Chapter 7

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Translator: penny

Chapter: 7

Chapter Title: Expelling Delusions

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I finally understood why there's a saying like "expel delusions from the mountain."

My head was so crammed full of tormenting thoughts that it felt like it might burst. The moment I let myself get caught up in them was the moment I'd turn into a sex offender.

"Why don't you just break through over in the condom section..."

I flinched at the store manager's words.

"Who said I was looking at the condoms..."

"Nah, you were staring right at them, completely zoned out."

Was I? Thinking back carefully, yeah, that sounded about right. I'd been staring at the condoms displayed in the corner of the convenience store, wondering if maybe I'd end up using one with Oh Hana.

You lunatic.

I hadn't even gotten the rice cake yet, and here I was chugging down a bowl of kimchi soup in anticipation.

"I already placed an order for more condoms today anyway, so restock them a bit. I'm heading out."

"Yes, sir. Have a good night."

About two weeks ago, he'd restocked them too, saying the new year was coming up. Damn it. I couldn't use a single one even though I wanted to, while everyone else was probably going at it like rabbits.

Enough, enough... seriously, stop.

It was about time to give up. No, I had to give up. Why was I still clinging to this?

Damn.

Condoms were available for purchase by minors? News to me.

I'd never realized there were so many different types of condoms. All I knew was that carrying one in your wallet supposedly brought in money, or that the pleasure varied by thickness.

Dig into any field, and there's a ton you don't know.

'I wonder what kind of condom Oh Hana would like...'

The thought popped into my head, and I caught myself reaching out again.

Snap!

Expel delusions, expel delusions...

Argh, you crazy bastard.

Not only did I cave and search for condoms online again, but I actually brought one up to the register.

"If I buy this, I'm truly the lowest scum of the earth."

...I muttered that to myself as I scanned it with a beep and carefully slipped it into my wallet. Yeah, I really was trash.

No point making excuses about how carrying it around brings in money—it didn't change the fact that I was garbage.

"J-just in case... you know, one in a million chance."

Not that it'd ever happen.

Another week slipped by.

"Huaaah! I don't wanna go to work. Ugh, it's even colder out there."

"For real... Even smoking's a chore now."

"This is when you just wanna puff away in the room, right? Heh heh."

"You nuts? We'd get kicked out."

Living together in a one-room with four people was a bit conspicuous. The landlord hadn't made a fuss when we signed the lease.

Still, we'd been here four years already.

Maybe he'd cut us some slack... I had to believe that, at least a little.

...But four was pushing it, wasn't it?

No, first things first.

I was regularly updating the roommate-wanted post on the cafe site every three days.

And honestly, I was upfront about our current situation.

One guy, one girl.

Living in a one-room.

What would others think reading that? It probably led straight to assumptions of debauchery.

Guys messaged sometimes, but no women ever had. Not once.

Eh, I was content enough as is.

Sure, I was fighting off delusions every day, desperately keeping myself from becoming a sex offender.

"Ugh, I don't wanna go to my part-time job. So cooold..."

"Keep whining and you'll hate it even more. Hurry up and shower already."

"Uwaaah..."

Oh Hana let out some incomprehensible alien gibberish, then flinched back from trying to kiss her beloved Riki doll.

"I can't give smoky kisses to my Riki. This is something I'd only do to you, oppa, right?"

To me too?

I was fine with the smoke smell. Hell, I liked it.

"Not that it'd actually happen. Hehe!"

Who are you teasing?

She grinned like an idiot and headed back into the bathroom for her shower. Lately, whenever she did that, I'd end up staring at her discarded clothes in the laundry basket. It had become routine.

Couldn't be helped.

I'd learned that suppressing it too hard was just a path straight to succumbing to delusions. To avoid becoming a criminal, I had to steadily relieve my urges.

"Eeeeek, so cold! Freezing!"

The shower felt fine with hot water, but drying off afterward left her chilled.

True to form, she burst out in her underwear, boldly changing right in front of me.

And I stared right back, just as boldly.

"Ooh, getting used to it a bit?"

"We've been living together almost three weeks now. I realized obsessing over it just hurts me."

"Ooh, smart girl."

I'd learned she wouldn't get embarrassed or look down on me even if I ogled openly—in fact, she'd thumbs-up me.

Watching her so directly let me etch the details of her lingerie-clad body even deeper into my mind.

"Alright, I'm off!"

After seeing her off, all dolled up cute as ever, that's when the real ordeal began for me.

If I didn't vent all the pent-up delusions and desire right then, I might lose control without realizing it and pounce on her. Then snap out of it behind bars, yelling shamelessly that I remembered nothing.

God, even I found myself disgusting.

I'd mostly given up on this too.

No helping it. The more I tried to forget, the more it stuck. I just had to pretend it didn't faze me.

No...

"Hngh, sniff, sniff..."

The second Oh Hana left,

I started sniffing her discarded panties and jerking off like it was the most natural thing—as if this wasn't basically a crime already.

Back in school, friends said guys like that were all beastly scum who deserved a steel pipe to the back of the head. If I went back in time, I'd have to take that back. Just thinking about it now made me kick the blankets in frustration.

"Ngh, ugh...!"

Today, I went even further.

Usually, I'd just sniff her worn panties and call it a day, but today I was so worked up that even with precum leaking, I wrapped her panties around my dick and stroked up and down.

"Hah, haa...!"

Embarrassing to admit,

but it was insanely arousing, felt incredible. I thought I'd lose my mind. It only took a few strokes to feel like I was about to cum, which almost bummed me out.

"Ngh, ughhh!"

At least I cleaned up properly with three tissues. But these days, one round wasn't enough to satisfy me anymore.

Not since living with Oh Hana—and especially after using her panties for my second load that one time.

If I didn't jerk off twice a day, I couldn't sleep. No choice. Had to, just to rest up for my night shifts.

Making excuses to myself like that, I ended up blowing two loads into her panties today too.

"......"

After a good session, crushing self-loathing, post-nut clarity, and guilt toward Oh Hana all crashed over me.

It wasn't entirely a lie when I'd said scum like this deserved a steel pipe to the head.

"What a piece of trash..."

You could tell how often I was jerking off just by how I pulled yet another wet wipe box today without a second thought.

Usage had spiked lately.

"...Ugh, gotta do laundry, huh?"

Not for my urges, but just in case.

I'd jerked off with her panties—what if my dick smell rubbed off? It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had.

Not just precum; it reeked of cock.

"Hoo!"

I sighed deeply at my pathetic self and grabbed a laundry net, putting her underwear in separately.

I couldn't wash her stuff with my filthy clothes.

Plop!

While I was at it running the washer, I figured I should clean the room too—first real cleaning since she moved in.

Gathering the blankets she'd left messy, the clothes tossed around,

suddenly a heavy thud.

Sounded like a phone dropping, so I checked.

"...Huh?"

There it was: something heavy, sealed in a disposable clear plastic bag.

A flesh-colored, thick dildo about 13 cm long...

You know, a woman's masturbation toy.

"Wha—what...? Hold on."

My brain flatlined hard.

Come to think of it, that one post I'd skimmed when searching "how to have sex with a girl": women love naughty stuff too...

"Di-did she... masturbate with this?"

No way...

Women shoving dildos in pornos never did it for me—I'd switch videos immediately.

But picturing Oh Hana doing it? My dick, which had taken two loads to calm down, sprang right back up.

At this rate, it'd be three times a day.

21 times a week?

That might kill me.

"Gulp."

Swallowing hard, I examined the dildo carefully. Inside the plastic, there was visible moisture. She'd used it recently and washed it.

So Oh Hana had used this.

When?

'Ah...'

Our work schedules didn't overlap much, so she had plenty of free time alone, just like me.

"What do I do?"

No, what was there to do?

I couldn't believe I'd even said it aloud. Because staring at this dildo, I was thinking: what if I secretly watched her masturbate and it naturally led to sex?

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Or secretly film her and blackmail...? No, not blackmail. Use it as new jerk-off material...

"You... filthy bastard."

How could my mind churn out only such vile thoughts? I was disgusted with myself.

I nearly messaged her something casual like [Kim Hyunwoo: lol found a dildo.], slapped my cheek, and deleted it.

"Better pretend I never saw it."

I shoved the dildo back where it was, good ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠as new, and vowed to forget it.

Cumming three times in a row daily probably wasn't healthy, so I skipped jerking off.

"Urgh... Expel delusions, eastern sea, delusions... Baekdu!"

I curled up under the blankets chanting it who-knows-how-many times. Separate from the arousal, lying there long enough always knocked me out eventually.

"Oppa, oppa, wake up."

"Mm, huh? I don't have work today."

Obviously, I didn't work every day. Two days off a week—this was one of them.

I'd forgotten all about it while sleeping.

Then Oh Hana dropped a bomb on me.

"That's why I'm asking: Oppa, do you want to have sex with me?"

A real bomb.