The Strongest Dragon Roared (3)

The entire bunker shook with a dull shudder.

Wondering what disaster had struck now, I scrambled to open the Gallery. Had an army of catastrophic monsters finally invaded? Fortunately, no. It was merely our blue-badged Assistant Mods settling their differences with an old-fashioned real-life brawl.

The catalyst had been Soon-to-Die Vampire cornering Felici with suspicious accusations, only for Felici to admit to it with utter, unapologetic pride.

She wasn't merely unapologetic—she was actively trolling her. A distinct chill hung between them, radiating a deep, personal spite.

"Wait... did they know each other before this?"

Whatever their history, Soon-to-Die Vampire had taken critical psychic damage from that steamed-vampire sticker. Thoroughly enraged, she had flown straight to Kellierton where Felici was roosting.

Oddly enough, the Gallums were eerily serene.

"The five stages of grief, huh?"

They had skipped right past shock and depression and landed squarely in the final stage: acceptance. But while they were making peace with their maker, the sky above was a powder keg ready to blow the kingdom off the map. In a cold sweat, I dove straight into the moderator channel.

Unsurprisingly, words meant nothing to two bloodthirsty mythical monsters.

"I really didn't want to break out this card, but..."

Flashing the ban hammer in and out of its sheath worked with terrifying efficiency. The two apex predators, who had been tearing the sky apart without a care for the world below, froze instantly. Suspended in mid-air, both frantically peered into their forum interfaces.

Felici was especially distressed. Having lived in a state of eternal lethargy and boredom for centuries, had the Gallery become her lifeline?

Soon-to-Die Vampire, however, had an entirely different reaction.

Forsaking her usual obsession with forum authority, her eyes rolled back into a manic fervor as she started screaming for me.

"Did giving her so much blood back then completely break her?"

Hovering alone in the open air, her pupils darted and trembled with frantic desperation. No matter how I looked at it, this was far removed from her normal state. I had harbored vague suspicions before, but seeing her tremble like a junkie stripped away all doubt.

Trust an ancient dragon to nail the diagnosis right away.

"Well, that makes complete sense."

Vampires apparently had preferred blood types that brought them overwhelming ecstasy, operating much like top-shelf liquor. To make matters worse, she had first tasted my blood while agonizing under a horrific curse. Naturally, the addiction had taken root with terrifying speed.

The immediate duel had been halted, but that didn't resolve the underlying tension. When two stubborn powerhouses butt heads, third-party mediation is useless compared to letting them hash it out directly.

"Physical communication—crucial, really."

In truth, I had never opposed them beating the snot out of each other. My only grievance was that they were doing it right over my roof.

To make a long story short, the grand duel fizzled out completely. The moment a commercialized betting stage was rolled out, the dramatic tension evaporated into thin air, and both duelists lost all appetite for fighting.

"Just swear at me instead, please."

After being overanalyzed into sainthood, the betting pool was officially scrapped. Then again, expecting an unregulated, high-stakes bookie ring to thrive in the middle of a literal apocalypse was a bit much to ask from the start.

Felici, for her part, quickly moved on to other distractions. Having only recently awakened from her long slumber, she was far too busy to waste precious hours brawling.

Her waking hours were now wholly consumed by scouring the marketplace for every piece of Earth children's literature I had ever listed. Just as dragons were famed for their instinct to hoard wealth, Felici was an obsessive hoarder. The only hitch was that her hoard consisted not of gold and gemstones, but of whatever bizarre modern curios had ever touched the Gallery's trade feed.

"Why on earth is she trading solid gold for empty foil snack bags?"

In her new residence at the apex of the Magic Tower, she had erected rows of polished wooden display shelves to showcase her modern treasures. The exhibition was downright grotesque in its variety: empty Honey Butter Chips foil wrappers, crushed soda cans, and plastic Coca-Cola Zero bottle caps lined up in pristine glass cases. When I couldn't bear the confusion anymore and asked her why...

Regardless of her bizarre aesthetic tastes, Felici had settled peacefully into her routine. The immediate headache was Soon-to-Die Vampire. Thanks to the dragon's diagnosis, hadn't we established that she was suffering from acute Blood Addiction?

Cut off from her fix, she had plunged headfirst into cold-turkey withdrawal. Yet I had zero intention of serving as her personal juice box again.

"Still, if I just abandon her, she might actually lose her mind and slaughter a town."

A starved vampire going berserk from blood withdrawal was practically holy scripture across all modern media. So, I decided to institute an incentive-based performance model.

Thankfully, the carrot-and-stick method worked like an absolute charm. Motivated by the promise of rare blood, she threw herself into moderation duties with an obsessive fervor that rivaled even Felici's forum addiction.

"So... is everything finally settled?"

Relief washing over me, I slid out of my chair and flopped comfortably onto my bunker mattress. I had returned to my fortress in one piece, and I'd managed to prevent a feral vampire progenitor from flattening the continent. All that remained was to kick back, relax, and browse today's trending posts. Or so I believed.

"Oh?"

A thread title caught my eye, strikingly out of place amidst the usual feed of screaming crises and near-apocalyptic disasters.

"Have we ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠finally gotten our very first wholesome hobby post?"

Fishing, of all things. It felt remarkably leisurely for a realm slowly crumbling toward extinction.

"Then again, I've never heard of ocean beasts rampaging anywhere."

Every single Rift had torn open on solid land. Reassuring myself that someone out on the coast might genuinely have the peace of mind to fish, I tapped into the thread.

"...Fishmen?"

Monstrous fish sprouting muscular legs were swarming out of the ocean, rampaging across the coastline and slaughtering humans.