Don't Take the Precious for Granted
I walked out of the hotel.
'So I'm not a premature ejaculator after all.'
Honestly, I'd thought I was pretty damn close. Most of the time I'd finish in under five minutes during sex. I'd just been covering for it with sheer, excessive stamina.
But today, I learned the truth.
The reason I'd always finished so fast wasn't premature ejaculation. It was because I'd been flooring the accelerator with zero restraint whatsoever.
'Wow, so if I actually try to hold back, I can hold back.'
We'd fooled around right up to a dangerously tight time limit, then frantically washed up and bolted from the hotel.
Ah-reum had said she'd be pissed if I went for a second round, so I'd drawn things out as long as possible while staving off my orgasm. We nearly missed checkout because of it. Shifting through various positions and holding back my release let me last almost an hour.
Maybe it was because I'd held out that long before finally letting go. I genuinely felt like every last drop of my soul had been drained. I walked with a dazed expression, staring blankly into space as I replayed the image of Ah-reum's face, tears brimming in her eyes.
'Hnngg. C-come already, I said! When the hell are you gonna come! Hnngaak.'
Ah-reum's pleading voice, like she was begging for her life, was still vivid. That wrecked expression, panting because she couldn't handle the pleasure—she'd been so fucking hot. So I'd stubbornly held back even though I wanted to come way sooner. In the end, the morning sex, which had basically been coerced into starting, only ended once Ah-reum shed tears.
'Ah-reum crying was so goddamn pretty...'
It was prettier because she was crying not from pain, but because she'd been steeped in pleasure. How do I put it? It felt like my desire to conquer was satisfied, while at the same time some kind of protective instinct surged up inside me.
Still, I couldn't pull that shit twice.
Because holding back when I should've come had been agonizing for me too, no joke.
I was walking out of the hotel, replaying the whole scene in my head.
"Hngh..."
Ah-reum, who'd been staggering along, stopped and leaned against a utility pole. When I turned around, she spoke with her lips jutting out in a pout.
"Shit. I told you to stop. You deliberately held back... Kang Cheol-jin, I really hate you."
I was momentarily thrown off.
At a glance, it seemed like her usual kind of remark, but something about her tone was off. If her usual mode was nine parts joking to one part sincerity, now it felt like the sincerity was at least a three.
Had Ah-reum ever enunciated my full name and said she 'really hated' me?
I quickly walked up to her.
"S-sorry. I thought you were enjoying it too... No, I'm really sorry. Does it hurt a lot?"
I started to make an excuse and then stopped, apologizing again. Usually Ah-reum secretly enjoyed being on the receiving end, so this and that... excuses like that popped into my head, but now didn't seem like the time for them.
When I apologized, Ah-reum thumped me on the shoulder with a light pop. Of course it was a cotton-ball fist, but... somehow it stung.
"You're only sorry with words, huh?"
"No, I'm honestly sorry. I won't do it again. I went way too far."
"Hmph. Now you figure that out? You're a real dumb Kkang-cheol, you know that!"
Her tone eased up a little as I apologized again. She'd returned to about eight parts joking. It was a subtle shift, but I could feel it.
Even so, the unsettled feeling didn't go away easily. I'd often turn a bit sadistic during sex, and this time I'd failed to keep it in check. The fact that Ah-reum had gotten genuinely annoyed hit me pretty hard.
Feeling sorry and awkward, I scratched my head and spoke.
"Want me to carry you on my back? No, I'll carry you. Here."
I lowered my stance, showing her my back.
Looking at me, Ah-reum spoke in a flustered tone.
"What are you doing? People are watching."
"So what? I've carried you before."
"No, there was nobody around back then..."
"It's fine. You're struggling because of me, so I should take responsibility."
"...Hmph. Your effort is commendable, so I'll let it slide. Carry me with unwavering comfort."
Nine parts joking. Her tone had completely returned.
I hoisted Ah-reum onto my back and started walking toward the subway station. The weight against me was so light. I'd handled this tiny girl so roughly—no wonder she was feeling the aftereffects.
Suddenly, that saying came to mind.
Don't lose what's precious by being deceived by familiarity.
Ah-reum is someone precious to me. She was my first friend when I stepped outside my house, and the woman I shared my first experience with. She was also my closest friend right now.
A girl, not a guy, being my closest friend—how ironic. Could I have even imagined that before I met Ah-reum?
Even though we were a man and a woman, Ah-reum was a female friend I felt more at ease with than any of my guy friends. It was because the person named Pi Ah-reum herself had such an unpretentious cheerfulness. Ah-reum was the kind of person whose presence alone put your heart at ease and made you happy.
And it seemed I'd gotten too comfortable because of that.
No matter how at ease we are with each other or how much crazy shit we've seen each other through, I shouldn't treat her carelessly... It suddenly hit me that I needed to be better to Ah-reum.
No, just thinking it won't cut it.
I immediately put the thought into action.
"Ah-reum."
"Yeah?"
"I'm always grateful. I'll treat you right."
"...What? Out of nowhere."
"Because I'm grateful. And I'm sorry too. I think I've been treating you too carelessly lately because you're so easy to be around. I'm sorry."
It wasn't a sudden thought; it was a feeling I'd always had. Today, I tried putting it into words. Thinking the other person must obviously know how I feel is way too selfish.
So I'd endured the embarrassment and said it out loud, and yet...
"Aaaagh! Stop!"
"...Huh? Ack! Hey, hold still. You're gonna fall!"
Ah-reum, on my back, started thrashing around. She pounded my shoulders with her fists. Was she giving me a massage?
"It's cringey! Why are you suddenly acting like this!"
"No, I wasn't being cringey, I meant it..."
"Aaaagh! Friends aren't supposed to say stuff like that to each other!"
"......"
Wait, but friends fucking each other is fine? This girl could happily devour all sorts of cringey otaku comics, so I had no clue why she was suddenly acting like this. I'd worked up the nerve to say that, and now I felt embarrassed.
'She's usually an empathy monster. But it's okay when she's the one doing the empathizing—when someone else does it, she can't stand it.'
So fucking selfish, just like Ah-reum.
My lips twitched in dissatisfaction.
"Tsk..."
I had sins to pay for, so I didn't dare say anything and just clicked my tongue. At that, Ah-reum stopped thrashing, went still, cleared her throat, and said:
"Ahem. You know it, so that's enough. Treat me well from now on."
"Yeah, yeah. Got it. I'll serve you duly."
"...What, are you sulking? Huh?"
Ah-reum poked at my cheek, tap tap. I snapped my head to the side to shake off her hand.
"Eyy, Kkang-cheol's sulking~."
"......"
"Ah, seriously. Kkang-cheol's so fussy~."
Ah-reum, having said that, buried her face against my shoulder and murmured in a small voice.
"Don't sulk. It's just because saying stuff like that all of a sudden made it awkward."
"...I'm not sulking."
"Sure, sure. Anyway, it's nice that you say you'll do better. I'll be watching from now on!"
*
It was quite a while later that I checked Seo-ra noona's KaTalk. It wasn't until after I'd dropped off Ah-reum and gotten back to my studio apartment that I finally saw noona's message.
- Jjaaajjinnaaa les get ouuut fior a coompetitiooon?ㅡ
- I'll craant u a wixh if u goo ouit
- Anithing u Wnat. I'll evin giv u ass,.massage
- Jjiinjii accept itt pzl
But even after staring at it, I had no clue what it said. The KaTalk was reeking of alcohol.
"Hmm. Let's get out for a competition? I'll grant you a wish? I can't decipher the rest. Master? What does she mean, I'm some kind of master?"
Anyway, the gist of the message seemed to be about entering a competition.
I debated whether to send another refusal message, agonized over it, then just sent a single character: '?'
A reply came back immediately.
= Sorry, Cheol-jin. It was nothing, don't worry about it ㅠㅠ
= Noona was drinking with friends and sent that by accident, so I deleted it......
My head tilted to the side.
"Deleted?"
There were no deleted messages in my KaTalk window. Had enough time passed that it only got deleted on noona's end? Anyway, she said not to worry about it, so that was fine. I couldn't just read and ignore it, and I'd been agonizing over how to reply.
- Yes. I'll see you the day after tomorrow.
= Okay. Have a good weekend~.
- You have a good weekend too, noona :)
A good weekend... today was Sunday. Just thinking about having to go back to school tomorrow already felt tiresome.
"What should I do now? Watch Netflix?"
I didn't feel like studying. Didn't feel like gaming either. Today was one of those days where I just felt drained and didn't want to do anything. Was it because I'd been with Ah-reum until just a little while ago? Being alone made me feel oddly empty.
Then my phone vibrated, buzz buzz.
[Beloved Mrs. Park]
A call from my mother.
I answered it.
"Hello? Mother, what's up?"
- What's up, indeed. I was just checking in to see if my son's doing well.
"I'm doing fine, of course. How about you, Mother?"
- Mom's not doing so well...
Her voice sounded deeply melancholy.
I shot upright from where I'd been lying on the bed, asking back with concern.
"Why? Did something happen?"
- I'm not doing well because my son never calls me even once!
"Oh, come on. Really. You had me all worried, thinking something bad happened."
- How come you never reach out first? Mom's feeling hurt. Now that you've gone off to college, do you not even think about your mom and dad?
"I contacted you yesterday, though..."
Anyone listening would think I never got in touch at all. I made a point of contacting her at least once a week.
- Yesterday, I was the one who reached out first too. Try calling first for once.
"That's... I'm sorry."
Come to think of it, I'd never actually been the one to initiate contact. Ah-reum wasn't the only one I'd taken for granted, deceived by familiarity...
Even though my mother wasn't in front of me, I scratched my head, feeling embarrassed for no reason.
- Son, when are you going to stop by the house? I miss my son. Your dad misses you too.
"Hmm."
Now that I thought about it, it had been ages since I'd seen their faces. I'd only visited my family home once since I started living on my own.
"Should I come over now? So we can have dinner together."
- Really? I'd love that!
"Is Father home?"
- He's out, but he'll come straight home if I tell him his son's coming.
"You don't have to go out of your way just for me..."
- No, he'd probably sulk even more if we didn't tell him. Your dad secretly gets pretty hurt over stuff like that.
"Haha. Okay, then. I'll be right there."
It worked out perfectly. It was one of those days where I didn't want to be alone for some reason anyway.
"Ah, should I drive?"
I had a used car my parents bought me as a college entrance gift. I had so little use for it that I'd left it parked in the garage for ages.
...Surely I wouldn't get into an accident? Time to dust off my driving skills after a long while.