The Weight of the Crown
[Ah... I really don't wanna do this. Seriously.]
At my single remark, the chat window began to freeze over rapidly.
The chat that had been scrolling at breakneck speed suddenly shifted into slow motion.
The words that had just burst out of my mouth left me flustered.
...No. I hadn't meant to say it like that.
Honestly, it wasn't even that harsh. Plenty of streamers trade insults with their viewers.
But those exchanges stay within the bounds of playful banter.
What I'd just blurted out was nothing more than me losing control of my own frustration.
A throbbing headache.
Cold sweat began trickling down my already aching head.
The chat window reignited, scrolling even faster than before.
If it had been moving at 50 km/h earlier, it was now at 100 km/h.
This was the moment the phrase "chat on fire" truly applied.
...Should I just pretend I didn't notice and keep playing?
That wasn't going to work.
The moment the chat split into warring factions, the broadcast atmosphere had slipped out of my hands.
I didn't want to face it, but I was a streamer.
I tried to acknowledge my mistake and salvage the mood as best I could.
[Ah... Everyone. I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well today... and the game is hard, so I guess I got a little irritated.]
[I'm really sorry.]
I rushed out an apology, but public opinion had already gone nuclear.
One malicious donation poured fuel on the fire, and the chat blazed even hotter.
Viewers rushing to defend me.
And then—
Viewers who couldn't understand why I'd snapped.
Neither side was entirely wrong, which only made me more confused.
Honestly, I'd never gotten this irritated on stream before, so it hit even harder.
The viewers had already started fighting among themselves, ignoring me completely.
With the atmosphere completely ruined, I realized I couldn't continue the stream.
[Everyone, I'm really sorry about today. I don't think I can keep broadcasting in this mood.]
[Even if I forced myself to continue, we'd all just end up more upset. It wouldn't be any fun.]
[I'm sorry for causing this mess in a stream that's supposed to be enjoyable.]
I placed my hand on the mouse, ready to end the stream.
[And this isn't your fault, so please don't fight with each other. It's my fault. I'm sorry once again.]
Part of me didn't want to apologize.
Even now, seeing the malicious spam in chat made me resentful.
I'm human too, not some streaming machine.
When someone says something hurtful, of course it hurts.
...But hold it in. You have to hold it in, Yuna.
Still, a streamer couldn't fan the flames of conflict.
The viewers' feelings mattered far more than mine.
[Thank you for watching today. I'll see you tomorrow.]
I ended the stream while watching the chat continue to raise their voices.
Once the live broadcast ended, at least the pressure I'd felt moments ago disappeared.
Without even turning off the computer, I slowly leaned back in my gaming chair.
Then I covered my face with both hands and kept rubbing it dry.
"Haa... Why did I do that? Why? What the hell was I thinking?"
With the stream off and my head cooling down, the weight of my mistake sank in even deeper.
Before I started streaming, back when I was just a viewer, I'd seen situations like this plenty of times.
I told myself I'd never do that.
I promised I wouldn't make viewers uncomfortable.
I'd made that resolution before starting my own stream, yet here I was.
The guilt only grew heavier.
"...What am I supposed to do tomorrow? Seriously."
What worried me wasn't today.
After ending the stream like this, things would probably quiet down for a bit.
The community would be flooded with posts about the incident, but that would pass quickly too.
But when I turned the stream back on tomorrow, getting the flow back would be anything but easy.
There would definitely be people demanding explanations about yesterday and stirring up more trouble.
"Shit... My head hurts."
The persistent headache only made everything worse.
I stared blankly at the monitor that had gone dark in this heavy mood.
Before I knew it, tears had welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision.
Trickle.
As the teardrops rolled down my cheeks, I wondered if I even deserved to cry.
What right did I have to cry?
This was all my own fault, you idiot.
"..."
A weight only I could bear, one I couldn't share with anyone.
...For some reason, I really wanted to see Oppa today.
[The broadcast has ended.]
My face reflected on the now-black monitor screen.
I felt hollow staring at the abruptly terminated stream.
It had only been about two hours since I started.
Just when I was finally starting to enjoy myself, the atmosphere had gone to hell and taken all of today's happiness with it.
...Fuck. Those goddamn malicious bastards.
I couldn't understand the toxic messages flooding the chat and donations.
I get that it's frustrating, but why say it like that?
"Wouldn't the person on the receiving end feel frustrated too?"
I was grinding my teeth while watching, but I kept it all inside instead of typing it out.
Did they seriously have zero empathy?
Even I was frowning just reading it.
How much must it have hurt Yuna, seeing all those insults and accusations directed at her?
I started worrying about Yuna's state.
No matter how much Uni had toughened up over two years of streaming, even veteran streamers could have their mental break from incidents like this.
Honestly, Yuna had barely dipped her toes into this industry.
...Should I call her?
When people are depressed, bottling it up alone only makes it worse.
I'd fallen into negative spirals plenty of times myself.
But there was also a part of me that hesitated to call her while her emotions were still raw.
If I were Yuna, I probably wouldn't want to answer the phone right now either.
...Especially if it was from someone who'd been watching the stream.
"...Ah... I'm really worried."
The gloomy tone in Uni's voice right before ending the stream.
It was the lowest energy I'd ever heard from her.
Especially the way her voice trembled when she said she was ending the broadcast.
Thinking about it now almost made me tear up.
In the end, I compromised with myself and decided to send Yuna a message.
She could always ignore it if she didn't want to reply.
[Yuna. You okay?]
[Don't let it get to you too much. It's not your fault.]
I sent the messages and waited for a reply.
Sitting in my chair, I stared blankly at my phone screen.
Even tapping the black screen with my finger didn't make time move any faster.
A few minutes dragged by like that.
But still no reply.
"She must be really struggling..."
When things like this happened, people usually needed time to sort through their own emotions.
...Honestly, I wished she'd lean on me a little. Or at least talk to me about it.
But that was just my own selfishness.
Maybe it was hard for her to talk to me, since I was also a viewer.
Especially after I'd seen her at her most embarrassed.
Just as I was thinking I should give up and flopped onto my bed—
—Vrrrr
My phone vibrated in my pocket again.
I frantically pulled it out, wondering if it was Yuna, and checked the message.
And the text that arrived really was from her.
[Oppa. Thank you for saying that.]
[I think I need a little time to sort through my thoughts alone.]
[It's not because I don't like you, so please understand.]
The weight in her words felt different from her usual lively chat messages.
I got the feeling Yuna might be struggling even more than I'd thought.
[Yeah. Take your time. Don't worry about me too much.]
While I sent that reply, my real feelings were a little different.
...Am I not reliable enough?
I shook my head to clear the strange thought rising in my chest.
Yeah. At the very least, I should just wait for her.
With that resolve in my heart—
. . . . . .
> [Sorry, I'm still not feeling well so I'm taking a break today. T_T See you tomorrow.]
And the next day, early in the morning, Uni's break announcement had already been posted.