The Frame
— Yoo Jae-min's Side —
I think I've gone crazy.
Yeah.
There's no doubt about it—I've completely lost my mind.
If I hadn't, there's no way I would've said something like that.
Is that the kind of girl you're into?
Anyone hearing that would think… that I was jealous, wouldn't they?
And it wasn't even a casual, offhand question. I went and grilled him about every little detail of that class rep girl, or whatever she was.
On top of that, that bastard didn't even give me a proper answer—he just went and did that… that k… that thing.
And there I was, completely losing my grip on reality.
If that isn't crazy, what is?
I'm a guy… well, I can't really call myself a guy anymore.
But still—born male, with a man's sensibilities—this was something that should never have happened to me.
Even so, there was one thing I'd come to understand.
That bastard, Lee Kang-yeon… he was completely serious.
I'd already known he saw me as a woman.
I'd known, but who could really say?
What kind of feelings those were—what it actually meant for him to see me as a woman.
Sure, he and I were bound together by the frame of marriage, but that was just a setting the god had fabricated and woven in. It wasn't something that could truly define our relationship, was it?
And so I couldn't know.
What color the thread was, wound deep inside the tangle of that relationship.
What he… actually thought of me.
I failed to escape the frame that god had built.
It was just one failure.
If I'd set my mind to it, I could have tried again as many times as I wanted, or looked for some other way.
But I didn't.
When I failed… I felt relieved.
I'd tried to break free of the frame, and then felt relief that it was still intact—and after that, I only grew more anxious.
I'd figured it out.
I'd realized that this life of mine only existed because of him.
And he himself was the frame that god had created—the frame itself.
It had only been two months, but I was already… dependent.
On that life.
On that pleasure.
On… him.
And in the middle of all that confusion, something revealed itself to me.
You always see it in those TS streamer web novels, don't you?
The story of a TS beauty girl with insane gaming skills, crushing it and delivering pure catharsis.
I discovered that I actually had that kind of gaming talent myself.
And that, maybe, could have been a way out of the frame.
Which made me anxious.
About what he thought of me.
Whether—even if I didn't try to leave—he might abandon me.
Whether, just like me, he might have some hidden possibility of shattering this frame somewhere inside him.
Those jealous words of mine… I think they came from the end of that line of thought.
So that my anxiety could become an arrow and wound him.
So that my pain would reach him too.
So that I could confirm—even through that pain—that he wouldn't abandon me.
And to that unreasonable heart of mine, he answered.
In his own way… he answered completely.
And so I had no choice but to realize that he was truly, genuinely serious.
From that day on, my world was painted pink.
"Lean forward a bit."
"Fuck, again?"
"The clothes are thick, so you've gotta do this to make your chest stand out."
"…You pervert bastard."
"Hey now—talking like that to your magnificent husband?"
"…"
Click.
A few days ago, on Christmas Eve.
It was one of the few real holidays of the year, so most people would have been thinking about going out—but we, with our very sensible belief that the outside world was dangerous, had no intention of heading anywhere packed with crowds.
That didn't mean we skipped the Christmas spirit entirely, though.
…It did end up being a bit one-sided, but still—I was wearing a Santa costume, wasn't I?
"…You done taking pictures?"
"Well, it's a little disappointing, but this should be enough."
"…Then…"
"Hm?"
"…Th-that…"
"…That?"
"…K-kiss… mmph♥"
The first kiss had been a light, fleeting one—but from the second onward, it was nothing like that.
He always devoured my tongue as if he meant to swallow me whole.
With my head dyed completely pink, I started begging him for it every single day.
Before, what I'd begged him for was sumata. After that, it was this—his mouth on mine.
Looking at the world through this pink haze, there was no question I'd gone insane.
Maybe the world being pink was what drove me crazy in the first place…
But one thing was certain: I was out of my mind.
Today was December 31st.
The last day of the year.
Outside, the atmosphere was quiet and yet somehow restless, and the TV was filled with voices seeing off the end of the year.
And what were we doing? Sitting on the living room sofa, waiting for the midnight bell broadcast on TV.
"This is the first time I've spent it with someone other than my parents."
I could feel the hard chin resting on top of my head bobbing as he spoke.
Lee Kang-yeon had been sitting me on his lap and holding me from behind for a while now, his chin planted on my head.
His chin was hard. It hurt a little.
"Move your chin."
"Yeah."
This bastard answered, but didn't actually move it.
Still, he must have lightened the pressure, because the weight leaning on me mostly disappeared and it stopped hurting.
Ever since that day—the day I'd cried in front of his room—he'd been holding me like this whenever he got the chance.
Last time, he'd come over and wrapped his arms around me while I was in the middle of a Dark Souls run.
He'd stayed like that for almost two hours. What was so fun about that?
…Not that I minded.
"What do you want to do for Seollal?"
"…Huh?"
"Lunar New Year. What are you gonna do? I always go home for it, so I'm asking what you're planning."
Seollal?
"I talked to my mom today, and she asked if you were coming down with me. So what do you want to do?"
"With me…?"
"Yeah."
Go down there?
To his house?
"You've gotta visit at least once. You're going to keep seeing them, after all."
"Ah…"
…Because he and I were husband and wife?
Then that would make his parents, to me…
"…"
"What? Can't go?"
"Ah, n-no… it's fine."
"Then let's go the day before Seollal, have breakfast on the day itself, and come back up."
"Okay…"
"I'll book the tickets like that?"
"Okay…"
A sudden rush of nerves and a ticklish feeling swept through me, and I fidgeted with my legs.
He must have seen all of it.
He lifted one of the hands that had been wrapped around my stomach and set it on top of my head.
"It's okay. You know that, right?"
"…Yeah…♥"
The soft sensation of his hand gently stroking through my hair.
That touch always erased the tangled thoughts in my head like a rubber eraser.
This feeling of everything being washed clean and filled with pink fog… I really hated it.
I really hated it.
But even as I hated it, it was so sweet.
I couldn't escape it no matter what.
"Ah, it's starting."
My vision had gone soft and melted like I'd taken some kind of drug, and I couldn't see the TV screen at all.
Even the voice coming from the television drifted farther and farther away until I couldn't make out the words.
And through all of that, only his voice came through clear.
"Happy New Year."
"…♥"
The pressure of his arms around me, the hand stroking my hair.
And that ticklish voice brushing against my ear.
A shiver ran through my body so hard it gave me goosebumps, and I thrashed without meaning to.
"…Nnhaa…♥♥ …Ah, nooo…♥"
"Where does this wife of mine think she's running off to? C'mon, look this way."
"…Hyaaa…♥ Mmph… slurp…♥♥♥"
My clumsy resistance had no effect whatsoever.
Resistance was nothing more than a seasoning that only excited him further.
Forcing my head around, he immediately claimed my mouth.
An invader pushed between my lips, and my tongue could do nothing but be plundered.
The sound of our saliva mixing seemed to describe the wreckage of my mind.
It was sweet.
There was nothing in our mouths, and yet it felt like chocolate was melting between us.
"…Pwah……haa……♥♥"
"Want to stay like this? Or do you want to get on your hands and knees?"
"…Mm…♥ From behind……♥"
I barely even knew what sounds were coming out of my mouth.
But I did manage to register that I didn't like this position right now.
Like this… I couldn't feel the weight of being pinned down…
"Alright, up we go…"
"……Nnhaa……♥"
"Okay. Here we go."
"……Yeah……♥♥"
Is it going to go in?
I always thought that at times like this.
What if he puts it in for real?
I always felt that sense of danger.
"Hyaaaang♥♥♥"
But ever since that day, the thought—
No, maybe I'd been holding it from the very beginning and just suppressing it—rose to the surface.
"Hyaang♥♥ Aaa♥♥ Hhek♥♥"
I wanted him to put it in.
"Does it feel good?"
"Hyaa♥♥ Y-yeah♥♥ Aaang♥♥"
Coward that I was, I could never be the one to say the words of permission.
I… I wasn't the kind of person who could say something like that.
But if…
"Hyeek♥♥ Hiiik♥♥"
"I'm cumming!"
"Huaaaaah♥♥♥!"
…If he wanted to take everything of mine.
If he wanted to become the master who owned every part of me—even by force.
"……Heeek……♥ Haahk……♥"
Wouldn't that be a truly happy thing?
"……Good girl."
"……Heh, hehe……♥"
Because the shackle he filled me with himself would become a frame more powerful than any setting a god could create—more powerful even than his kisses.
And if that happened, maybe I wouldn't have to tremble with anxiety under a cold winter night sky anymore.
In a consciousness blurred by pink fog—
That was what I thought.