We’re the Ones Not Beside Him (3)
Every now and then, the sky made Cheong Myeong feel unbearably sad.
It was because the sky he saw now, sitting beside Hyun Jong, was no different from the one he had looked up at back then, when he had turned away after hurling cruel words at Chung Mun.
Cheong Myeong was sometimes confused.
Even after coming back to life and throwing himself into work so frantically he barely had time to breathe, he had kept that sense of wrongness hidden away in some corner of his heart. No matter how badly he wanted to outrun it, that wretched feeling would suddenly come stalking after him.
There were times when he woke at his usual hour, dressed on instinct, stepped outside, and the faces he saw made him shudder because they felt far too strange.
Those unfamiliar faces were familiar, so familiar they were almost alien, and sometimes he could do nothing at all with the feelings that churned in his own heart.
He lived in the present, yet he was still trapped in the past. He lived in the past, yet he stood alone, cut off from this reality.
Why had he been brought back to life? Why had it been necessary?
Cheong Myeong, staring blankly at the sky, slowly opened his mouth.
“...It’s not because of Mount Hua, Sect Leader.”
What would Chung Mun have answered?
Cheong Myeong felt like he knew the answer. But he deliberately did not think about it.
Not now. It was not his place to speak on Chung Mun’s behalf. This was not the time to seek Chung Mun’s answer, but to give his own.
He was Mount Hua’s sword, the one who cut down Mount Hua’s enemies with the sharpest blade of all.
But... here, right now, he should not be Mount Hua’s sword.
He was a disciple of Mount Hua and one of Mount Hua’s seniors. One who followed, and one who led.
And above all, just one person named Cheong Myeong.
He spoke quietly.
“What Mount Hua must protect... the reputation Mount Hua must build, the spirit Mount Hua must carry on. All of that...”
“...”
“At least to me, none of it is worth even the life of one disciple.”
He did not try to force Chung Mun’s answer out of his memory. Instead, he searched for his own, filling it with everything he had seen in Mount Hua and everything he had thought there.
It was a ridiculous thing.
Because the answer he arrived at was no different from what Chung Mun would have said.
“Righteousness?”
Cheong Myeong muttered, then let out a snort of laughter.
Maybe there was such a thing, at first.
“At first... yes. Maybe there was.”
But now it’s been worn down and worn down until only one thing is left. Do you know what that is?
“But now, that doesn’t really matter. There’s only one thing left to me now.”
As Cheong Myeong calmly voiced his thoughts, Hyun Jong asked softly, “...And what is that?”
Cheong Myeong opened his mouth, just as Chung Mun had done on some long-ago day.
Future.
“Mount Hua’s disciples.”
Back then, he had not understood the “future” Chung Mun spoke of. But now, Cheong Myeong understood too. For Chung Mun, the future had meant the young disciples left behind in Mount Hua.
That was something Chung Mun had to protect, no matter what he had to sacrifice.
Cheong Myeong closed his eyes slightly and said, “You said it yourself, Sect Leader.”
Hyun Jong’s question was no different from the old question Cheong Myeong himself had once had.
“Is the pride we gain from righteousness now more important than the days those children must live through in the future?”
Can what you gain that way fill the empty space left by what you lose?
I don’t understand the meaning of gaining something while losing what should never be lost.
Cheong Myeong had said those words. And... he had also said the cruel words he should never have said.
I will never accept this decision, not even when I die.
Yes. That had been so.
He had not been able to accept it. He had not been able to understand it, because Chung Mun’s world and his own were different.
But now he had to answer.
The answer Chung Mun had not been able to give him that day. The answer he, as he was now, could give to the Plum Blossom Sword Saint of the past.
“If I can...”
The heart he had never spoken aloud before.
“...I want to run away too, Sect Leader.”
Hyun Jong stared at Cheong Myeong blankly for a moment.
He too had grown emotional and spoken too much, but he had never imagined that words like those would come from Cheong Myeong’s mouth.
It was impossible to imagine, because it was Cheong Myeong of all people.
“If this were a problem I could solve by running away, if this were something I could avoid by fleeing, then I’d turn around right now and go back to Mount Hua without looking back. I’d want to shut my eyes and ears this instant.”
“...”
“Because I’m scared.”
The tips of Cheong Myeong’s fingers trembled.
“I’m afraid, Sect Leader. I’m terrified. Those bastards’ strength, and the one standing behind them. The man who will come someday... I’m deathly afraid of him.”
“...Cheong Myeong.”
“But what scares me even more is...”
Cheong Myeong bit his lip.
“Seeing everyone die before my eyes after I fail to protect a single thing.”
He could not say when he would escape that nightmare, if ever.
The day everyone he had tried to protect died at the Heavenly Demon’s hands. The nightmare in which he alone survived and screamed toward the Heavenly Demon.
But...
Lately, his nightmares had become even worse.
Everyone died at the hands of the Heavenly Demon who came to Mount Hua.
Hyun Jong, Hyun Young, Hyun Sang. Baek Cheon, Yu I-seol, Yoon Jong, Jo Geol. Hye Yeon and Dang So-so.
Their lives collapsed helplessly before that wretched evil. His bloodstained hands protected nothing.
Yes. Once again.
Every time he woke at last from those screams, the air touching his face was so cold he could hardly bear it. He would shiver until sunrise.
How could he not be afraid?
He was afraid that dream would become reality, afraid he would lose everything again, powerless as always.
“You asked why we have to fight.”
“...”
“Because there’s something we have to protect.”
When he closed his eyes, it almost felt as if he could see Chung Mun smiling at him.
A face marked by worry, with a calm smile resting at the corners of his mouth. A face Cheong Myeong knew, yet did not know.
“If it’s something no one else can do for you, then you have no choice but to do it yourself. If no one protects it, then you have no choice but to protect it yourself. I’m not stepping forward because it’s Mount Hua.”
“...”
“I’m going because it has to be me, Sect Leader.”
Hyun Jong lowered his head. What could he possibly say to that?
“Sometimes...”
Cheong Myeong hesitated briefly before speaking again.
“Avoiding it may seem foolish. It may look clumsy, like the choice of someone too stupid to be clever. But... when time passes and you look back, you realize something. In the end, that foolish-looking path was the shortest one.”
Had he changed? Well. He still wasn’t sure.
Cheong Myeong simply understood now. Or rather, he had found it.
The reason to fight.
Whenever he heard the words “Demonic Cult,” his blood surged like it was boiling in reverse. But now he understood. That anger was not born solely from revenge over the past.
He was furious because those bastards would once again take away the things he was trying to protect.
Cheong Myeong clenched his teeth.
“I’m still scared. I’m still afraid. Crossing that river is more terrifying than jumping into a furnace.”
“...”
“But... sitting here and waiting for the obvious outcome to come and swallow me up is even more terrifying. The ending I’ll face someday because I failed to do what I should have in this moment, the regret I’ll feel then... that scares me a hundred times more.”
Not this time. This time, he would not lose what had been taken from him before. Never again.
That was why he had to go.
Hyun Jong slowly nodded.
Too much of Cheong Myeong’s story had been left unsaid, so it sounded a little like he was chasing clouds. But the meaning behind it was clear enough.
Some things were not conveyed by words and logic alone.
“It is difficult.”
“...”
“Truly... truly difficult.”
Deep regret soaked Hyun Jong’s voice.
He still could not truly tell what was right and what was wrong.
But he had come to understand one thing for certain: he could not break Cheong Myeong’s resolve. If that was so...
At that very moment, Baek Cheon’s voice came from behind them.
“You said you had to go because it’s you. Because that’s your will.”
Hyun Jong and Cheong Myeong turned to look at Baek Cheon. Even under their gaze, Baek Cheon remained composed.
“Then...”
He lifted the corners of his neat mouth.
“You can’t stop me from crossing the river either, if I decide to go by my own will.”
“...Huh?”
Baek Cheon shrugged.
“You weren’t about to spout some arrogant nonsense about how only you in Mount Hua are qualified to protect Mount Hua’s disciples, were you?”
“That’s right.”
“He’s definitely right.”
“For a bunch of third-class disciples, no less.”
At those words, Cheong Myeong blinked blankly.
“...No, you’re the youngest disciples here, so why the hell...”
“You’re younger than all of us, you bastard.”
As Jo Geol bristled, Baek Cheon gave his shoulder a couple of taps and continued.
“I understand what you’re saying. If we don’t run to Jiangnan and do something right now, then someday those bastards will become something even we can’t stop, and before long they’ll sweep over Shaanxi too.”
“...Right.”
“Then I’m going too.”
“No...”
“Listen to me properly, you idiot.”
Baek Cheon cut him off firmly.
“You’re not the only one who can’t stand sitting back and waiting for someone else to protect us.”
Cheong Myeong was momentarily struck dumb and closed his mouth. Baek Cheon went on.
“The reason I learned the sword was so I could be the one doing the protecting.”
“Sasook.”
“If you want to fight by your own will, fine. How would I stop you? But in return!”
Baek Cheon’s voice struck Cheong Myeong’s chest like a brand.
“I’m also choosing to fight by my own will.”
Everyone who had been standing behind Baek Cheon nodded.
Yu I-seol, Yoon Jong, Jo Geol, and Dang So-so. Even Hye Yeon, who had stayed a step back from the conversation until now, looked at Cheong Myeong with unwavering resolve in his eyes.
Staring at them in a daze, Cheong Myeong found himself shaking his head before he knew it.
“...You little chicks don’t know your place...”
“Try and stop us if you can.”
With a deep sigh, Cheong Myeong slowly rose to his feet.
Baek Cheon’s hand instinctively went to his sword. He was certain that bastard would be perfectly capable of knocking them all flat, rendering them unconscious, and heading across the river alone.
But Cheong Myeong only turned his head and looked toward the river.
“We can talk about the rest later.”
“...Huh?”
“A guest is coming.”
At that, everyone looked toward the river. In the middle of the dark water, swallowed by night, a small skiff had appeared. It was approaching them at an unhurried pace.
Cheong Myeong muttered, “He’s irritating enough that I can’t even be bothered to call him a guest... but I guess I should hear what he has to say first. After that, we can decide whether we should rip that mouth of his off or...”
Baek Cheon’s face hardened.
Now he could see it clearly too.
The skiff floating on the river dyed colorless by darkness, and above it, robes as vivid and red as scattered blood.
In all the world, it seemed as though only he was bright and sharp enough to stand out.
“...Jang Il-so.”
Baek Cheon murmured as if in pain.
Cheong Myeong fixed a cold stare on the approaching Jang Il-so.