Chapter 81
Chapter 81
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 81
Chapter Title: Realization
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“Go away, Your Highness. I don’t want to see you.”
“Forgive me, I can no longer serve you…”
“How could you do such a thing…!”
The women who approached him in their beautiful forms, whispering sweet words of love, would flee the moment he opened his heart. They filled his daily life with traces of themselves, yet when he drew near, they recoiled in fear and rejected him. After repeated heartbreak, Lin came to realize this was inevitable. Once he understood he could not love like others, he found satisfaction in quietly watching over the women who had stayed by his side, even if briefly. He helped them heal from the wounds he had inflicted, find new lovers, marry, and live happily. That was enough, he thought. Because this was simply unavoidable.
“Filthy traitor!”
“You beast in a hood, have some shame!”
“I’ll haunt you as a ghost if I have to…!”
His fellow countrymen, who spat curses in rage, were no different. When the emperor ordered him to sweep away the prisoners from the remote minor nation, Lin sent his own people to the West. In response, the people unleashed every curse imaginable upon him, calling him a dog of the empire who sold out his country with unspeakable insults. Even then, Lin thought it was unavoidable. He had done everything he could. So this was inevitable. Whether resentment built up or misunderstandings piled high, it was all beyond his control. When enduring it all left him exhausted, he thought of Naza Aiterner. Were you like this too? After taking everything from me, did you comfort yourself this way? The unanswered question was always followed by bitter self-mockery. In the thick darkness, the young Lena’s voice echoed.
“If you open your eyes, I might come to hate you.”
“It can’t be helped.”
Lin smiled weakly at his own response.
. . . Lin awoke with hazy eyes.
“What happened?”
He wondered blankly why he was lying down. He had no memory of entering his bedroom. The last thing he remembered was the morning when he was restoring his loosened Authority.
“…I collapsed right there.”
Lin quickly grasped the situation. He must have lost consciousness while deploying his Authority, and Deka had found him and carried him to bed.
“What time is it?”
Lin shifted his gaze to the window. Outside, it was dimly bright. A transparent blue tint overlaid the faint light. It felt like dawn, not late evening.
“Ah….”
Confirming the time, Lin let out an involuntary sigh. The night had passed. He had missed the time to meet Lena without a word. Had she waited, perhaps? Or had she even come out? Lin recalled the events at the banquet hall. He couldn’t pin down the Lena he met there. She pretended not to see him at first, then smiled as usual and treated him kindly, only to suddenly turn cold again. At this point, he wondered if he should just ask her directly. Was she okay with it? Did she hate it? Was she hating it but enduring? Constantly gauging her mood was tormenting. Lin rubbed his dry face in frustration. As his hand swept across, a handkerchief fell from his forehead with a soft thud.
“What’s this?”
Lin picked up the handkerchief that had fallen from his face and frowned. In the dim dawn light, a floral pattern was faintly visible. It must have been placed on his feverish forehead, but no one around him would perform such an old-fashioned act of care. Moreover, knights like Deka wouldn’t carry something so charming. As he sat up wondering what it was, he felt an unexpected weight on one side of the blanket. At the same time, an unimaginable sound came.
“Mmm….”
Lin’s heart plummeted at the drowsy voice. He turned to the side of the bed in shock. A woman was sleeping there, leaning against his bed. Lin held his breath, clutching his pounding heart. Was this a dream? Was he still dreaming? The outline revealed in the dawn light was achingly familiar. Lost in confusion, Lin stared blankly at the woman—Lena Rubel. Perhaps sensing Lin’s slight movements, Lena slowly woke. Propping herself up from where she had been using his arm as a pillow, she looked at him and smiled brightly.
“You’re awake?”
At the innocent question, Lin mumbled in a daze.
“Why, what, uh?”
He tried his best, but no proper words came out. Fortunately, Lena understood what he meant.
“Sir Deka told me. That you collapsed.”
Loyal servant indeed. The thought slipped into Lin’s mind before he quickly shook his head. Then, in a troubled voice, he mumbled.
“Unnecessary meddling…”
“Are you feeling better? You had a high fever.”
Lena reached out to touch Lin’s forehead. She checked his temperature gently.
“Still a slight fever. Oh, are you hungry?”
Lin was bewildered by Lena’s sudden kindness. Was she treating him normally again because he was sick? No, even if he was ill, she wouldn’t if she truly hated him. Was it pity? Hiding his confused feelings, Lin asked.
“…How long have you been here?”
“Since last night.”
“Why….”
“You came for me too. When I collapsed.”
Ah, repaying a debt. Lin smiled weakly at Lena’s thoroughness. Come to think of it, she was the type to repay debts meticulously. Lin looked at Lena with self-mockery. Should he ask? Would it make her feel guilty unnecessarily? Maybe Lena was conflicted too. It didn’t make sense to hate someone who helped her, so perhaps she was chiding herself. Should he reassure her first? Say he understood, that it was unavoidable. But saying that would hurt too much. Of course, that was unavoidable too. To sort his thoughts, Lin stared intently at Lena. As his gaze lingered, the smile on Lena’s lips, who had been smiling back, gradually faded. She seemed a bit flustered, then stood and looked around the room casually.
“Come to think of it, this is my first time coming into your room.”
It was an attempt to change the subject naturally. But the perceptive Lin noticed it again. Lena had just averted her eyes awkwardly. Feeling rejected once more, Lin’s heart stung. Still, he hid his feelings and replied.
“It’s the same room anyway.”
“Still. It feels oddly new because it’s your room.”
As Lena stood, Lin felt uncomfortable lying there and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. But his body wasn’t back to normal yet, and the moment his feet touched the floor, he staggered and collapsed again. At the thud, Lena turned in surprise.
“…What are you doing?”
“…At least I tried.”
Seeing the unexpected antics, Lena chuckled and extended her hand. At that gesture, Lin wanted to cry instead. At this point, it felt like she was toying with him. Couldn’t she just pick one—hate him or like him—and stick to it?
“You’re not getting up?”
When Lin didn’t take her hand, Lena urged him. After hesitating, Lin ignored her hand and tried to stand on his own. It was pointless stubbornness. He wobbled as soon as he stood, and Lena caught him in alarm. What followed was quite romantic. Lin collapsed again before Lena could steady him, and she ended up pinned beneath him instead. As Lena fell into his arms, Lin startled and tried to push himself up. But even his arms supporting on the bed lacked strength. It wasn’t enough to collapse again, but holding himself up was exhausting. So Lin, who had been about to move off her, hesitated and flopped back down. He felt Lena startle beneath him. It was something he’d never do normally, but right now, it didn’t matter. He was exhausted, and his weakened heart easily crossed the line he had set for himself. Forgive him because he was sick—that was his mindset.
“Lin?”
“…I’m tired.”
Normally he’d apologize first, but in his desperate state, Lin groaned. At the husky voice, Lena asked worriedly.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Should I call someone?”
“No….”
Lin kept saying no. So Lena, pinned beneath him, grew increasingly troubled. The usual Lin was adorably timid. This bold cuteness was a first. Pondering what to do, Lena tried to speak calmly.
“Then shall we get up now?”
“…Help me up. You’re strong.”
This guy. Lena was momentarily stunned by Lin, who whined while clinging to her. She half-considered scooping him up with one arm as he said. But seeing him cling so openly, she couldn’t. Something was different from usual. After thinking, Lena placed her hand on the back of Lin’s head. Then she muttered like a sigh.
“Are you really not well? Why are you acting like a child?”
At Lena’s amused mutter, Lin groaned lowly. He seemed embarrassed. At the sound, Lena laughed more and patted him. It was like soothing a child, and Lin actually felt relieved. After a while, the silence grew awkward, and Lena spoke again.
“Sorry for making you overexert yourself. And thank you. For coming to find me.”
Lena greeted him warmly, but Lin didn’t respond. Instead, after a long pause, still burying his face, he mumbled.
“You don’t hate it?”
“What?”
“…Me.”
At the contextless question, Lena pondered briefly, then warned sternly.
“Don’t ask.”
“I won’t….”
Lin replied in a deflated voice, a hint of incredulous laughter mixed in. But soon he grew serious again and whispered.
“You feel bad about it.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Lin lifted his head from Lena’s shoulder. Then he looked down at her face, just a handspan away.
Fortunately, Lena’s eyes meeting his held no disgust or fear. Instead, she seemed genuinely puzzled by his behavior. At that innocent gaze, Lin finally voiced what he’d been holding back.
“…I saw your memories.”
“I know.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
Lena’s eyes widened more at his question. It was the look of someone who truly knew nothing. Somehow, that made Lin feel wronged.
“You said I might come to hate you.”
“Who did?”
“Lena Rubel.”
Lena blinked, mulling over his words. After a long moment, she seemed to finally understand what he meant and widened her eyes. Something must have happened when he entered her consciousness to rescue her. Perhaps he encountered something while searching her memories, or faced some threat. Realizing why Lin was acting like a punished puppy, Lena sighed.
“I hadn’t even thought of that.”
To hate him? She knew he had accessed her consciousness, but felt no such emotion. If anything….
‘Huh?’
Lena startled at her own thoughts while trying to explain. Thinking again, she should feel repulsed. Having her memories leaked unfiltered was serious. In fact, when Lubid said he’d seen her memories, she had subtly sharpened her attitude. Yet with Lin, who had seen far more, she hadn’t put up any guard. She hadn’t even noticed until he mentioned it now. Lena was flustered by her own leniency. As she fell silent, Lin, waiting for an explanation, lowered his head again. Then in a voice still heavy with sleep, he mumbled.
“Then why did you keep avoiding me?”
“Huh?”
“Weren’t you uncomfortable around me?”
At Lin’s question, Lena had nothing more to say. It was true she had avoided him and felt uncomfortable. At the same time, she was surprised. By his quicker-than-expected perceptiveness, by the single sentence he’d held back until now. By the way he looked at her, as if hurt. And with that, Lena finally realized it. About Lin, and about herself.
‘I see.’
Lena let out a small sigh at the fact she could no longer ignore. Ah, so that’s how it is. You like me. Just like I like you.