The First Fan
The first fan. Among millions of fans, who is the very first? Realistically, it’s impossible to determine. But if you were to ask me who the first fan I ever met was, I could answer you. I still remember it clearly. Meeting my first fan happened even before I had officially debuted.
It was an audition program I had approached with the mindset that it was my last chance. I met him on the day of the final stage. The last of the last. If I just passed, it was the opportunity to debut as the idol I had only ever dreamed of. Extreme tension and anxiety coiled around my body like a snake. What if I make a mistake? My competitors were all incredible. They were from well-known agencies, and they were stunningly beautiful with perfect figures. On top of that, they could sing and dance well. Among such people, if I made a mistake—no matter how small—it would be immediately noticeable. And that would be reflected in the evaluations right away. In a group of people who don't make mistakes, losing even a single point is fatal.
Hugging my knees, I was trembling, gasping for air under the pressure of my worries.
“You’re Lee Su-a, right?”
A chance encounter.
“I’m a fan of yours, Lee Su-a! If it’s not too much trouble, could I get an autograph?”
People like this were common. People who introduced themselves as fans and asked for autographs. Most of them didn't truly like or support me. It was just because I appeared on TV. Because I was a little bit known. It felt like they just wanted to grab an autograph while they could. This man was likely one of those people, too.
“I watch your videos every day and get healed by them. I especially love that one video. The one where you’re practicing the choreography for TWICE’s Lovely and singing.”
The oldest video. Back when I was at my first agency, I filmed it alone and uploaded it myself. It wasn't exactly something worth showing off to others. The singing was a mess. The dancing was clumsy. To me, it was closer to a dark history.
“Please enjoy the final stage just like you did then. Don’t be nervous.”
If it were that easy, I wouldn't be sitting here like this. Back then, it wasn't a place to be evaluated, but this was. One mistake could change my entire future.
“If it’s you, Lee Su-a, you’ll definitely be able to become an idol. No, wait—to me, you’re already my one and only idol. The prettiest, cutest, best singer, and best dancer in the world.”
He rattled off words so cringeworthy they were almost unpleasant, as if it were nothing.
“I guarantee it as a fan: you’re going to pass today. If you don’t pass, then there’s something wrong with the program and the judges.”
I had been listening silently, but a small laugh escaped me. It wasn't a mocking laugh. It was just so absurd that the laughter leaked out. If I were to guarantee it as a fan, all 22 people on the final stage would have to pass. Still, it felt good. To know there was someone who truly supported me. Someone who truly liked me.
“So, please, keep being my idol.”
With those final words, the time to go on stage was approaching, so I headed to the waiting room. Suddenly, the anxiety had vanished. My steps back to the waiting room were strangely light. A feeling that I could do anything. A feeling that I could become anything. It really felt like I could achieve the dream of becoming an idol that I had longed for.
And so, I became an idol. When I was called as the 11th and final member, the sorrow I had been holding back exploded, and I sobbed. And with eyes blurred by tears, I saw him. My fan, who was crying along with me. That was when it started. My interest in him. For the four years since my debut, he has consistently supported me as my fan. And I, too...
“Huuu...”
I let out the breath I had been suppressing deep in my chest. A breath so hot it felt like it would burn, flowing down my lower lip. I thought my heart was going to burst. Thanks to the practice of being able to smile in any situation, I was able to lie naturally with a smile.
“...Did he leave?”
Hiding in the corner and stroking my chest, I peeked my head out. No one was there. Like a spy in a thriller movie, I returned the way I came, quiet and swift, and went up to the second floor. As I climbed the stairs, I saw the hat I had carelessly tossed aside and the leggings I had taken off next to the emergency exit.
“Ugh... I feel so exposed.”
I had done something truly insane. I was wearing nothing but a hoodie over my underwear. Although it was designed as an oversized fit, the length was ambiguous for wearing it like a dress. Unless it was a mini-dress, at least.
“Did he see, by any chance?”
I paused while pulling my leggings up over my hips. I worried belatedly whether my panties had been visible. The length was truly precarious. If the wind blew a little hard, the hem would lift, revealing my crotch entirely. While I had worn countless outfits with higher exposure than this during my idol life, those were stage costumes, and this was not. And when I wore those outfits, I wore inner shorts, so there was nothing particularly embarrassing about the inside being seen. But I wasn't wearing inner shorts right now. If he had seen, he would have thought I was a pervert.
“...He couldn't have seen, right?”
I decided to believe that.
“Sigh...”
I sat down heavily on the stairs. Then, I took my smartphone out of the hoodie pocket.
“I definitely used the silent camera.”
When the camera shutter sound rang out, my brain had frozen for a moment. I had properly checked that it didn't ring when I tested it at the dorm. I didn't know it would ring so blatantly. ...Still, since I wasn't caught, it was a huge relief. What would I have done if I had been caught as the idol who was secretly filming her own fan? An idol who has such a shady hobby. If he knew, he would probably be disgusted and despise me.
I turned on my smartphone and went into my album.
“Hehehe... so cute.”
I let out a loose laugh while checking the photos I had taken. I hadn't seen myself in a mirror, but I was sure I was making a smile an idol shouldn't be making right now. But I couldn't help it. It’s natural for a stupid laugh to leak out when you see something cute, right?
In the photos, a man was captured. Name: Han Yujun. Age: 27. Birthday: January 14th. Height: 185.3cm. Weight: 72.3kg~74.5kg. Blood type: A. Shoe size: 280mm. Occupation: Academy tutor. His hometown is Yeosu, and he moved to Seoul for college and has lived there ever since graduating. To be precise, he is living alone in a jeonse (lump-sum deposit) apartment in Paju, Gyeonggi-do. Sinteria Officetel, Building 1, Room 1008. Hobby: Idol fandom. No girlfriend. No dating experience. No friends. He meets a high school friend occasionally, but very rarely. About three or four times a year. So, on weekends, he stays home after going to the gym. Seeing him occasionally upload videos of himself covering my songs on the piano to social media, it seems he practices the piano while resting at home. What he likes is... me. I know various other pieces of information, but let’s stop here.
“Isn't he just way too handsome?”
I shrieked while flipping through the photos one by one.
They were all photos of Yujun-oppa. At fan meetings. At fan signing events. During pre-recordings. During post-recordings. Besides those, there were photos of him working out, ordering food, yawning, or petting a stray cat. The most legendary one was this! Him wiping off sweat after working out at the gym! The clear iliac crest visible beneath his slightly raised gym wear.
“Oh, right!”
I took a handkerchief out of my hoodie pocket. The handkerchief Yujun-oppa had gifted me, the one that had wiped Yujun-oppa’s sweat. I slowly brought the handkerchief to my nose. *Snnniiiifff.* I inhaled deeply.
“Ugh...”
Disappointingly, the rich, masculine scent I had expected didn't waft up. It was a shame earlier, too. He must have sprayed so much perfume that only a fragrant scent came from Yujun-oppa’s body, and there was no scent of a male at all. It was such a rare chance to get close to him.
I had been looking forward to this ever since I heard there would be a selfie event today. I had figured out the lottery number through his social media and had stuck the paper with that number on the top of the lottery box in advance. Still, it was good. Because I could feel Yujun-oppa’s firm arm up close. Ah... I can't take it anymore.
While flipping through the photos with one hand, my other hand busily shoved itself into my panties. As I slightly pulled back the skin above my pussy, my fingertip touched my clitoris, which was as small as a bean. I tapped my clitoris a few times and spun my finger around, feeling it grow a bit firmer. In that state, I moved my hand quickly to rub my clitoris.
“Haa... haa-uu...”
Sweet moans flowed over my tongue. I moved my hand diligently, imagining myself being held by Yujun-oppa and ravished violently. My clitoris felt stingingly good. I felt the inside of my pussy becoming moist in an instant. The imagination of being pinned under him and being taken. The imagination of being spanked by him and crying out. The imagination of his semen filling my womb. Indulging in such forbidden fantasies and intoxicated by an intense sense of immorality, I rubbed my clitoris even more filthily.
The love juice overflowed from my pussy and soaked into my panties. I could feel the dampness on the back of my hand. It was a good thing the leggings were black. If they had been pink or ivory, the stain of my pussy-nectar would have been fully exposed. What would Yujun-oppa say if he saw me like this? Being the diligent person he is, he would despise me as a pervert. He might even leave the fandom. Ah... no, not leaving the fandom. But my heart for Yujun-oppa has already grown too large. I spend every single day thinking of him and having lewd fantasies.
“Haa... haa...”
The moment my phone rang was just before the peak of my climax.
“Ah...”
Yujun-oppa, who had been filling the phone screen, disappeared, and a call came in under the name [Hana-Hana]. It was a member of LaStella, Yu Hana. With a frown on my face at the frustration of not being able to finish, I answered the phone.
“Hello.”
[Su-a, where are you right now?]
“Just out for a walk.”
[We have to go to the practice room. Hurry up and get here.]
“Yeah, yeah.”
The heat in my body cooled down. Even if I rubbed my pussy with my hand again now, I didn't think I could reach the climax. *Ughhh...!* I had no choice but to get up, carrying this lingering, uncomfortable feeling with me.