On Education (1)
Beep—squeak. Slightly dazed, I tossed the squeaky ball. My mind had gone numb; I was moving on pure guardian instinct alone. Som, running on all fours like a dog even in a human body, fetching the ball in her mouth. The absurd sight seemed to mock the heart that had resolved to accept this reality, over and over again.
“Master! Praise me!”
Whether she knew what I was feeling or not, she shoved her head forward, begging for approval.
“Uh… yeah. Good job, Som.”
The soft texture of her hair against my fingertips still felt impossible to get used to, no matter how many times I touched it.
“Master! Master!”
Watching her crawl on all fours and call out to me like that, I began to wonder if the strange one wasn’t her, but me. The way she sat with her legs raised like hind legs, politely clasping her hands in front of her, filled me with a sudden sense of duty to bridge the massive gap between her appearance and her behavior.
The phone search history that had once been full of ridiculous queries was now populated with practical terms like “baby walking practice” and “how to teach walking.”
“Practicing standing while holding on… walking while holding hands…”
After checking the results several times, I cautiously called out to her.
“Som. Your… appearance has changed a bit, hasn’t it? Should I teach you how to walk properly like this?”
“Master… I’m comfortable like this…”
“We can… become the same.”
“…The same as you, Master?”
At those words, Som’s eyes sparkled brighter than any star in the sky. I could almost see her ears perking up in excitement. Her pure, innocent reaction crumbled my defenses once again.
“That’s right, Som. Let’s try standing up like this.”
I stood up myself to demonstrate. Som watched me with fascination, then planted her small hands on the floor, grunting as she lifted her hips. But balancing on two legs clearly wasn’t easy.
“Ugh… it’s hard…”
“It’s okay, Som. We’ll do it together.”
I crouched in front of her and held out both hands. Without hesitation, Som grabbed them. Not a dog’s paw, but a soft, small human hand. The awkward sensation made my heart thud heavily.
I gently pulled her hands, helping her straighten her knees. Perhaps because she wasn’t a boneless infant, after a few wobbles she managed to stand on two legs with surprising stability.
“Master! Is this right? It feels so strange…”
Still gripping my hands tightly, Som stared down at her own legs in wonder. The way she marveled at something so simple brought a smile to my lips without me realizing it.
“Good job, Som!”
“…….”
Even at my praise, Som simply looked up at me in silence. Her eyes were filled with a desperate longing for something more.
Ah. Only then did I understand. Awkwardly, I raised my hand and stroked her head. The warmth that passed through her soft hair seemed to satisfy her; she beamed and buried her face in my chest.
“Hehe… that feels nice, Master…”
I thought to myself that the title “Master” would eventually need to be changed.
“Uh… yeah. Then let’s practice walking now. Here, hold my hand. Just like me.”
Once again I demonstrated first. Then I took her hand firmly and guided her into her first steps.
For Som, who had spent her entire life on four legs, walking on two seemed like the most difficult thing in the world. Her whole body staggered with every step.
“It’s okay, Som. You trust me, don’t you? You can do this!”
“Yes, Master!”
Maybe it was thanks to her blind faith in me. Even as she teetered on the verge of falling, Som refused to let go of my hand and kept moving her feet with desperate determination.
And finally—though her posture was clumsy and ridiculous—she managed to walk across the room all by herself after letting go of my hand.
The moment I saw it, an overwhelming wave of emotion rose inside me. This wasn’t simply learning to walk. It was the first miracle created together by me and this strange, lovable being who had entered my world.
By the time the bizarre walking lessons that had started in the morning finally ended, the clock was already pointing toward a late lunch. Perhaps I had begun to accept this unfamiliar being, even if only a little. Only then did hunger crash over me like a wave.
I was about to do what I always did—toast some bread, spread strawberry jam on it, and take a bite—when I felt a piercing gaze on my back.
“Slurp… Master…”
When I turned around, Som was resting her chin on the floor beneath the sofa, looking up at me with the most pitiful eyes in the world. She hadn’t eaten anything since the chicken breast that morning, and she had poured every ounce of energy into the unfamiliar walking practice. Of course she was hungry.
I instinctively started to tear off a piece of toast for her, but stopped mid-motion. This was human food. What if it made her sick? What if I had to rush her to the hospital again like last time?
With worries multiplying endlessly, I set the toast back down on the plate.
“Som, wait just a second…”
I opened the food delivery app I normally never touched. I went to the grocery section, scanned the list of dog-safe foods, and began adding them to the cart one by one. Pumpkin, sweet potato, carrot, cucumber… By the time I finished, the total was far higher than I’d expected. I was feeling the reality of rising prices firsthand. My finances weren’t exactly comfortable, but seeing Som whining beside me, I somehow ended up waiting for the delivery driver with a “Payment Completed” notification.
When the ingredients arrived, I hurriedly prepared them. I blanched what needed blanching, chopped everything into small pieces so nothing would get stuck in her throat, and set it in front of her.
“Som! Let’s eat!”
As if she had completely forgotten the clumsy walking she had just learned, Som scampered over to the table on all fours again. The sight was so ridiculous that I burst out laughing, yet it also felt like she was proving with her entire body that she was still Som.
“Looks delicious…!”
The instant the bowl touched the floor, Som lowered her posture as if she had been waiting for it and tried to bury her face inside.
“Som, no! Wait a moment!”
I panicked and grabbed her shoulder.
“Why, Master?”
“Pfft…”
Seeing her ask with such an innocent face while her mouth was covered in mashed sweet potato and pumpkin, I couldn’t help but laugh. The tension drained away.
“People eat with this.”
I took a fork from the drawer and placed it in her hand.
“Som, I’ll teach you how I eat.”
I sat beside her and wrapped my hand over her small one, guiding her to hold the fork properly. The unexpectedly soft touch made my vision waver for a second.
“Like this… stab it… then bring it to your mouth. Ah.”
When I demonstrated it myself, Som’s eyes sparkled with fascination and she began to imitate me. She would stab the fork so hard it seemed like she might shatter the plate, or drop the food she had finally managed to pick up before it reached her mouth. After several attempts and failures, she finally succeeded in bringing food to her own mouth with her own hand.
By then the food was scattered everywhere, and both Som’s face and the table were a complete mess. But none of that mattered.
“Good job, Som! Keep going like that!”
At my praise, Som smiled so brightly it looked like she had gained the whole world.
Only after watching her finish her meal—clumsy but entirely on her own—could I finally start eating mine. The sweet potato and pumpkin had gone cold, and the raw vegetables had no seasoning at all. Yet strangely, it didn’t feel meager. Having a small being beside me learning about the world through awkward fork work was more than enough to make the moment warm.
That afternoon passed by in a hectic blur. I cleaned out the messy refrigerator and wiped down the cluttered desk—things I would never have attempted on a normal day.
“Master… when are we going for a walk? Walk!”
Som had crept up behind me at some point and was tugging at my clothes with a whine. I paused, imagining the two of us going outside together. An innocent-looking young woman hopping around on all fours like a dog, calling the man beside her “Master”… Just picturing the misunderstandings and whispers from strangers made my head throb.
“Som.”
I sat down beside her and met her eyes.
“If you learn everything I teach you today, I’ll take you for a proper walk in the park tonight.”
Som’s eyes sparkled.
“From now on, when you call me… don’t say Master. Try saying Oppa. O-ppa.”
Even as the words left my own mouth, they sounded absurd. I had never once tried to get a junior at university to call me oppa.
“..O..ppa..?”
Som tilted her head and awkwardly mimicked the shape of my mouth.
“Yes, good. Again. Oppa.”
“Oppa!”
She was picking it up faster than I expected. For a moment, hope flickered.
“Now, Som. What should you call me?”
“…Master!”
The hope died instantly.
“No, no. You’re supposed to say Oppa…”
“Oppa…?”
Som’s title education kept spinning in circles. She could say the word “oppa” easily enough, but whenever she referred to me directly, she inevitably returned to “Master.” It seemed I was permanently imprinted on her as nothing but “Master.”
In the end, I turned to the internet once again. “How to teach children new words,” “The importance of repetitive learning.” Staring at the screen full of parenting advice, I let out a hollow laugh as a deep wave of self-loathing washed over me.
Shaking off every stray thought, I looked straight into Som’s eyes again.
“Listen, Som. I’m your oppa. Oppa!”
This time I leaned in close, staring directly into her dark eyes, and emphasized each syllable.
“Som… what… should you call me…?”
“….O..ppa..?”
All sound in the world seemed to stop. Only that single word rang clearly in my ears. It was the sound of the invisible wall built by the word “Master” beginning to crumble, just a little.
I couldn’t contain the surge of emotion and pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Good job, Som! You did so well!”
At my fervent praise, Som laughed like a child and burrowed deeper into my arms, as if nothing could make her happier.
“Hehe… Master…”
At that one word, the joy that had felt like I owned the entire world deflated like a punctured balloon. I let out a dejected laugh and looked down at her. Suddenly, I noticed the sunset slowly sinking outside the window and let out a long sigh.
“The night walk… will we really be able to go…?”