Chapter 2
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 2
Chapter Title: Semen Man Rising
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"You seduced me first, you bitch!!!"
Gasp!
When I came to my senses, I was in a forest.
It looked like I'd been sent flying to the classic isekai starter route: the woods.
"No way! Does it make any sense that I get kicked out of my own house!?"
That black-haired goddess with the massive tits!
Big tits, big ass, pretty face—is that all it takes?
'Well, honestly, yeah, that is all it takes.'
That's all women need, right?
Still, this was too much! How the hell am I supposed to get back home?
"Ha, fuck, I'm screwed."
If this is an isekai, does that mean swords, magic, and dragons are coming too?
Normally, getting isekai'd by a goddess would be a welcome event.
But my goddess was trash-tier, so I wasn't holding out much hope.
Still, whatever...
She did say she'd give me powers.
Powers from a goddess, right?
There have to be cute girls in this isekai world too. I decided to keep it simple.
Fine, whatever. I've already been screwed over, so might as well start a new life here.
Hm, alright.
A dense forest. No signs of life nearby.
To survive, choose one of the following actions.
1. Find drinking water
2. Find a human village
3. Pick up the stick on the ground that looks like a sword
Number 3.
I picked up a decent-looking wooden stick for now.
"Damn, this looks slick."
Excalibur.
From now on, you're Excalibur.
"No... that's not it."
One thing left to do.
I held up my Wooden Sword-Excalibur and shouted.
"Upper! Thrust! Strike!!"
......
......
Nothing happened.
"What kind of goddess doesn't even give me Solo Leveling?"
Then what the hell is this 'perfectly suited' power she mentioned?
A proper goddess wouldn't just scam me and kick me out.
I have no idea why she bothered exiling me instead of just killing me outright.
Maybe there's some goddess-world rule about providing minimal convenience on exile.123
"Huh?"
That's when I noticed something weird about my arm.
It's white...
My skin was pale to begin with, but this was different.
Too white.
Like color code #FFFFFF.
"What the hell?"
Clothes...? Some kind of tights?
The truly creepy part was that I hadn't felt anything on my body until now.
I thought I was buck naked.
But...
From head to toe, I was wearing some bizarre full-body white tights.
"What is this..."
What the fuck is this!?
I was freaking out. Had I ever been this flustered in my life?
Sex with a goddess and getting exiled to an isekai was ridiculous enough, but white full-body tights?
What kind of bullshit plot twist is this?
"What the fuck is this, you shits!!!"
Rawr!!
Like Hulk ripping his shirt in rage, I tore at my chest, stretching the tights like pizza cheese, howling.
"This stupid, fucking thing!!"
Cannot be removed
Cannot be removed
Cannot be removed
"What the hell! Fuck!!"
Isekai transfer in full-body tights? Never heard of that shit!
Grunting, I tested the tights' tensile strength by yanking on my arm with all my might.
"Groooar! Off! I'm gonna rip off this bullshit tights right now!"
After 30 minutes of grunting and pulling, I confirmed one thing: the stretchiness of these tights was world-class.
Exhausted, I collapsed.
"That damn goddess."
Is this what isekai transfers are supposed to be? Forced into some ridiculous costume?
And I can't even take it off? This has to be a joke.
How am I supposed to take a shit?
"I was wrong! Send me back!!"
I dropped to my knees in dogeza, but all I heard was birds chirping.
"What do I do now!! Am I just gonna shit myself like this!?"
Fuck.
I could imagine how ridiculous I looked without a mirror.
Running my hand over my head, I felt no hair.
Just a smooth, rounded face hole.
Once I somewhat accepted that I couldn't remove these tights, my throat went dry and my stomach growled.
Made worse by all the binge drinking the night before.
Revenge on that goddess could wait. Time to move.
'Water first.'
Humans die without water.
Wandering a forest in survival mode leads to dehydration and game over.
Following a water source often leads to villages too, so I strained my ears for any sound of flowing water as I pushed forward.
That's when...
"Kekeke!"
"Kekek!"
Goblins appeared.
"Ugh. Ugly bastards!"
Three green, lumpy, ugly monsters about waist-high on me.
Playing at being humanoid, they gripped rusty swords and battered wooden shields, blocking my path.
"Keeek!"
"What? You understand me?"
As if realizing they'd been insulted to their faces, the goblins instantly formed an encirclement formation.
"What!"
This level of coordination in a split second?
...Scratch that. They just surrounded me normally.
But I stood tall on both legs, looking down on them with disdain.
Though as a head-to-toe white freak, I had zero intimidation factor.
"You sure about this? The guy you're messing with right now is an isekai transfer protagonist."
Usually, anyway.
This was probably a tutorial event to test the protagonist's power.
No matter how lame my perks were...
It had to be better than 『No bug bites (except face)』.
"Keeek!"
"Kiik! Kiik!"
I could see their hostility rising.
Fight was inevitable.
However.
What could these nephew-sized punks do against me?
They say run from armed opponents,
But that didn't apply to foes half my height.
"If you're so confident... come at me."
I quickly sized them up with a glance.
Three of 'em? Three soccer kicks oughta do it.
Wait.
I had my top-tier sword acquired right after isekai transfer: 《Wooden Sword-Excalibur》.
Swing once and take out one goblin!!
"Kieeeek!"
Here they come!!
I was slightly impressed as they all charged at once.
These guys had the smarts to rush together.
But I sidestepped smoothly, keeping all three in view,
and handled them one by one as they closed in.
First, I kicked one away with my long-ass model-proportion legs,
blocked the jumping one with Wooden Sword-Excalibur,
took a breath, then shoved the last two back, sending them tumbling.
"Kyak!"
"Kikekek!?"
"Ha, you little shits. Think a prime Korean dude in his twenties is a joke?"
I shook off my wooden sword and reset my stance.
"Unless this is dark fantasy, you got no chance."
And this wasn't dark fantasy.
Look at my outfit. No dark fantasy has a protagonist like this.
"Urgh! Urgh!"
I started beating the goblins mercilessly.
The sweat I worked up felt rewarding.
"Kiiek!?"
"Kek!"
"Don't! Ambush! People! You little! Fucks!!"
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!!
The goblins, losing the will to fight after a few hits, dropped their weapons and shields and fled.
"Whew."
Not worth picking up. Junk.
One had taken a hard headshot and was staggering, unable to get up, before collapsing.
"Gasp. Dead?"
It creeped me out a bit.
I'd figured it'd be an easy win, but the queasy feeling of killing an animal bigger than a cat or dog with my own hands was indescribable.
If it poofed away like game graphics or gave a 'level up' message, maybe it'd feel better?
"......"
Couldn't be helped to survive.
They attacked first, the bastards.
Shaking off the unease, I rummaged through the goblin.
Dropped gear was too small and crude for human use. Not worth taking.
Plus, these tights had no pockets.
"Inventory!"
Yeah, no such thing.
There was that 'cursed item' popup when I tried removing the tights earlier.
Experience gained!
First isekai transfer achieved
Suit level has reached 2
Fixed Main Quest: Goddess Rape
"?"
Eh?
Not me... the suit leveled up?
The thing that grows is the suit?
"Give me more details. Status! System!"
Silence.
Just those messages after killing the goblin. Nothing else.
No stat points? The suit just gets stronger?
Too unfriendly for a game, too weird for this world's rules.
And that quest...
Definitely that goddess who called me a pervert.
I'm not some thug who'd go around raping goddesses.
'Goblins in the woods are manageable, but...'
If night falls or I'm ambushed with a sword in a cave, no guarantees.
Need to find a way out of here fast...
Thud.
"Huh?"
I sensed a beast behind me and turned.
"Gruk."
There stood an absurdly huge goblin.
Nearly my size. The curved sword in its hand looked incredibly threatening.
"Wait, hold on!"
This... this is bad.
"No way, is it dark fantasy after all?!"
"Guuk!"
The giant goblin snarled and swung its sword at me immediately.
Uh, Excalibur!
The moment panicked me raised my hand to block.
Crack!
"Gahhh!"
My Excalibur!
Should've named it 99+ Wooden Club!
It knocked my weapon aside and swung again.
'Can't dodge...'
The instant its blade hit my shoulder, chills ran down my spine.
Am I dying here?
Imagining that filthy, rusted blade slicing into my flesh...
"Ugh!"
Clang!
There was some pain,
but it felt like a punch—pure impact, no penetration. The tights... didn't tear!
Thank god.
Way better than a sword-proof vest! These thin tights!
"In that case...!"
Run!
Smelling dark fantasy, I whipped around and bolted.
Best to flee armed foes!
"Guuuk!"
Fuck, it's chasing!
"Aaaah! Help! Somebody!"
First time.
Being chased by a freak with a sharp weapon—total first.
I felt my hair—nonexistent now—standing on end.
"Save me!! Help!! I don't wanna die here!"
Run. Run.
It'd get really bad later, so I panted and fled.
But it didn't give up easily.
"Help! Anybody there?! Fuck...!!"
That it was my last lay? I don't wanna die!
As I flailed desperately,
a few more big goblins appeared ahead.
That's when I realized they weren't goblins.
'Orcs...?'
Each held clubs or blades. Full threat to humans.
Green skin, bodies rivaling humans.
Muscle mass like they'd juiced up.
"......"
The image of them mobbing me flashed in my head, and I was truly terrified.
That goddess... really trying to kill me?
This ain't WWE?
I thought it'd be some light action stunt and she'd send me back!
Dying after dropping from my bachelor pad to this place!
No...!
"Hah...!!"
As I glared, preparing my final stand.
Whoosh!!
An arrow whistled through the air, striking an orc between the eyes.
"Kiiek!"
Where from?
No time to react. Scary accurate.
The big one toppled, and the others scattered after a glance.
Someone saved me?
Turning toward the arrow's origin, someone appeared from the other side. A young woman.
"You okay?"