Chapter 4
I'm not a pitiful single mother or anything. Just Song Chohee.
"I'll go."
"Uh, yeah. Go inside, Chohee-ya."
After saying goodbye to Kwon Taejung, Song Chohee stepped into the elevator of her officetel and watched the numbers climb to the fourteenth floor with a heavy heart. The sudden spike in nausea had been impossible to hold back for even ten seconds. She clamped her nose shut. Then she desperately imagined the clear air of the deep mountain valley. How cruel morning sickness could be. Every single scent in the world now tasted rotten to her.
—DING!
She hurriedly boarded the elevator again, pressed the eighth floor, and focused hard on her breathing. Thankfully no one was around. If she was alone, groaning like this, some pretty student would come over and ask why. Every single time she hated having to make up some tired excuse. It felt like the baby inside her would think she was rejecting it.
As soon as she stepped through the door, she emptied the entire contents of her stomach into the toilet. Even if it was only chamomile tea and stomach acid that came up, the feeling was better than nothing. The bowl water drained away. But Song Chohee couldn't hold back anymore and sank down right there, overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. The hardest one to bear was the bitterness. She gagged until her eyes almost burst, yet her home stayed perfectly silent. No one to pat her back and say, "Come on, it hurts too much" or anything. She was completely alone. And that was entirely her own fault. She'd ended the messy life, changed her number, and moved to this unfamiliar neighborhood. It had all been her choice. Part of her hated herself more than anything for it.
"Why did I even go to the clinic today? I'm the bad girl who got an abortion consultation. But what about the cafe? I was trying to avoid caffeine and worried warm drinks might be bad for the baby, so I chose the chamomile tea. Wasn't I already comforting myself by thinking I was doing the right thing as a mother? Like I was some normal pregnant woman? The loose girl whose baby's father doesn't even know?"
Song Chohee's eyes stung. But she held it in. She didn't deserve to cry anyway.
When she entered the room and checked her phone, a text had come in. She hadn't even saved the number yet, but it showed as "Kwon Taejung" exactly like the name. The chat ID must have been the same. She'd always thought of him as so pure and clean even back when she was a kid. Kwon Taejung, Chohee-ya, make sure you rest well and keep in touch often. Afternoon 3:52. If you ever need me, call anytime. Afternoon 3:52. She looked at the messages with a faint, lingering smile.
She suddenly realized something. The morning sickness hadn't been there at all when Kwon Taejung was with her. No matter who she met or where she went, the nausea had always been unbearable for Song Chohee. But from the moment she met him until they parted, she hadn't felt nauseous even once. Instead, his refreshing and somehow comforting scent had brought her real comfort. Song Chohee let out a soft laugh.
Thinking back, it had been the same when they were kids. To catch even a whiff of Taejung Oppa, she'd been extra mischievous. "Hey! Ssongjjo, are you crazy? Why are you wearing my panties?!" "They're just short pants, right? Twist them and Oppa will wear them too, won't you?" "You're serious? You want my gym clothes as a birthday gift?" "Yeah. After I play soccer like crazy, don't ever wash them." "You're insane, Ssongjjo. Are you a pervert?" "Even though I like it, why tease me like that? Bring panties and socks together." It had been fun messing with him just enough to make his ears turn red. Had that memory even stuck with her?
Just like that, Song Chohee shook her head, shaking off the thoughts. She didn't want to entertain any weird feelings about Taejung Oppa. She knew herself better than anyone—more lonely and fragile than ever right now. The more she felt that way, the less she wanted to depend on him. Oppa had to live well, without her.
Song Chohee changed her expression to something neutral and slowly began typing her reply.
"I'm fine. You be careful too and go rest. I'll message you again soon."
She saved the contact as just "Oppa."
***
As soon as I got home, I launched into a full research binge on pregnancy, morning sickness, the stable period, prenatal care, and mother-nutrition supplements. I needed to figure out exactly what Chohee needed right now and what I could actually help with. No impure motives. It was all because I wanted to take care of her as her Oppa—purely and genuinely.
At that moment, my roommate and almost only friend, Lee Jihwan, walked in. My laptop screen was covered with pregnancy-test kits, ultrasound pictures, and photos of pregnant bellies. And here I was, having just broken up with her the day before and probably drinking myself stupid like an idiot. Jihwan dumped the convenience-store bag and immediately started cursing.
"Fuck! She got pregnant?!"
For a second I panicked, thinking he meant Chohee. "Kwon Tae, you didn't sleep with her?!"
Oh, right. He was talking about my ex. The guy had every reason to misunderstand. "Ah, not her. Just some acquaintance got pregnant."
"Aigoo! That shocked me. Who got pregnant?"
Only then did Jihwan grab the bag, rummage through it, and pull out cup ramen. "Just some acquaintance."
Suddenly the air around Jihwan changed. "Kwon Tae, tell me straight. Who is it?"
I answered again with "Just some acquaintance."
"You're fucking crazy. You have an acquaintance who is a girl? You won't ask who she is, so just tell me the story."
Lee Jihwan had been self-proclaimed dating expert since middle school. The rumor was that he made university tuition selling romance advice to horny local boys. Of course, another nickname was "Lee Jihwan" too. Since things had gone this far, I couldn't just ignore him. He wouldn't sleep at all otherwise. So I told the story anonymously, never letting him know it was Chohee.
Characters: Group of about forty delinquent guys.
Plot: I became an adult, messed around wildly, and got pregnant. I don't know who the father is, so I'm raising the baby alone. I want your help.
I said exactly that, nothing more. But Jihwan kept asking questions.
"You're fucking crazy! You met Song Chohee?!"
How the hell had he figured that out? "You always roll your eyes the second Chohee's name comes up. Don't pretend you don't know, you idiot."
I really didn't know. Just thinking about Chohee made my eyes water and my Adam's apple bob.
"Hey, hey, this is real secret. I wasn't supposed to tell you."
"Hey, you don't tell me and I won't get mad? What are you gonna do about it then?"
What was I gonna do? I was going to help Chohee in any way I could. Childbirth was something no one could handle alone.
"Kwon Tae, you're not gonna date Chohee, right?"
Dating Chohee? I actually wanted to say yes. To be honest, dating her would be perfect—right after I broke up with her, right after we ran into each other like fate, right after our company and house were close, right after I matured and got closer to my ideal type...
"Kwon Taejung. Snap out of it. She's pregnant."
Yeah, reality hit like Jihwan said. In about nine months Chohee would be a mom. Meanwhile I was just an ordinary twenty-six-year-old salaryman. I couldn't rush in or pressure her. It would hurt me, her, and the baby. Chohee was beautiful; maybe she'd end up marrying some rich businessman later. "It's just taking care of her as Oppa. Does that make me immoral?"
"Are you sure? Look at reality."
"I know."
Jihwan's analysis continued. Chohee had cleaned up all her relationships and moved to a strange neighborhood for one reason only: a fresh start. Poor single mother, or loose girl who got knocked up, speeding, all that trashy label. She wanted to escape it. So the solution was to stay in touch, meet often, take her to nice places, feed her delicious food. Since she lived alone, check if she was eating well, not depressed, financially okay, or if her family was fine.
"Hey, I'm already doing exactly that. What's the difference?"
"You've been saying you'll help from the beginning. Right now you're thinking of her as a pitiful girl whose life is ruined."
I understood the worry as Oppa, but Jihwan's real point was to treat her as a pure little sister. Otherwise she'd run away from me the second she could. I was properly called out. I hated admitting it, but Jihwan was right. Chohee was endlessly lovable and I wanted to see her all the time. But the deeper feeling was pity. So of course I thought my touch was needed and she would thank me for it. Yeah, I hadn't even realized I was treating Chohee as my equal. I even thought, five years later, Chohee is broken. So she'd rely on me and open her heart easily. Then I could appeal so much easier. Ah, I was such a sneaky delinquent. Maybe I was even happy about Chohee's misfortune.
Reading my shocked expression, Jihwan patted my shoulder. "Now you get it? That subtle difference?"
"Yeah, your words sound right."
Jihwan added one last line. "You act as her Oppa only. Absolutely no thoughts of dating Chohee. Ever."
Time passed. Evening came. Jihwan went out for delivery work and I was still stuck in my thoughts. I opened the chat with Chohee.
ChSR, you go home carefully too. I'll message again soon.
ChSR, don't drink too much after we break up. Afternoon 4:21.
ChSR lol, take care of your body~
ChSR let's go to a nice restaurant next time. I heard pregnant women get cravings a lot. Afternoon 4:23.
There was no reply to the last message. Looking at the chat, a sigh escaped me. Jihwan was right. I was treating Chohee like just some loose high-school girl who got pregnant. Should I apologize? No, the mood would get too heavy. Just act like nothing happened?
Would she think I didn't realize my own mistake? Wait. Was this whole worry actually just me trying to seem like an adult so Chohee would like me more? I felt as stuffy as if I'd eaten a box of roasted sweet potatoes. I was already anxious she might move soon. Texting wasn't enough. I called ChSR.
The line rang for a long time before I could finally breathe after hearing her warm voice.
"Hello, Oppa."
But maybe because I was so tense, Chohee's voice sounded off.
"Chohee-ya, are you sick?"