Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Chapter 19 The Courage to Be Hated.
Baek Ryeon visibly crumbled. She shook her head frantically, tears streaming down. Her expression was completely distorted, and a trembling voice flowed out.
"...Then I don't want to. I don't want to go either. Without Master... I don't want to go anywhere. You promised, didn't you? That you would... be with me forever."
It was the first time.
The first time this child had rebelled against my words.
The child who had always followed whatever I said was now showing serious resistance to me for the first time. That meant... she really didn't want to go.
Honestly, my heart felt like it was being torn apart too. I didn't want to force my disciple to do something she hated.
And... I wanted to keep my promise too. The promise to be together forever.
"...I don't want to part ways either, Ryeon-ah."
At those words, hope lit up in Baek Ryeon's eyes again.
"Then...!"
"But it still can't be done. Ryeon-ah."
I cut off her words.
"You've been feeling it too lately, haven't you? That I'm becoming... a hindrance to your growth."
With such brilliant talent, there was no way she hadn't noticed.
Darkness clouded Baek Ryeon's eyes again.
"You know that I've been growing faster than you lately."
I caught my breath and added firmly.
"Do you think that's... because my talent is superior?"
I shook my head.
"No. In terms of talent, you're far superior to me, Ryeon-ah."
A person who took 37 years to reach the pinnacle in the same environment versus someone who reached the pinnacle in just 4 years.
It was obvious which of the two had superior talent, no need to even ask.
Even if you grabbed some random neighborhood dog and asked, it would choose the latter.
"Your growth has stagnated purely because of me."
I continued speaking, unable to meet her eyes.
"Because I've influenced you too much, because your inner self has become filled with me, the impurity called Han Yeong-min is blocking the possibilities of Baek Ryeon."
She... couldn't deny it. This child didn't lie to me. She wasn't cruel enough to hurt or lie to someone she truly cherished and gave her heart to.
To such a child, I had to cause pain now.
My heart felt like it was being torn apart.
But if that pain could become the foundation for a brighter tomorrow, I would gladly become the villain.
The 'courage to be hated'... was sufficient.
When I sent Yoo So-eun away, it was a choice for her, but at the same time, it was also a decision for myself.
I was gradually suffocating in Yoo So-eun's light, and if we had continued together, I felt like I would eventually come to hate her.
But sending Baek Ryeon away was a choice solely for this child's sake.
To save a child who was becoming a shadow, overshadowed by my light.
And above all, if we continued together, I felt like I would increasingly... not want to let this child go.
"...And I also need time to train alone now."
If I said it was solely a choice for Baek Ryeon, she would definitely have persisted until the very end.
So I added a small lie.
At those words, Baek Ryeon began to tremble.
"...Will my leaving... help Master? Am I... a hindrance to Master?"
A face full of sadness. An expression so painful to see that it made me want to run away immediately.
She clearly didn't want to leave. But her eyes showed that she could leave if it was for my sake.
To such a person, I couldn't tell the truth.
This was a farewell for Baek Ryeon's sake, but if I said that, she would have said she was fine, that she didn't need to become stronger, and would have tried to stay until the end.
Having already become a bad person, I decided to become a little worse. This child needed a slightly bigger lie.
"...Yes. Your leaving would help me right now."
It was a lie.
The moment I uttered those words, my stomach churned. I felt suffocated, like I was going to vomit. They were words I really didn't want to say, but for my disciple's sake, I could do anything.
Baek Ryeon, upon hearing those words, burst into even more heartbreaking tears and wailed.
Through her wailing, a voice barely swallowed came through.
"...I understand. I'll go... to the Tower."
The persuasion was successful. But I wasn't happy at all.
Rather... only the fact that I had left an indelible wound on this child was being carved into my bones.
A moment later, the angels gathered all the players,
and the door leading to the Tower opened.
Baek Ryeon finally stood in front of the door and looked back at me. It was an expression that said she knew everything.
"...Master. I actually know."
She said with a small smile.
"The things Master said... they weren't sincere."
I nearly stopped breathing.
"So please don't feel too heartbroken. Because I... want to go. I'm really sorry for making Master say such harsh words."
Baek Ryeon was a child with much deeper understanding than I had thought.
She knew that all the harsh words I had said were lies, and that this choice was for her sake.
Even so, she said she wanted to go, apologized for making me say harsh words, and even tried to take responsibility for my words.
Really, how could one hate such a child? How could one not embrace her with love?
"...You're a child who can shine much brighter than me. So now walk your own path, not one for my sake."
To her who knew everything, that single sentence was the last thing I could say.
Baek Ryeon cried but also smiled.
"Yes... Master. Let's... definitely meet again."
"Yes. Definitely."
And just like that, she threw herself into the portal.
The last smile Baek Ryeon made before leaving contained countless words, countless emotions.
It was pure faith, sad farewell, and infinite gratitude.
We were such natural beings to each other. A relationship where we could understand each other with just an expression, without needing words.
When her bright voice could no longer be heard, I finally realized it.
The fact that my cute and precious second disciple had left me.
And in my heart, only the deep and warm lingering feeling that child had left behind remained.
*
Baek Ryeon, who arrived at the Tower's waiting room, no longer smiled.
She cried. She cried so pitifully.
She knew that all of this was a choice her Master had made for her sake. That fact didn't lessen the pain.
"Haa... haa..."
The harsh words he had left were stuck in her chest like nails, making it difficult to even breathe. It was useless to know they weren't sincere.
Because she loved Han Yeong-min too much for that to matter.
'I was... too arrogant.'
The moment she crossed the portal, she had thought it would be okay if she could make him like her again even if he came to dislike her.
But it wasn't.
Knowing his words weren't sincere yet feeling this much pain, if he truly hated her, she might genuinely want to die then.
She only now realized how ephemeral a world without Han Yeong-min's love would be.
So she left.
If she stayed, he might find her burdensome. He might worry about her, feel guilty, and eventually... come to dislike her in that process.
She didn't want to give up even that possibility.
Because Han Yeong-min, who was saying harsh words, looked more pained than herself who was listening, because she didn't want to see him suffer anymore saying words he didn't want to say, because she hated that reality where they could only hurt each other, she decided to leave.
What she wanted was a relationship where they brought each other happiness, not a relationship where they caused each other pain.
"Not meeting for a while... is scary and difficult, but... I'll try. Because it's what Master wants."
If what Han Yeong-min truly desired was for her not to let her shining talent rot but to become stronger, she would gladly do so.
So that he wouldn't have to leave her behind, so that she would never again hear that she was lacking, she would become strong and even stronger, and stand by his side again. Baek Ryeon made this resolution.
"Because for you... I can do anything."
Having steeled her heart, she finally noticed there was something in her pocket. The moment she took out the contents, tears flowed again, but a small smile spread.
[Thousand Changes Weapon for Baek Ryeon (Unique)]
A weapon he had made just for her.
The gift containing his sincerity was quietly pulling out the nails that had been driven into her chest.
Of course, it would take a long time to heal all the wounds created by this.
But by the time all those wounds were healed, she would be able to meet Master again.
'...But please don't make me wait too long.'
Because wounds like these would heal instantly the moment she faced him again.
*
'By now... she must have found it.'
Just before Baek Ryeon passed through the portal, there was a gift I had secretly placed in her pocket.
Though I couldn't give it to her directly, it was a weapon made just for her, with my heart included.
[Thousand Changes Weapon for Baek Ryeon (Unique)]
When ice weapons are generated based on this weapon, not only strength and hardness but also mana absorption rate are maximized. It's not just superior in numerical performance.
It was a customized weapon designed to flexibly respond to the various weapon techniques she handled.
'With this, you'll be able to become stronger.'
I only hoped it would help in that child's future.
"You finally sent her away. Han Yeong-min Player."
After all the players had disappeared beyond the portal, Estelle quietly revealed herself.
The voice that had been nothing but dry during our first meeting had begun to contain warmth at some point.
"...Did you see?"
At my question, Estelle silently nodded and stood beside me.
"I thought you would make a decision someday. Since you cherish that child so much... you finally decided to become the villain yourself."
I silently closed my eyes.
"It must feel very empty, but that choice... was right."
"...Still, it wasn't easy."
Estelle turned her gaze away for a moment and spoke quietly.
"Having a familiar presence disappear... becomes pain for anyone. Moreover, to you, that child must have been more than just a disciple."
I slowly shook my head.
It was difficult when I sent Yoo So-eun away too. Same when I sent Baek Ran away.
But those two were less difficult because they left to find their own paths. They were farewells I could support.
But Baek Ryeon was different. I forcibly sent away a child who didn't want to go. Though I believe it was a choice for her sake, the wound I left was by no means small.
"...Do you know what that child said at the end?"
Estelle remained silent.
"She said she wanted to go herself. She apologized for making me say harsh words. Even though she must have been in the most pain, she left after considering only me until the end."
I had caused an indelible wound to such a child.
My eyes grew hot. I thought I had become detached from emotions, but I was mistaken. Tears flowed down my cheeks. It hurt as if a hole had been drilled in my chest.
I was so sorry to that child, so proud of her beyond words, that I couldn't hold back my tears.
Estelle silently approached and embraced me.
In her arms, I cried soundlessly. Until the hole in my chest was gradually filled.
"Are you... feeling better now?"
When my tears stopped and my breathing began to steady, Estelle carefully spoke up.
Not wanting the gloomy atmosphere to continue for her sake, I responded lightly.
"Yeah... thanks. Mom."
"...Ah, really!"
THWACK!
I got hit right on the head.
"You really never have a serious moment."
Estelle laughed. At her laughter, I smiled too.
"Now, I should start training again, right?"
This was the only thing left.
Estelle also nodded.
"At least, until that child fills herself with new things in the Tower."
For her to empty herself of me and fill her own world, I needed to stay in the tutorial a bit longer. Of course, I had no intention of wasting that time.
"There's still a lot to do. I need to extend the duration of the Heaven-Shattering Flame Annihilation Heavenly Diagram, deal with Baal's avatar faster, and try crafting legendary artifacts too."
Though I had stayed in the tutorial for a long time, there was still a mountain of things I needed to do.
It wouldn't be easy to forget that child and focus on training... but I had to accomplish it.
So that I wouldn't be ashamed when we met again.
*
Tutorial year 44.
I still... hadn't gotten used to that child's absence.
"Huu..."
A long sigh flowed out.
Since that day, the tutorial had become truly quiet.
The familiar voice that had always been by my side disappeared, and during training, during meals, her way of speaking and laughter would suddenly echo in my ears.
― Master, how about this?
― I tried doing it myself. Because I wanted to feed it to Master♡
Several times a day, my gaze would go to where she used to be, and the corners of my mouth would automatically rise... then quickly fall.
While swinging my weapon, I stopped and turned around.
Nothing there.
The place where the child who always followed like a shadow had disappeared.
That place was particularly wide, particularly lonely.
"Player Han Yeong-min."
"...You came?"
Estelle approached. Her expression carried a look of incomprehension.
"If that child knew you were like this, she would be heartbroken too. You said you sent her away for growth, right? But instead, your own growth has stopped... isn't this putting the cart before the horse?"
I slowly sheathed my weapon and gave a bitter smile.
"...You're right. I'm pretty pathetic, aren't I?"
"That's not what I meant. I understand that child's absence is significant. But... it's time to move on now."
She was right.
I said I was sending her away for growth, but I was the one who had stopped in place.
"I know. But it's not working well. This place is... so empty that I have no strength. I didn't know being alone would be this difficult."
I tapped my chest with my fingertips. It felt like the inside was completely hollow. Even when I swung weapons or picked up hammers, nothing was made properly.
"Then... what about me?"
"Huh?"
Estelle's voice grew a bit louder.
"Am I... nothing to you? Am I such an existence that can't be any strength to you at all?"
Those words touched something deep in my heart.
Come to think of it, she had always been by my side.
When I sent Yoo So-eun away, when I gained traits, when I parted with Baek Ran, when I completed martial arts, when I broke through to transcendence, when I reached Harmony, and... even on the day I sent Baek Ryeon away.
Every day, every moment, she had been there.
Even with Estelle who had always been in that place, I thought I was alone.
"...I'm sorry. I was short-sighted."
Perhaps the boundary between human and angel had made my perspective narrow.
I think I had unconsciously placed her in a different dimension. As if she was a being that didn't suit me, I might have drawn that line myself.
"Never... say you're alone again. Because I'm beside you."
"Right. I'll absolutely never do that again."
My heart became peaceful. Baek Ryeon's absence was still significant, but... I was no longer trapped in that emptiness.
Estelle is beside me.
That fact was much more reassuring than I had thought.
'If I had told my early tutorial self this story now... I would have told him to cut the crap.'
I couldn't have imagined that I would become this close with that cold angel.
But now... just her smiling at me allows me to pick up my weapon again.
As my heart lightened, my body became lighter too.
Having hesitated for a moment, it was now time to run faster.
'Thank you, Estelle.'
Though I couldn't convey it in words, I carved deep gratitude toward her in my heart.
To that warm presence who extended her hand so I could brighten my dawn again. Sincerely.