I Decided to Regress — 4

The kindness of an old man with a handcart.

A falling signboard.

A truck accident.

Electrocution.

A leap into the Han River.

I had run through a full five clichés, and still failed to regress.

But I didn't give up.

I threw myself in front of oncoming cars dozens of times. I jumped into the Han River four more times. I even tried provoking the police, wondering what a bullet might do for me—only to get hit with a taser instead of a round.

So this time, I invented a cliché of my own.

"…You're here again."

"It… turned out that way…"

"Do you know him?"

"A little. What happened, exactly?"

The nurse who used to look at me like I was insane now asked the paramedic with a perfectly calm face. She must have seen me so often it barely registered anymore.

"He was found collapsed on a mountain trail after a hiker called it in. Kept complaining of abdominal pain the whole way here—cold sweats, chills, the works. Looks like he ate this."

"What is that…?"

"According to the rescuer, it's a poisonous plant called Arisaema."

"What?! A poisonous plant?? Why would anyone eat that!!"

"Re… regression… Aaaah…! Aaargh!!!"

"D-Doctor!! Patient who ingested a poisonous plant!"

"Poisonous plant?! Why would he—! Get a gastric lavage ready, now!!"

Arisaema. A toxic herb once used as an ingredient in royal death potions. Even the infamous Lady Jang Huibin was said to have drunk a cup of it.

Even that poison failed to send me back to the past.

I had been about to jump off a cliff, got too scared, and chose the plant instead. Looking back, I probably should have just jumped.

"Please stop coming here already! Are you actually trying to kill yourself?!"

"I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Then why do you keep getting wheeled in over this kind of nonsense!"

"Re… Sigh… Never mind. I have my reasons. Thanks for your hard work."

"Don't come back! Ever!! Do you understand me?!"

Nurse Park Jinju—who had even memorized my name by now—bellowed after me as I walked out of the ER.

Was she the only nurse this hospital had? She was here every single time.

"Ugh… That's not what matters right now. Is jumping the only option left…?"

My fear of heights wasn't that severe. If it had been, I never would have managed the Han River bridges. Even so, throwing myself from somewhere truly high still terrified me.

But there were no other methods left.

I went straight back to my officetel. Before I even sat down on the floor, I cracked open a bottle of soju from the convenience store and poured it down my throat.

"Ugh…!!"

Bitter. My stomach still burned from the plant and the gastric lavage. It tasted exactly like my life.

But if I managed to regress, I wouldn't be drinking bitterness anymore. I'd be living something sweet as honey water.

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

Three bottles in two minutes. The fear and hesitation drained away. Courage rose from the bottom of my gut—the kind that said I could do anything.

"Let's go."

I didn't need to go far. The officetel I lived in was already over twenty stories high. I walked straight out, took the elevator to the top floor—

And then: how was I supposed to open the door?

Click—

It opened. A door that should have been locked for safety swung open with almost no effort at all.

Was heaven itself helping me?

Whoooooosh!!!

A fierce wind. People the size of sesame seeds. Cars the size of beans. The moment I climbed onto the railing, it became real.

Fall from here and you die. Even with the best luck in the world, you end up a vegetable.

"My final cliché: jumping to my death."

Fear of failure? I'd had it before. Three bottles of soju had taken care of that. And I didn't have much attachment left to this life anyway. That was why I was doing something this insane.

"…Let's go."

No point dragging it out. Time only feeds hesitation.

I shifted one foot off the railing into empty air. Nothing fancy required—just move the center of gravity.

The moment I did, it felt like someone had grabbed my ankle and yanked. My body tipped forward. My eyes left the horizon and locked onto the distant ground.

And then I fell.

"I want to go back!!!!"

Back to the past. Finally, I was going to regress. Wait for me, past self. I'm coming back to give you a life sweeter than anyone else's.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!"

Plop—

Swoooooosh!!

It didn't hurt as much as I expected. All that hesitation had been for nothing. Instead of the horrific pain of my body bursting apart, it felt like a soft blanket wrapping around me.

So why was it so loud?

"He jumped!"

"No! He jumped from somewhere else!!"

"What are you talking about??"

"Just check first!!"

What? Had I not died?

Impossible. I was trapped in a dark, crushing space. If I were alive, this couldn't be happening.

I reached toward the dark wall squeezing in on me—and it gave way softly. Blinding sunlight poured through the gap.

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"Ugh…! What the hell is going on…!"

I flailed with both hands, pushing my way out. Why was everything so bouncy?!

"He's alive!! He's still alive!!"

"Get him out, hurry!!"

"……"

"Huh…?"

The rescue worker whose eyes met mine tilted his head. I blinked back at him, just as baffled.

"Why are you…"

"That's what I'd like to ask."

"I responded to a fire call, and…"

"……"

A fire call?

Then this bouncy thing was an air mattress…?

I looked past the familiar face of yet another rescue worker and up at the officetel. Black smoke was pouring endlessly from the windows. A hard wind was carrying it far away—which was why I hadn't seen any of it from the roof.

"Did you escape from the fire? How many people are still inside??"

"……"

Was I absurdly lucky?

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Abandoned by my parents. Girlfriend got pregnant by her boss and married him. Every company I joined went bankrupt. Laid off, then pressured into resigning. And I was supposed to call myself lucky?

No. That couldn't be it. I had simply been so unlucky that I survived. The situation kept flowing in the opposite direction of what I wanted—so I was still unlucky.

"I know this is hard, but we need you to answer so we can help with the rescue!"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't jump out of a burning building."

"Then…"

"I just… came down for some air. Looked soft."

"……"

"Anyway, good luck."

I crawled off the air mattress and walked back into the officetel under a storm of stares.

"Y-You can't go in right now!! There's a fire in the building—"

"That's why I'm going in."

"What?? H-Hey!!"

"Don't just stand there talking! Stop him!!"

"Grab him, now!!"

"Let go of me! It's my home and I'm going in—what right do you have to stop me!! Let go!! The place is on fire! I have to get in!!!"

"Ugh, the smell of booze…! This guy's drunk!!"

"He might be hurt somewhere—get him to the hospital!"

I was outmatched. The rescue workers were strong, and there were a lot of them.

"……"

"…I'm sorry."

"Sober up! And don't get discharged until the fire is fully out! Understood?!"

"Yes…"

I pulled the blanket over my head and lay down, avoiding Nurse Park Jinju's glare.

Was she the only nurse in existence, and this the only hospital? Why did I always end up here, under her eye…

"Nurse Park, did you see the typhoon news? They're saying this one's historic…"

"I saw it…"

"We're not going to be stuck here for days again without going home, are we…?"

"They said historic. If you leave, you won't make it back to work. We'll just eat and sleep here."

"Hiiing… I want to sleep at home, though…"

Typhoon??

I shot a hand out from under the blanket and caught Nurse Park's arm as she turned away.

"What typhoon?"

"Let go of my arm first, please, patient."

"Ah—sorry."

"It's fine. You're not exactly a normal patient anyway. Do you have your phone on you?"

"No."

"Then use mine. Search for Chonan—there'll be a ton of news."

"Thank you."

"If anyone calls, you hand it right back."

"Yes."

I searched Typhoon Chonan immediately.

Category 5. As always, there was a strong chance it would veer toward Japan—but plenty of experts were predicting it would pass over Korea. The path barely mattered. With a diameter of 2,800 kilometers, even a Japanese landfall would blanket the entire Korean Peninsula.

Observed maximum wind speed: 150 m/s. Rain at 130 mm per hour. Lightning strikes of a billion volts, more than fifty times a minute.

At 2,800 kilometers across, fifty strikes a minute didn't sound like much—but for me, getting hit by one might actually be possible.

"Thank you."

"Huh??"

"Thanks to you, I think I can finally regress. If I go back and we meet again, I'll repay you."

"What are you even— The fire isn't out yet! You can't be discharged!!"

"I'm not going home!"

"Then where are you going?!"

"Jeju Island!"

Whether the typhoon charged into Korea or turned toward Japan, Jeju was guaranteed to take a massive hit from Typhoon Chonan.

Even the last method I had believed in—jumping to my death—had failed. One final chance for the unluckiest man alive.

I booked a ticket on the spot and headed for Jeju.

One-way, of course. I wouldn't need a return ticket.

Calling it historic hadn't been empty talk. Typhoon Chonan's power was beyond imagination.

The Philippines, barely grazed by the outer edge of that 2,800-kilometer monster, was devastated. Fifty-four dead. One thousand one hundred twenty-five injured. Over three trillion won in property damage—2.4 billion dollars—from a brush of the fringe alone.

And now Typhoon Chonan was charging north, about to make landfall on Jeju.

I switched off the noisy TV and walked to the door. Instead of an umbrella, I picked up the long metal rod leaning against the wall—a lightning rod—and stepped out into the hallway.

Quiet. News of the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠worst typhoon in history had sent even Jeju residents scrambling off the island. Counting myself, there couldn't have been twenty guests left in the hotel—and most of those were reporters and YouTubers hoping to cash in on the storm.

A deserted lobby. Not completely empty, though—one hotel employee stood off to the side, staring at his phone.

"Y-You can't come down right now!! Please return to your room immediately!!"

I'd tried to slip out quietly and gotten caught. I smiled at the employee who came running with a face full of worry.

"I'm fine. You should get somewhere safe yourself—this is dangerous."

"No, more importantly—! W-What is that…"

"A lightning rod."

"……"

He looked at me like I was insane. But the rod wasn't all I'd prepared.

The wind had weakened a little, but it was still a historic 118 m/s. Lead weights wrapped around my entire body—more than my own weight. And in the dead hours before dawn, while everyone slept, I had made one more preparation.

Thud. Thud.

I had drilled holes into the asphalt in front of the hotel entrance, just deep enough for my toes. That was how I was still standing in this.

"Kueeeeek!!!!!"

A black pig sailed over my head. Cars tumbled through the air along the road ahead. It looked like the end of the world. I would probably be flying like that soon enough myself.

No time left.

I lifted my face to a sky that looked punched full of holes, pouring rain. Flashes of light, one after another.

"Well. Perfect day for a regression."

Flash!!!

KRAAAANG!!!!

Lightning struck a car tumbling through the air and blew it apart mid-flight.

Now.

Whoosh!!!

I raised the lightning rod high over my head with both hands.

"Strike me! Lightning!!!!!"

Flash!!!

A burst of light. That was the last thing I saw. I blacked out before I even heard the thunder that must have followed.

KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!!!!!!!

My head felt like it was splitting open.

Haa… Did I fail again?

A white ceiling and white walls that looked like a hospital. And on those walls, drawings that looked like they'd been made with feet… Wait??

"S-Sunwoo… Cha Sunwoo…"

"……"

"If you're not gonna eat that… can I have it…?"

"Sol…?"

Sol. Eunsol. The girl who had eventually chosen death under the director's relentless sexual abuse.

That Eunsol was standing right in front of my eyes.

Had I… actually regressed…?