The Secret Message in the Photocard
The mini-fan meeting pre-recording ended in just ten minutes. Usually, if the music show production team isn't satisfied, they make the idols re-shoot two or three times, dragging it out for twenty to thirty minutes. But this is La Stella we’re talking about. They are called the most polished idols among the 4th generation for a reason; their performance was flawless, without a single point to criticize. The final broadcast was, as expected, legendary. They managed to insert cute ad-libs into a charismatic song, and they blew hand hearts to the fans throughout the choreography. But not everything was perfect.
It happened the moment the broadcast camera focused on Iroha as the first chorus ended and the song transitioned into the second verse. Su-a had made eye contact with me and scowled. I replayed that scene in my head over and over again. …As I thought. I didn't see it wrong. The moment she looked my way, contempt filled Su-a's beautiful eyes. Su-a, who is well aware of when the broadcast cameras are pointed at her and when they aren't, occasionally gives fan service to the fans when the camera is rolling—like winking or playfully blowing a hand kiss. So, when I made eye contact with Su-a through the camera lens, I had high expectations. What kind of fan service will she give me this time? Last time, she had shown me a V-sign with her fingers. …I was waiting with such a pounding heart, but what I got in return was cold contempt, as if she were looking at a bug. Some people might enjoy being "rewarded with contempt," but that’s not my type. Besides, it’s not like Su-a has a "domineering queen" concept like a Japanese underground idol. Perhaps that’s why the shock was so great. Su-a, who always wears such a beautiful smile….
However, at the same time, this expression of Su-a’s gave me one certainty. "…It really was Su-a back then." The identity of the stalker I had doubted and doubted again. I realized that what my heart had been desperately denying, even while my head acknowledged it, was the truth. The stalker back then was indeed Su-a. If not, why would she look at me with those eyes? Su-a is the type of person who maintains a beautiful smile without even a twitch of her brow when talking to someone reeking of sour sweat. "Why would someone like me…"
I had figured out the identity of the stalker. The next problem was the reason for the stalking. Ugh. No matter how much I racked my brain, I couldn't find an answer. It felt like a problem at the difficulty level of the number 30 question on the CSAT math exam. No, it felt like a Millennium Prize problem. I had no clue. Let’s draw out the relationship map, one by one. Me and Su-a. Fan and idol. Hmm… That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. I am Su-a’s fan, and Su-a is just my idol. Let me ask myself: Did I have any private contact with Su-a? No. Aside from the stalking incident, I have never met or spoken to Su-a in an offline, private setting. Did I do anything to earn her resentment? No. As an otaku, I can say this with confidence. In my life as a fan, I have never done anything that would harm an idol. Even when I upload photos, I carefully select only the ones where they look pretty, and when I upload videos, I choose ones that sufficiently showcase their charm without crossing the line. Of course, Su-a is pretty and charming no matter how you take the picture. Even at fan meetings or fan signing events, I don't go overboard and I keep to my boundaries. Sometimes I get excited and talk too much, but I never say anything an idol wouldn't want to hear. It might be different from the idol's perspective, but objectively speaking, there has been no problem with my remarks so far.
Then, did I leave malicious comments about Su-a? NO! NO! NO! That could never happen. Me, badmouthing Su-a? If I ever did such a thing, I would break my own fingers. Whenever I write posts or leave comments related to Su-a on the internet, I always carefully select only the kindest words. The same goes for posting on Wever, where the idols can see it directly. I want our Su-a to always see only good things.
Then, back to square one. Why on earth? Suddenly, the conversation I had with Jjuyuni yesterday came to mind.
Su-a likes me? I’ve imagined it often. Anyone who is a fan of an idol must have imagined it at least once, right? The fantasy of dating your favorite idol. Everyone has imagined a romance drama or a melodrama in their head at least once, right? Of course, I have too. I sometimes imagine going on dates with Su-a, being all lovey-dovey. And, though I could never tell anyone else, I’ve even masturbated while imagining holding Su-a’s pelvis and thrusting my waist into her plump, round buttocks. Sometimes, when the imagination gets a bit extreme, I imagine shoving my cock deep into that throat that produces such a beautiful voice. Ah! Of course, it stops at imagination. I’m well aware that it’s impossible, which is why I let myself think of such filthy things. Some say you shouldn't even imagine having strange desires for an idol. But imagination is free. You can date, you can have sex, you can get married. Anyway, back to the main point. If Su-a likes me, the reason for her liking me was opaque. When does one fall in love? They say there are cases of love at first sight, but… judging by my experience as a master of unrequited love, you realize you like someone when their presence gradually grows in a corner of your heart as you build up favor through continuous interaction. It had always been like that until now. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. I thought we were flirting…! Ahem! Anyway. From my perspective, I think Su-a’s favorability toward me is about 50. The heart of an idol liking a fan. But not liking me as a member of the opposite sex. It has to be that way because the only opportunities we have for direct interaction are at fan signing events or fan meetings. We can interact through things like SNS, but that’s closer to business. I don’t know. I really don’t know.
"Sigh…." I walked aimlessly, letting out a sigh. My footsteps led me to the cultural park near the broadcasting station. When there’s a recording like today, a mini-fan meeting is sometimes held in the park. Some idol groups hold seven mini-fan meetings during a six-week promotion period, while others only hold one. La Stella is closer to the latter. During their last 1st single promotion, they only had one. Still, during this 2nd single promotion, today’s mini-fan meeting was their second. Once for their comeback in the first week, and twice for their final broadcast in the last week. When I arrived at the park and waited in an orderly fashion with the other fans, the five members of La Stella appeared a moment later, waving their hands and saying, "Hello~."
Yoo Hana. Nishikawa Mio. Hoshi Iroha. Han Yeryeong. And finally, the leader, Lee Su-a. As the five of them appeared, the sound of cameras clicking echoed through the air. My camera was among them. Even though my head was still a mess, that was that, and this was this. I had to finish my fan activities before I could worry.
"“Hello, we are La Stella!”"
The mini-fan meeting began with a group greeting. "Thank you all so much today, too." Su-a, the leader, was the first to speak. The beginning of the talk was a greeting expressing gratitude to the fans who had suffered since early in the morning. Then, she talked about today’s performance. "How was the stage today?" At Su-a’s question, answers of "It was great!" could be heard from here and there. "Hehe, thank you." Su-a smiled bashfully like a child, conveying her gratitude. The sound of camera shutters became even more frantic.
"Whose idea was the heart event?"
"Me!"
Su-a naturally passed the conversation to the next member. Iroha, who proudly raised her hand, began to explain the process of how the heart event came to be, smiling brightly at the fans. The other members chimed in to keep the flow going. After about 10 minutes of that, "We have something small for you all today." Yeryeong, the youngest of the group, brought out a small box. Then she introduced the contents of the box. "Sweet cookies!" "Cookies~" "A GripTok!" "Oh, a GripTok." Hana showed the fans the GripTok attached to her own phone. It was a GripTok made with the La Stella members as characters. "And, drumroll please, ta-da! A photocard with a handwritten note!" There was a loud reaction of "Ohhh" from the surroundings. A photocard with a handwritten note. Naturally, it’s even rarer than a photocard with an autograph. To think there was a chance to get that for free. It’s because of these unexpected events that I can’t stop coming to the live events.
"One for each person. And the contents are random."
The members of La Stella walked around and handed the gift boxes directly to the fans. And the member who handed me the box was…
"Here you go."
It was Su-a, wearing a beautiful smile. Su-a just handed me the box and immediately moved on to the next person. There was no other reaction. There was no look of contempt like the one she had shown earlier. It was the usual Su-a. Was it because she was in front of other people? Or was I just imagining things after all? With a restless heart, I opened the box to check the contents. The first thing I checked was the photocard. Oh! It’s Su-a! It was a cute photo of her winking and making a V-sign with her fingers. I checked the photo and flipped it over to check the handwritten note on the back. Since it’s a message to the fans, it would probably be filled with unique words of gratitude, thanks, and requests for continued support. However.
In front of the 3rd-floor restroom in the annex building.
Huh? This wasn't a letter to a fan. It was a message Su-a was sending directly to me. I hid the photocard so that no one else could see it and looked at Su-a. Su-a was smiling and handing out gift boxes to other fans.