The Weight of Secrets
I searched the internet on the ride home after parting ways with Minjun. There were stories about gay brothers, transgender siblings, or cases where people had changed genders and remarried as husband and wife. Of course, these were all extremely rare exceptions. If I posted about Changhee and Gukhwa, it would probably rack up millions of views as one of those bizarre cases.
I asked the substitute driver for permission and lit a cigarette. Since he was a smoker too, I offered him one as well. He accepted without hesitation. It seemed like he wanted to strike up a conversation, but I apologized again, saying I was too tired, and closed my eyes.
As I did, I replayed the conversation I'd had with Minjun just before we parted.
His words felt more masculine than most men's. I found myself nodding at that trustworthy statement. It wasn't so much because I knew he'd do what he wanted regardless of my objections, but because I liked the sense of loyalty he showed by seeking my permission.
For now, I decided not to say anything to Changhee or Mira. I felt sorry toward both of them, but this wasn't a burden I needed to carry. It wasn't even their problem. This was something Lee Changguk and his wife had to resolve. If the time came when I judged that there was no other answer, then I'd step in. I hoped it wouldn't come to that, but if it did, I wouldn't shy away.
I woke up to the sound of someone preparing breakfast. Changhee had drastically cut back on drinking and smoking lately for the sake of her skin care, so she always made breakfast on time. Since I hadn't drunk the night before either, I was able to open my eyes at exactly the right hour.
I used the bathroom attached to the bedroom, then came out to the living room wearing only a men's pajama top over my naked body. The rich aroma of coffee filled the entire living room, making it feel refreshingly invigorating.
When I made a sound, Changhee poked her head out from the kitchen. Her face was freshly washed and clean, with a bright smile. She waved at me. I smiled back and took some water from the refrigerator to drink.
I was starting to find a strange charm in the way Changhee switched between polite and casual speech. It was adorable. I couldn't tell if it was natural or simply fascinating that this cute Changhee had a seductive older brother persona named Gukhwa.
After we ate, I washed the dishes while Changhee cleaned. As always, our coffee time followed. The weather was nice, so we sat out on the veranda for the first time in a while. The view here wasn't as good as the company rooftop, but because the houses were spaced far apart, there was quite a bit of green space visible. It was also the perfect spot for coffee and cigarettes.
Changhee had recorded all the training sessions she'd conducted over the past two weeks on a digital camera and showed them to me. At my request, the footage went beyond the bondage and games using dildos and stockings that she'd done with me. It included grotesque content similar to what she'd done with Lucy and Penny. There were a few new things I'd never seen before, which made it interesting, but some of it was too disturbing to watch right after breakfast. Knowing that, I asked her to show me later and instead brought up the topic of her company work from the day before yesterday.
Over the past two weeks, Changhee had used the Magic Word on Jeongsook and Yeojeong unni. She'd mentioned she would probably need to use it for a few more weeks. The problem was what would happen when she wasn't using it. There was a risk that Jeongsook might unconsciously call Changhee "Master." To prevent such an accident, Changhee was thinking of giving up her job at the company.
Changhee nodded, lightly kissed my cheek, and thanked me. I grinned and pulled her close, making her sit beside me. The chair felt narrow with two people, but that only made it better. We pressed tightly against each other, our bodies radiating affection.
Her voice suddenly drooped, and I regretted bringing it up. It was too late to take it back now.
Changhee looked bewildered by the unexpected suggestion.
Changhee's eyes quickly grew misty. Even though she'd minimized her female hormones, she seemed to be becoming more of a woman with each passing day.
Changhee's father had been an ordinary office worker until an unfortunate accident severely injured one of his arms, forcing him into early retirement. Losing his job without any retirement savings wasn't hell just for the head of the family. His wife and children also had to face a suddenly changed world. Her father ended up working as an apartment security guard, and her mother got a job at a restaurant. Changhee's older brother, Lee Changguk, had to give up going back to college for his younger siblings and find work. And Changhee volunteered for military service right after graduating high school.
I only heard these stories several months after we started living together. It was when her long-suppressed femininity had exploded and she'd decided to entrust her life to me. I had always carried the thought that I might have used that poverty to turn her into my woman. If that was the case, then I believed it was my duty to make all of them prosperous. As her husband, that was my responsibility.
In the end, I made Changhee cry. As she buried her face in my shoulder, repeatedly saying thank you, I stroked her back and somehow felt like I'd taken a big step forward as a man.
But almost at the same time, Gukhwa came to mind. A man trying to fulfill his responsibilities as a husband and father, and a man enjoying pleasure as a woman. Two faces of one person. Yet I didn't find it hypocritical or vile. I just felt pity for the life he had to live that way.
It seemed Changhee was relaying what she'd discussed with me to Mira, and then she spoke with her mother on the phone. While she continued talking with Mira afterward, I smoked a cigarette and watched the training video.
I still felt a certain distance from the SM world, to the point where I needed cigarettes, coffee, or alcohol to make the sight less uncomfortable. That's why, unless Changhee herself wanted to become a Changnyeo, I tended to avoid it as much as possible.
This video wasn't particularly special either. There were scenes where she used the Magic Word to give various commands, but the main content was like what Lucy and Penny had done at Delma last time. The two women were tied in a sixty-nine position with dildos inserted into each other's vaginas and mouths. There were also scenes where naked Lucy and Penny were bound to chairs while Jeongsook and Yeojeong unni licked their bodies to stimulate them.
Why on earth were they so obsessed with this? Why did they feel orgasms, make love, and gain energy for the week this way? I'd heard it was a way to relieve stress and enrich their lives, but it was still a game I couldn't fully understand.