Chapter 1
Chapter 1
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 1
Chapter Title: Floor 1. Oh Fuck, I'm Screwed!
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"Quit fucking around and get in there quick, you trash!"
Smack!
"Kieeeek!!!"
A sharp yell from behind without warning, followed by a heavy impact slamming into my back like it was trying to snap my waist in two.
Pain like my bones were shattering was secondary—I was suddenly tumbling head over heels down the stairs that had appeared right in front of me, looking like a total idiot.
Thud thud crash!
The stairs seemed endless; I rolled for what felt like forever amid the racket.
Splat.
"Ugh... fuck... That bastard kicked me with his boot 100%, no doubt..."
Tumbling down those stone stairs butt-naked left not a single spot on me that didn't hurt. A few bones were probably broken.
But considering how far I'd rolled, I should be grateful just to be alive.
I finally shook off the daze, pushed myself up from the cold stone floor, and looked around. A dim cavern made of stacked bricks stretched out, littered with people in ragged clothes like mine and rusty weapons missing teeth everywhere.
Seven passages leading off into unknown directions, the impossibly tall staircase I'd just tumbled down—which made me sigh just thinking about climbing back up—and the faint sound of dripping water.
"The count, in his mercy, spares your lives for crimes too foul to wash away, banishing you here to atone!"
Then a thick voice boomed from atop the stairs.
And the words it spat were ones I'd heard somewhere before.
Dive Dungeon.
The opening spiel of the roguelike game gamers called D.D by shorthand—the protagonist, a criminal tossed into the dungeon, always heard this from the soldier.
Screeech—thud.
The entrance, which had cast warm light into this cold, damp cavern, slammed shut with a rusty creak from lack of oil.
The subsequent clanks suggested they'd locked it from outside.
'...Fuck. What the hell is this?'
Just moments ago, I'd been lounging cozy in my room, scratching my belly, deep-diving into shitposts on the gallery...
Cold sweat poured down my spine like a waterfall.
D.D was a hot new release from the 2020s, yet it went full retro with low-res pixel art that felt like a throwback to the past.
Despite that, its hardcore difficulty and experimental roguelike content made it niche but cult-famous among enthusiasts.
And I was one of those maniacs who'd dumped 3,000 hours of my life into it.
Unlocked every character and item, cleared all achievements, even wrote newbie guides later on—I was hooked.
What I'd been doing right before...
📰 Info
D.D Dungeon Gallery Pack - Download it here User ㅇㅇ(112.311) | 2025.07.16 19:10:11 Views: 3659 | Likes: 76 | Comments: 219 - Balanced 54 existing skills - Added 18 new skills - Added 72 new items - Story objects that were probabilistic now guaranteed - Item decoration possible in altar zones A totally revamped hell-dungeon awaits the Dungeon Gallery crew, unable to contain their criminal urges. Don't delay—download now! [[Link]] <- Trust the anon or trust the bracelet
💬 Comments
— ㅇㅇ
This looks so fucking hot lol Gonna go flip an old lady's veggie stall on the street to get dungeon'd right now
— ㅇㅇ(223.18)
Sir...
— Squeak Squeak
Sir...
— GrandmaLover
Horny
— ㅇㅇ
↳ Reply
What the fuck is this guy's deal
I'd fallen for the hype around the long-awaited D.D Dungeon Gallery Pack mod, trusted some rando anon, and clicked the download link.
Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes to an endless staircase like the devil's throat.
And now here I was, nearly dead on arrival thanks to the soldier's "kind" boot to my back.
'This feels really fucked.'
D.D's difficulty was pure bullshit.
The "Start Dive" achievement for escaping Floor 1—the tutorial—had a 68% unlock rate.
Accounting for posers who bought but never played, the real clear rate was higher, but over 30% couldn't even beat the tutorial.
Even I, a roguelike vet, took two full days at launch to clear Floor 1. No wonder it bombed hard.
Standard survival mechanics like hunger and thirst, plus temperature control or you'd stack debuffs and croak.
Monsters were spec'd and placed like the devs hated players, and experimental content meant some random events were mandatory or you'd stall out.
"..."
Putting it all together...
"Oh fuck, I'm totally screwed!"
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
The other criminals dumped here with me each grabbed a beat-up weapon from the floor and scattered in different directions, vanishing from sight.
Praying I'd never run into them, I waited until the last one was gone before standing up.
Floors 1 through 5—the "tutorial"—were the sewers, and those criminals were one of the enemies you'd meet there.
Game sprites all looked identical, but in reality, they all had distinct faces. That was my takeaway.
"Meeting one on Floor 1 would be elite-tier."
Compared to Floor 1 mobs at half player spec, criminals matched player stats almost perfectly—pretty threatening.
Of course, with gear, they'd just be beefy trash mobs.
'Guess I should get moving too... How do I check stats?'
D.D started with random stats, so you picked your preferred weapon type at spawn.
Even in this real version, rusty weapons littered the ground by type.
"Status."
But I needed to see stats first to pick a good weapon, and no text window was popping up—tricky...
Shhrrrp—
⚔ STATUS ⚔
📍 Name: aaaa
⚡ Level: 01
❤️ Health: 44/44 ■■■■■■■■■■
✨ Magic: 26/26 ■■■■■■■■■■
🍽️ Hunger: 80/100 ■■■■■■■■□□
💧 Thirst: 80/100 ■■■■■■■■□□
🌡️ Temperature: ◀■■■■■□□□□□▷
⚡ Strength: 10 (0)
💨 Agility: 11 (0)
🛡️ Constitution: 08 (0)
🧠 Mind: 08 (0)
👁️ Sense: 09 (0)
💖 Charm: 12 (0)
《Held Magic》
『Onahole Creation』 Magic -25 【Transforms a target within 1 square into a '○○○ Onahole' item】
GOLD: 0
A familiar cascade of text unrolled before my eyes like a scroll.
I couldn't close my mouth at the glowing hologram's info.
Onahole Creation.
This trashy skill name was smack in my starting skill slot.
"What the fuck! This isn't supposed to be an eroge!!"
My head throbbed.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
It took a while, but I calmed down enough to ponder this mess.
Tumbling down those stairs that hard without status ailments or HP loss was lucky, but Onahole Creation was a total clusterfuck.
Original D.D was all-ages; no way it had vulgar bullshit like this, even experimentally.
Culprit was definitely the Dungeon Gallery Pack.
Meaning I was stuck in a modded D.D I barely knew, with extras unknown.
And only one life—my own!
"Plus it guzzles MP like crazy... 25 for a starter spell?"
Fucking anon. If you're modding, make it OP as hell.
I mentally gave that troll the highest praise while checking stats.
High Charm and Agility; average Strength and Sense; low Constitution and Mind. Too squishy for melee, too dim for magic—ambiguous as hell.
And top stat Charm was useless outside niche builds.
"Charm meta is fucking cancer."
This spread meant maining Agility, hunting strength potions to patch STR, and scraping through early game safely.
At least not 8/8 STR/CON—would've been mental.
A Mind 12 start with this spell would've broken me.
I grabbed a dagger for dodge bonuses and a club for high base damage as backup.
"Onahole Creation... Does it proc like a polymorph potion?"
No matter how stupid, if it's usable, use it. Not because I want to.
"...How many humanoids are there again?"