Episode 28: She Was (14)
Three years had passed since I had become a noble young lady, when I had once been nothing more than the daughter of a village family from a backwater hamlet.
I still exchanged letters with my mother, and every time I heard news of Penrin Village and my family, warmth spread quietly through my heart.
Little by little, precious things had gathered around me.
Unlike the days when I had spent every moment searching only for you, I had begun to let people into my life even while I kept looking for you.
My mother had been the first, then Sophia and my brothers. The people of Penrin Village, the servants and maids in the manor, and even my teacher, who always looked at me with such affectionate eyes.
I made room for them in my life and accepted their love.
And when I grew weary from searching for you, when I was on the verge of breaking under the strain, I could rise again by drawing strength from the hearts of the people around me.
It mattered to me. Everything mattered so much.
I didn’t want to lose any of it, not even by a hair’s breadth, the way I had lost you.
So I held all of it close and prayed every night.
Let me not lose them now. Let me keep everything precious to me from slipping away.
With that wish in my heart, I trained in magic with relentless determination.
I struggled so hard that even my teacher worried about me, and I pushed myself from dawn until evening, to the point of collapse, because I was still afraid that it wasn’t enough.
And my efforts bore fruit.
I passed the mage examination held in Vinkelite under imperial auspices.
My teacher laughed and said it would have been stranger if I had failed, since she was the one who had taught me.
And when my mother heard the news by letter, she was truly overjoyed.
As always, she said she was so happy that I had grown up so well when she had done nothing worth mentioning, and that I was, after all, her precious daughter.
And so I, too, wanted to repay all the love I had received.
I wanted to find you somehow, take your hand, and tell everyone that this was the person I had been searching for.
I wanted to say that I was happy now. I wanted to tell the people who cherished me that.
I was Seo-ah Lee. And Aria Hopenberg. Your lover, Sara’s daughter, and Obriel Hopenberg’s disciple.
********
One spring day, when I was sixteen and the air was still a little chilly, I had barely started training at dawn when I was unable to refuse my teacher’s pleas and went out with her.
“Why are you being so persistent today?”
“Now, disciple. No matter how you look at it, I’m still your teacher and the head of this house. Isn’t that a little heartless?”
“Well, you dragged me out before training was even finished.”
Normally, she would at least wait until I finished training, I thought. But for some reason, she had come to the training grounds the moment she got up that morning and hauled me out into the city.
“Still, disciple…”
“Still what?”
I decided that if she had gone to the trouble of dragging me out like this, I might as well hear what excuse she had left.
“It’s my birthday today, so I thought we could spend some time together.”
“...Huh? Wait, what did you say?”
At those completely unexpected words, I think I just stared at her for a moment, speechless.
“I said today is your teacher’s birthday.”
“Why are you only telling me now?”
“Oh, um... because you didn’t ask?”
My teacher gave an awkward little laugh, and I, unable to hide my flustered state, yanked her hand and started walking.
“Wait a second. Teacher, let’s throw a banquet right now. Didn’t you say before that the Bricht young lady had held a huge banquet for her birthday?”
“No, no. I don’t really like that sort of thing, so I’ve always spent my birthdays quietly by myself.”
“...”
“Hahaha... so I was thinking of just letting this year pass quietly too, but I wanted to spend a little time with you, disciple.”
It was my mistake.
All this time, I had only been receiving, and I hadn’t even thought to properly look after her in return.
With that realization, I led her straight into the streets and asked, “Teacher... is there anything you want to do?”
“Something I want to do? Hmm. I didn’t really come out thinking of anything in particular, so I’m not sure. Why don’t we just do what we usually do?”
At her answer, I shook my head.
I didn’t want to spend the day in such an ordinary way.
This was our first birthday celebration together, and it would probably remain in my memory for the rest of my life.
That would be true in both good ways and bad.
Because I still remembered so vividly the birthday I had once spent with you for the first time.
You had said that romance with me was new to you.
When I confessed to you, you said everything would probably be awkward.
I had told you that was fine, but that didn’t mean I had never felt disappointed by what you said or did.
Our first date had been like that, and so had our first touch.
Even though everything you did and said was for my sake, there were times when I still felt a little hurt, and times when I even got irritated.
And naturally enough, our first birthday together had been an absolute mess as well.
On my birthday, you had been so clumsy.
It showed in the way your hair stuck up as if you had rushed out in a panic, and in the wrinkled shirt that had come half-untucked.
And just how bad was the date plan you had pieced together?
The restaurant you had led me to was closed for the day, and the café with the lovely atmosphere had been so crowded we couldn’t even get a seat.
It had been a ruined birthday, and an ordinary date with nothing special about it.
Then, when the day was nearly over, you had said, “Sorry. I didn’t have enough money, so this was all I could prepare.”
And you had handed me my birthday present.
The image of you, tears spilling down your face as you gave me a tiny jeweled hairpin and apologized over and over, still remained clear in my mind.
I still remembered that day.
In the bad sense, because it had been a ruined date.
And in the good sense, because it had been filled with your gift and your affection.
Back then, you had cried more than I did.
Now, I thought, maybe I was the one who cried more.
I smiled.
Then I took my teacher’s hand and led her along.
“Then I’ll guide you today.”
“Oh my, then I’ll be in your care.”
“Yes.”
I had no intention of ruining this date the way you had.
If it was going to be remembered at all, it ought to be a perfect day.
I walked through the city hand in hand with my teacher.
Having wandered through every corner of the capital over the past three years, planning a birthday outing should have been easy enough.
“Um... disciple. This shop is on vacation, so it’s closed for a while.”
“...”
The restaurant I had confidently chosen, of all days, was closed.
So, like you, I found an ordinary place nearby and had a meal there instead.
“Disciple, you don’t have to look so crushed... pfft.”
Amused by the sight of me failing so spectacularly after acting so confident, my teacher laughed in spite of herself, and I, bristling for no reason, tugged her along by the hand.
“I really do know a café with a great atmosphere.”
“Of course, of course. We can go wherever our disciple wants.”
I was a little annoyed that she kept laughing, looking at me as if I were adorable.
And then—
“Oh my~ Disciple, there aren’t any seats left here. We can’t even sit down. I suppose that means your choice really does have taste, doesn’t it? People must have an eye for quality.”
“...”
The café I had gone to all that trouble to find was already full of people, not a single seat left.
So once again, I had no choice but to go into an ordinary café with her and drink coffee, just as you had once done with me.
After that, everywhere I led my teacher, there was some problem or another.
At the clothing shop I visited, there was nothing that suited her, and the park we always stopped by had been under construction for days.
By the time the sky had finally begun to dye itself with sunset, it had become a day in which I had accomplished nothing at all.
“...This can’t be happening.”
“Pfft, hah... our disciple... cough, you’re looking awfully clumsy today, aren’t you?”
“...”
We were wandering through the streets when we arrived at the shops in some ordinary alley.
And by then, I was feeling guilty toward her for laughing so hard at my expense.
I had so confidently told her to follow me, and yet I had failed to properly treat her to anything at all.
Like you, I had planned a date route that was clumsy and utterly disastrous.
I wasn’t new to this the way you had been, and yet I was following the exact same path you had once walked.
So I looked at my teacher and said, “...I’m sorry.”
“Hmm? Whatever are you sorry for, my disciple?”
She tilted her head as if she truly had no idea, and I went on speaking.
“I ruined your birthday.”
I had even ruined that modest wish of hers—that we might simply spend time together.
I thought I had made the day a complete disaster.
But as if my words were strange, she asked me back, “Disciple, may I ask what exactly is ruined?”
What exactly was ruined?
At that question, I felt even more apologetic and answered in a small voice.
“Well... the meal was ordinary, the café was ordinary... I couldn’t buy you any clothes, and the park walk, too...”
“Disciple, I told you from the beginning, that’s exactly what I wanted.”
“...Huh?”
“I wasn’t hoping for some spectacular, dazzling day. I was hoping for an ordinary day spent with my disciple.”
She smiled and said that even an ordinary day had been joyful because we were together.
“Ah, though I suppose watching you panic around like that was a little special.”
My teacher said that and grinned, lifting something up in her hand.
A small hairpin.
Two little hairpins, each set with a tiny jewel, glittered in her hand.
“I think I’d like it if my disciple bought this for me as a present. If we each wear one, it might make us look especially close. What do you think?”
She shook the hairpins gently as she spoke.
So I think I answered, “...If a countess wore something like that, people would just say she was wearing cheap trinkets.”
“This teacher has an expensive enough face for it to be fine.”
I looked at her as she made that shameless remark.
And beneath the sunset’s light, I smiled.
I wished I could have said those words to you, too—the one who had once burst into tears and apologized for ruining my birthday.
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