I Want to Have You (feat. Harang)
It was a fleeting spark of jealousy that flared up in an instant. I'd grown a bit complacent since Kang Gyeol hardly ever hung out with other girls. I knew his friends well—after all, as his closest one, I'd made a point to remember them. A handsome guy that girls would swoon over. I didn't care about his looks, but I figured his little sister must be cute. And seeing them all together like that, like some double date setup... hearing how Kang Gyeol seemed to have a soft spot for her. I knew they'd hung out like this a few times before, and it had always bugged me a little, but today it was especially hard to bear.
Or maybe it was all just an excuse. I was still trapped in this "sister's friend" box, holding back my feelings, unable to go on a proper date. Just imagining another girl chatting happily with Kang Gyeol made jealousy boil up inside me. I absolutely didn't want to let him go. Plus, guys usually prefer cute younger girls over aloof older ones anyway. So I asked Kang Gyeol to help with my move. Truth be told, there wasn't much to help with—it was a bit forced.
"Nah, it's fine. I'm just gonna bullshit around with the Min duo anyway. You're more important, noona."
His words, saying I was more important, melted my heart like a spring breeze. And that evening, a call came from Yeoreum.
"Yoo Harang!! You remember our deal, right?! He's a minor!! If you do that, you're dead meat!! Got it?!"
"Yeoreum."
"What?!"
"As long as I don't do that, it's okay, right?"
"N-no, you...!! ..........Are you really gonna confess this time?"
"No."
"Then?"
"...I don't know. But maybe it's okay?"
"No... damn it, you're frustrating me again!! Ugh, so annoying!!"
"Sorry. But I'll keep it in mind."
"Sigh... fine... do whatever. It's your call."
It was basically permission. As long as I didn't cross that line, dating was fine. But romance was uncharted territory for me too—I had no idea how things would unfold that day. Still, I planned to take one step forward.
---
Saturday, moving day. Kang Gyeol arrived. The moment we met, I boldly took his hand and held it tight, just like when we were kids, as we walked the short distance to my officetel.
"Wh-what's this? Why the sudden hand-holding...?"
Kang Gyeol's flustered face was adorable. Relieved he didn't pull away, I led him upstairs and gave him the password. It really was easy to remember—his birthday. I could never forget it. I wanted him to drop by anytime he felt like it. A place to myself sounded great, but it'd get lonely.
I showed him around, even pointing out the toothbrush and cup I'd set aside just for him in the bathroom. I was more excited than ever, like we were already living here together. No regrets about this officetel already. It was pure joy. I wanted to call my parents right then and thank them profusely for approving it and helping with the lease. If only I'd realized sooner how much kindness hid behind their gruff exteriors.
"Nice~ But don't you have stuff to unpack, noona? Anything I can actually help with?"
There wasn't really anything, but we sat side by side sorting my clothes anyway.
"Change first. Jeans must be uncomfortable."
When I made him try on the clothes I'd bought ahead of time, it felt like he was truly mine. I'd bought him outfits before, but knowing these were only for this place ignited my possessiveness.
"Go on, change. I'll keep sorting."
As he changed behind me, I couldn't help perking up my ears. I felt a little perverted, but it was instinct. My body was heating up. After we finished unpacking and cleaning—without much else to do—I treated him to the chicken he'd been craving, as thanks for coming all this way.
"Sorry... I barely slept playing games last night... Mind if I crash on the floor for a bit?"
I laid out bedding for his nap. When I even changed his shirt and saw him under my everyday blanket, flames ignited inside me. Hotter than before. Unbearably so. Yet a corner of my heart felt cozy too. Gazing down at his sleeping face, I gently stroked his hair, forehead, cheeks, nose, lips... It was pure bliss. His lips twitched at my touch—I wanted to kiss them, but not like this for our first time. I wanted a better moment. After nearly two hours, when I couldn't ignore my body's heat anymore, I confirmed he was deeply asleep and slipped into the bathroom. To wash off the sweat... and release some tension. I ended up taking longer than expected. The steamy air from what I'd done left me dizzy. Head fuzzy, I opened the door.
"...Ah."
"......"
-SLAM!
Our eyes met. I was naked except for the towel in my hand. So careless. He'd woken earlier than I thought, but I'd been in there so long it was bound to happen. Mortified, yes—but not so much I couldn't face him. After closing the door, I even checked myself over. Nothing weird exposed, right?
"...Gyeol. Could you turn around for a sec?"
"J-just say when you're done! I'll stay like this! Sorry, noona!"
"Okay."
When I emerged and saw his reaction to my body, a strange thrill washed over me. I didn't think I had an exhibitionist streak, but with him, it was fine. Dressing while feeling both embarrassed and excited, I soothed his frantic apologies. I wasn't upset at all—he looked so guilty it made me feel bad. My carelessness was the real issue. Midway, I realized it was the first time facing him without makeup. But seeing him lost in my bare face again, I thought it was okay like this. I couldn't always be perfectly dolled up. I'd worked hard for him anyway, and if he liked me any way, that was enough.
"I'll dry your hair. Where's the blow dryer?"
After enjoying his gentle service.
"No need. If you want anything, just say it. I'll do whatever."
His promise to grant any wish.
"Stay over tonight."
"......"
Step two.
---
I turned off the movie, none of which I remembered. How could I? My eyes were on Kang Gyeol's face, not the screen. He'd glance my way now and then, our gazes tangling. I loved those moments. Like a drama heroine in this tantalizing almost-touch distance, straight out of a rom-com.
Around 10 p.m.—too early for bed, but I laid out the bedding anyway. Just one blanket, loaded with my honest desire. So we could lie under it together. He looked flustered, but when I got in first, he reluctantly joined me. My heart pounded like it would burst. We'd known each other forever, but sharing a blanket like this? First time. Shoulders nearly brushing. I'd set it up early since he seemed tired, but sleep was the last thing on my mind. Lying on my side, I watched him breathe quietly, eyes closed but clearly awake like me. Too precious to waste on sleep. So I poked his arm, demanding attention like a protest against his good behavior. Look at me.
"...It's gotten firm."
"…………."
"Your arm. More than before."
"...Noona, are you doing this on purpose?"
"Doing what?"
"Never mind... it's nothing."
I knew exactly what double meaning my words carried. I was doing it on purpose. Wanting him to notice me more. Saying it out loud was embarrassing, but I craved his attention even more. In this perfect alone-under-the-covers moment. Soon, unable to take my teasing, he rolled to face me. Flushed cheeks, slightly furrowed brows—but that subtle upturned lip. How was he this cute? Stroking his soft cheek brought a smile to my face unbidden. When he fought back, combing my hair with his knuckles, I couldn't hold back anymore. Sorry, Yeoreum—but I didn't want to suppress this surging desire. Even if we became a couple with no secrets, I wouldn't let you feel left out.
"Gyeol."
So please forgive me. For pulling you into my arms─
-Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
"......"
"......"
---
What impeccable timing. If Yeoreum had come an hour later, it would've all been over. Regrettable, but I'd confirmed his feelings, so it was a satisfying day. All that shyness he showed me couldn't be fake. And he probably felt the same.
"Gyeol."
"Yeah?"
"Movie next weekend."
"S-sure...! Yeah."
"...Tch."
Before they headed home, I locked in the next date. His joy contrasted her displeasure. I'd nearly broken our promise in a moment of weakness, and guilt tugged at me toward Yeoreum. But I had no intention of letting this blooming love simmer idly. I might not express it as loudly as others, but I wanted to give him everything—my way. Three years younger? What did it matter to the you who's carved a place in my heart. As your noona, and your girlfriend. I want to give you it all.