Lie (1)
It was so satisfying. Seoyeoni looked pleased too, and for me, it had been ages since I'd felt this good. How long had it been since I'd managed it so cleanly, without any anxiety or worry? If I just rested a bit, I felt like I could go again right away.
"Phew. That was good, right?"
"…"
Seoyeoni gave a tiny nod, barely perceptible, then pulled the blanket over herself and turned away. She must have been satisfied too, but something felt off. She always used to say it was good first, hug me, act all cute and affectionate.
Was she still basking in the afterglow? Probably. Feeling smug, I lay down beside her. Today had been great, but even better was knowing we could keep this going. Seoyeoni had said she'd meet Hyeonwoo again.
Even when I tried convincing her—it wasn't that bad, I was fine, don't worry about it—she wouldn't listen. But the moment she came back from seeing that guy Hyeonwoo, her mind changed completely. She'd said she'd handle it somehow, but she'd been so adamant before. I had no idea how he'd persuaded her. She ignored everything I said, but listened to him so well. That was kinda hot, in a twisted way.
Anyway, it was a good thing. Sure, there'd be more nausea and trembling anxiety ahead, but I could handle it. Way worse was when my dick wouldn't cooperate, Seoyeoni got disappointed, I drowned in self-loathing, and desperately tried to get it up amid the misery. That was several times more painful.
This experience made it clear. I'd decided to accept and acknowledge my filthy kink. Of course, I still didn't know how far I wanted it to go… or maybe I did, and I was just ignoring it.
"…"
I patted my lovely Seoyeoni. She flinched at my touch, so she wasn't asleep. Headaches could wait. For now, just knowing she'd be hanging out with Hyeonwoo was enough. If it stayed like today, I wouldn't want for anything more.
"Seoyeoni, you sleepy? Wanna nap a bit?"
She just curled up tighter, no reply.
"Oppa…"
After a long silence, she spoke in a choked, whimpering voice.
"Oppa, do you love me?"
The unexpected question left me stunned. I snapped to and looked at her face. Her big eyes were brimming with tears.
"W-what? Of course I do! Why?"
"But… but how could you…"
"What's wrong? Did something happen?"
"Oppa, is it true…? Netorare…?"
My mind went blank. I never imagined netorare coming out of Seoyeoni's mouth. How did she even know about that…?
Seeing my panicked expression, she started sobbing harder.
"It is, isn't it…? You really… ngh!"
"S-Seoyeoni…"
Unable to hold back anymore, she burst into tears. I pulled her into my arms right away. She pounded weakly on my chest.
"H-how could you…? What do you expect from me?"
"…"
"I'm your girlfriend! You said you love me! You said you like me!"
"J-just calm down for a sec. Where did you even hear abou—"
"How can I calm down? How… how could you with your own girlfriend…"
She could barely string words together, like something was surging up inside her. I wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came to mind. How the hell did Seoyeoni…
"W-where'd you hear it?"
"Is that what matters to you right now?"
She looked up at me with teary eyes, full of utter disbelief.
"No… Seoyeoni, listen…"
"Hyeonwoo oppa told me. That you… you have netorare…!"
"H-Hyeonwoo?"
That bastard Hyeonwoo… I'd specifically told him to keep it secret from her…
"Yeah, Hyeonwoo oppa! Do you know what he said to me?"
"W-what…?"
"He said you… you want me to do it with Hyeonwoo oppa. That you'd like it… that you'd definitely get excited…"
"…"
"Is it true? You really want me to…?"
She gazed up with a desperate hope it was all a lie, on the verge of fresh tears.
A whirlwind of thoughts raced through my head. I knew exactly what I should say. That it was a lie. That Hyeonwoo was spouting crazy bullshit. I should be the one getting mad, saying how absurd it was.
That's what I had to do… but for some reason, I didn't want to.
Seoyeoni trembling and crying in my arms. My heart ached, but a twisted part of me thought this might actually be for the best. If I confessed my true nature now… bared my dirty fetish to her completely… Instead of comforting her shock, all I could think was how to turn it to my advantage.
Disgusting. I felt filthy and repulsive… but…
"Seoyeoni. Let me explain everything."
"You said you'd do it, right?"
"…"
Tears threatened again for no reason. Minjun oppa on his knees, even crying. I'd never seen him beg like that before. He'd completely let go, spilling everything he'd hidden: why it never worked, his efforts, the favor he'd asked Hyeonwoo oppa, his solo fantasies, what excited him, that promising feeling…
Watching him sob out his deepest secrets, kneeling and pleading—it messed with my head too. So I just said okay. That I'd try it. Just once, since he wanted it that badly.
His face back then was still vivid. Flushed with excitement—or anticipation?—gazing up at me. He hugged me tight, saying he loved me, thanking me.
Time passed, and today. He'd even seen me off, telling me to have a good time. His face beet red, his crotch bulging like it might burst.
On the subway ride, my mind raced. Did he really love me? Was it right to send your girlfriend to another guy—and wave goodbye? What the hell was netorare to make him do this?
I still didn't get it, didn't understand, didn't even want to. But one thing was clear: he was excited. More than ever before. More than I'd ever seen.
"No?"
"No. I only said that to Minjun oppa."
I answered as curtly and firmly as possible. I could do anything for oppa, but this was too much. After agonizing, I'd found a good solution. If it was hard for him, we should go to the hospital instead. There were pills, counseling. I'd pretend to go along, then suggest we see a doctor together. If he needed meds, we'd get them; if therapy, I'd go every day.
Sorry to the excited oppa waiting at home, but this was my best—and right—option. He'd been through too much lately, worn out. That's why he'd made such a request.
"Just words?"
"Yes. We're going to the hospital together."
"Ah~ So you just said you'd fuck me, huh?"
Hyeonwoo oppa smiled like he got it, no further explanation needed. The word "fuck" grated, but I let it slide.
"So you'll tell Minjun hyung it was a lie?"
"…I'll handle that myself."
"Come on, I need to know too, to keep our stories straight. Isn't it a secret from Minjun hyung?"
"Yes, a secret…"
"See? So tell me the plan."
He had a point. Not that I had a detailed plan…
"You'll say we did it?"
"…Yes."
I nodded after hesitating, holding back tears.
"Th-then, since I did your favor, let's go to the hospital together…"
"Ah~ Not bad."
Hyeonwoo oppa nodded and handed me a glass of water.
"You like Minjun hyung a lot?"
"Pardon…?"
"Just curious. How much do you have to like him to lie like this for him?"
"…"
"If I were a girl, I'd dump him on the spot."
I was shocked, disappointed, even resented him a bit—but breaking up? Never crossed my mind. I couldn't imagine life without oppa. He was my first, still was, always would be. Sure, this shook me, but like always, we'd get through it.
"I love him… more than anything."
"Haha, Minjun hyung's lucky. Landing a girlfriend like you."
Hyeonwoo oppa looked at me with a strange glint in his eyes. I'd never seen that look—what did it mean?
"Anyway, smart thinking. Minjun hyung's idea was honestly insane."
"…"
"Your way's way better. Pretend to do it. Nah, pretend you did it."
He smoothed his expression and smiled softly.
"But what if Minjun hyung asks for details?"
"Details…?"
"Like, how we did it. Positions, feelings, the situation."
"…"
I wished he'd stop saying "sex"… Talking about this with Hyeonwoo oppa embarrassed me to death, but he seemed totally casual.
"He'll definitely ask, y'know?"
I hadn't thought that far. If I said we did it, he'd probably probe like Hyeonwoo oppa said. He hadn't asked outright, but his eyes screamed he wanted me to tell him.
"I-I'll just…"
Wing it or brush it off…? But even after the lie, problems lingered. Even vague answers would fuel his imagination. Hyeonwoo oppa's name would keep coming up… Even as a lie, imagining that was horrifying.
I fidgeted, trailing off, and Hyeonwoo oppa stretched lazily.
"Wanna watch me with another girl or something?"