About Adopting a Puppy (1)
After visiting Gomo's house, my world had changed in subtle ways. The silence in my room, which once felt merely quiet, now pressed down on me like the heavy absence of something missing.
“One warm café latte, coming right up.”
Even while working, the sensations from yesterday kept intruding on reality. The cold air that rushed in whenever the door opened reminded me of the small warmth I’d felt over the weekend. But the spot where that warmth had lingered only grew colder.
“Um… this is supposed to be a warm drink….”
At the customer’s careful remark, I snapped back to reality with a jolt. I was sure I’d pulled a good shot and steamed the milk perfectly. Following the puzzled gaze, I saw the plastic straw the customer was awkwardly holding up. Ah… I’d given them an ade straw by mistake.
“Ah…! I’m so sorry. I’ll change it right away.”
Embarrassed, I forced a composed expression and handed over a new stir stick. With mistakes like this, how could I possibly take responsibility for another living being? It was ridiculous. My head kept repeating that conclusion, but my empty heart wandered off on its own.
No matter where I went, that thought stubbornly followed me. During a group project meeting, while I was trying to focus on the code, I finally couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Hey, Jae-hyeok. What did you do when you first got Kkong?”
“Me? My parents and I raised him together, so I didn’t really do anything special. Why?”
Jae-hyeok’s casual answer struck my heart like ice. Behind him stood the safety net called family. Bringing a life into the world out of selfish loneliness would be irresponsible. The tiny spark of courage that had barely bloomed yesterday turned to ash and scattered in an instant.
“Ah… never mind. Just curious. Let’s get back to work.”
I pretended nothing was wrong and turned back to the monitor. What had I even been hoping for? What could someone like me possibly do? After that, I hammered away at the keyboard as if I were running away. In the mechanical clatter of keys, I tried to bury alive the pointless lingering attachment that had just begun to sprout.
“How’s this for today?”
“Dude, what the… you worked like a madman. What is this?”
“How much more did you do than the goal…?”
“Riding the Lee Seung-ho bus is pretty smooth. Anyway, once he takes on something, he goes all out.”
They praised me, but it sounded like empty consolation directed at someone sinking into a dark abyss.
**
For the next several days, I kept running. I had locked myself inside lines of code, trying to forget everything, when the sharp ring of my phone made me flinch. The name glowing on the screen was [Gomo].
> [Gomo]
“Yes, Gomo.”
“Seung-ho, I’m in the neighborhood for an errand. Can I stop by for a bit? I brought some side dishes too!”
It was an unexpected call. It felt like a warm rope had been lowered into the pitch-black depths of the ocean. Without realizing it, I was already clinging to that rope.
“…Yes, of course.”
A short while later, the doorbell rang and a familiar voice called out.
“Seung-ho~ Gomo’s here!”
“Coming!”
When I opened the door, Gomo stood there with a bright smile. And in her arms was a fluffy ball of white fur. An unannounced visit from warmth. My heart plummeted to the floor.
“I thought I’d bring Som along while I was at it. Is that okay?”
The root of my foolish lingering attachment was now right in front of my eyes. But I couldn’t bring myself to shake my head.
“…Yes.”
What came out of my mouth was an answer so small it was barely audible. Once set down, Som hesitated for a moment in the unfamiliar space. But she soon trotted over to me and looked up with curious eyes.
“Som, do you remember me?”
Instead of answering, Som gave her tail a little wag, circled my feet once, then cautiously approached and sniffed at my pant leg. She seemed far more happy and intrigued than wary.
“Yeah… I missed you too.”
Only after the words left my mouth did I realize they were the honest truth that had slipped out on its own.
“Oh my, what’s this? She remembers you after seeing you just once. She’s usually so shy with strangers—it’s amazing. She must have really opened up to you.”
It was just a casual remark, but the words opened up settled warmly in my chest.
After eating the side dishes Gomo had brought for lunch, we sat in the living room. She pulled a bag of treats from her purse.
“Seung-ho, why don’t you give her one? These are her favorite beef jerky strips.”
Gomo placed a small piece of jerky in my palm. When I held my hand out, Som hesitated briefly before approaching carefully. Her soft, warm tongue brushed my palm as she gently took the treat. The ticklish sensation and the small gesture of trust melted the frozen corner of my heart without resistance.
After that, Som rarely strayed far from my side. When I sat on the sofa, she came to my feet, curled up into a little ball, and lay down. The small warmth wrapping around my ankle seemed to slowly fill the empty space.
“Oh dear, she must want to play with you. Is there a park nearby?”
At Gomo’s words, I momentarily forgot to breathe. With me? I looked down at Som. Her dark eyes were fixed solely on me.
“Yes… there’s a small park right out front.”
With my heart racing, I took Gomo and Som to the park. Under the autumn sunlight, I awkwardly picked up a ball. I tossed it gently, and Som shot after it like lightning. She quickly returned with the ball in her mouth and looked up at me with eyes that begged for praise.
After a few more throws, the awkwardness melted away. Before I knew it, I was smiling. Those black eyes that looked only at me. The small, quick breaths that rose and fell because of me. The whole world had shrunk to just me, Som, and the little ball passing between us.
Before long the sun began to set, and Gomo spoke with clear reluctance.
“Seung-ho, we should probably head back now.”
I foolishly wished time would stop at her words. As Gomo put on her shoes in the entryway, Som came over, placed her front paws on my leg, and whined pitifully.
Don’t go.
It felt like her tiny body was using every ounce of strength to cry out. My heart sank with a heavy thud.
“Oh my, it looks like Som has grown attached to you, Seung-ho.”
I couldn’t lift my head. I simply stroked her small head.
“Som…”
A childish desire not to let her leave rose all the way to my throat. Instead of saying it, I forced the corners of my mouth upward in a smile.
Once Gomo and Som left, the sound of the front door lock clicking shut echoed unusually loud. The space that had been filled with warmth just moments ago was instantly overtaken by cold, familiar silence.
But this silence was no longer the same as before. I stood motionless in the middle of the empty room. The breath I drew in still carried the faint, sweet scent of a puppy, while the breath I let out smelled only of my own sigh. The soft texture of Som’s fur still lingered on my hand. All those vivid traces cruelly reminded me just how empty this space truly was.
Could I endure this silence now? No. It was too much.
That night, as I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, a small notification popped up on my screen.
It was a text from Gomo. It felt like she had placed a warm, heavy weight on the scale inside my heart. A hollow laugh escaped me. No, you’ve got the wrong person. I’m not that warm-hearted…
But I didn’t finish the sentence. For the first time, I stopped the tiresome monologue of self-deprecation halfway through. Just once, I decided to trust the version of myself that other people saw.
**
The next day, after my part-time shift ended, I headed to Gomo’s house without hesitation. I asked myself dozens of times if this was really the right choice. But the expectation of feeling that warmth again outweighed all my rational worries. Clutching Gomo’s reply like a talisman, I pressed the doorbell.
“Gomo! I… I’m here!”
The moment the door opened, a white ball of fur came racing toward my feet.
“Woof woof!”
Som clung to my leg, her tail spinning like a propeller, while Gomo watched us with a bright smile. So… you were waiting for me too.
“Oh my, our Seung-ho looks happy.”
“Huh?”
“Som missed you a lot. Hehe.”
I stepped inside, enveloped in an enthusiastic welcome. Gomo had already packed all the things Som would need into a large box.
“Here, this should be enough for a few days. She’s a bit picky about her food, so I packed what she usually eats. And this is her favorite toy…”
Gomo showed me each item and gave brief explanations.
“Thank you, Gomo. I’ll take good care of her.”
At my promise, Gomo simply patted my shoulder warmly.
“Shall we get going? Som seems excited too.”
We got into Gomo’s car and headed to my studio apartment. The box sat in the passenger seat while I sat in the back with Som on my lap. The weight of the small life leaning against my chest. The savory scent of fur tickling my nose. The steady, warm little breaths. This was no longer imagination or a faint afterimage.
Amid the gray cityscape rushing past the car window, I quietly looked down at the small warmth breathing softly on my lap. Into my colorless world, a being with color had finally arrived.