Chapter 178
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 178
"Grandmother?" I asked, surprised by her words.
I had been certain that Agera, like Donau, had sacrificed someone else to summon a demon. But hearing her story, I realized she had made a self-destructive choice instead.
"That is why the being you call 'the Rat' was born incomplete," Agera explained. "An innocent soul was required, but my sins were too great for me to serve as a proper sacrifice."
She continued, "Normally, it should have devoured me completely to be born. But the child you and Julian call 'the Rat' couldn't do it. That child loved me. It couldn't see me as a sacrifice, so it stopped devouring me."
Calling a demon a 'child' was an incredibly affectionate way to speak of it, especially considering it had burned down my mansion and used Rico as a host. Yet, I couldn't help but understand Agera's compassion.
The Rat was devoted to Agera, if no one else. The reason it couldn't fully consume her and became an incomplete demon must have been because it loved her.
And all of this was because of the wish Agera had made. She must feel an immense guilt, both for summoning the Rat and for it being born flawed because of her.
"Instead, the child took my memories. The reason they're intact now is because Rico suppressed it. And as long as I continue to remember, Rico will be able to keep that child suppressed."
So, Rico had seized control from the Rat because Agera recognized her, and Agera, in turn, regained her memories because Rico had gained control.
I ought to thank Mavka. If she hadn't provoked Rico, Agera would still be lost in her madness, and Rico would have died by my hand.
Right. I must remember to drop a hint to the Duke that Mavka played a huge role.
The Duke would have treated Mavka well regardless, out of his own guilt toward Rico. But if he knew she was the one who helped Agera regain her memories, he would have no choice but to show her even greater gratitude.
"I'm sorry… My emotions got the better of me, and I ended up rambling," Agera said, trying to lighten the mood after her trip down memory lane. "You said you came because you were curious about something, didn't you? I will answer anything I know."
She looked so earnest that if I'd claimed to be selling miracle elixirs, she would have handed over her entire fortune without a second thought.
This was my chance. I would ask about the one thing I was most curious about—the one thing the Duke had avoided talking about earlier.
"Grandfather said… that you would be able to explain my red eyes."
"Your eyes? Ah… I see." Agera looked at my eyes as if noticing them for the first time. "This will be a long story. Is that alright?"
I nodded. No matter how long her story was, I figured it couldn't be that long.
Agera rummaged around the room and pulled out a notebook. It was familiar, looking very similar to the diary of Amaranth's I had found at the Rohanson estate. She held it out to me, pushing it closer as if urging me to take it. I accepted.
Come to think of it, Amaranth's diary was the reason for everything, from my quiet stay at the Rohanson mansion to my attendance at the birthday banquet. Count Rohanson had been after the Hosaquin inheritance, and I, in turn, had been after this diary when we made our deal.
Though I certainly hadn't expected things to go so awry. I tucked the diary away safely and looked back at Agera. She stared at me intently before opening her mouth to speak.
For some reason, I could see pity in her gaze. It was a look very similar to the one she gave the Rat, the being she called 'the child'.
"The story I am about to tell you," she began, closing her eyes tightly, "is about Amaranth's sin, which so closely resembles my own."
*
By the time Agera finished her story, I hadn't said a single word. I couldn't properly comprehend what I had just heard.
Just as Gabriel had a secret surrounding his birth, a similar secret was hidden behind my own. I had doubted it many times, but I wasn't some illegitimate child. In fact, my mind would have been much more at ease if I were.
The sin of Amaranth that Agera spoke of was me. The story of my birth was Amaranth's sin.
Having finished her explanation, Agera wept, her tears falling like pearls. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
It was a miserable sight. Rico or the Duke would have immediately rushed to hug and comfort her. But I couldn't even think of comforting Agera. I didn't have enough peace of mind left to console someone else.
I clenched my fists. I had the urge to throw the notebook in my hand onto the floor right this instant. But I couldn't commit such a cruel act—throwing a daughter's diary down in front of her weeping mother, an elderly woman who had just regained her senses.
Still, I couldn't stand to be in front of Agera any longer. I didn't want to lose what little favor I had built with her.
"I should go now."
Leaving the weeping Agera behind, I rushed out of the room. Canna and Pudding were waiting outside her door. Canna greeted me warmly, but I didn't stop.
"My lady? What's wrong? My lady?" Canna asked anxiously, hurrying after me. I didn't want to answer her honestly. Pudding watched me with worried eyes.
Ah, come to think of it, Pudding's hearing is excellent. He must have heard the entire conversation.
"Lady Evangeline…"
"Pudding, Canna. Could you stay in another room today?" Since Rico—ah, with Rico gone, I told them to ask the Duke for another room. Without waiting for an answer, I walked away, leaving them behind. Ever since we came to the Duke's estate, they had never left my side, worried for my safety. But now that the incident with the Rat was settled, there was nothing in the mansion that could threaten me, was there? Just for tonight, it would be fine to be alone.
They must have decided to grant my request, because they didn't follow. When I glanced back, Canna wore a worried expression. Pudding's hands twitched, but in the end, he didn't stop me either.
Somehow, I wanted to cry. Even if no tears fell, I needed time to crawl under the covers and be alone. Honestly, I didn't even understand why I was so shaken. Was the secret of my birth, the sin Agera spoke of, really that shocking?
No. In the first place, this was Evangeline's body, one I had merely possessed. So, no matter what Amaranth had done or how it affected Evangeline, it shouldn't have shocked me at all.
And yet, I couldn't understand why I felt so hurt.
This world was nothing but a novel. The countless words I'd read, the flat characters repeating their clichés—they all proved it. 'Evangeline Rohanson' was the same. She was merely a character. When her body died, I possessed it, and only then did it gain true life. Therefore, I was the only one truly alive in this world. That's what I had always thought.
But lately, I had been acting strangely. I had taken a great interest in Gabriel, who was nothing but a character, and I had started treating Canna and Pudding like real people. And was that all? I was treating Evangeline Rohanson—whose body I was only borrowing—as if she were me. It was because I'd become too immersed in this role.
Or… maybe it was because I had adapted to this world too well. Canna and Pudding, who had looked at me with such worry, suddenly came to mind. Ah, why did this world have to have so many things to love?
Perhaps I was just feeling emotional because the sun had set. Yes, it was just late-night sentimentality. Once the night passed, I would return to normal.
Let's just go to my room and rest. Yes, let's get some sleep. I'll sleep on it and think again with a clear head.
I opened the door and entered the room. The moment I was about to lie down, my eyes met with someone on the bed.
"…My lady?"
A cracked, low voice called out to me, as if he had just woken up. The moonlight leaking through a crack in the curtains caressed Gabriel's face.
"Sir Gabriel?"
As I quietly looked at Gabriel, bathed in the fading light, I realized my mistake. Gabriel was staying in the room next to mine, which meant I had walked into the wrong one. I must have completely lost my mind, to be in such a state that I couldn't even find my own room.
I tried to turn back immediately, but my feet wouldn't move. Gabriel's worried gaze felt as if it were holding onto the hem of my clothes.
"My lady. Did… something happen?"
Did I look like I was about to cry? Gabriel reached out as if to comfort me, but his brow furrowed in displeasure when his hand wouldn't move as he wished. Then, his expression softened again into a gentle look.
"My lady, what has upset you so?" Gabriel asked, his voice pleading.
"If I tell you, will you do something about it, Sir Gabriel?"
"Of course."
Looking at his determined expression, I suddenly realized something. If I were to name a single person, Gabriel would ruthlessly trample his own beliefs and stain his hands thick with blood for my sake. Yet, Gabriel couldn't even take a single step on his own. Even if I told him, he couldn't harm the one who had upset me.
Because the one who had upset me was my own existence.
"If you can't trust me because my body is broken, you don't have to tell me," he said. "Talk to someone, even if it's Mr. Pudding. Please don't let it fester inside. Just… please don't make that kind of face."
Gabriel spoke as if he'd be happy for me to unburden myself on him, no matter the cost. Just what kind of face was I making for him to say that?
"What kind of face am I making?"
"…A face that makes me want to comfort you."
Gabriel looked as worried as if I were someone who had been gravely injured. He seemed to feel sorry for me, to pity me. And mixed in with it all… were other emotions, so deep that for a moment, his eyes looked almost black.
"Then you can comfort me, Sir Gabriel."
Just as he wished, I took his hand and brought it to my face, burying my cheek in his palm. His thumb brushed against my eye, but it came away dry. No tears would fall.
I mocked myself for imposing on a patient like this, but I had no intention of letting go of his hand. Despite having sent Canna and Pudding away to be alone, it seemed I had desperately needed someone's comfort after all.
"Sir Gabriel…"
"Yes. Please speak."
"Sir Gabriel, even if I…"
He responded to my simple call immediately, hanging on my every word. He didn't rush me, even when I hesitated.
"Would you be okay even if I am not human?"