Chapter 82
Chapter 82
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 82
Chapter Title: It Was Good Being by Your Side
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Soft hair brushed against her cheek. The body heat transmitted to the nape of her neck felt languidly pleasant, and the firm body layered atop hers came across as something special rather than unpleasant or burdensome. In the quiet bedroom, just the two of them in the dark predawn hours. The warmth of one person felt throughout her entire body. And the slightly faster beating in her chest than usual.
Lena finally admitted it. How special this person was to her. And that the feelings she had wanted to dismiss as mere pity were actually love.
Ah, why had she let her heart grow like this?
Lena chided herself with a wistful heart. She knew her destination, and this was no different from shoving herself down a path of thorns.
What hurt even more was that she didn't hate these feelings. She didn't hate the emotion of loving someone, nor the fact that this someone harbored the same feelings for her. It felt good. It made her happy. If possible, she wanted to indulge in it more.
"Foolish thoughts."
Lena mocked her own thinking.
She calmed her turbulent heart and pondered. What should she do? With emotions that had deepened to the point where pretending not to know was impossible.
What else? She had to hide them, of course. The end was already set.
The silver lining was that this person couldn't approach her first either. Thankfully, they were both people who couldn't readily love someone.
The moment she recalled that fact—and considered it fortunate—her heart ached as if sliced.
So Lena endured the pain for a moment, resting her cheek on Lin's head.
When she finally spoke, her voice was as gentle as ever.
"......I'm sorry for making you misunderstand."
"Misunderstand?"
"I've never disliked you, Lin. I wasn't avoiding you on purpose—quite the opposite. Back then, I was really happy that you came to save me."
Lena spoke honestly. Lin was quicker on the uptake than expected, so this seemed better.
"I thought no one would come, but you did. You came all the way there without giving up...... It's a bit silly to say, but it felt like a miracle."
A faint breath escaped Lin's lips at Lena's calm confession. He seemed secretly relieved. At that sound, Lena wondered what to do.
"......So I guess I couldn't face you easily."
"Why?"
"It bruised my pride a little, being helped one-sidedly."
"What......?"
Lin muttered at Lena's odd excuse. Fortunately, his voice no longer sounded hurt.
Feeling Lin's relief, Lena smiled bitterly where he couldn't see. Because she realized he really liked her too. So she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want him to go through any pain at all. She wanted to cherish this precious person who resembled a poem.
Lena lifted Lin's face, leaning in her arms, with both hands. It was too dark to see his expression. But she could gauge his mood from the warmth in her palms.
So Lena forced a smile as she looked at him.
"Lin."
"Yeah."
"Thank you."
Lin started to respond to Lena's sincere gratitude. But before he could, she continued.
"I'll definitely repay this debt."
Debt.
"As an ally, I'll live up to your expectations."
And ally. She knew Lin didn't like that term. So Lena said it deliberately. Subtly drawing a line, she gently pushed at Lin's body atop hers.
At her touch, Lin obediently rose.
As Lin moved aside, Lena sat up too. Distance formed in an instant, and Lena continued in a crisp tone matching that space.
"I'm sorry for making you anxious. But please believe me. As long as we're allies, I won't unilaterally cut ties."
Her voice was gentle, but Lena's premise was cold. It implied that without the alliance, she could cut ties one-sidedly—that the alliance was what sustained their relationship.
So Lin was a little surprised. He was quick to catch on, realizing the intent behind her words right away.
Pretending to be flustered, Lena added to him.
"If an unavoidable situation arises, I'll tell you in advance. Just like how we agreed to inform each other if romantic feelings develop."
Who knew she'd use those words this way. Lena thought it ironic as she finished.
"That's our promise, right?"
"That's......"
"You know what I mean."
Lena's tone was calm. And clear.
Lin, who had been about to speak, stared at her, mouth neither opening nor closing.
Lin was perceptive. Skilled at reading others' moods. This time was no different. He quickly understood what Lena meant. Her mood, her intent.
Right now, Lena was rejecting him in a very gentle way.
. . .
Lena's face was serene as usual when she stepped into the corridor. So the knights guarding the door merely thought the sovereign's fiancée had finished nursing and was leaving. One knight offered to escort her to her quarters. Lena politely declined, saying she could go alone.
Once in the dark corridor, out of the Eastern Knights' sight, Lena paused for a moment. Her left and right feet, moving in rhythm, stopped abruptly, and the piercing sensation in her chest intensified. Her heart hurt. She'd only said what she had to, yet it hurt more than expected.
"Did I say something unnecessary?"
So Lena briefly regretted her words to Lin. She could have just pretended not to know. Played coy, maintaining an ambiguous relationship that was like lovers or friends.
But Lena shook her head. No, that wouldn't do. Lena Rubel's end was already set—her destination a grave. So correcting course now was right. Unless she wanted to drag Lin into that abyss, unless she wanted to butcher him with parting in life, this was where she had to end it. Before they grew to like and love each other too much to separate. That was the wise choice.
"Wise......"
Lena blankly repeated her own word. Her vision blurred. She couldn't tell what was truly wise anymore.
But one thing was certain. She liked Lin far more than she'd thought. She'd assumed it was a budding feeling she could uproot, but the roots ran deeper. Like wandering in drizzle unaware, only realizing later she was soaked through.
Being by his side had felt good. His smiling face was beautiful. His low voice soothing. Even his subtly clumsy side amid his competence was cute. Their meeting gazes precious, his occasional touches always warm.
He was a good person. He didn't turn cruel because of his pain, nor violent because of his strength. He might feign rudeness, but he was always kind without expecting repayment to those in need.
You were the light that endured darkness, the tenderness that overcame coldness. You were the touch I'd longed for, the most beautiful poem I'd discovered.
If you were this wonderful now, how much more lovable and precious would you become later? It hurt this much already—by then, she might truly wish to die.
So Lena steadied her clamoring heart. She scolded the feelings that lamented their unstarted sorrow.
On the other hand, she worried about what Lin might think. Was he hurt? Upset? Or maybe indifferent. Just imagining it choked her.
So Lena leaned against the wall and endured. When she opened her eyes again, the tremor was gone from her gaze.
The dawn before sunrise was dark. But Lena was used to navigating layered darkness alone. So this time too, she resolutely stepped forward to find her path. She stumbled and sank midway, but even so, Lena walked on.
***
It was a particularly cold dawn after rain all night. Nihil gazed vacantly at the shattered ruins of Do-um Palace. Though it had lost its original form completely, it still appeared clearly in Nihil's eyes. The arched entrance and high ceiling, the marble floor crossed with patterns, the red carpet traversing it, the ornate throne, and the crowds gathered before it......
To Nihil, the memory of that day was as vivid as if laid out before him. That past felt closer than the present.
Everything had begun here. Right here, the emperor was born, and the empire started. And for a hundred years—one century—he ruled the continent as he wished.
Yet Nihil Grasha still knew no satisfaction.
"Come out."
Nihil, rebuilding the ruins in his mind's eye, suddenly commanded. But the surroundings remained silent. Nihil turned his head toward the fallen pillar he awaited.
Only then did a figure in pure white priestly robes emerge from behind it.
"I can't win against you, as expected."
The one who appeared with a short grumble was none other than Clavis. Despite hiding and emerging now, he greeted Nihil with brazen impudence.
"I'm honored. To grace this humble place with your presence."
"Don't be sarcastic."
"Sarcastic? How dare I."
As Clavis smoothly retorted, Nihil gazed at him expressionlessly. At that cold stare, Clavis smiled weakly.
"It's a joke. Don't get mad."
As Clavis spoke familiarly, Nihil finally averted his gaze.
Looking back at the ruined palace, Nihil asked.
"The palace reconstruction?"
"I've gathered the architects. But without blueprints, it'll take time."
"If you kill one architect a day until it's done, it'll be quick."
At Nihil's remark, Clavis fell silent.
Nihil glanced at him and muttered.
"It's a joke. Laugh."
At Nihil's flat tone, Clavis formed an ambiguous smile. Familiar yet weary, different from his usual.
Exposing his bare face, Clavis approached Nihil.
"What did you talk about while dancing?"
At the sudden question, Nihil tilted his head. Clavis explained readily.
"While dancing with Lena Rubel. You kept talking."
Only then did Nihil understand. Come to think of it, that had happened. Just days ago, yet it felt like ancient history, hazy.
So Nihil slowly recalled, piecing together the conversation with Lena.
—I want to dance with Your Majesty.
When asked what she desired, Lena Rubel said she wanted to dance. An odd request, but within bounds, so he took her hand and went to the hall.
—Are you not curious about Hiems Grasha's end?
While dancing, Lena Rubel suddenly asked that. So what had he answered?
—He clung tenaciously, then flailed pathetically in the end.
Right. He'd said that. Lena Rubel had laughed, saying he was spot on.
"Tenacious and pathetic—the Grasha trademark."
Clavis muttered with a laugh upon hearing the tale. Then he sighed and continued.
"Faster than expected, right? Not even a month since starting the conquest, and she's brought two Kings of the Dead."
"Lena Rubel. An intriguing variable."
"Yeah."
Clavis feigned ignorance and agreed with Nihil's assessment. Then he added in a grumbling tone.
"The rest of the kings will come soon too. Lena Rubel and the young dukes are exceptional. Once that happens, there's no turning back......"
Clavis trailed off, looking at Nihil. But Nihil's gaze remained fixed on the ruined palace.
To the indifferent emperor, the cardinal lowered his voice.
"No thoughts of stopping now?"
"None."
Nihil's answer was firm.
"I'm not satisfied yet."
"Until when will you be satisfied?"
"Forever. Until the very last moment."
"......We're truly horrific beings."
Clavis grumbled, not surprised—almost as if he'd expected it. Then he smiled and asked back.
"Right? Big Sister."