That's Not Who I Am
No, that's not it. [When marketing terms get this tricky, it's easier if you just think about the word's etymology...] Even as I scribbled notes on my tablet, my mind felt like it was floating somewhere far away.
The reason was obvious. It was because of what happened yesterday.
I tapped my phone, keeping it carefully out of the professor's line of sight, and lit up the screen.
Then I opened the chat with my last exchange with Oppa.
The conversation with Oppa had ended on that final note of consideration for me.
“Huu...”
Honestly, it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him about it.
If it were up to my heart, I would've poured out every complaint about yesterday. How unfair those people had been. How hard it had been for me.
I wanted to grumble it all out and shake it off.
...But Oppa must have watched my stream that day too.
I knew that Woohyuk, who ran UniClip, wouldn't miss a single one of my broadcasts.
After showing him such a pathetic side of myself, I was too embarrassed to complain to him.
...How awful must I have looked?
“...Still, maybe it's a good thing.”
I didn't share any classes with him today.
At the very least, I wouldn't have to worry about running into him on campus.
I clung to that small comfort and forced my attention back to the lecture that refused to stick in my mind.
“Alright. That concludes today's class. Thank you all for your hard work.”
The professor's voice rang out through the speaker, signaling the end of the lecture.
The classroom grew noisy as people began to file out.
I packed my tablet into my bag a little late and left the room as well.
That was it for today's classes.
There were no makeup sessions either, so all that remained was heading home.
Not that I could stream once I got there like I usually did.
Thanks to the hiatus notice I'd posted that morning, I couldn't turn on my stream even if I wanted to.
I left the classroom and started down the stairs from the second floor of the business building to the first.
The reason for the hiatus notice was obvious.
I was honestly terrified of going live today.
I was already scared of how the viewers would react the moment I started the stream.
It felt like the chat would explode into flames just like yesterday.
If it began that way, I'd lose all the energy to keep going.
“...It's not a problem I can solve by running away. Haah.”
If I was being honest, streaming today or tomorrow might end up the same.
But in my current state of mind, I kept hoping that waiting just one more day might let things calm down a little.
That futile line of wishful thinking was spinning in circles.
I had gone down a few more steps like that when—
...Ah.
My dazed mind suddenly registered that my foot wasn't meeting the ground, and a chill shot up my spine.
I must have stepped wrong.
But control of my foot had already slipped away from me.
My weight pitched forward with the misplaced step. I flailed, desperately trying to find solid ground, but the momentum was too much.
The full weight came crashing down on my ankle, and it twisted hard.
“Kyaaaak!”
Pain flared through my ankle as I collapsed right there on the spot.
The scream echoing through the building drew stares from people nearby.
The embarrassment was one thing, but the pain radiating from my ankle was intense.
I didn't have the mental space to care about their gazes.
“...Huuu... it hurts...”
Had I damaged a bone or a nerve?
Worried now, I tried moving my throbbing ankle little by little, but the pain only sharpened.
At least I could still move it, which was a relief.
I stayed seated on the business building stairs for a long time.
Inside, a wave of self-pity washed over me.
...Why did things like this keep happening to me since yesterday?
What terrible sin had I committed?
There was a saying that misfortune never came alone, and it wasn't wrong at all.
...Still, I had to get home. Time to stand up.
I couldn't stay sitting here forever.
There wasn't really anyone I could ask for help, either.
My classmates might come if I called them, but I didn't want to burden anyone like that.
“...Huu.”
I grabbed the handrail and forced myself to my feet.
When I took a step, I limped, but I could still walk.
I just had to make it home. I could endure that much.
It wasn't like the commute took hours.
Ignoring the throbbing pain in my ankle as best I could, I made my way down the business building hallway.
I somehow reached the entrance.
Shaaaaaaaaa—
The sound of heavy rain pouring down outside drew a hollow laugh from me.
...And of course I didn't have an umbrella.
Was even the weather out to torment me now?
It really felt like the whole world had decided to gang up on me.
My eyes grew hot with resentment.
The gloomy sky seemed to mirror the gloom in my heart.
As I stood there blankly staring upward, a familiar voice called from behind me.
“...Huh? Yuna?”
I turned toward the voice on instinct.
There stood Woohyuk Oppa, holding a large black umbrella.
...He must have finished his classes too.
We hadn't swapped schedules, so neither of us knew the other's exact timetable.
Normally I would've greeted him happily, but right now I didn't want to face him at all.
Oppa. Can't you just pretend you didn't see me and keep walking?
Between the embarrassment from my broadcast and the tears that had already gathered in my eyes, there wasn't a single presentable thing about me.
“...I'm not that kind of person.”
I covered my face and limped away from him as quickly as I could.
Even after saying it, the words made me cringe.
It wasn't like I was Blitzcrank or Dr. Mundo.
More than that, why did he have to appear in front of me right now of all times?
I could only resent the world.
After class, on my way home.
I spotted Yuna standing at the entrance of the business building, staring blankly outside.
The moment she saw me, she made a strange noise, hid her face, and tried to run away.
...What was wrong with her? Had the shock hit her harder than I thought?
The more she acted like this, the more my worry for her grew.
“Hey. Yuna? Are you okay?”
She didn't look okay no matter how you sliced it.
Even with her face covered, I could see tears slipping through her fingers.
She tried to move away from me, but her limping steps were painfully slow.
Where else had she gotten hurt?
“...Can't you just leave me alone? Oppa?”
“Sorry. I can't do that.”
When I followed after her, she stopped in place and spoke in a quiet voice.
It seemed like she really wanted me to just go.
But I had zero intention of doing what she wanted.
No matter what, I couldn't bring myself to leave Yuna here when she looked this bad both mentally and physically.
“So what were you doing back there?”
I asked a question loaded with multiple meanings.
Why she was crying. How she'd hurt her leg. And why she'd been staring up at the sky instead of heading home.
It was a single question carrying all those doubts.
“...Because I didn't bring an umbrella.”
Yuna wiped at the tears with her fingers and answered in a trembling voice.
The sight made my heart feel like it was being ripped apart, but I didn't let it show.
She'd only feel more embarrassed if I did.
They'd said the rainy season was starting this week.
Maybe Yuna wasn't the type to check the weather forecast.
I showed her my large black umbrella.
“Then let's share this one. It's huge, so two people can fit without getting wet.”
It was the only umbrella I had at home.
I'd regretted buying something so oversized back then, but who knew a moment like this would come.
Life really was unpredictable.
“No. You go ahead. I'll wait until the rain stops.”
Yuna was showing a stubbornness she didn't usually display.
Of course, I had no intention of backing down.
“Our houses are in the same direction anyway, right? Let's just go together. Yeah?”
When I put it that way, Yuna couldn't refuse. She gave a reluctant nod.
After all, she wasn't a bad person at heart.
She wasn't cold enough to outright ignore someone's kindness.
Besides, the rain wasn't light enough to just walk through.
I stepped outside first, opened the umbrella, and waited. Yuna came out dragging one foot behind her.
...That looked pretty bad.
Between her white summer sandals, her reddened, swollen ankle stood out.
It was obvious at a glance that walking all the way home like that would be too much.
“What happened to your leg? Where did you hurt it?”
“...I twisted it coming down the stairs in the business building. It's fine. I can walk.”
“Shouldn't you go to the hospital? It looks really painful.”
“It's okay. It'll get better if I rest at home. I twist it all the time anyway.”
Honestly, I wanted to just take her straight to an orthopedist.
That slender ankle was so swollen and she still wouldn't go to the hospital.
But I couldn't force her against her will.
I let out a sigh and crouched down in front of the entrance.
“Get on. I'll carry you home.”
Still crouched, I pulled out my phone with one hand and called a taxi to the front of the school.
There was no way she could take the bus in that condition.
“...What? That's...”
Even with her foot hurting that badly, she still seemed worried about me.
...I hadn't wanted to do this.
Looked like I'd have to play hardball.
“Then should I just stay like this here? Until you get on my back?”
At my words, Yuna's moist eyes began to tremble.