So Far, Yet So Close (2)

I've always been someone who knows exactly what she likes and dislikes.

Some might call me stubborn, but I like this side of myself.

What's wrong with saying you like what you like and hate what you hate?

People who like everything.

People who hate everything.

People who say they don't care either way.

Compared to those three, having clear preferences is much better.

———It's a matter of conviction.

Whenever I was given something, I always drew a clear line between good and bad.

Rather than giving a vague "it's okay" or "so-so," it suited my personality much better to just say I liked it.

Yuseol once told me that there are definitely things in life you can't just split into black and white...

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had replied very arrogantly back then.

I told him there was absolutely, positively no such thing in my dictionary.

"...Stu...dying abroad?"

I shouldn't have said that.

At the earliest, he might study abroad after graduating from middle school.

Since he planned to work in the IT field, he would study overseas by the time he became an adult at the latest.

That was what Yuseol told me when he came to my house the next day to give me my souvenir.

"...Go home now."

"Huh?"

"...I'm tired today."

"...O-oh, really?"

"...Sheesh. Are you seriously leaving just because I told you to?"

"......?"

I sent him away because I felt like I was going to get angry at him for no reason.

Flop.

I went into my room and collapsed onto the bed.

As I blankly rubbed my face against the blanket, the penguin plushie that Yuseol had spent thirty thousand won to win suddenly caught my eye.

"...Sheesh."

Poke, poke, poke.

I took out my frustration by poking the innocent penguin plushie with my finger.

Yes, I was angry right now.

But I didn't really know what I was angry about.

It was exactly that "something" Yuseol had talked about—something you couldn't just define.

"Seol Yujin. You jerk..."

My chest felt tight, yet ticklish.

It felt like a fat cat was kneading on top of me.

I was angry, yet sad.

It felt like taking a bite of what you thought was sweet-and-sour chicken, only to realize it was braised pollack.

I mean...

"I hate this feeling..."

Hugging the penguin plushie tightly, I pondered why I was so angry, and then it hit me.

I didn't know what it was, but you were the bad guy for inflicting this pain on me.

You were the one in the wrong for making my chest ache like this.

"It's so frustrating..."

I curled up, fidgeting with the plushie.

I liked you, but I hated you.

I hated you because I liked you.

This conflicting emotion, which I was experiencing for the first time, forced me to find a middle ground for the very first time in my life.

For someone who had always been simple and clear-cut, it made me realize for the first time that emotions could be complex and subtle.

Of course—.

"...Whatever. I'm not going to like Seol Yujin anymore."

I was thirteen back then.

I didn't realize it, but I was going through puberty.

The only way I knew how to deal with my emotions was still to choose between liking and hating.

"Sheesh. I hope you get kneaded on by a fat cat too. I hope you eat braised pollack disguised as sweet-and-sour chicken."

Poke, poke, poke.

Scrunching up my nose, I glared at the innocent penguin plushie and kept poking it.

"...I don't want to hate you."

That was the beginning of my unrequited love.

The first reason I hate Seol Yujin: Our tastes don't match at all.

"Ballads or hip-hop?"

"Hip-hop, obviously."

"I prefer ballads."

"...Oh, really?"

"Western food or Korean food?"

"Western. But to put them on the same scale, the scope of Western food is incredibly broad—"

"For the record, I prefer Korean food."

"...Yeah. I figured."

Glare.

"...Wait, why?"

"I'm just saying thank you for answering so sincerely."

"The look in your eyes doesn't say that at all—"

"Thank. You."

"...Uh, sure. Glad I could help."

The second reason I hate Seol Yujin: He's a pushover.

"Yuseol. So, what should we play today?"

"Want to play games? I practiced a lot. I can pull my own weight now."

"Sure. Let's do that."

"I'll prove it. The disaster of holding the shield backward last time will never happen again—"

"Actually, no. I suddenly want to watch anime. Let's watch together."

"...Huh?"

"Let's watch anime. We can play games later."

Dejected.

"...If you say so."

"Actually, no. I suddenly want to play games. Follow me to the Rift."

"...Okay. This time, I'll show you what a real support is—"

"Actually, no. I want to play ddakji. Go get some ddakji."

"...We don't have ddakji at my house? Besides, you want to play ddakji?"

"I really want to. So even if you have to make them, bring them."

"...Don't you dare change your mind again."

"Actually, no. I want to play the piano."

"...Just do whatever you want."

The third reason I hate Seol Yujin: He never gets angry.

"Aren't you mad?"

"...What?"

"I did all this, and you're not mad?"

"...Not really?"

"Why?"

"...You're always like this."

"Sheesh."

Jab, jab, jab!

"Aaaagh?! What was that for?!"

"Are you still not mad after this? Take this, and this...!!"

"I'm mad...! I'm super mad, so stop it already...!!"

"I'll stop if you say you're not mad."

"Actually, I'm not mad."

"Take this, and this...!!"

"Hey, I thought Yujin never lies?!"

The fourth reason I hate Seol Yujin: It feels like I'm the only one struggling.

"...Is it because I said I might study abroad?"

"......"

"I knew it. I was wondering why you were in such a bad mood today, and that was it."

Chuckles.

"It's still just a possibility, you know? And even if I said high school, I'll most likely go after I finish my military service. At the earliest, I'll go around twenty-three."

"...Even if you say that, we won't be able to see each other once we turn twenty."

"Look at it this way: doesn't that mean we still have seven more years to stick together?"

"...But you said you're going to a specialized high school. That means only four years..."

"It's not like we can't meet just because I go there."

"...Whatever. Even if it's seven years, it's too short."

Turns away.

"We've only known each other for three years. Was that time short?"

"...It went by in a flash. I still can't believe I'm going to be a middle schooler next year."

"True. To think you'll be wearing a school uniform."

"...Sheesh. I'm taller than you anyway!"

"Sorry. Please spare me the punches."

"...Hmph."

The fifth reason I hate Seol Yujin: He only smiles and acts nice around me.

"Want a hug?"

"...Yeah."

Slide... pat, pat.

"...Yuseol, does parting ways with me mean nothing to you?"

"I'm upset too, you know."

"...Liar. You don't look it at all."

"Just because I'm upset doesn't mean I should fill our time together with sadness. I'd rather spend that time smiling once more."

"...I can't do that."

"I'll teach you. If it's you, Yujin, you'll get the hang of it in no time."

"...Whatever. I don't want to learn. You deal with it, Yuseol."

"Well, aren't you a funny girl?"

"It's not funny at all."

"Alright, alright. I'll take care of it today."

The last reason I hate Seol Yujin: He knows me too well.

"On that note, what is today's menu of choice?"

"...Since I'm in a bad mood, back ribs. Spicy."

"...What a mature choice."

"What? You got a problem?"

"Let's eat that. Let's ask my mom and your mom to go out for dinner."

"...Okay."

Even though you know me this well...

You are missing the most important thing.

"What is it?"

"...Dummy. Hold my hand."

The real last reason I hate Seol Yujin.

"Sure. Let's do that."

You don't like me the same way.

...I hate this.

When I like you this much.

An unrequited love.

A relationship that ends the moment I let go.

Childhood friends.

A relationship I can never let go of.

Having a crush on your childhood friend was incredibly painful.

So much so that words couldn't describe it.

If it were the old me, I would have definitely confessed.

I hated ambiguous relationships, and I hated getting hurt.

But... now that I was experiencing it, I understood.

I understood why people couldn't easily give up on an unrequited love.

"I got rejected in the end... He said he, he didn't want to date anyone... But I saw him...! I saw him laughing and talking with Heena...!"

"What a jerk! How could he like her? Anyone can see our Yoona is way better!"

"I don't know!! What am I supposed to do now?!"

First year of middle school, when kids start getting seriously interested in the opposite sex.

I saw most of my friends with crushes end up heartbroken.

And after that, they wouldn't even exchange a single word.

Of course, someone as kind as you wouldn't draw a line and avoid me even if I confessed, but...

Once we graduate middle school, you'll go to a specialized high school to achieve your dream.

A place I could never go, since I have zero interest in studying.

Even though we had just entered middle school, three years felt incredibly short to me.

I didn't want to spend that short time feeling awkward around you.

So, I tried my best to suppress my feelings and act normal, but...

"I heard. Yuchae, you and Seol Yujin are childhood friends?"

"That's so romantic! Childhood friends with the same name, it's totally fate!!"

"You two were super famous since elementary school! I bet you're secretly dating!"

Our relationship was eye-catching to anyone.

My new friends, Min-ah and Soo-ah, naturally asked what was going on between us.

"Just friends. In Korean, my mom's friend's son."

It stung, but the words I could say were already set.

"Then, can you introduce him to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠me?"

Aaaaargh!! This is why girls are trouble!

"...Huh?"

"Yuchae, you might not notice because you've been with him for so long, but Yujin is really handsome. How should I put it... like a young master?"

I have eyes too...! I know he's handsome...!

"I know what you mean! Unlike other guys, he's always so calm and composed. Isn't that super attractive?"

"Exactly! He has a completely different vibe from everyone else!"

This is Seol Yujin's fault! It's only been a month since school started, so why is he already charming girls left and right!

"Plus, he's smart. Yujin was the one who gave the oath as the student representative at the entrance ceremony."

"I saw him during PE, and he's really athletic too! Ah, why doesn't our school have a soccer club? I'd be the perfect manager!"

Okay. Prepare yourself today. I'm going to tickle you for no reason.

"Yuchae."

"Yeah?"

"By the way, what kind of girls does Yujin like?"

Just as I was debating where to poke and prod him, Min-ah suddenly asked about Yujin's ideal type.

"...I wonder? I don't really know either."

Huh? Come to think of it, what kind of girls does Yujin like?

"You don't know?"

"...Now that I think about it, I've never heard him talk about his ideal type. Even when other guys asked, he avoided the question, saying it was meaningless."

"Really? Not even like, someone with a pretty face or a nice body?"

"...I've seriously never heard him say anything."

A sudden silence fell over the room.

"...Could he possibly like guys?"

"That's definitely not it."

"...Oh, okay."

"Min-ah. That is absolutely not it."

"Yeah. Okay..."

"It makes sense Yuchae would deny it so firmly... If my childhood friend suddenly turned out to be gay, I'd be shocked too—"

"Soo-ah. I said no."

Glare...

"Yep. Soo-ah completely understands."

"Min-ah understands too."

Only after seeing my friends nod with bright smiles did I relax my glare.

Gay? No way.

Even if Yujin looked at girls like they were stones, he wasn't that extreme.

In the first place, he gets subtly flustered whenever I push my chest toward him.

...Alright. I should do that again today.

Just as I was thinking I couldn't let things go on like this and decided to try a push-and-pull strategy for the first time in a while, the door slid open.

"Yujin."

"Huh? Seongjae, what's up?"

Standing out there was Seongjae, a guy friend I'd gotten to know recently, waving his hand.

"Do you have a moment?"

"...Sure?"

"I'll be waiting."

Seongjae smiled and disappeared down the hallway.

I got up from my seat without thinking much of it.

"Oh my gosh!!"

"Did you charm another one?! Seriously, girl, your charm is insane!"

As soon as Seongjae disappeared, Min-ah and Soo-ah squealed, their eyes sparkling.

"Stop it. I'll be right back, so let's go to the restroom together in a bit."

"Hmm...? I wonder if you'll even be able to come back."

"I wonder if Seongjae will let you go."

"Stop watching so many web dramas."

I habitually fixed my bangs and stood up.

Even as I did, those two girls kept teasing me, asking if I was fixing myself up to look good for him...

Hehe. Seol Yujin. I'm popular too, you know. I'm pretty.

To be honest, it felt good.

Seongjae was a decent guy, enough to be talked about among the girls as soon as we entered school.

How could I not feel good when a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠guy like that openly came looking for me?

...Though it's probably just to talk about anime.

But Seongjae and I were otaku friends.

He was an impressive guy with a deep level of geekiness that didn't lose to mine.

Just yesterday, we had a heated debate until dawn about who would be the strongest character in the series.

"Let's take a short walk."

"Sure."

I followed Seongjae to the central hallway on the fifth floor.

The fifth floor was mostly home to multi-purpose classrooms like the English room, so almost no students came here during lunchtime.

In other words—

"Would you like to go see a movie with me this weekend?"

It was the perfect place to talk in private.

"The movie that just came out. I heard they're doing a huge event in Hongdae, so I thought it'd be nice to go together."

Hmm... I had a feeling, but I didn't expect him to actually ask me out on a date.

Honestly, between his recent messages and the way he blushed, there were plenty of signs that Seongjae liked me.

I had just brushed them off, thinking it couldn't be.

Who am I going to talk about anime with now...

Right. This is all your fault.

If only you watched anime, Yujin, this wouldn't have happened.

...Rejecting someone is hard no matter how many times you do it.

I know because of my own unrequited love.

To avoid hurting them, you have to be clear.

Thinking it would be best to convey my feelings clearly yet gently, I hesitated for a moment, letting my gaze drift down to the main entrance on the first floor...

"...Seol Yujin?"

Suddenly, I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠saw him.

It was strange enough that he was taking a walk when he should have been in the library at this hour...

Sung Ah-rin?

But what was even stranger was that he was talking to a troublemaker who proudly posted photos of herself hanging out with sketchy people on social media.

"Yujin?"

"Hold on a second."

Without realizing it, I ignored Seongjae and focused all my attention on Yujin and Sung Ah-rin.

Despite having her dress shirt unbuttoned at the top in a cheeky way, Sung Ah-rin was demurely tucking her hair behind her ear, which didn't suit her at all.

Look at her.

Is she flirting with Yujin right now?

What?!?! Are you seriously hitting on Yujin right now?!?!

Even I haven't been that bold yet!!!

Rattle!

"Yujin?"

"Wait."

I was so dumbfounded that I opened the window without thinking.

Naturally, I couldn't hear a single word they were saying.

Just as I was about to raise my voice and interrupt this eyesore of a scene—

Sung Ah-rin pulled out her phone and handed it to Yujin.

And Yujin, with his usual expressionless face, looked back and forth between Sung Ah-rin and the phone...

Tap, tap, tap.

Yes, he definitely typed something in and handed the phone back.

And to top it off, Sung Ah-rin had a blissfully happy smile on her face...

"...Yu-Yujin?"

"...Did he just get his number asked for? Did he just give her his number...?"

...Was your type a gyaru like that?

...Did you prefer the tall, curvy, older-sister type?

No way.

I couldn't close my mouth in shock.