The Forbidden Fruit
After that, Tezeman never returned. Only Leroy would occasionally stop by the church.
It was cruel. He had stolen her soul so thoroughly that she couldn’t even consider returning to Korea, yet the man himself never showed his face.
“Ha.”
A heavy sigh escaped her lips.
“You seem to have a lot on your mind.”
At some point, Leroy had taken a seat at the edge of the pew where Sua sat. Under normal circumstances she would have been startled, but right now she lacked even the energy for surprise.
“Is… Tezeman doing well?”
Leroy turned to face her as she asked after Tezeman’s well-being.
“He appears to be quite busy.”
“Ah…”
Disappointment bled into her trailing voice.
“Or perhaps he’s simply waiting.”
Sua’s sunken gaze rose once more to meet Leroy’s.
“Waiting for someone’s answer.”
Someone’s answer. Sua knew exactly what he meant. The last time he left the church, he had asked her to choose him. Perhaps he was giving her time—the time she needed to make her decision.
Sua pressed her lips into a thin line.
“Sister.”
Leroy, who had been quiet, finally spoke.
“My father and mother were devout Catholics. They were so fervent that they desperately wanted me to become a priest.”
Sua stared at him in confusion, surprised by the sudden confession.
“That same fervor became poison to me. I was forced to live a life of oppression and coercion.”
His parents had insisted that to become a priest, one must be flawless. They starved him, locked him away, and subjected eight-year-old Leroy to brutal beatings and water torture in the name of penance. They told him that even Jesus had endured such trials.
“Later, when a priest claimed Satan had possessed me, they didn’t hesitate to put a knife to my throat.”
Sua’s face twisted in disbelief—a priest said that?—but Leroy offered a faint smile before she could protest.
“Their zeal seemed strange to me at first. I later learned it was a cult masquerading as a church.”
His brainwashed parents never came back to their senses. They only kept trying to kill him, over and over.
“So I killed them. On my fifteenth birthday.”
Sua’s eyes trembled as she looked at him.
“Your own parents…?”
“Yes. I had to, if I wanted to live.”
That day, they had once again held a blade to his throat. To survive, he had to kill the parents who wanted him dead.
“The mere fact that I had killed my parents made everyone turn their backs on me. They pointed fingers as if the pain I had suffered meant nothing.”
He had truly become a devil. Cast out with nothing, wandering the streets, even beggars pointed at him. Every day was hell.
“I was being beaten again for no reason, just like always.”
It was the same as ever—being someone’s punching bag. He had been hit so many times that his body had grown tough; the blows no longer hurt. He simply waited for them to grow tired, but something felt different that day.
“Suddenly, the man tried to rape me.”
He said Leroy had a pretty face. Those filthy hands groped his body. Just as Leroy decided he would have to kill him and reached up to strangle the man on top of him—
“That was when Tezeman appeared.”
He looked like a boy around the same age, but he was much taller than Leroy. In one swift motion, he slammed the head of a man twice his size against the ground, then calmly extended his hand. Are you all right?
“He was my salvation.”
The first hand ever offered to him. As he took it, Leroy made a vow: he would never let go of that hand for the rest of his life.
“Becoming someone’s salvation only takes an instant,” Leroy said flatly, his gaze turning toward Sua.
“Even if the one performing the act of salvation thinks nothing of it.”
Pity, compassion, shock, confusion—every emotion swirled in her eyes, making them tremble with turmoil.
“But to that person, their savior can become their entire world.”
Having spoken with calm, steady eyes, Leroy rose from his seat.
“Tezeman is a lonely man. Many people have been saved by his hand and lean on him, but there is no one to hold his hand, no place where he can truly rest.”
No place to rest. The realization that this man—who seemed to possess everything—had no one he could lean on shook Sua to her core.
“I’ve talked too much today. Think it over carefully.”
Leaving the hesitant Sua behind, Leroy stepped out of the church and let out a short, bitter laugh. What had possessed him to interfere? He had spilled his entire past. It was something the usual Leroy would never have done.
What was it about that Eastern nun?
He had simply wanted to brush away some of the worry clouding her face. There was no other reason. There must be no other reason. Not for the sake of his master, Tezeman.
The fleeting spring day had been too warm. The drifting petals had simply tickled his heart. Once spring ended, they would disappear as if they had never been.
Yet Sua was not the only one burdened with worry. The same shadows filled Leroy’s eyes as he walked away from the church, pretending to be at ease.
Left alone after Leroy departed, Sua stood at a crossroads.
When had she first thought of becoming a nun? It must have been when she was just over ten. Watching Sister Agnes, who was always by her side whether she was sick or happy, she had thought that someday she wanted to grow up to be a nun just like her.
She wanted to stand side by side with the object of her admiration. The orphanage had taken her in after she was abandoned. Living there while serving God alongside Sister Agnes seemed like the greatest blessing she could imagine. So she had devoted herself to every moment. The postulancy, the novitiate, and the period of temporary vows—she had accepted even the most difficult acts of obedience.
Now she was contemplating throwing away everything she had built, even the chance to stand beside the Sister Agnes she had admired so deeply, all to become his salvation. The thought left her in turmoil.
Besides, was it even possible to give her heart to someone so quickly? Wasn’t it merely a momentary impulse?
“Sister.”
At the worst possible moment, his voice echoed stickily inside her head. No matter what choice she made, he would never let her go.
To take his hand, she would have to fall from grace. Whether she would eat the fruit of good and evil he had placed in his palm was entirely up to her.
Perhaps the choice had already been made. The moment she had completely forgotten that she was supposed to return to Korea, the answer had already revealed itself. She had simply kept denying it.
Once again, she seemed to hear his voice asking her to save him. There was no need to agonize any longer. If what he wanted was salvation, then for the sake of that salvation, Sua was ready to bite the forbidden fruit.
With shameless hands clasped together, she turned toward the crucifix above the main altar. Her feelings toward God remained the same whether before or after eating that fruit.
“Almighty God, have mercy on us and forgive our sins.”
“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”
She hoped God would not be too angry with her for daring to make such a choice and still speak of forgiveness.
Today, the hand with which Sua made the sign of the cross moved unusually slowly. She lifted her head and gazed at the crucifix above the main altar. After staring at it for a long time, she slowly rose from her seat. She lightly brushed the place where she had sat in prayer, then turned away.
It was time to tell Father Vincenzo of her decision.
The place Sua headed after leaving the church was a small study attached to the monastery, where Father Vincenzo also conducted his duties. She hesitated in front of the old door, then took a short breath.
She had already told him she was leaving. She had even given her reasons. But this was different. She was not simply leaving the monastery to return to Korea—she had to tell him she was abandoning her life as a nun.
“Ha…”
How could she possibly explain to Father Vincenzo why she was quitting? If she said she was leaving the convent because of Tezeman—because of a man—she couldn’t imagine what expression he would make.
He might look at her with horror. He might see her as filthy. After all, she was the one who had promised to devote everything to God.
After a long hesitation, Sua finally raised her hand. No answer would come no matter how long she agonized, and dragging it out would be the most foolish thing she could do.
Knock, knock. She rapped on the old door and carefully called out.
“Father Vincenzo.”
The door opened slowly, revealing the priest’s face through the gap.
“Sua.”
The moment Father Vincenzo saw her face, he nodded as if he already understood why she had come.
“Come in.”