Uncontrollable Emotions

Hae-an's Side.

Ever since the day I happened to see Gachi and Wasol at a café with someone who looked an awful lot like Eve, a feeling had taken root inside me — one I needed to confirm.

Deep down, I already had my answer. Still, I wanted to be ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sure.

But first, I needed to know whether Wasol really was Kiri.

That was what I wanted to find out.

And if she was — if Wasol really was Kiri...

Then I...

Gachi's Side.

A sudden message from Eve — from Gyu-ri.

We'd exchanged numbers last time, so the fact that she could text me wasn't surprising. What I hadn't expected was that she'd be the one to reach out first.

Huh. Déjà vu.

What was this? Some trending meme I just wasn't in on?

I started typing ...Why are you asking that—

"Don't ask."

"...Okay."

Just as I was about to send Why did you ask me that?, Wasol, sitting right beside me, stopped me cold.

Those two little words carried so much pressure that I couldn't bring myself to type what I wanted.

"Hehehe."

"She ran."

"I'll scold her later. Hehe."

Run far, Gyu-ri. Survive.

I didn't know why, but if she got caught, she was genuinely dead.

"Haa... this kid, I swear..."

"Is something going on?"

"No, it's nothing."

There it was again. If it was something I could help with, I would.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"...Just stay next to me. Always. Stay somewhere I can see you."

"That's easy enough. Do we have to stick together after this too?"

"Obviously."

"Not obviously."

For the record, that last line wasn't mine.

We were currently in the department lounge. The reason we were here was that Wasol had a counseling session with Professor Yu Eun-yeong. We'd been waiting for her class to finish, and she'd just walked into the lounge after wrapping up.

"Don't you think it's a little harsh, splitting up a couple in love?"

Wasol protested so boldly that Professor Yu Eun-yeong somehow ended up glaring at me.

"Hey. What kind of magic did you pull to make her talk like that?"

"Uh... I'm not really sure myself."

"Haa. Freshman year I was worried she'd fall apart any second. Now I'm worried about which direction she'll bounce."

Letting out a heavy sigh and clutching her head, Professor Yu Eun-yeong grabbed Wasol's hand and hauled her up. Wasol was so light that even a woman could lift her without much effort...

"Alright. Stop bothering the person you love and let's get this counseling over with. After seeing your midterm results, I'm convinced — you're going to keep seeing me from now on."

"What? That's tyranny."

"Quiet. If you want to graduate, follow me."

"Gachi~ Save me!"

"Have fun~"

Watching Wasol act like a little kid specifically in front of Professor Yu Eun-yeong always put a fond smile on my face. After seeing my beloved girlfriend off, I pulled out my earphones, planning to kill time with Eve clips until their talk was over.

Alright, what went up today~

"Oh, Gachi."

But Hae-an walked in at the worst possible moment, and I had to put the earphones away again.

"What, you have counseling too?"

"Huh? Ah, no. I was just looking around a bit..."

For some reason, Hae-an was avoiding my eyes. He also seemed oddly awkward around me.

Surely nothing was actually wrong?

"..."

"..."

The silence stretched on.

...Whatever.

I'd just act like I always did.

"Perfect timing, actually. It's almost dinner, so once Wasol's done with counseling, let's go eat."

"Ah, yeah. Let's do that. But Wasol really said she was fine?"

"Yeah, she didn't seem uncomfortable."

"That's a relief."

Watching Hae-an let out a sigh of relief, I suddenly wondered why he'd wanted Wasol to join us for dinner in the first place.

"So why did you want Wasol to eat with us too?"

I asked lightly, figuring it couldn't be anything serious.

"Because I think Wasol is Kiri."

I never expected a straight pitch like that.

"..."

"...So I was right?"

Seeing me freeze in place, unable to say a word, Hae-an asked again with a look of growing certainty. I still couldn't bring myself to answer out loud, so I just kept silent.

How did he figure that out?

"I'll apologize first. Yesterday, when you and Wasol were talking with someone who looked like Eve — Seo-hyeon, Cheon-woo, and I overheard you. From the conversation, and the fact that you called her 'Eve' once, I thought maybe..."

My mistake... I'd been careless.

At least Hae-an and the other two weren't the type to go around blabbing about something like this. Small mercies.

"As for Wasol... well. For a second, I heard Kiri's voice. If Wasol really is Kiri, that would also explain how you met Eve. So I put it together..."

So Wasol's slip was part of it too... We'd both been careless.

There was no point assigning blame now, but...

"I didn't want to find out this way. I'm sorry again."

Hae-an glanced at my face and bowed his head. Fortunately, the lounge was empty except for the two of us, so no one else saw.

"It's fine. And I'm sorry, but I don't think I can give you a clear answer about that. It's not that I don't trust you."

"No, I get it. And... I already got my answer."

"..."

Nothing to say to that.

Maybe I was just too shaken. I could have said something about Hae-an's comment, but my mind had gone completely blank...

Watching me scratch my head in this thoroughly awkward situation, Hae-an lifted his head again. He was still avoiding my eyes.

"Um... would it be okay if I told Wasol about this?"

"That... no. I'll tell her."

"You will?"

"Yeah. I think this is something I should say."

I briefly pictured Hae-an telling Wasol himself that he knew she was Kiri.

Something about that... didn't sit right.

Better if I did it.

"...Okay. Please do."

"Got it. Then... looks like counseling finished faster than expected. Want to talk about it now?"

"Huh?"

Hae-an followed my gaze and spotted Wasol hovering outside the lounge with an awkward expression, unable to come in.

Noticing our eyes on her, Wasol carefully opened the door.

"Ha, haha. Sorry. It looked like you were talking about something important. Was I interrupting?"

"Hmm... hard to say. We were going to tell you anyway."

"Ooooh... tell me what?"

At Wasol's question, Hae-an and I exchanged a look.

We both nodded at the same time.

"So... last time at the café. My friends apparently saw us."

"...What?"

"They overheard by accident. And, uh... they figured it out. About you and Gyu-ri."

Wasol tilted her head at first, not understanding — then her eyes went wider and wider.

"Ah... ah... ah!"

She clapped both hands over her mouth and let out a cry. She looked thoroughly stunned...

Apologies first.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"Wh-wh-what do we do?"

Ah. Maybe calming her down should have come before the apology.

"You don't need to panic that much. Hae-an and the other two aren't the type to tell anyone else."

"Th-that may be true, but... aaaah..."

Of course she was rattled.

This was something that absolutely had to stay secret.

"Uuuugh..."

"I-I'm really sorry. For eavesdropping."

Wasol looked at Hae-an with an expression that was somehow both teary and glowering, and Hae-an immediately bowed his head in apology. He seemed a little thrown himself — probably his first time seeing Wasol like this.

There was no way a proper conversation was happening in this state.

Pat, pat.

I went to Wasol's side and gently rubbed her back. She rested her head against my chest and took a few deep breaths.

"Haa... hoo... Okay. I'm a little calmer now."

"Good."

"...Ahem."

Back to her usual self and now embarrassed by the scene she'd just made, Wasol cleared her throat, then stood up straight and faced Hae-an properly.

"Um, Hae-an? May I call you that?"

"Ah, yes. Of course."

"Then, Hae-an. As you already know, this has to stay secret. I trust you because you're Gachi's friend, but please tell the other two as well."

"Yes, leave that to me. I won't let anything cause trouble for you, sunbae."

"Alright... I'm counting on you."

A temporary fix, but at least the situation was settled. Now what, though.

How was Hae-an going to treat Kiri — treat Wasol — from now on?

It had only been a month, but Hae-an was far more into Kiri than I'd expected. What he'd do with Kiri right in front of him... honestly, I couldn't picture it.

Not that I thought Hae-an would do anything weird, but...

"Well then, how about we go eat first."

Hae-an's suggestion cut through the stalled atmosphere.

Crap. I'd gotten lost in my own head without realizing it.

"Ah, yeah. Let's do that. Wasol, come on."

"Okay."

Wasol seemed to have been in the same boat; my words snapped her back.

We moved on to our original purpose.

Our original purpose being dinner. Hae-an was supposed to pick the place.

What he chose, unexpectedly, was a malatang restaurant.

...Why?

"You like malatang?"

"No. I've never even tried it."

"Then why?"

"I told you last time. Wasol likes malatang so much it's a problem."

"Hey, you—!"

Eating with Wasol so often lately, we'd gotten to know each other's tastes pretty well.

I wasn't a picky eater, so the range of food I'd agree to was wide — but what Wasol wanted almost always converged on tteokbokki, malatang, that sort of thing... Not that I disliked any of it.

If anything, I'd grown to like it from eating it so much... but having it too often was starting to be a little rough.

Of course, I'd never said any of this to Wasol. Feeling her smiling, narrowed eyes on me, I broke into a cold sweat.

"Hmm... so Gachi's been forcing himself this whole time?"

"N-no, that's not it. It's just, eating malatang and tteokbokki twice a week each... it's not that I'm sick of it, exactly. More like... I want other things too, I guess..."

Even I could hear how pathetic that sounded... But four times a week was genuinely a lot... Not that I hated it, but still.

Would Wasol understand how I felt?

"Huuung~ I see~ So Gachi was just putting up with it for me~"

"She doesn't get it at all..."

"Hmph."

Wasol was right next to me, but she turned her head so I couldn't see her face. Then she put a little distance between us.

Haa... I'd sulked her again.

Why did Hae-an have to say that... He didn't mean anything by it, right?

"Sorry. I just said it out of habit."

"...It's fine. Let's just order. Wasol can... eat the usual, right?"

"You're picking for Wasol too?"

"Yeah. I already know everything she likes."

Perked.

"Beef, glass noodles, and wood ear mushrooms... no, white wood ear mushrooms... and—"

"Whoa, you memorized all of that?"

"It's my girlfriend's preferences. Once you care, it just sticks."

Perked, perked.

"What about you?"

"Same as Wasol. Always has been."

"You two must have similar tastes."

"It's less that and more that I want to like the things she likes. And honestly, I've come to like them a lot."

Perked, perked, perked.

At some point Wasol had only turned her head the other way, but her ears were fully locked onto me... Almost time.

"...I want dumplings added today too."

"Got it. Then dumplings for both of us."

"But can you finish all this?"

"If Wasol can't finish it, I'll eat the rest. Always have."

Bump.

Just as I'd expected, Wasol was already back at my side, leaning into me and whispering.

"You always ate it because you liked it, right?"

"Of course. Part of it is eating with you, but I've genuinely come to like the things you like."

"...Hehehe."

"You two really get along."

"Well, we are dating. Oh — did you finish picking?"

"Yeah. I don't really know this stuff, so I just put in something similar to what you two got."

We loaded our toppings onto the trays and weighed them.

Wasol and I came to twenty-eight thousand won. Hae-an hit twenty-five thousand. Yeah, about average.

"...It's this expensive?"

"It usually runs about this much."

A lot of people got sticker shock the first time. I had too.

Of course, being shocked was one thing. Someone else would be paying.

"Don't worry. I'm covering today. If you want more, go grab it now."

"What? No. I invited you, so I should—"

"Ah-ah. If I start freeloading off freshmen right out of the gate, people will talk. Hae-an, do you want me to get a bad reputation?"

"That's... no."

"Then just take it gracefully. Just for today. Hehe."

Just for today... She said that, but the moment another chance came up, she'd buy again.

Well, considering what Wasol earned as Kiri, this was cheap.

"...Do you freeload off Wasol a lot too?"

"Well, yeah. There's a pretty big gap in what we make. I treat her sometimes too, but whenever I do, she only picks the cheap stuff."

"Hmm~? I just happened to want those things~"

She played innocent, but it didn't work on me.

For a whole week, the days she mysteriously craved tteokbokki were the days I paid, and the days she craved malatang were the days she paid. Even an idiot would notice.

"If you're done loading up, let's move on. We're doing malatang. What about you — malatang or mala xiang guo?"

"What's the difference?"

"Basically, xiang guo is stir-fried, and malatang is, well, a soup."

"Then I'll do malatang."

All three of us ordered malatang and headed back to our seats. A brief silence settled once we sat down, but the first person to break it was, surprisingly, Wasol.

"So, Hae-an. When I'm not around, does Gachi talk about me a lot?"

"He brags constantly. Cheon-woo was recently debating whether to bring a water bottle full of bleach from home."

Th-that bad? All I did was show off photos of us together or sit there chuckling over the long message threads Wasol ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sent me.

"Hehehe, what kind of stories? I'm curious~"

"Ah, that... I might get hit by Gachi, so maybe next time."

"Hahaha, why would I hit you."

"Hehehe. Honey. Eyes down."

"...Yes."

We were talking more naturally than I'd expected.

Hae-an carefully avoided bringing up anything about Kiri with Wasol, and Wasol didn't mention Utopia at all.

It was a little precarious, but at least for now, the situation felt comfortable.

"Oh right. Gachi. Let's take a picture. I need to brag in the group chat that I'm eating malatang."

"You already take so many pictures."

"And I'm going to take ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠even more. Come on, look here."

"Haha, you should get used to it, hyung."

"Yeah, I should..."

Yeah. At least for now.

Because of how things stood, I never saw it coming. I had no idea what an absolute bloodbath was waiting for us after this...

Someone's Side.

I was getting ready to go out.

I knew this was wrong.

But ever since I'd seen that photo, the emotion raging inside me had become impossible to hold down.

An absurd coincidence... or maybe fate.

Thinking of it that way only made it harder to endure. I knew I shouldn't feel like this anymore — and still, the uncontrollable feeling only grew.

The moment I saw the new photo that had just been posted in the Utopia group chat, I had no choice but to move.

Right under Tita's message was Kiri's, along with a photo taken at a malatang place I already knew.

And the person in that photo with Kiri was—

Kiri's boyfriend. Wasol's boyfriend.

And my first love.

Go Gachi.

I was going to see Gachi.