A New Test
I picked him up in front of the apartment and headed toward the place I'd promised to meet Jeongsook at—Delma and Louise, or Delma for short. The moment I told him our destination, Changhee couldn't hide his disappointment.
The large tote bag he'd brought with him when he got into the car surely contained an assortment of sexy lingerie, several outfits for going out, cosmetics, and a digital camera with better resolution than his phone—one he'd bought specifically so he could edit the photos however he wanted.
"That place is plenty fun too. You can take pictures, and besides..." I trailed off for a moment.
I wondered whether telling him about Jeongsook would soften the shock he was about to receive. Jeongsook's husband, Kim Hancheol, and Changhee—formerly Lee Changjun—had been friends. Since they knew each other, I couldn't help but worry what might happen if he ever learned her identity. It could spark strange rumors and unintentionally harm Changhee. The thought that it might ruin our sweet little game rose like an ill omen.
When the car stopped at a red light, I glanced over at him. His makeup was quite heavy, probably because he'd thought we were just going out to take photos. The eye makeup he always put the most effort into was undeniably captivating. There wasn't a single trace of Lee Changjun left on that face. That much was certain.
Gaining that confidence, I found myself smiling softly as I told him we'd be meeting Jeongsook. He looked startled and immediately said he didn't want to go. I kept my eyes on the road and tried to persuade him, repeatedly emphasizing that there was no way she would recognize him as Lee Changjun. Little by little, his agitation began to subside.
"I've done everything you wanted, haven't I? And I think this is for your own good too. If you can fool even Jeongsook, it means... you'll probably be recognized as a woman far more than I imagined. I thought this kind of test was something you needed to pass."
He was clearly nervous. But at the same time, a different kind of excitement had taken hold of him. It seemed he'd made up his mind to accept the test, already imagining how elegantly he might deceive Jeongsook's eyes.
I watched with a satisfied expression as he stared intently into the mirror.
Changhee's popularity far exceeded what I'd expected. Not only Jeongsook, but even the butches who showed up with hungry eyes looking for partners seemed to think he was a real woman and reached out with seductive gestures. While Changhee insisted it was just thanks to the lighting, he couldn't hide his excitement at the fact that he looked enough like a woman to draw that kind of attention.
Moreover, once he learned that Jeongsook had lesbian tendencies, he seemed relieved that they now shared a secret. He drank well, danced well, and spent a genuinely enjoyable time. It was clearly a new experience for him—something on a completely different level from simply crossdressing at a crossdressing café and imitating women.
Being accepted as a woman among women and enjoying himself was, just as he'd said on the way home, a thrilling experience.
Although the lesbians interested in him quickly realized he was a man in women's clothing, they didn't seem to care. The bar was fairly tolerant of crossdressers because men dressed as women—or men who wanted to become women—occasionally showed up there.
When I went to the office on Monday, Jeongsook brought up the fun we'd had over the weekend the moment she saw me. We chatted for a while, reminiscing about that night. I noticed she seemed quietly interested in Changhee. Even knowing he was a man, his crossdressed appearance perfectly matched her taste, so it made sense that she'd be drawn to him.
"You... by any chance... with Changhee..."
Jeongsook gave an awkward laugh and avoided my eyes. Just as I'd suspected.
"I'm surprised you're interested even though you know he's a man."
"It's just that I got a little curious. Did it upset you?"
"Well... it's not so much that I'm upset as... surprised. A woman with a husband showing interest in someone who's not even a woman."
"Hehe... what do you mean, a man? Just because he's got that thing attached doesn't make him a man in my book. He really was charming. It made me a little jealous thinking about how you managed to meet someone like that. Hehehe..."
"You called me a pervert just the other day, and now look at you..."
I laughed along with her.
"He... Changhee... said he has no plans for surgery, right?"
"I told you that before. He's not the type of transgender person who wants to go all the way with surgery."
"That's a shame. If he were a real woman, I'd love him with everything I have... Of course, even with the way he looked that night, if he were willing, I'd gladly take him into my arms. Hehe..."
Jeongsook's voice was thick with regret. But no matter what, I had no intention of sharing my toy. I didn't even want to allow Changhee the chance to give his heart to anyone else. And yet at the same time, my chest swelled with pride. The fact that my toy—neither fully man nor woman—was something even Jeongsook could envy.
"Dream on, Jeongsook. For the sake of our friendship, you'd better not even think about trying to steal Changhee away."
"I know, I know. I'm just saying. You really think I'd be crude enough to mess with my friend's little toy? Hoho... Anyway, starting today I'm going to have to go find one of those for myself. It seems like it'd be such a unique flavor. Hoho..."
For some reason, a strange sense of pride made me laugh even louder than she did.
I stayed busy until lunchtime. When I went to eat with Jeongsook, the topic of Changhee came up again. It really seemed like she'd fallen hard for him, but I didn't let it show. In any case, Changhee would never want to get involved with her. Jeongsook didn't know he was her husband's friend Lee Changjun, but Changhee knew she was the wife of his friend Kim Hancheol. I was certain he wouldn't be foolish enough to cross that line.
Jeongsook was simply excited about meeting a "woman" who matched her taste after so long. Since I knew she wasn't the kind of friend who would do anything weird even after learning he lived with me, I could let her words go in one ear and out the other.
But after lunch, while we were having coffee, an unexpected statement slipped from Jeongsook's lips.
"Can't I join in on your little game too?"
"Join in? You're talking about Changhee, right?"
She set her cup down and nodded. A smile clung to the corners of her mouth. It was a sly smile. The kind she wore when she had something up her sleeve.
"What exactly do you mean by joining in? If you're thinking about trying something with Changhee, forget it. Don't even talk about ruining our friendship."
I spoke with a smile, but there were thorns hidden in my words. Her constant mentions of Changhee were starting to make me uncomfortable.
Realizing how I felt, Jeongsook waved her hand while exhaling cigarette smoke.
"Don't misunderstand me. Even if someone like Changhee is my type, I'm not shameless enough to steal my friend's lover. Instead..."
While she took another deep drag from her cigarette, I quickly lit one myself.
"Instead, I've been thinking I want to help turn Changhee even more into your woman. I thought maybe I could find some enjoyment in that..."
"What... do you mean? So you're saying... you want to push Changhee even closer to becoming a woman? Even though you already know how far he's gone? At this point, without a scalpel, there's nothing more to turn him into a woman with, is there?"
"Hehe... who says you need a scalpel to become a woman? Watching you, it seems like you're enjoying this quite a bit yourself. So I started wondering why you wouldn't take it one step further."
"What kind of..."
Before I could finish, Jeongsook quickly continued.
"Hormones."
"Hormones?"
Jeongsook nodded repeatedly, her smile brighter than before.
"That's right. Female. Hormones. Hehe..."
Only then did I understand what she was getting at. Reading my expression, she added a more detailed explanation. She would coax her ex-girlfriend, the lesbian doctor Ma Yeojeong, into getting female hormones, then have Changhee take them. She'd once heard from that doctor about particularly potent female hormones.
"If we observe him for about six months, we'll see how he changes. What do you think? Doesn't it sound fun? Who knows, maybe the hormones will make him want to grow breasts. Or maybe he'll even want to cut that thing off. Hehehe..."
I practically jumped out of my seat. I firmly declared that I could not condone turning him into some kind of lab rat. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake Jeongsook's suggestion for the rest of the afternoon.
I imagined Changhee becoming softer, more seductive. I pictured the last unavoidable remnants of masculinity completely disappearing. Yet I still couldn't agree with her idea. For some reason, that kind of thing felt immoral and senseless.