What's That Shampoo Scent on You, Dad?
The strength drained out of my body in a long, slow leak. Of course it did. She was a woman, yes, but she was still a grown adult. I'd hauled her on my back for a good two kilometers, then bathed her and even done the laundry on top of it... it would have been stranger if I weren't exhausted.
Baek Ah-rin. My junior from school, and the pay doctor at my private clinic. She'd always been such a bright kid. I'd assumed her personal life couldn't have been all that troubled. But the story I'd heard from her today had been almost too painful to sit through. It wasn't something I had lived myself, and yet just listening to it had been horrific.
How on earth had Ah-rin managed to stay so bright in a situation like that? How had she endured that nightmare for over thirty years? If it had been me, I would have... why had she stubbornly hung on like that? Those were the kinds of thoughts people usually had.
But I'd lived long enough to know better. In the end, it always came down to this: the person who actually lived through it had their own reasons — circumstances that left them no other choice. An outsider, unconnected to any of it, could never know the full picture, and so they made it all sound simple.
What I'd heard today wasn't the whole of Dr. Baek's story. That was why I, as an outsider, couldn't fully understand. She was a smart girl. You didn't get into Hankuk University's College of Medicine — the best in the country — without being smart. A girl like that wouldn't make a stupid choice. There had to have been circumstances. Something I didn't know. Something that had left her with no other option.
Ah-rin had started sorting through everything she'd been holding in, one piece at a time. That must have taken enormous resolve. The agony leading up to that decision must have been immense, and the stress considerable. And yet here she was, fighting to unbind herself from everything that had held her captive. It was no small thing. I could feel her pain. The wound of being hurt by the family you'd trusted — I'd been through that myself, which made it hit all the harder.
Alcohol. Ah-rin had never touched a drop in her life. Her own father had beaten her with those bottles. And tonight, she'd picked up the very thing that had struck her body and downed it in one shot. You could call it a fierce will to break free of that trauma. But the other side of it occurred to me too: how much pain must she have been in, to drink at all?
People said drinking made you forget the bad feelings and feel happy. That was probably why she'd drunk. To forget those horrific memories. To feel happy. Of course, one of the classic mistakes first-time drinkers made was overdoing it. Drinking a lot didn't necessarily make you happier. Even a moderate amount produced the effect.
The amount of alcohol it took to soak the brain varied from person to person. There was no set dose. But Ah-rin seemed to have assumed there was. People always talked about drinking one bottle of soju, after all. Had she wanted to get the bitter, unpleasant stuff down fast and get drunk? She'd just uncapped it and poured the whole thing down her throat.
Alcohol hit hard when you drank a large amount all at once. One bottle sipped slowly versus one bottle in a short burst — same quantity of alcohol, completely different speed of intoxication. Downing a bottle in a short time got you far drunker. Ah-rin had knocked back an entire bottle of soju in one go. The result: she got spectacularly drunk and promptly lost consciousness.
Which had left me with a mountain of work... Still, if unburdening herself like this had lightened her heart even a little, then my labor had been more than worth it.
Was it pity for Ah-rin? Because I'd suffered a similar kind of pain? Or just the affection between a university senior and junior? Whatever it was, I found myself wanting to help her. And so I wanted to do the thing she'd asked of me.
A trip to Jeju Island. I didn't know why she'd wanted that from me. But Ah-rin wasn't a bad woman. She wouldn't have made that request with some strange ulterior motive. Yeah. I'd do it. It wasn't that difficult.
That left me with two things to take care of. First, set a schedule for closing the clinic. Our clinic had never closed, not even once. I knew how terrifying money could be. Once you started taking days off, people's trust dropped. Get a reputation as the place that was always shut, and a neighborhood clinic was as good as dead. So I'd worked myself to the bone, and I'd managed to plant the image of the most dedicated clinic in the neighborhood. At this point, closing once shouldn't be a big problem.
Thursdays and Fridays were usually slower. So Thursday through Saturday would be a good window. I'd need to update the hours on the online maps, post it on the clinic information sites, and put up notices inside and outside the building. The staff would be happy, too. Work had been so busy they hadn't even gotten a proper summer vacation, let alone used their annual leave... taking a break this time around wouldn't be a bad thing.
The second thing was talking to my daughter. I'd never been apart from her — except for when she'd gone on school trips. I'd certainly never spent a night away from her for my own reasons. And that worried me.
Would she eat properly? Would she run into trouble because I wasn't there to take care of her? What if she got lonely with me gone from the house?
...
Yeah. My thinking had gotten too rigid. I was still treating her like a little kid.
Min-ah. My precious daughter, the apple of my eye. My own little princess. But contrary to the picture in my head, she was an adult now. Old enough to stand on her own. I couldn't keep sheltering her in my nest forever. If I did, she'd never grow.
I wanted my daughter to do well. And it wasn't some vicarious wish to accomplish through her the things I never could. The ultimate goal was her complete independence. I wanted her to become someone who could live fully on her own, as a member of society, even without me.
I was getting older myself. It was an inauspicious thing to say, but the odds of me dying had only gone up. I'd lost my parents in college. The crushing stress of their deaths still sent a chill through me even now. There had been a time I couldn't bear it, when I'd wanted to give up on everything. I judged that as the result of having depended on them too much. If I'd had a more independent mindset, the grief of losing them — and the financial strain — would have been far less crushing.
I didn't want my daughter to go through something that hard. The best outcome was that I lived a long time. But even if I died suddenly, I never wanted to see her floundering in the swamp of my death. I had to teach her that she could live well without me. This, right now, would be the first attempt at that lesson.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the house. I was about an hour later than I'd promised my daughter. I'd always been meticulous about keeping the times I promised her. A guilty twinge needled at me.
...
No. I was human too. I made mistakes. I wasn't even that late. And it wasn't as if we were meeting at a set time to do something. Maybe I was too hung up on keeping promises to my daughter. This was the kind of thing I needed to let go of.
Ding-dong. I pressed the bell. I had a key card, but I rang it on purpose. Being greeted by my daughter was always a pleasure.
"Dad?"
The door burst open before I could even answer.
"It's Dad!"
She threw herself into my arms.
"Dad~~ I missed you~~!!"
"Hey now, you can't just open the door without even waiting for an answer."
"I just knew it was you. I could feel your energy! From outside the door!"
"Wow, am I walking around leaking too much energy? Should I try hiding it?"
"No! Don't hide it! You can't! I'll hate you!"
My daughter's clothes were her going-out outfit. She seemed to have just gotten home herself.
"Looks like my princess just got in too."
"Yeah! I paid my university tuition, met up with a friend, and just walked in! Ten minutes ago!"
Good. Even if I'd come home early, she wouldn't have been here.
"But... what's that scent on you, Dad?"
"Hm?"
"It smells nice. Didn't you say you were meeting a friend today? I thought you'd smell like meat..."
It would be the shampoo and body wash I'd used when I washed Ah-rin. Should I tell her or not? I didn't want to invite unnecessary misunderstanding, though.
"There was a fabric freshener on the way out of the barbecue place. So I gave myself a spray. Does it smell okay?"
"Yeah! I love it! Do you remember what brand it was? I'll go buy some later."
"I don't remember exactly. I'll check and let you know."
"Okay, okay!"
"Have you had dinner?"
"Not yet! I was chatting with my friend so I only had coffee!"
I suddenly realized I was starving. Right. All I'd eaten was two slices of meat. Ah-rin had downed a bottle of soju in one go and passed out, so I hadn't even finished the barbecue.
"Then Dad'll make dinner. My friend drank herself under the table, so I didn't get a proper meal either. I'm hungry."
"Oh, really? No! Then I'll cook!"
"No, no, my girl had a long day. Dad should be the one making dinner."
"You're the one who worked, so you're more tired. What did I even do that's hard? Don't you trust this lovely daughter's cooking?"
"...Alright. Then I'll leave it to my girl. Make it tasty, okay?"
"Leave it to me!"
I was happy. This was a happy home. I was a blessed man. To have an angel like this as my daughter. I'd lost a great deal, but I'd gained just as much in return. My daughter. Min-ah. The jewel of my life. Giving thanks to God... my daughter and I stepped inside the house.
Crouched in the entryway waiting for her father, Min-ah's face hardened with resolve.
"I have to go look for him."
She stood up from the entryway and pulled on her clothes. She was going to go find her dad.
"No way... no way... it can't be, right? It can't. My dad... he wouldn't."
Ding-dong.
Color flooded back into Min-ah's face.
"It's Dad!"
Her voice jumped an octave. Min-ah rushed to the door and threw it open.
Standing there was her father, Eun-hyeok, looking somewhat disheveled. There were traces of a hard time on him. But no traces of having been out with a woman.
"Dad! I missed you!!"
Min-ah threw her arms around Eun-hyeok. She pressed her nose to his shoulder and started sniffing. The smell of pork mixed with a faint rose-scented shampoo and body wash. Min-ah's expression twisted for an instant. But she quickly smoothed her face. She couldn't let Eun-hyeok see that.
The shaman's words kept ringing through her head.
Her father had lied. That was not fabric freshener. She wanted to press him. She was dying of curiosity. But she had to hold back.
Min-ah clenched her fist. Eun-hyeok had said he was hungry. Yes. This was it. Time to show him her charm. How well she could cook. How beautiful she looked while cooking.
I'll show him. My charm as Dad's bride...!!