change.”
That night I was assigned to guard the king’s sleeping quarters. As the newcomer, I got stuck with both the first and last watches and had to rub the sleep from my eyes in the middle of the night.
Silence…
Naturally, the entire palace was asleep at this hour. Of course, being the Son of Heaven’s residence, lamps burned here and there, but what lunatic would leave a comfortable house in the city alone and try to break into the imperial palace?
“Is someone there?”
Just then, a low voice drifted from Yu Hyeop’s bedchamber. It was not the voice of someone who had just woken up.
“It is Do Yeop.”
“Come in for a moment.”
“...?”
What was this? In principle, even a eunuch was not supposed to enter the king’s private quarters without good reason.
The fact that she had called me anyway meant some emergency had occurred… Just in case, I walked quickly into the bedchamber.
“You summoned me?”
But nothing was wrong. Yu Hyeop sat on the edge of the bed with a lantern lit, looking at me.
In the wavering light, her august face—which I had never been able to raise my head high enough to see properly—came into view.
Hmm… royalty really was royalty, wasn’t it? Setting aside the air of dignity that radiated from her, she was simply lovely.
A petite frame and a round face that still held a little baby fat. Yet her features were quite distinct, promising a bright future.
Especially those eyes that drooped at the corners like a kitten’s—they were fatally cute.
The only historical inaccuracy was that she looked a bit older than she should. Clearly not yet of age, but she appeared to be at least in her mid-teens.
Still just a child, though.
“Earlier you talked back to me, didn’t you?”
“Th-that was a capital offense on my part. I have no real excuse, but I have only just begun this work…”
“Did the eunuchs beat you?”
“No. Th-that never happened.”
“Tell the truth.”
“It really never happened.”
“Bring a knife. I will cut off your arms and legs and see whether you still say the same thing.”
“I’m telling you it didn’t happen!”
“...”
Was she actually insane? How could someone with such an adorable face casually spit out something so cruel?
Heh…
Then Yu Hyeop laughed. So she was the type who took pleasure in sadistic torment. Great.
“You don’t have to lie in front of me. But shouldn’t you be a little more careful? Carry on like that and your identity will be exposed in no time.”
“...”
What… the hell… was she talking about? Exposed? The way she spoke, it was as if she already knew my identity perfectly well.
“Why so surprised? Did you really think I wouldn’t know?”
“I-I have no idea why Your Majesty would say such a thing…”
“Chosun sent you, did she not? That is why I had no choice but to treat you more harshly. If anyone noticed, it would be a disaster.”
“...”
It felt like I’d been cracked over the back of the head with a hammer. Until now I had thought Wang Yun and Chosun wanted to keep watch over Yu Hyeop, but it was the exact opposite.
They had been on the same side from the beginning. I wasn’t her watcher—I was her protector, the one who had to find the people watching her.
“That’s… surprising. No one properly explained anything to me until I got here.”
“They must have wanted to test you. But just now you kept your mouth shut to the end.”
“That’s… no matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t believe Your Majesty would actually cut off my arms and legs.”
“You’re used to it, that’s all.”
“I’m not used to it. I probably never will be, not for the rest of my life.”
“You still don’t understand what I’m saying. Do you still not remember who I am?”
“...?”
What was she talking about? Yu Hyeop had somehow turned back into an innocent little girl, smiling brightly as she asked. The expression was full of mischief, but she wasn’t actually joking.
Swish!
Without thinking, I raised my palm. I covered half her face and desperately rummaged through the far corners of my memory.
“Don’t tell me… the girl who was wearing the face veil that day…”
“So you’ve finally remembered. I never dreamed Chosun would send you.”
Amazingly, the veiled girl I had met with Liu Bei that day was none other than Yu Hyeop. No wonder Chosun, who even carried Wang Yun’s treasured sword, had been so excessively deferential—she wasn’t just any royal; she was the second-highest person in the entire nation.
“That day I failed to recognize the king and was far too rude.”
“You didn’t even know who I was, did you? Where has that kind young woman from back then gone, and what is she doing?”
“Uh… that person is a disciple of Lu Zhi, who is currently reviewing memorials. She’s probably staying as a guest at Lu Zhi’s house right now.”
“Is that so… I wanted to meet her once, but I suppose that’s impossible. There was never any chance I could meet someone just because I wanted to.”
“...”
Yu Hyeop suddenly grew gloomy. She might be a king, but she couldn’t actually do whatever she pleased.
She had countless eunuchs and palace maids at her disposal, yet she could neither go where she wanted nor meet whom she wanted.
Perhaps that day she had been outside the palace with Chosun because she had desperately wanted to see a little of the world.
“Is there anything you need?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… something people use outside the palace, for example?”
“If I keep anything like that, the eunuchs will clear it away at once. Do you still not understand how things work here?”
“I understand. But if it’s my personal belonging, no one can take it away, right? So if I hold onto it and bring it whenever Your Majesty needs it, doesn’t that make it Your Majesty’s thing again?”
“...”
Yu Hyeop tilted her head as if she had never even considered such a method. Then she let out a short laugh and spoke to me.
“I’ve heard there is a thing called a rattle drum.”
“I think I’ve heard of it too? Isn’t it that little drum toy kids play with?”
“They say it cannot be brought into the palace. Can you get one for me?”
“Of course. But why didn’t you ask Chosun separately?”
“I don’t want to look like a child.”
“But it’s fine if you look like one to me?”
“The moment you start thinking that, I’ll just gouge your eyes out.”
“...”
She sure delivered jokes like they were deadly serious. Still, I nodded and withdrew. It was something I could get from Chosun in no time anyway.
The only downside was that Chosun would treat me like a child for it.