This Is No Succubus!!!
Roughly two hours after I texted my ball-buddy, he must have finally checked his phone, because a reply came flying right back.
The answer he sent, however, was nowhere near what I'd been expecting.
At his solid, reliable reply, I let out a breath of relief and opened my mouth.
"Even with the time gap, if I just hold out I can probably avoid getting violated."
Perhaps so. Unlike the physical types you've met thus far, this one is of the mental variety, so enduring her may prove easier. You may be a pathetic specimen in every other regard, but is your mental fortitude not rather decent?
"Nobody knows how a person's luck is going to go. And the reason creeps like that are so scary is that they find ways to violate you even when they're at a disadvantage. Never let your guard down."
True enough. That black fox, too, tried to claim you even in that wretched state with her vital force drained dry. I am in agreement.
For once the Fox God actually nodded along with me. I looked at her and tossed out a question.
"Come to think of it, wouldn't this all be solved if you just possessed me like last time? If you scare her off, I wouldn't even need to call that bastard over, right?"
Regrettably, in my current state I can use Manifestation or Divine Possession only once per day. Furthermore, using one precludes the use of the other.
"Meaning?"
I already used Manifestation a short while ago, so you shall receive no further aid from me today. Endure it on your own.
"You fucking bitch!!!!!"
I say this every time, but this woman is completely useless to my life.
She starts every single mess imaginable, and then doesn't solve a single one of them herself.
This time was no different.
This was something that could have been handled without summoning a succubus to the house at all—and yet she called one over and then washed her hands of it.
I seriously want to exorcise her, that fucking bitch.
The second I find a method, I'm either blackmailing her with it and screwing her, or actually banishing her for real. One of the two. Guaranteed.
I was glaring daggers at the Fox God with those thoughts boiling behind my eyes when, without warning, black mist began seeping out from the corners of the room, slowly swallowing my house whole.
She comes. Keep your wits about you.
"I know that without you telling me, okay?"
I gripped a frying pan and eyed the black mist warily. It gathered fast, knitting itself into the shape of a girl—and once the form was complete, a young demon girl who looked for all the world like a textbook mesugaki burst out of the fog with a solemn expression on her face.
A mesugaki who looked ready to charge in at any second screaming "Pathetic♡" and "Trash♡" at the top of her lungs.
Instead, the little demon girl was trembling from head to toe as she launched straight into a self-introduction.
"Ah—hello! Transcendent, sir! I'm a low-ranking succubus working in the Nightmare Department of the Demon Realm—Neila! I-I've come to beg forgiveness for what happened a moment ago!"
It was an attitude more deferential than anything I'd met so far, but I was too busy being thrown by something else entirely. I pointed at the girl-demon in front of me with a dazed look on my face.
"…You're a succubus?"
"Pardon? Yes! A low-ranking succubus with the Hell Nightmare Department… Is there a problem?"
She asked it back with a face full of pure terror, and I looked like a man whose country had just fallen.
Is there a problem?
Of course there is. A huge one.
I clutched my head and bellowed at the scrawny little demon girl standing in front of me.
"This is no succubus!!!!!"
What is a succubus, as a species?
If you asked me, I'd tell you: a race that seduces men, enjoys a storm of mutually satisfying sex, and then drains them of their vital force.
Next question.
What does it take to seduce a man?
The answer: a pair of tits substantial enough for a man to feel properly secure, and a set of childbearing hips optimized to make him lose his mind.
They fall well short of a fox beastkin in raw appeal, but succubi still have plenty of fans thanks to that signature sex-optimized body and their sheer lewdness.
That's the only reason you can even call them hot. Strip away that massive advantage—the sex-optimized body?
Then she's not a succubus. She's just a bus.
A bus that doesn't even measure up to a perfectly serviceable natural-gas city bus.
Yeah. The mesugaki "bus" standing in front of me was exactly that vibe.
Fuck. This is a succubus? My personal dictionary will never recognize this as one.
I grabbed the back of my neck as it grew tighter by the second and snapped at the "bus" in front of me.
"Hey. Let me ask you one thing."
"Y-yes!!!"
"You claim you're a succubus? Then why the hell do you look like that? You honestly think you can seduce anyone with that scrawny body?"
A pair of tits so modest you could call them a cliff face without exaggeration.
And a one-piece stick figure of a frame so straight it was embarrassing to even claim she had hips.
Could anyone get off looking at a little kid's body like that? That was the spirit of the question—but the answer that came back blew past every expectation I had.
"I-I actually have pretty good numbers, you know?"
"What?"
"I said my numbers are good! Way better than most other succubi…"
…What did I just hear?
A "bus" with a body that didn't turn anyone on had better performance stats than other succubi?
I clutched my head against a wave of dizziness, and the "bus" pressed on, looking puzzled.
"Um… the truth is, at first I used to work the beat with a stacked, curvy body… but every single person I met would say things like 'You've aged' or 'You smell like a chicken coop'… so even though I wasn't happy about it, I ended up like this…"
"And after you switched, your numbers went up?"
"…Yes."
"Goddamn lolicon bastards."
I pulled a painkiller from the medicine bottle to kill the headache and walked slowly toward the "bus."
"Change. Now."
"Pardon?"
"I said change right now. Into a stacked, curvy body."
"B-but… then I'd have to work the same body for a whole month."
"Being able to work at all matters more than racking up numbers, doesn't it?"
I lifted the frying pan off the floor. She recoiled in horror and edged backward; I matched her step for step.
She kept retreating until she was finally cornered, and apparently the old saying about a rat biting a cat when it's trapped wasn't wrong—because she suddenly flipped her whole posture and threw a proposal at me.
"Hold on. If I change bodies and my numbers tank, is the Transcendent going to take responsibility?"
"Why would I take responsibility for that? You're going to blame other people because you weren't charming enough to seduce anyone?"
"If you won't take responsibility, I'm not changing! Numbers matter more than my life!"
The moment she finished, the "bus" bulged her eyes wide and lunged at me. Caught flat-footed by the sudden ambush, I got shoved down by sheer force and ended up pinned underneath her.
And then—
"Huh? The Transcendent is weaker than I expected?"
Having finally realized I was trash-tier, the "bus" pinning me down licked her lips and started methodically locking me down.
Fuck. Of course she figures it out at the last second.
I'd gotten so furious at the unbelievable combination of mesugaki and succubus that I pushed too hard, too fast. I should have applied the pressure more carefully.
"Today… today is a true feast♡ To think I'd live long enough to devour a Transcendent♡"
Once the pin was complete, the mesugaki "bus" looked like she found me so delicious she couldn't help licking her lips as she leaned in. I looked up at her and gave her my most triumphant smile.
"Sorry, but playtime's over."
"Pardon?"
"Time's up, you dumb little succubus."
Right on cue, a cheerful alarm from my phone announced that twenty-two minutes had passed—and at the same moment the door flew open as a solid, reliable bald head came bursting in, panting hard.
"Fuck, why are so many bastards salivating over my stuff these days?"
I'm not your property, you asshole.