Chapter 1
Chapter 1
Without realizing it, I almost grabbed the doctor by the collar.
But I'm not that reckless—what kind of trouble would I be asking for in this day and age by grabbing a doctor in a white coat at a hospital?
Then.
"Even if you grab me by the collar, I'd understand."
What is this guy saying?
"Aren't you a gangster?"
"I'm a host."
"Ah, I see."
"Ah, I see" my ass—I was honestly thinking about just punching him right in the face. Looking at the doctor who was gazing at me with pity, I asked again.
"Seriously, Doctor-nim, can you swear on your parents that I definitely have erectile dysfunction? Are you lying? I know it's not April Fools', but you're not messing with me, right? No, please just tell me you're kidding."
"Even on April Fools', we don't joke about erectile dysfunction or hair loss."
As he said that, he subtly showed off his shiny bald head, and I had no choice but to fall into despair.
I mean, it's been days since I stopped pitching a tent in the morning, and beyond that, my dick hadn't sent me any signals at all.
I thought it was just fatigue from overworking my body.
But I never dreamed that after coming to the hospital and watching thirty minutes of arousing Japanese porn without getting hard, I'd end up with a dick that has erectile dysfunction.
"Is treatment possible?"
"First, I recommend lifestyle changes, and then there's medication. If that doesn't work, we'd have to inject vasodilators directly into the penis or consider surgery to insert a penile implant."
"Ah, ha......"
Just hearing it was horrifying, and I couldn't properly continue my words. The doctor and nurse kept looking at me with pity, making me feel even more pathetic.
"I'm going crazy."
"Everyone says that."
I bet they do.
To a man, his dick is as precious as a third leg or another self.
Especially for someone like me, a host who lives by opening women's wallets, it was the number one body part to manage.
How many women threw money at me because they fell for my dick's flavor?
Above all, at Valentia host bar, most of the female customers who came wanted a second round.
'What the hell am I going to do?'
I'd put it off and put it off, but even today, I had a reservation with a big spender who specifically requested me. If I just drank and called it a night, my head would definitely get smashed in.
"For now, let's try an injection."
"Yes......"
In a daze, I followed the nurse and got a shot in the ass. I was worried the nurse might inject it directly into my dick, but she said they'd start with the ass and decide based on the results.
But honestly, I didn't want to inject vasodilators directly into my penis or get an implant.
That's fucking scary.
And more importantly, if I had sex with an implant, would women even like it?
Even though they're bitches who pay to buy men, those kinds of women are actually pickier.
Like those finicky customers who slap the owner's face if the meat isn't domestic and walk out.
Chal ssak, chal ssak.
"Oh dear, how did this happen?"
Just having my ass exposed in front of a fairly pretty nurse was embarrassing enough to kill me.
And that nurse kept slapping my ass as she gave me the shot, saying that.
If I didn't have erectile dysfunction, I'd probably try to ask for her number, but once the doctor declared my erectile dysfunction, her interest vanished.
Damn it.
If only I didn't have erectile dysfunction, I could easily meet a bitch like that and make her suck my dick.
"......"
After getting the shot and leaving the hospital, I got in my car and buried my face in the steering wheel blankly.
"Ah, fuck."
I don't usually hold back or filter my cursing, but today swear words just flew out of my mouth on their own.
How did I end up like this?
I hadn't eaten anything bad or suffered any mental trauma.
On the contrary, I'd been eating only the most expensive and healthy foods, received tons of gifts good for stamina, and had sex regularly with various women.
I thought there was no one in the world who used their dick more vigorously than me.
'Did I catch an STD from someone?'
No, that wasn't it.
At Valentia host bar, it wasn't just the hosts—the customers weren't just anyone either. Only regulars who came often could use the second round, and those regulars actually visited periodically, enjoyed clean, fantasy-like sex as they desired, and paid huge sums.
Whether male or female.
If one side caused major harm, they had to take responsibility and compensate, so no one had given me an STD or anything like that.
This was just literally...
"Divine punishment... ha, hahaha, hahaha..."
Letting out a hollow laugh like an idiot, I decided to think positively.
"No, it'll work out somehow. It will."
Hasn't it always been that way?
I've lived my life recklessly, but I always came out ahead compared to those who lived diligently. In school, I was popular, good at sports, and even good-looking.
Furthermore, after graduation, without much wandering around with nothing to do, I quickly got a job at a host bar and made big money at a young age.
There's no way a sandcastle I'd built so firmly would collapse just because of erectile dysfunction.
A luxury officetel.
A luxury foreign car.
And my flashy connections and the room full of luxury goods.
"Yeah, there's no way."
...Or so I thought.
"Get out. Don't even think about showing your face in our shop again."
"I'd like you to move out, Hyun-woo-ssi."
Bam!
In an instant, my life turned from a wealthy freelancer enjoying a leisurely life in a luxury officetel into a beggar in a narrow, smelly semi-basement one-room.
Everything felt like a lie, but today's proverb, which I checked every day to use in my host work, said this:
[Today's Simple English Proverb]
[Easy come, easy go]
[It means things that come easily are easily lost.]
"No attachment to things that come easily..."
It was true.
The women who treated me like a convenient doll they could buy with money, as soon as they learned or heard rumors about my erectile dysfunction, completely changed their attitude as if they were different people.
"......"
Staring at the moldy wall of the semi-basement where no sunlight came in, I tilted the already empty soju bottle blankly.
Tears welled up.
I could probably live by doing part-time jobs, but having experienced so much luxury, it wasn't easy for me to accept that.
"Mom......"
Just as those words slipped out of my mouth without me realizing it.
[What would you do if there was a way to regain your former glory?]
Suddenly, a strange voice rang in my ears.
"Wha, what the!"
Goosebumps spread all over my body.
No matter how drunk I was, I'd never had such clear auditory hallucinations before. Was I now adding auditory hallucinations to my list of ailments on top of erectile dysfunction?
At this point, I'd believe it if someone said I had a terminal illness.
They say you should stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, but my body, which had been used to them since childhood, was clearly breaking down belatedly.
"I'll, I'll live diligently. Starting today, I'll quit smoking and drinking, and live off part-time jobs."
[Don't say things you don't mean.]
[You won't be able to live like that anyway.]
That struck a nerve.
In reality, even if I couldn't quit drinking, I must have tried to quit smoking dozens of times.
[But if you accept my request, your life might change. Even if not, you can at least regain the glory you once had.]
[Honestly, everyone wonders why the chosen one of fate picked you, but that outcome has never been wrong.]
[Either way, you are destined to accept my request.]
Hearing it said so firmly, my rebellious instinct flared up and made me want to refuse, but the voice's words ringing in my head were too tempting for that.
Regain my former glory?
For that, I'd even lick the owner of that voice's ass right now.
[Damn it! I'll decline that terrible thought on my end.]
[It's not that kind of request. It's simple if simple, and difficult if difficult.]
"Can I at least ask what it is?"
In the past, I might have thrown out a casual banmal, but maybe because I was at rock bottom.
Right now, my confidence and self-esteem had definitely fallen compared to before.
[From now on, you need to become the parent of children in need of protection. Until they become adults and can stand on their own.]
"How old is that?"
[Probably around 150 years old.]
"Are you kidding me?"
Even in my healthy days before erectile dysfunction, I wasn't confident I'd live to 150, and now, withering away with this condition, there's no way I'd last that long.
[The children are at least over 140 years old, so you don't need to worry about that.]
"Huh?"
What kind of fresh bullshit is this?
If the children are 140 years old, that's old enough to be older than my great-grandfather and even beat him at a bluff.
And what kind of children are 140-year-old brats?
[......Hoo, there are things like that.]
[There's no way a human like you can understand that much. Anyway, will you become their parent or not? I'd appreciate it if you decide quickly.]
[If you refuse, we'll have to go find someone else.]
From start to finish.
It was a scenario with zero sense of reality, but at least when I pinched my cheek, I was sure it wasn't a dream.
And right now, what mattered most to me was regaining my past glory, no matter what it took.
Suddenly becoming a parent? It was so out of the blue, and I didn't know if I could do it well, but for now...
"I accept."
[Hoo, I expected as much.]
[As a condition of the contract, I will periodically bestow my blessing upon you. However, that's under the premise that you properly fulfill your role as a parent. If you abandon your parental duties and make the poor, pitiful children even sadder or more miserable than they already are, I will take back my blessing at any time.]
[If that happens, you will be bound in a cycle of karma worse than now and experience despair.]
It was a chilling threat.
Worse despair than now.
"I said I understand."
I nodded.
[Thus, our contract is established.]
At the same time, a bright light burst from my body, and for the first time in a long while, a signal began to return to my lower region, which medication had failed to help.
"Oh, ohhh...!"
So surprised, so overjoyed, I instinctively pulled off my underwear to check my dick's health.
But the change brought by the light wasn't the only one.
"Mweh, deolreubeun ningan...!"
In front of me stood a tiny blonde girl who only reached my waist, glaring fiercely with her fists clenched.
And then...
Peok!
"Keoheoooeeeeok!"
An unexpected kid punch landed squarely on my groin, and I plunged into an endless hell of pain, falling forward while hearing a voice growing distant.
[The first child. Please, since they are pitiful children... do your best.]
Pitiful?
"How gruesome!"
I'm more pitiful, fuck.