Chapter 62
Chapter 62
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 62
Chapter Title: 12. The Unreachable
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Tick-tock, time passed. We sat haphazardly in Minhee's room, wrapped in silence. The shock was immense. But there were no words we could say.
Eventually, the first voice to break the silence was Minhee's. Sob, hiccup—Minhee let out a sob. I quietly turned to look at her. Hansu muttered in a troubled voice.
"...Hey."
"I just... got separated from Siha's class... sniff... I had no idea Siha... hiccup, felt that way... sob...! Waaah!"
Minhee burst into tears, hugging her knees. If Siha felt miserable, then we felt miserable too. I hugged my knees, lost in such thoughts. I'd never felt this pathetic before.
'But... then... what about us, hearing something like that from a close friend...'
I buried my face in my knees and squeezed my eyes shut. My chest ached in a way words couldn't describe. The other friends must have felt the same. Of course they did. She was a really close friend...
But even so, not as much as Minhee. We'd only been close to Siha for the three years since starting this school, but Minhee had been with her naturally since childhood. She'd lost that friend. Imagine how that felt.
Minhee kept crying until Joo Je-hyeon came back. At least after he entered, she huddled in a corner of the room and stopped her sobs. She probably didn't want him knowing about this situation. I understood that feeling.
Family getting involved between friends always feels awkward.
And so, we truly began drifting apart from Siha. For a while, we were all deeply depressed. Even Teacher Jeong Junhwi and Master asked if something was wrong. Minhee stayed sunk in despair for a long time. The aftermath even reached the point where Joo Je-hyeon came looking for me on purpose. Since they were family, she must have tried to hide it, but she couldn't hide it completely.
"What the hell happened? Minhee... being that depressed... it's not something to take lightly."
Joo Je-hyeon had called me out specifically. Even though his magic rank exam was in less than four days. But I understood.
Hearing his question, I clamped my mouth shut. Should I tell him? No, I couldn't. He'd find out soon enough anyway... but honestly, even I hadn't sorted out my feelings yet. Minhee was barely holding her own emotions together. And if I told Joo Je-hyeon in this situation? How would Minhee feel... and how would he feel hearing it...
There's one fact everyone knows that I heard from Cheonho oppa before. Joo Je-hyeon knows how we feel. But he doesn't know Siha's side as the person involved. Probably no one but me could even guess.
Of course, telling him wouldn't make Joo Je-hyeon hit Siha or anything. But if we brought it up now... I shook my head. Actually, the one feeling the most pathetic right now was Siha herself. The one who'd said it with her own mouth.
"Joo Je-hyeon oppa..."
"Yeah."
"This... it's our personal issue for now... I don't want to burden you before the rank exam... but later, once things calm down, I'll tell you. Sorry."
I bowed my head. Then I did something out of character for me. Before he could say anything, I turned and ran off. I heard him calling me from behind, but I didn't look back.
I ran until I was out of breath. Thanks to my mana and steady training, my body had grown strong enough to sprint full speed for nearly twenty minutes without issue. Of course, I was still gasping. I swallowed the burning breaths like I was chewing them down.
"It hurts..."
I'd forgotten how much it hurt to grow apart from a friend.
"It's suffocating..."
It was maddeningly suffocating.
For a while, I poured that frustration into magic. I focused my combat training even more on offense than usual, venting my stress there. Otherwise, I'd devour books indiscriminately. With my speed-reading glasses, I processed dozens of volumes in a single day. That way, my head would forcibly fill up with complexity. Immersing in books would forcibly erase the emotions. It was how I'd dealt with stress for so long.
Even I, the one best at managing emotions, was like this. The other friends were suffering terribly too. Hansu and Hyunho were the type to want to go have it out properly with Siha before their emotions even settled.
"Seriously, that girl! What the hell!!"
Hansu yelled in front of us, unleashing his rage. If I was used to suppressing my feelings tightly, these kids took it as normal to spew them out wildly. When I learned they'd gone to Siha and vented their anger, I was stunned. But I couldn't bring myself to get mad. Because it was natural for them to be angry, just as Siha was miserable.
"What's so different! Between us and her! What can't I understand?! Can't I just... be friends...?"
Minhee clutched her forehead, her voice breaking.
"That should be enough..."
Her voice was so heartbreaking that I closed my mouth, opened it, closed it again, and finally spoke.
"People being different... is just too obvious."
Hansu scowled fiercely. Everyone who had their heads down lifted them.
"What?!"
"There are countless people in the world. And each has different looks, different personalities. Even us—we're all different from each other."
"But we're still friends! What's the difference between us and her!!"
I quietly closed my eyes. People are too different, with some shining brilliantly and others seeming utterly lacking. And toward someone who seems so superior you can't even leap over them, you don't feel inferiority—you just think, oh, that's how it is, I want to be like that, pure admiration. In my case, everyone seemed so far beyond me that it was an issue before feeling pathetic. Eventually, I gave up comparing myself to others.
Through experiencing everything physically and expressing it in words—through reading books and writing them—I learned the way. Like prayer, I placed my gathered hands on my forehead, closed my eyes, and continued.
"Siha... said she felt miserable. Have you ever felt misery?"
Hansu would definitely get mad at me. But softly, quietly, I kept going.
"Misery is like this. Why does that person live so well, while I have to struggle this much? That girl is so pretty—why am I so ugly? That kid has so many people around them... why am I alone? I study well too, we study together well, but why is she rich and top of the class while I'm second and poor? I work harder, so why does she breeze through what I can't, no matter how hard I try?"
Inferiority—a feeling I'd hardly ever had. Because it was an issue before comparison. Or more precisely, I'd killed it before it could form. I could keep going without collapsing because I'd charged forward through one thing only. How could someone like me not know misery or inferiority? I'd just crushed all those emotions into my chest and erased them before they took shape.
Timid, nothing special, utterly ordinary me. Now I had magic talent at least, but back then, it was really true. Dull, friendless, so ordinary that not believing in myself was natural. Worse than ordinary.
That's why novels were my one and only solace even more so.
Only 'writing,' only 'stories' were my everything. Siha probably doesn't know that. She became different from me the moment she couldn't erase her inferiority. It's a feeling everyone might have, but not everyone does.
"People have their own pride. The moment you realize you're inferior, that pride makes you angry, irritated, want to cry. That's inferiority. When it intensifies, it's why, why only me... Yeah, that's misery."
I opened my eyes. Lowering the hand from my forehead, I looked at Hansu with sincere eyes. I stood up and stared at him coldly. This much, even I could feel misery and inferiority.
"Have you ever truly felt that you yourself are inferior to others—not that others are better, but that you are lacking? Really felt it?"
No way. Unlike me, these kids were born with incredible talent from the start. No way they'd felt that.
I'm not trying to use fancy terms like inferiority or misery. I was just angry seeing him talk to Siha like that without knowing. Just angry.
Hansu stared at me in shock. Hyunho too. A deathly silence blanketed the room.
This was probably the first time I'd looked at these kids with such cold eyes. I lowered my gaze. And slumped back down. Moments later, Hansu yelled with a furious expression.
"Then what?! You want me to just leave Siha alone?! Is that it?!!"
"No. It's just..."
I bit my lip hard.
"Don't say we're the same. Don't say you understand. We talented ones definitely can't understand Siha. Just... once my heart settles... sorry, I... I don't know. I don't know what to do..."
My words tumbled out incoherently. But I understood Hansu's feelings too. It was too infuriating to just leave it and let time pass. But could we, who aren't the ones feeling the misery or inferiority, do anything about it? We truly couldn't do anything...
Then, Minhee murmured.
"...I see."
"..."
We turned to look at Minhee. She looked back at us, her eyes welling up.
"So this is misery. Can't do anything about it, but it hurts like hell... That's what it's like... Siha must have felt this every day looking at us...?!"
Minhee burst into loud sobs. The kids fell silent again. I saw Inha approaching Minhee. I watched for a moment, then opened the door and stepped out. And flinched. Joo Je-hyeon was standing there without a sound.
I glanced back at the room and quickly shut the door. Then headed to the kitchen. Joo Je-hyeon followed silently. I opened the fridge, took out a water bottle, and poured a glass.
"I get the gist."
"..."
"So that's how it is. You can't do anything about emotions you don't understand... Of course, inferiority now... well, misery I get well enough."
I put the water bottle back in the fridge and sat at the kitchen table with just the glass of water.
"Siha's talent isn't ordinary either. But compared to you all, it's lacking, right? I thought as much."
I gulped down the cold water. My head rang. I squeezed my eyes shut. And set down the empty glass.
"Kiddo."
Joo Je-hyeon placed a hand on my head.
"Why do you know what misery is?"
I quietly bowed my head. Then stood and walked briskly away from his gaze. I flung open the front door and went outside. A chill wind hit me. I crouched down right there by the door. Placed my arms on my knees and buried my face.
Listening to the wind, I thought. Ah, yeah, I know. This is the time to 'let go.'
Just like I'd always done, but even more desperately—as people to each other—we had to part.
The other side couldn't let go of us but cut us off anyway. Some things are inevitable. Emotions can't be healed with words alone, none of us truly understands Siha's heart desperately, and we have no way to fix Siha's mind as it slowly breaks while staying by our side.
In the end, we can't reach that depth.
With my head down, tears dripped steadily. This was the first time I'd cried over losing a friend. Because with Inha, we ended up staying friends.
Even now, I think—if I'd let go of Inha back then, would we not be friends now?
I lifted my head. A sunset sky dyed brilliant red stretched above.
It was the sky I admired so much.
The next day, Minhee was back to normal. No—she'd fully sorted her heart.
She erased her gloomy expression from the past while and went around smiling brightly as usual. She mingled with crowds of kids like always, laughing and chatting with many. In other words, back to normal. Minhee smiled as usual. I said nothing watching her.
Only her relationship with Siha had changed completely. Minhee no longer spoke to Siha. Even passing in the hallway, she'd walk by steadfastly as if nothing happened. Minhee had decided to let Siha go too. Because there was nothing she could do. Because she couldn't understand that feeling.
Seeing Minhee clench her fist passing Siha, I understood her heart.
After that, even Hansu and Hyunho, who'd tried talking to Siha, eventually gave up on her.
Inha seemed to accept it calmly.
Afterward, Siha never spoke to us either. We drifted apart. Eventually, we weren't even friends anymore.
And ordinary days repeated. Training as usual, chatting with friends, laughing, frowning—the usual routine. But whenever emptiness hit, or I realized there was no emptiness at all, my chest would ache. It was heartbreaking. Very occasionally, for very brief moments.
In the returned daily life, I'd sometimes wear a melancholic expression, sometimes lost in thought. I often looked up at the sky.
...And I made a decision.
It was mid-December, with winter break not far off. After class, I parted from my friends and entered an empty classroom. Even empty, it was a place low-year kids often used as a secret training spot during magic practice, so the door wasn't locked.
I flung open the front door and entered. The room was messy, unorganized. Desks and chairs scattered disorderly. I ran my finger over a desk. White dust stuck. I blew it off my hand.
I walked to the window. A clear blue sky. Ah, a sky as purely blue as winter's.
I opened the window. Cold wind poured in. The curtain hanging by the window fluttered. The sky was endlessly high. A bright day. Normally, I'd shut it right away from the cold, but captivated by the fantastical scene, I forgot the chill and gazed at the sky for a while. Then, sensing presence, I turned.
"..."
It was Siha. Siha stood at the classroom door, watching me quietly, then approached. With trembling eyes, she asked.
"Why'd you call me? We're... nothing to each other now, right?"
"...Who knows."
We weren't friends anymore, but facing Siha, I felt I could speak confidently. And it was important. Very much so to me. I quietly looked at Siha. And pulled out the words I'd painstakingly organized in my head.
"You didn't hate Minhee, right?"
Honestly, I hadn't decided exactly what to say. I just wanted to talk. One last time, yeah... one last time.
Siha flinched. I hesitated, then continued.
"Being with us made you that miserable? Unbearably so?"
I knew this would hurt Siha. Sure enough, Siha's face twisted. How often does gentle Siha make such an expression? My eyes stung pointlessly.
Finally, Siha caught her breath and spoke, voice hiding passion.
"...You're the one who makes me most miserable."
"What...?"
It was unexpected. I tensed, then blankly looked up at Siha in surprise.
"You... you look the most ordinary among you all. But pretending to be ordinary, looking ordinary like me, but actually, you're the best! I don't get why someone like you acts the same as everyone else. If you'd bragged like Kang Yesl or acted superior, I wouldn't feel this miserable! Yeah!"
I shut my mouth. Yeah... was that it?
The fact that I, who looks brutally ordinary on the outside, was hiding talent—did that make Siha more miserable? Feeling more jealousy and misery toward someone similar to you but superior, ah, yeah, that makes sense. It clicks.
I suppressed the sob rising, holding it back.
"I hated you so much for that! No... not hate. It pissed me off. I resented you, blamed you... felt bad."
I clenched my fist.
"You, looking ordinary... making me think you're like me, yet your superior existence... torments me more..."
"..."
"Like... if I just try hard, I can do anything..."
Right after saying that, Siha turned and fled the classroom. Tap-tap-tap, footsteps running down the hall. I looked at the sky again.
Isn't there a saying like this? It's so beautiful it brings tears. That's exactly how I felt. Gazing at the dazzling sky, I narrowed my eyes. Tears leaked out like a flood.
"Sniff... hngh...!"
I covered my mouth to stifle the sobs. Surely, our fallout with Siha wasn't solely because of me. But somehow, I couldn't hold back the tears.
The sky felt too distant.
========== Author's Note ==========
12. The Unreachable END
And Siha...
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Thank you for the comments, Ryu Wol-ah024, Ru Mia, bulebird, MaleG, Blue Silver, Cresent01, Kai Enellia, Tei Chia, El Sky, lai jemin, s Yuan s, Haneul Chong, SAINT119, Min Tae-hyun, Hye Reu!!
Yeah, she seems mature for her age. But kids get jealous too. They feel jealousy and torment. Especially Siha, having been close to Minhee since childhood, agonized a lot and tried hard to suppress it. She thought it was wrong and tried to stop, even studied her emotions through books.
It might have felt more natural in middle school. But... um... in middle school, Eunha is too OP... ^^... You'll get what I mean as you read further...