Chapter 37
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 37
Chapter Title: Undead are Dirty
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Do you know the game called Luigi's Mansion? It's about a character who's basically the little brother of the protagonist from that super famous series with the red-hatted, mustachioed guy. The green-hatted, mustachioed character explores a haunted mansion full of ghosts using a weird vacuum cleaner.
Some say the game was made as a parody of the movie Ghostbusters to begin with... but whatever. That's not the point.
"...Master? What'd you pull out this time?"
The important thing is that I'm holding something in my hand that looks just like the vacuum that game character used.
'...Think it'll work?'
I pulled it out on a whim, but I'm not sure if it'll actually do anything. Sure, it sucked up ghosts great in the game, but this is reality, right? The [High-Pressure Cleaner] didn't work, so I figured I needed some kind of countermeasure... Guess I just have to hope.
Erzsebet's attacks seem effective, but if something unexpected happens while I'm relying only on her, we're in trouble.
"Hmm. More are coming."
Right on cue, a few more pale shapes appeared from the bottom of the stairs, drawn by the eerie wail from the specter Erzsebet had just sliced apart. She stepped forward first as the shapes flew toward us at high speed, but I took a deep breath and shoved the nozzle of the [Ghost Vacuum Cleaner] toward the incoming specters.
'If this doesn't work, I'll just leave it to Erzsebet and head upstairs.'
Better than getting in the way... No, honestly, because it feels dangerous for me. If it flops, hand it off to her and wait outside. Here goes... activate.
-Woooooong...!!!!
I flipped the switch like it was any old vacuum, and a mechanical hum poured from the nozzle as it started sucking in the surrounding air. But the sound is dramatic while the actual suction feels weaker than a normal vacuum... Is it not gonna work?
"Kekeke... kekeke... ke...!"
Like mischievous brats, the specters let out creepy giggles as they closed in. Erzsebet swung her blood-scythe, but the specters entering the [Ghost Vacuum Cleaner]'s range happened faster.
-Whirrrrrr!!!
"Kieeeek!!"
"...Keke?"
The lead specter flying at the front got yanked in at insane speed. Erzsebet froze in surprise at the sudden change, watching as it got sucked straight into the [Ghost Vacuum Cleaner].
-[+10p]
...Oh, it works. And it even gives points.
"...Kweh?"
I shoved the vacuum at the specters that paused behind. They scattered eerie wails just like before, then got sucked into my vacuum in an instant, turning into points.
"Oh, jackpot."
Free points just like that! The opposite of my worry over the [High-Pressure Cleaner] failing—now I'm pumped, sucking up every specter that approaches without mercy.
"...Kieee!!"
The specters endlessly climbing from below hesitated, then started retreating one by one.
"Hey! Erzsebet! Can you throw up a barrier or something behind them so they can't escape?"
"...What a mad master."
"What'd you say?"
"Nothing at all."
Whoa! It's duplicating points!
They say dual-wielding swords is a guy's dream, right? Kinda like that vibe—I gripped the [Ghost Vacuum Cleaner] in my left hand and the [High-Pressure Cleaner] in my right.
"Master. You look ridiculous."
"Shut it."
I shut up Erzsebet's useless chatter from behind and kept cleaning as we advanced. Unlike my worries, there were no traps on the stairs, but specters kept popping out nonstop whenever I cleaned.
And sometimes other things jumped out too.
-Crack!
"Haha! I can clean up these skeleton mooks without wasting my own blood!"
A few skeletons like the ones from the garden lurked on the stairs, but Erzsebet smashed every one we met, looking thrilled.
"You seem awfully happy about it?"
"Of course! We've been poison to undead since time immemorial. Boneheads don't even bleed, and the ones with blood are so tainted by evil spirits they're inedible... Plus, spirit attacks mess with Blood Demon Tribe regeneration. Can't stand 'em."
Undead were natural predators for Erzsebet—no, the Blood Demon Tribe in every way, and she pulverized another skeleton to prove it.
From a Blood Demon's perspective, where every fight strong or weak drains blood equally, undead hordes were a disaster to avoid at all costs. But with infinite blood? Different story.
"That's fine, but clean up the blood properly after you're done."
"...Don't I always gather it up and dispose of it in one spot? Why are you so obsessed with cleaning anyway... Got OCD or something?"
Try watching 'contamination levels' fluctuate in front of your eyes nonstop. See if you don't get obsessed.
"More importantly... looks like we're almost there."
"Yeah."
No traps meant we reached the top faster than expected. At the end of the stairs stood an ornate door, already swung wide open.
'Wonder if anyone's in here?'
This ruin's upper level had Erzsebet and the dryad. We'd met those two already, so another demon wouldn't be weird. Please let it be someone I can talk to this time. Not a memory-lost vampire or a tree!
"...It's intense."
Erzsebet, who'd stepped inside ahead of me, grimaced.
"Master, you're really okay? Any living being would be affected by the death aura..."
"No issues here."
"Feeling weak? Dizzy? Overwhelming inexplicable fear...?"
"Told you, nothing."
Her words planted some seeds of worry. I wasn't feeling it, but death aura permeated this space, and it sounded bad for living things.
'Well, I stroll through radiation zones just fine.'
I figured my [Janitor's Clothes] were the reason. Max-level gear let me wander lava pits or irradiated areas no problem.
"Heh, seriously... Master, you an undead? No living thing could ignore death aura like that..."
Erzsebet eyed me curiously, but I had nothing to say. Hell if I know the mechanics.
"Whatever. Anything from this space ring a bell?"
"Hmm. This space..."
Still, she'd sucked hero blood coming in, and this new environment might jog something, so I asked.
"...Pride?"
"Hm? Calling me prideful?"
"No... Not aimed at you, Master. Just a word that popped up suddenly..."
"Not random words. Anything specific about this space?"
"Umm... No clue. Hatred and loathing for undead, sure..."
"Don't need that crap."
Pride out of nowhere? Her referring to herself? Her speech and actions do scream arrogant...
"Hmm. The more I look... the dirtier it feels, the more irritated I get, like I wanna punch someone..."
"Stop. Enough."
I hadn't expected much anyway, but I asked for memories and she's spouting weird impressions? She already acted like she despised undead—guess only undead-related stuff is surfacing.
"If you wanna vent, take it out on those guys."
Her expression soured the more she mulled over surfacing memories, so I pointed to the rattling skeletons approaching from afar. Unlike the narrow stairs earlier, this was a dozen or more at a glance.
"Hmm. Good idea."
She liberally drew blood from the [High-Pressure Cleaner] and charged the distant skeleton horde. Meanwhile, I decided to clean up the visible grime first.
'Ugh, filthy.'
...I hated gross stuff even back on Earth playing the cleaning game, but ever since coming to this world where cleaning's all I do, my brain's starting to feel off. Every dirty spot I see gives me this urge to scrub it immediately...
The stairs from before were bad enough, but this space was worse, so I fired up the [High-Pressure Cleaner] to mop the floor. Undead or whatever, it was packed with corpses, bits of flesh, bone fragments everywhere...
-Splash!
"Whoa!"
As I bent down to inspect some object on the floor, the ground suddenly heaved, and something burst out. Caught off guard by it popping up right in my face, I fell flat on my ass.
And whatever had erupted from the dirt stood up.
'Skeleton? Damn it...!'
"Gelgelgel..!!"
Who'd have thought it'd come from underground? Too careless. I hurriedly kicked the skeleton away and reached for my dropped [High-Pressure Cleaner], but its hand shot out faster.
'Damn. [Quick Movement]...!'
I'd kept the [Quick Movement] window open for instant escapes like this, so I went to trigger it—but a new system window popped up, overlaying the [Quick Movement] one.
'Get this outta here right now!'
Goddamn it, I'm getting jumped by a crazy skull right now—don't butt in without reading the room!
But the sudden window delayed my tap on the [Quick Movement] button, and the skeleton's hand...
-[Janitor's Clothes (lv.max)]: The janitor's outfit that dirt doesn't stick to!
-Swoosh!
It whiffed wildly, slicing through empty air.
".....?"
"....Hm?"
...What the hell was that?