A Day of Severe Mood Swings
Bian SIDE.
...I had a strange dream.
For some reason, Gachi showed up in it and cut off that... part of some guy for Tita. And then Eve introduced me to a man who looked a lot like Gachi.
Honestly. It's already been a week since he dumped me, and I still can't think about anyone but him.
"I can't keep going on like this forever..."
The beautiful voice the members always praised me for wouldn't come out of my throat. Maybe it was from crying too much. Or maybe it was something mental.
"Whatever it is, it doesn't matter right now."
I had gone back to the state I was in before joining Utopia. Back to that time when the lingering attachment and regret over Gachi left me wanting to do nothing at all.
The truth was, that day, I had gone out fully prepared to be dumped by him face-to-face. I thought if he rejected me, my heart would feel lighter and I could start over. That I could properly make up with Wa-sol, and even find a new love.
But when it actually happened... realizing from the start that I'd never stood a chance left me so drained even I could tell how lifeless I'd become.
"Everyone must be worried. Especially... Wa-sol."
Wa-sol would blame herself. Even though she hadn't done a single thing wrong.
No — from the beginning, no one had done anything wrong except me. Drifting away from Gachi, approaching him again after we reunited — all of it was my fault.
Just because I... couldn't let go of my attachment to him...
"...What do I do. Should I stream today... If I don't come back soon, it's going to become a real problem."
I'd even gone on hiatus right after that tense standoff with Wa-sol. And I wasn't the only one being hurt by this...
"Haa..."
Just like before, alone in a dark room, buried under a blanket and staring only at the monitor — that was me. Choi Bi-an.
Normally, this would be the time to start streaming as Vivi... but I still hadn't even opened the Diy homepage.
Because I had absolutely no motivation to.
"...Should I just quit? Better that than keep causing more trouble."
I knew how much damage irresponsibly quitting would do to other people... but it still had to be better than irresponsibly staying offline forever.
...I really am pathetic.
"Haa... Huh?"
Just then, the phone I'd left on the desk rang. Lately I'd been ignoring every single message, but I always at least checked who was contacting me.
Gyu-ri, Tita... Wa-sol. Of course, nothing from Gachi.
Come to think of it, the Boss hadn't contacted me either... Feeling hurt about that would just be shameless of me.
Thinking that, I checked the caller ID.
"...Boss?"
Right there on the screen was a number saved under the short, intense name [Boss]. Under normal circumstances I should have ignored it, but the call came at such an unexpected moment that before I knew it—
"Hello!?"
I answered in that same tense voice I always used with her... God, I'm such an idiot...
"...So you do pick up my calls?"
"Ah, yes..."
"Good. Thank you."
I'm sorry. How did things end up like this...
But being a working adult is terrifying. The moment I knew it was the Boss calling, I immediately tensed my throat and tried to force out my usual voice somehow.
Of course, even I could tell it sounded different from normal.
"More importantly, let me get to the point."
"...Yes."
And she didn't seem concerned about my voice at all... Yep, that was the Boss as usual.
I'd heard that when Wa-sol was sick, she'd been so worried she even went to the hospital. I guess the first person she ever recruited really did get different treatment...
"Watch Kiri's stream today. You can decide after that — it won't be too late."
"...What?"
What did that mean? I waited for her next words, completely lost.
"..."
True to form, the Boss stayed silent. Of course she did.
Any second now the call would just cut off. I'd been through this enough times to know.
"...It's not that I wasn't worried about you. But I heard from your parents that you're at least eating properly, and that nothing's wrong with you physically."
...Or so I'd thought, until she started talking again.
So she'd contacted my parents. Lately Mom kept asking if I was sick somewhere — so that was why.
"This isn't... a problem I can solve. I was just waiting. That's... all."
Waiting? For what?
"So watch Kiri's stream carefully... and don't forget. You're one of the members building this paradise too."
A member building paradise. Was she referring to something she'd told me before?
I didn't know. The Boss's words were always full of vague things like that.
"That's all."
"Yes..."
I was about to hang up after that characteristically short farewell when—
"One last thing... Take care of your throat. It's gotten really rough."
Ah. So she had noticed.
"Yes. Thank you."
And then the call ended.
...So what was that about, in the end. Watch Kiri's stream? Not "start streaming soon"?
What on earth was she getting at...
"In times like this, it would be nice if she'd just tell me the intention specifically."
I didn't know what that intention was, but maybe watching Kiri's stream would make it clear.
In the end, I went into Utopia's cafe for the first time in a long while just to check the stream schedule. Skimming the popular posts, most of them were people worrying about me... There were still this many people who cared.
Of course I felt guilty, but more than that, I felt grateful.
And yet... the fact that I still couldn't bring myself to hit the stream button made the guilt win out again in the end.
"First, let's check Kiri's notice... Huh? ...Huh? ...Huh!?"
Kiri's notice had already passed five hundred views in just thirty minutes. I thought that was an incredible pace — until I saw the title, and it made perfect sense.
[Collab with Vivi Today!]
...Me!?
I'm right here.
"Kiri. Wa-sol isn't the type to farm engagement with something like this... and she hates this kind of lie, too..."
This method, if I had to put it into words... was the kind of thing Tita did all the time — blatantly lying, steering the situation, and getting laughs out of it.
Just in case, I opened the notice post.
[I baited you with that title just to show you this! Sorry!]
Scamming people from the very first line. This was a hundred percent ghostwritten by Tita.
Wa-sol would never do this.
"What on earth are those two up to..."
Somehow it felt like they were planning something fun just between the two of them, leaving me out, and I felt a little excluded. Even though I had no right to feel that way.
"Ah, it's an explanation of today's content... and a relationship chart with the members, too... So that's why she told me to watch."
A stream about the members' relationship chart, in a situation like this... They were probably going to talk about how close we all were.
There was no way people would enjoy a show-off stream like that.
"If you watched without knowing, maybe. But if you know, you'd see how forced it is... Huh?"
Muttering that to myself, I checked the comments on the notice. One of them had four hundred likes on a post with only five hundred views.
The first letters?
Let me see.
Looking closely, starting from "I baited you with that title just to show you this! Sorry!", the paragraph spacing was a little clumsy. I'd been in such bad shape I hadn't even noticed something this blatantly manipulated...
Newly aware of my own condition, I followed the comment's tip and read only the first letter of each sentence from the top.
Ifyoudontwatchthisyoullregretit.
"If you... don't watch this, you'll regret it?"
It did form a sentence you could actually understand. The last bit was a little clumsy, though. Pulling a prank like this and then leaving the ending messy — that was pure Eve. Pure Gyu-ri.
So this stream was planned by all three of them...
Everyone except me...
...
..
.
What am I even feeling left out about... idiot that I am.
"I should prepare for the worst, too. What happens when I'm not there..."
Even without me, Utopia would go on. Tita, Wa-sol, Gyu-ri — they all still had to keep working, so it was inevitable, but...
"...Have they already given up on me?"
Thoughts like that crept in. Even though I was the one who'd done everything wrong.
Not streaming, not saying a word, ignoring every message.
All of it was my fault.
...Maybe the reason the Boss told me to watch Kiri's stream was this.
That I wasn't needed anymore. That Utopia ran just fine with the three of them.
Maybe that was what she'd wanted to say...
"I know. They're not that kind of people... but I still end up thinking it."
Maybe it was from being alone in this room for so long.
Lonely, weakened, full of regret.
My thoughts only spiraled toward the worst.
"I'll decide after watching this... If I watch Kiri's stream and I'm sure I'm not needed... I'll leave properly... Boss."
Even though I'd brought this on myself, tears welled up. My heart hurt so much.
If Gachi dumped me, and Utopia abandoned me too—
What would be left for me?
More than the school I'd worked so hard to get into.
These bonds with them meant more to me...
"...Hic."
Knowing I had no right to cry, the tears came bursting out anyway.
And as they fell, I made a selfish little wish I had no business making.
Please... someone, anyone, come find me. Tell me you need me.
Stay by my side.
Get me... out of this place.
Wa-sol SIDE.
I wonder what Bian is doing right now.
I'd heard from Thomas unnie that she'd at least passed along the message. But I wonder... did she see the notice we posted?
What did she think when she saw that title we used to farm engagement? Honestly, it wasn't a method I liked.
The end result... pulled in even more engagement than we'd expected.
"Thousands of views... this isn't realistic."
Of course, not everyone who saw it reacted well. Naturally, some people were angry about us using Vivi as clickbait...
To those people, I was really... really! Sorry, but—
This was all according to plan.
On top of a notice that baited this hard, we'd deliberately had the other two start their streams late today.
Most of Utopia's fans would gather on my stream. That was the goal, so mission accomplished.
Now... I just had to do my part well.
...I'm nervous. As nervous as debut day, or the day of my showdown with Eve.
"Hoo, hoo... Just like usual. Just like usual..."
But I couldn't back down here. The starting whistle had already been blown.
"Alright... let's do this... Just one deep breath."
Haa, hoo...
With one minute left until stream time, I took a deep breath.
Naturally, the nerves didn't go away.
In the end, I was going to have to start the stream in this tense state when—
Ding!
A message, right on cue.
I grabbed my phone for a reality escape and checked the sender... It was Gachi.
..Heh. See? Nothing beats a boyfriend~
My nerves eased a little as I eagerly opened the message.
Crack.
I almost crushed my phone.
And of course I did... because the contents were this!
...Heh heh heh.
This boyfriend of mine seriously thought this counted as encouragement...?
Honestly...
Eve, Eve, Eve, every single day!!!
Fine! I don't need you either!
Today's stream is for Bian, okay!?
I don't care about some guy named Gachi anymore! Hmph!
...Just for today, though. Stupid Gachi.