Chapter 38: Supplies Are Another Kind of War
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 38: Supplies Are Another Kind of War
Jingle, jingle.
“Alright, Azzy. For breakfast, we have canned boiled beans!”
“Woof woof!”
Jingle, jingle.
“Alright, Azzy. For lunch, it’s the usual bean stew!”
“Woof!”
Jingle, jingle.
“Alright! Azzy. For dinner, I made my special bean patties! Though, this time there was no meat, so I made them with only beans!”
“Woof! …Woof?”
Jingle, jingle.
“Alright now, this is a patty made from the mashed remnants of yesterday’s beans. I saved it just for you!”
“Woof…?”
Jingle, jingle.
“Ta-da! Steamed beans! Wow, who knew! You can even steam beans! This concentrates the flavor for a slightly more intense taste!”
“Woof.”
Jingle, jingle.
“Aaaand now. Today is special! A special extra-large portion of bean stew! Whoa, it’s twice the usual amount, twice!”
“…”
Jingle, jingle.
“We’ve gone through one full rotation, haven’t we? In that case, today, in the spirit of returning to our forgotten roots, we’ll have… beans.”
“Grr! Grr grr!”
“Aaaaaargh!”
In a way, it was inevitable. In another, it was an act of profound ingratitude.
Even a great human, the lord of all creation, couldn’t escape the hell of a daily, repetitive diet of canned beans. How dare a mere dog be picky about its food!
…Then again, I was also getting sick of canned beans, so I had to find other ingredients. But over the past few days, one problem had piled on top of another, and the only foodstuff left was a mountain of canned beans so high you could build a fortress out of it. If we ate all this, Azzy and I would turn into sausages stuffed with nothing but beans.
There was only one way to solve this crisis.
“Hey! Captain Abbey! Are you listening!”
Opening the cafeteria cupboard, I found a squat little golem sitting among the upright steel pots, its limbs dangling. A hideous hole gaped in its shoulder where the Regressor’s sword had pierced it, and its body was covered in scratches. Even the steel pots, tormented by fire and oil since the moment they were forged, looked pristine compared to the golem.
It was a pathetic sight, like a doll that had been abandoned out of boredom, or a homeless person taking shelter under a bridge. You would never imagine this was one of the Military State’s prized magic golems.
Not that it deserved any sympathy. This was, after all, a synchro-type magic golem, and its pilot was an officer, the elite of the elite. The pilot was probably watching me from somewhere comfortable and cozy, sipping a beer with ice floating in it.
The golem’s body may be suffering, but it was a distant tragedy, happening on the other side of a wall. Just as the tragedies you’d never glance at in real life dominate the literary world, she was probably satisfying some need for gloom and doom through the golem that she couldn’t experience in her own life, right?
Now that I think about it, this is unfair. Should I stick it in the toilet? It’s not connected right now anyway, so maybe a little waterboarding simulation would help me vent this miserable feeling…
『For what purpose have you sought me out?』
“Agh, you scared me!”
Startled by the golem’s sudden movement, I fumbled and almost dropped it before catching it at the last second. The golem, which had nearly fallen to the floor, looked up at me steadily.
『Please be careful. This unit is significantly damaged and cannot withstand further impact.』
“Oh. My apologies.”
I carefully placed it on the dining table. The golem stood up unsteadily, its body creaking. I scratched my head and sat down in a chair.
“So you were connected.”
『Tantalus is a Level 5 security facility. Observing its interior is my duty and my responsibility. I cannot afford to be negligent for even a moment.』
So she was working hard.
I felt a pang of guilt. It was like bad-mouthing civil servants right before witnessing them working diligently. Seeing as it wasn't even mealtime, she must really be checking in constantly.
“Still, you’re just in the cafeteria, aren’t you? What’s there to watch that you have to be here all day long?”
『I have no choice. If I were to leave this place, another trainee would try to destroy this unit. However, being in the cafeteria at least allows me to observe you and the Dog King during every meal, which is fortunate.』
“Me and Azzy? What’s the point of watching a person and a dog eat together?”
『At the very least, I know that you are alive. Simply knowing your survival status is valuable enough.』
“My survival?”
『Affirmative. The Military State has a profound interest in your survival.』
Hearing that made me feel a little bashful. I had no idea the Military State was so concerned about my well-being.
To think that the Military State, a nation that considers welfare and safety to be luxuries, was watching over me with such interest… I felt a strange sense of being moved…
『It is because you are a litmus test.』
Litmus. A test strip used to determine if a solution is acidic. Also, a piece of slang the Military State sometimes used.
What did that mean? It meant that to the Military State, my existence was no different from a piece of litmus paper. If you stick it in and it turns bright red, it means the inside is dangerous, so be careful.
In other words, I was the sacrificial lamb sent down first to check whether the Abyss was safe or not.
Now I understood. Why they ordered me to survive. It was because that was the most they ever expected of me.
As I grew a little more cynical about the world today, the golem added one more thing.
『Should you sustain a fatal wound from someone’s attack, I request that with your dying breath, you loudly shout the identity of your attacker. The State will then use your testimony to make a more objective evaluation of the trainee.』
“Huh? This golem doesn’t watch its mouth. Should I finish you off first? You want to shut down while screaming my name with your last breath?”
『This is not a bad proposition for you, either. You can add a negative mark to the evaluation of your killer. You will be able to rest in peace, even in death.』
“Is that something a person should say? I have no desire to rest in peace! I want to live, even if I never close my eyes again and get cataracts!”
A surge of anger rose in me. I grabbed the golem’s legs and held it upside down. It swung helplessly, its joints making a rusty, metallic sound. Being hung upside down seemed to clear its head, as more urgent words spilled from the golem’s microphone.
『Stop this at once. I strongly request that you cease this unprovoked violence and release this unit.』
“The fact that you call this ‘unprovoked violence’ is exactly why you’re getting hit, you piece of scrap metal!”
I considered smacking it with my hand, but its hard-looking body caught my eye. Hitting that would probably just hurt my fingers, right?
This was when a tool was needed. I took out my Ace of Diamonds card and used alchemy to transform it into a skewer. Then, I held the sharp skewer to the golem’s torso.
Faced with a blade, the golem shouted hastily.
『Stop at once. I am giving you a stern warning. If you damage this unit, there could be a significant demerit on your evaluation…』
“Still connected, are we? In that case.”
I had to strike before she disconnected, while the pain synchro was still active.
The thin, slender steel skewer could also serve as a switch. I swung the skewer and struck the golem’s backside. Clang, went the metallic sound.
『Oof!』
“Don’t be so dramatic. You won’t feel a thing once you cut the sensory link anyway.”
『Affirm…ative. This unit is a golem. Such actions are meaningless. I strongly request that you stop at once, ugh!』
I hit it again while it was talking. A small groan escaped, meaning the sensory link was still active.
I raised the switch and muttered solemnly.
“However, punishment is more about the act itself than the pain it inflicts. Though you are a golem, even I, who strikes your rear, feel as if my heart is being carved out.”
How unfair was this? I was here, spanking a golem as punishment, but the person inside could simply disconnect for a moment and come back. In reality, she was probably sipping a cold drink and cursing my name. Ugh, just thinking about it made my resentment build.
Fine. I’ll release all this hatred through spanking.
I soundly spanked the rear of the upside-down golem. Clink, clink, went the sound of metal on metal. After about ten strikes, I stopped, worried it might actually break, and placed it back on the desk.
The golem stayed on all fours with its butt in the air, as if it were genuinely in pain. A voice, cutting in and out, came from the microphone.
『…Reflecting… on evaluation…』
“No, seriously, stop being so dramatic. You cut the sensory link. Anyone would think you were fully synchronized with the golem or something.”
The golem glared at me. From its inorganic body, I could feel a sense of resentment. The answer to the question, “Can a tin doll hold emotion?” was right here.
What? Was I wrong? Surely she hadn't just taken all those hits. It’s not like she was a masochist.
『…This unit is one of the few remaining communication-type magic golems. For the stability of communications, this unit must not be damaged under any circumstances. The defect in the shoulder has already caused a malfunction in the synchro function. Any further impact could inflict irreversible damage upon this unit.』
“That’s why I hit it with the flat side instead of stabbing it.”
『That stimulates the pain synchro even more…』
With a grunt, the golem cut itself off. It stood up, looking even more awkward than before, and spoke.
『…So. The fact that you, who have only come to the cafeteria for meals these past few days, have sought me out implies you have a request. What is it?』
“Ah, right. I need some supplies. We’re short on fresh food.”
『Supplies, you say?』the golem asked back, as if in disbelief.
『Are you telling me you came to request supplies from me, and yet you attacked this unit?』
“Hey, ‘attacked’ is a strong word. Between us, let’s just call it some light skinship.”
『I see you call being beaten with a steel rod ‘light skinship.’』
“Well, I only beat up a golem. The Military State beats up actual people. Honestly, if you compare me and the State, the State has no room to talk.”
『…I will ask again. Are you telling me you came to request supplies from me, and in the process, you attacked this unit and criticized the State?』
The golem stared at me intently before speaking.
『Request denied.』
“Hey, why?”
『I believe your remarks just now are reason enough.』
“Are you really going to be this petty? You’re abusing your authority for personal revenge, aren’t you?”
『Personal revenge is only part of it. There is also a legitimate reason to refuse the supply request.』
So you admit there is personal revenge involved. Is it okay for a soldier of the Military State to say that so openly?
It was absurd, but I was the one who needed supplies right now, so I was at a disadvantage. I decided to back down for now.
“Alright, let’s hear your reason. What is it?”
『Two days ago, supplies were dropped into Tantalus. You surely received them. There is still plenty of food remaining. Requesting additional supplies is a waste of resources and a dereliction of your mission. The logistics department will not approve it, and I, too, fail to comprehend the need for more supplies.』
“So, in short, you’re saying, ‘Why are you asking for more when you just got some two days ago, you pigs,’ right?”
『If you understand, there is no need to repeat it. In conclusion, additional supplies are impossible.』
The golem stated flatly. Its attitude was as cold and hard as if it were made of real steel.
Feeling wronged, I protested.
“The supply boxes only had canned beans! We’ve been living on nothing but canned beans for the past few days, and you expect us to keep doing that? Are you trying to turn us into living bean cakes?”
『Negative. The supply list should have included bread and milk as well. You are making a false statement.』
“What are you talking about? The Resistance members who snuck in ate all of that. Why are you looking for food that’s in their stomachs from me?”
As I spoke in frustration, the golem snapped its head up as if it had been struck unexpectedly.
『…I did not hear that correctly. Could you please repeat that?』
“I said, the Resistance members who hid in the supply boxes survived by eating all the non-canned food. So now, all we have left to eat is this goddamn canned beans. You saw it yourself, didn’t you? Us eating nothing but beans for the past few days. It’s hard for me and Azzy to live on beans alone, so give us some other food.”
『The Resistance… snuck into Tantalus?』
The golem remained silent for a long moment, then suddenly began to interrogate me.
『Why are you only telling me this now?』
“Why? Because I need to get supplies.”
『Did it not occur to you that reporting an intrusion is more important than supplies?』
“Is it that important?”
『Affirmative. Of course it is. So, what happened? What became of the intruders?』
“They tried to blow the place up with a bomb, so a fight broke out, and after the fight, the vampires had a delicious meal.”
The golem raised its functioning right hand to its forehead. The gesture was so realistic that I was certain its operator was holding the exact same pose.
『This isn’t a false report, is it?』
“Would I really eat nothing but canned beans for days just to get more supplies? If you need other proof, look up the name Kanysen Riverwood. I’m sure he’s on a wanted list.”
『Please wait a moment.』
The light in the golem’s eyes faded for a moment. It seemed to have temporarily disconnected to check. A short while later, the golem moved again.
『…Confirmed. Your statement is deemed to have sufficient credibility. There is no way you could have seen the recently updated wanted list. It is reasonable to assume you met him in person.』
“Alright! So you’ll give us the supplies, right?”
『Is that what’s important right now?』
“Of course it’s important. Azzy is so sick of beans she’s starting to look at me like I’m her next meal. Azzy, who growls at the mere sound of a bean can opening, is far scarier than the Resistance members who are already a healthy meal for the vampires.”
Once again, the golem put a hand to its head and let out a pained sound. A deep sigh came through the microphone.
『…I will request additional supplies. However, this matter requires a debriefing and a judgment from my superiors, so I ask for your cooperation.』
“If you’re giving us supplies, I’ll give you a debriefing anytime. How would you like to hear it? Fairy-tale style? Or theater style?”
『In the style of a written statement, please.』
“Fine. Ahem. Once upon a time, in a beautiful village where water mills spun round and round to draw water, and rainbows hung in the air like weeping willows, there was a river. Along this river flowed clear water from the mountains, merchants seeking the path to the sea, the stories they carried, and the dreams of a boy who grew up listening to them. There, a boy named Kanysen Riverwood…”
『Statement.』
“Tsk. No sense of romance. Statements are no fun.”
Hands are separate from the mouth so that what the hands do is not interrupted by what the mouth says. My hands were free while I was explaining the situation to the golem, and they naturally found work.
The work I found was opening cans of beans. I had performed every trick imaginable with these god-awful cans, so it was time to get rid of them.
I told the golem what had happened while opening the mountain of canned beans one by one.
“So, those bastards were planning to blow Tantalus to smithereens with a bomb. So I used the Technique of Heaven and Earth, the divine art of Earth Folding, to get behind them. At my stealthy and sudden approach, they scattered like frightened rabbits. Just then, I threw the can of beans in my hand, and it exploded like a grenade, wiping out the enemies… Ah, sorry. Where were you?”
『I have confirmed up to the point where they planned to destroy Tantalus with a bomb.』
“Ah, right. So…”
I was in the middle of explaining, pouring the opened cans of beans into a large pot.
Thump-thump-thump-thump. The loud sound of running echoed from the hallway. Even without reading thoughts, I could easily guess the identity of the owner of these noisy, booming footsteps that announced their presence so clearly.
“Woof, no!”
Azzy burst through the cafeteria door and immediately ran to me, clinging to my leg. She wrapped her paws around my waist, bit down hard on my sleeve, and started shaking her head back and forth, pulling with all her might. It was a truly desperate display. You’d think I was performing some kind of horrific witch’s alchemy.
“No! Beans, no! Woof! Stop!”
“Azzy, before my clothes rip, I think my body’s going to rip. Can you let go?”
“Woof! Woof woof!”
She must have hated beans so much that the sound of a can opening sent her running in terror.
Meanwhile, the State-issued warden’s uniform was needlessly durable and wouldn’t tear easily. As such, my hand was being shaken left and right along with Azzy’s head-shaking. My wrist was in danger of being dislocated.
After finally calming Azzy down, I emptied the last can into the pot and said, “These beans aren’t for us to eat.”
“Woof? Really?”
“Yeah. How could we possibly eat this much? This is going to be fertilizer.”
I poured water into the pot of beans, creating something resembling bean porridge. Azzy stood with her tail ramrod straight, glaring at the pot full of beans as if it were her mortal enemy. After soothing the agitated dog, I grunted as I lifted the heavy pot containing twenty cans’ worth of beans and headed toward the back of the warehouse.
Inside was a large, corpse-like body with all its limbs torn off. I slammed the pot down near the head, whose eyes were rolled back.
At that, the Undying’s right arm leaped up and began scooping the slimy bean porridge into its mouth. It was clearly not fit for human consumption, but as long as it was nutritious, the arm didn’t seem to care about form or flavor.
Well, it’s not like a disembodied arm with no tongue could taste anything anyway.
“It was a bit gross at first, but it’s fine if I think of it like raising a plant.”
It would probably take a full day to eat all of it. I closed the warehouse door and came out. Azzy had been waiting by the door, her body low to the ground and her tail stiff, but upon confirming that the pot was no longer in my hands, she barked happily.
I walked back to the golem with Azzy and said, “See? You can’t try to make Azzy eat any more beans.”
『I understand the situation, but the debriefing is not yet complete. Please finish your explanation.』
“Oh, right. Where was I?”
『You were talking about the remnants of the Resistance planning a bombing.』
“What? I’m pretty much done then. That’s the end. We worked together to stop them, and the vampires got the bodies. The end.”
The golem suddenly stood up and raised its fist. What was this? I couldn’t read its thoughts, so my reaction was a bit slow. Was it trying to fight me? Unfortunately for it, no matter how weak I was, a squat little model like this couldn’t hurt me.
I gently moved the fingers of my left hand to misdirect its gaze. Meanwhile, my right hand slipped around to the golem’s back.
“Hup.”
A light tap to the back of its knee, and the golem crumbled. I quickly moved my left hand to twist its raised arm behind its back, subduing it. The golem struggled, but with its right arm not moving properly, it couldn’t escape.
I stroked the golem’s back with my fingers and murmured leisurely.
“Calm down, calm down. Settle down, now. Even if you have a complaint, just let it simmer for a moment. Getting excited won’t help anything.”
『…If you are deliberately trying to mock me, then I will say you have succeeded.』
“Mock you? Not at all. You must have misunderstood something.”
As I said this, a happy smile spread across my face, so wide that even I could feel it.
Ah. I’m so happy there’s a being I can beat with sheer strength. If only there were a few more like this.
“Woof! What about my food?”
Please. I wish there was just one more.