Keep Tutoring Me
Na-eun's tutoring sessions were coming to an end soon.
That said, I was still putting my absolute best into helping her study, pouring every ounce of effort into it.
Part of it was because the end was near, making me want to push even harder. But more than that, after seeing such huge promise in last year's CSAT results we'd reviewed together, I wanted to nurture that hope even further.
Na-eun seemed to sense my feelings perfectly. From some point on, she started studying even more diligently.
I wondered how she could possibly work any harder, but she really did—intensely so.
Before, we'd chat for about ten minutes before diving in, but now she jumped straight into studying without a moment's delay.
And during breaks, she'd review English vocab or read Korean passages—putting in an insane level of effort.
All I could do for her was cheer her on from the side and explain the problems she didn't know.
Days like that passed, and before I knew it, Na-eun was heading back to school.
High school and middle school breaks really are short, I thought…
…but at the same time, I felt a twinge of regret.
With classes left, it was just five more sessions—exactly five—and then our tutoring would be over.
It wasn't about the money. Her parents paid generously, way more than I deserved, which actually made me feel guilty.
Sure, I'd done some tutoring for a year right after getting into college, but I wasn't teaching any better now, yet I was getting three times the pay. How could my conscience not prick me?
Anyway… with all that guilt packed in, I taught her even harder…
…and soon, we were down to just three sessions left. It was the last week of August.
Even that final week, Na-eun studied without a word of complaint, and I guided her with all my heart.
Once her work was done, she turned to me and said,
"Oppa, all done."
"Yeah, good job."
"Thanks, you too, oppa."
That was all she said—no more.
I nodded at her, took the workbook, and started grading.
Na-eun watched me intently, then asked in a small voice,
"Oppa, you start classes next week too, right?"
"Huh? Yeah, opening semester."
"…You'll be super busy then."
"Probably. Assignments, exams… ugh, hate it."
Just imagining it made me cringe.
Not the best thing to say in front of Na-eun, who's studying so hard, but honestly, I don't like studying. I pretty much hate it.
To be blunt, studying's no fun. Back in middle and high school, solving problems gave a sense of accomplishment, but college? Nothing like that.
No right answers, just endless rote memorization. No way that brings satisfaction.
"…I see."
"Yeah. Brace yourself. If you come to our school next year, you'll have to slog through that boring stuff too."
Na-eun might suffer even more. I don't know much about nursing, but they definitely have way more to study than engineering.
Memorizing all that? Probably pulling all-nighters for days.
Na-eun sighed deeply and grumbled,
"More studying, huh…"
"Freshman year might be okay, but from sophomore on, slacking won't forgive your GPA."
"Ehh… can't you just half-ass it and still get good grades?"
"No such fantasy exists."
"Mid-to-late 3.something's fine, right?"
A mid-to-late 3-point GPA from half-assing? If that were possible, I'd have gotten it—hell, even 4.0s.
"You haven't been watching those shady YouTube channels run by fake influencers, have you?"
"No…! Probably not…"
Totally have.
I lightly flicked her forehead with my finger.
-Thwack!
"Ow!"
As she glared at me cutely, I chuckled and replied,
"Anyway, good job today. You worked really hard again."
"You were watching."
"You'd probably study hard even without me, right?"
I really believed that. Honestly, I couldn't tell how much I'd actually helped her CSAT prep.
Na-eun could've raised her scores plenty without me.
Sure, fixing her bad test-taking habits or teaching tricks for problem types she struggled with probably helped, but fundamentally, it all came down to her studying hard.
And in that, she was a perfect 100.
But the next words from the mouth of this diligent, hardworking Na-eun completely threw me off.
"Nah, I probably won't study that hard."
"…Why?"
To my question, she looked at me calmly and answered,
"Just 'cause studying with you is more fun and helps me focus better."
I blinked in surprise at how matter-of-factly she said it.
She looked at me, let out a small laugh, and voiced what was in her heart.
"Oppa, can't you just keep tutoring me? I want more sessions with you."
* * *
I said it.
I thought if not now, I'd never say it—that this was my only chance—so I blurted it out.
But now that it's out, it's so embarrassing. So much I want to crawl under the bed and hide.
That embarrassing.
But I don't regret it one bit. This is my heart. Part of my feelings for oppa.
No regrets in showing it.
With that resolve, I mustered my courage and looked up at Seonwoo oppa.
I was tense. What expression was he making? What was he feeling as he looked at me?
Peeking up, his face was the same as always.
Handsome as ever, with that same small smile.
"Why?"
He was asking for a reason.
I wanted to say it here: that I like him, have since I was little, that he's my first love, the only one—so I turned down every confession and only looked at him.
That I don't want to let him go, want to get closer, even become lovers someday.
But those words wouldn't come.
They were my true feelings, but I didn't want to burden him with them—not yet.
In this precarious tightrope walk, what I chose to say was…
"…Just what I said."
"Just that?"
"I want to keep getting tutored by you. Study by your side."
"…"
Seonwoo oppa just looked at me silently.
I checked his expression again, but only that faint smile remained.
Why? I usually loved that smile, but now it felt a little scary. I couldn't read his thoughts.
As my head grew more confused and ached…
-Pat pat
Oppa gently stroked my head.
"…Oppa?"
Without a word, he just petted me a few times, then spoke in a perfectly calm voice.
"…Better to end the tutoring here."
The words I absolutely didn't want to hear.
Why?
Why stop now?
I want to stay with you, oppa. Be by your side. Be together.
Why end the tutoring? Don't go. Don't leave me.
I'll treat you better. Like you more. Fix whatever's lacking.
As emotions welled up, ready to spill with the slightest touch… oppa, still smiling, said,
"Instead, let's just study together—no tutoring. I'll do my subjects, you do your CSAT stuff. Like that."
"Huh…?"
My brain froze, so oppa explained it out.
"Tutoring means I'd keep taking money from your parents. That's a burden, and I have my own studies, so I can't pour everything into yours like before. So let's just study together. That okay?"
He explained at length, but the point was simple.
Let's stay together.
That was enough for me. More than enough. It made me happy right now.
Not being separated from Seonwoo oppa even after classes start. That was the most important thing to me.