Why the Hell Do You Like Me?!
Baek Ah-rin's foot was soft. Soft enough that you'd never believe she was in her thirties. The ankle flowing down from her calf didn't appear swollen, thankfully — and that only made the beautiful line of it more pronounced, stirring my instincts little by little.
But I was used to this kind of stimulation. I'd trained myself so that even when I was aroused, my body wouldn't show a male's reaction... an erection, that is.
I pressed both thumbs into the muscle that had seized up, working it loose, and a sound burst out of her.
"Haaahn!"
Why it sounded so similar to the moans a woman makes during sex... well, that just meant I was a pervert, I supposed. But I wasn't worried. I'd spent years training myself while bathing my daughter's body.
Washing a daughter whose body had already gone through puberty was, as a father, an utterly agonizing ordeal. One wrong step and I could become the kind of beast who went into heat at the sight of his own child. But my daughter had wanted it. She'd wanted it, so I'd had no choice. I'd worked myself to the bone to prevent the disaster of getting an erection, and eventually I'd found a way. Of course, it wasn't that I didn't react at all — I was just crushing a fairly enormous instinct down inside myself.
I was a man too. When I saw a beautiful woman's body, of course I reacted. Baek Ah-rin's body was beautiful. Her small chest had been a shortcoming, but she'd made up for that with surgery. The mere fact of touching a woman's body like that with my own hands was enough to get me excited.
I pressed in.
"Haaang!!"
That slightly sticky, clinging quality in her voice. Today of all days, it felt like some lust demon had possessed me. She wasn't actually that kind of woman. She was a rough-around-the-edges, unpretentious friend. I hated this instinct of mine that kept taking her so sexually.
Anyway, I needed to stop thinking about it that way. Though thinking that only made it weirder, didn't it.
I never imagined the manual physical therapy I'd picked up would come in handy like this. Of course we had a dedicated therapist on staff, but I'd learned it just in case they couldn't make it in on short notice... and now it was being put to a completely unexpected use.
I pressed. Then pressed harder.
"Hnnh...! Hn!!"
If I kept working the muscle like this, Ah-rin's seized-up muscles would settle back down quickly. ...Though the moan-like sounds she made every time I pressed were a bit distracting...
I pressed down hard.
"Ah!!"
Suddenly Ah-rin's hand grabbed mine.
"S-Senior... wait... just a m-moment..."
Apparently the pressure I'd been applying was too much. But this was a standard technique in manual physical therapy.
"I have to work it out like this or it'll hurt later."
"Even so... Senior... please... a little more gently..."
Her fingers traced lightly over the back of my hand, stroking down.
"Such soft hands... and yet your fingers are so full of strength."
"I hear people who do massage always have soft hands."
I pressed down hard.
"Hnnnnngh!! S-Senior!!"
"Just bear with it a little. That's how you'll heal faster."
"Haaahn!! Stop... stooop!!"
She threw herself against me, wrapping both of my arms so I couldn't move.
"Senior... you're so mean. I begged you to stop..."
Tears had gathered slightly in her eyes as she glared at me. For some reason her way of speaking had shifted, becoming slightly more feminine. It was a different feeling from the usual Ah-rin.
The soft give of her breast pressed against my arm. This... this is dangerous!!
"I-I'm sorry!!"
I yanked both arms free from her embrace.
"...Mean."
Ah-rin's face was as sulky as it could possibly get. She must have been angry that I'd stopped even after she'd told me to? No — she was angry that I'd pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Ah-rin... but this is how you'll heal faster. I wasn't doing it to make you suffer."
"Do you dislike me, Senior?"
"No! Absolutely not. Why would I dislike you? Have you ever seen someone go on a trip with someone they hate?"
"Then why did you pull away?"
"Huh?"
"I'm asking why you pulled your hands away."
Unexpected. I'd been sure she'd complain about how painfully I'd been pressing... but the problem was that I'd pulled my arms away?
"Ah... th-that's because you pinned my arms with your body... it hurt..."
"I endured it even when you were hurting me, I'll have you know."
She puffed out one cheek to show her dissatisfaction. It was the kind of thing a little girl did when something didn't go her way. She was in her thirties, but the gesture was thoroughly cute.
"I'm sorry, Ah-rin."
"You're acting a little strange today, Senior."
"...Uh... huh?"
"Unlike usual, you keep doing things you have to apologize to me for."
"Th-that's true. I'm sorry."
That's right. It wasn't as if I were the only one at fault. But it was true that I'd been teasing her in a strange way. We'd known each other a long time, but we'd never been the kind of close where we'd tease each other like this.
I was a divorced man. She was unmarried. If we started horsing around in the same space, strange rumors would definitely start flying. I was fine. The problem was Baek Ah-rin. Her future was wide open. She needed to find a boyfriend, get married, have children. If she got tangled up with a divorced man like me and strange rumors started? That was a complete loss for her.
But after I'd learned about the difficult past she'd endured, from the moment I'd decided to be her strength, things had changed. I'd wanted to give her a little more vitality. That's why I'd teased her more... but it seemed it had been a burden for her.
"I think my teasing went too far. I'm sorry."
Anyway, excuses weren't needed. If the teasing had been more than she could take, then it wasn't teasing — it was bullying.
"...I like this side of you so much, Senior."
She threw herself against my chest, wrapping around me. Warm. No — hot.
"Hey... Ah-rin... wh-what's with you all of a sudden?"
"When I was misunderstood as a lesbian back in college, it was you who helped me, Senior."
She spread both arms and held my body tight.
"When I was struggling to escape the noose that was my father, it was you who used even your personal time to help me."
Her arms grew stronger and stronger around me.
"And... it was you who tried so hard to soothe this anxious heart of mine."
With our hearts pressed together, I could feel her heartbeat all too clearly.
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump.
Her heart was racing. Madly. As if it would burst.
"Senior... I... I...!!"
"Oh crap!! Wait!! I just remembered something I forgot!!"
I grabbed both her arms and pulled her off my body.
"Huh......?"
Her face was half panic, half disappointment. But I had no choice. I didn't know exactly what she was about to say. But my instincts told me that if I sat there and listened, something was going to become a much bigger problem.
"I'll be right back!! I've got something to do!! There's a famous kimbap place in Seogwipo I completely forgot I was supposed to pick up from!!"
"Ahh....?"
Her face was bewildered and deflated. But I had no choice. I couldn't hear what she was about to say.
"It's so good people line up for it... and they sell out the moment afternoon hits! So!! I'll go get some!! You just rest, Ah-rin!"
An excuse that anyone could see was awkward. Behavior that anyone could see was awkward. And I was the one doing it. How pathetic must I have looked to her right now? That's right. I could read it on her face.
"Ah... yes... Sen...ior."
She seemed to have given up on what she'd been about to say. Thank god. That's what I'd been hoping for.
"I put a pain-relief patch on your ankle and worked it out some, so it should be fine. So just rest a bit! I'll be right back!"
I slammed her door shut and got out of there as fast as I possibly could.
I gunned the engine and drove out of the resort. But I couldn't get Baek Ah-rin's face out of my mind. Those downcast, melancholy eyes. That soft skin. The way she spoke, so different from usual.
She was going to confess to me, wasn't she.
Unexpected. Truly unexpected. In over ten years of working with her, I'd never felt this even once. That's why I'd been so startled I'd run out.
She had never seen me as a man. She'd thoroughly accepted me as her senior and treated me as such. That's why I'd been able to come on this trip with her in the first place. If she treated me as a senior rather than a man, I'd thought I could tend to her mental wounds without any burden.
But... just now, she was clearly different. She wasn't my junior, Ah-rin. She was Baek Ah-rin, a woman who liked me. That much was certain. I'd been sure of it from Ah-rin's heartbeat pressed against my own.
Since when...?
No. That wasn't what mattered. What was I supposed to do from here?
It was certain she'd been about to tell me she loved me. And my answer to that was equally certain.
NO.
I'm sorry, but I can't accept it.
There were two reasons.
The first was my own heart. I liked Ah-rin. But loving her as a woman... I still didn't know.
The second was my daughter. My daughter didn't want me to remarry. My daughter was everything to me. I couldn't do something she didn't want.
My feelings were a mess. No — completely tangled into a wreck.
Right now I'd run away without hearing her out. But when we met again, she would try to confess her love to me once more. And then I would have to tell her I couldn't accept her feelings.
The aftermath that would blow in from that answer. How was I going to weather that?
"Ah... my head..."
A migraine was starting to set in.