Just Think of Her as a Log

Ah-rin knocked back an entire bottle in a single gulp and didn't get up again.

Thanks to that, I had to walk out of the bar without so much as a sip.

"Haaah... huuuhhh..."

She was moaning, slumped over my back. Couldn't blame her. She'd said it was her first time drinking.

The more you drink, the higher your tolerance climbs. Even people who actually enjoy a drink start getting drunk from a single bottle of soju. But someone who'd never had a drop in her life, slamming an entire bottle in one shot? Even a seasoned ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠drinker would be wrecked doing that. Alcohol needs to go down slowly. Dump a huge amount in all at once and you're asking for trouble.

"...How hard must it have been for her..."

That was it. Ah-rin seemed to have been carrying a heavy burden in her heart all this time.

"I had no idea... that she'd been living under her father's fists."

From where I stood, it was a complete shock. I couldn't believe that a kid with such a bright, healthy spirit had actually been getting beaten at home. As far as I knew, she'd grown up with a single parent — her father. I'd heard her mother ran away when she was little. In the end, with no one to lean on, she'd hidden all that pain and just lived with it.

"Haa... haa..."

Ah-rin was panting, the alcohol in her stomach too much for her. How hard had she worked to overcome her trauma? In a way, it was impressive. The trauma pressing down on her — the fact that she'd even tried to overcome it was remarkable. I'd thought she was just a kind, hardworking klutz. But it turned out she was a friend who'd been carrying her own darkness all along.

I felt sorry. Sorry I hadn't noticed. She must have shown it in some way, over and over. I was just too dense to pick up on it.

"She said we should go on a trip to Jeju Island."

Seemed like a good idea. A luxury hotel. A nice rental car. I wanted to compensate her, even a little, for all the hard days she'd endured.

"Let's talk about it again once she wakes up."

She probably wouldn't remember anything we discussed while she was drunk. Better to talk about it again tomorrow after she sobered up. There was the hospital schedule to consider... and I'd need to ask my daughter for understanding, too.

"Ugh... this is the place."

Before I knew it, we'd arrived at the studio apartment where Ah-rin lived. Thankfully I remembered the address. I'd memorized it when we filled out the emergency contact list, just in case. Lucky I had.

She lived in unit 18 on the 18th floor. The top floor of the building.

One problem. I... didn't know the door lock password.

Thud.

Something fell from her body. A key card.

"Oh, lucky."

Beep-beep-beep.

The room we entered was clean. She seemed to make tidying up a daily habit. Come to think of it, the room Ah-rin used at the hospital was always well-organized too.

Something else struck me as well-organized. There was barely any stuff in the room. One table that doubled as a desk. A small three-shelf bookcase. And a folded set of bedding on the floor. That was it. It was a monk's cell, honestly.

"This kid... just how suppressed a life is she living..."

"Uuurp!!"

Suddenly I heard something gurgling up from my back. This... was an emergency!

"Hey... hey!! Hold on just a second!!"

I bolted for the bathroom. I flung open the toilet lid, peeled Ah-rin off my back, and aimed her face at the bowl.

"BLAAAAAARGH!!!!"

Nice. Thank god. I'd just averted a genuine disaster.

"Blaaargh!! Uuueeeegh!!"

I patted her back.

"You stubborn idiot... why'd you drink like that..."

Pat, pat, pat.

"Urgh!! Uuueeegh!!"

Ah-rin was desperately trying to heave up the alcohol in her stomach. The pity I felt watching her wasn't because this was some reckless stunt... it was because I knew this was her struggling to overcome her pain.

"...Hahh... hahh... haaahhh..."

She'd almost stopped retching. It was nearly over. They say once you throw up the alcohol, you start coming to your senses. Her blouse, skirt, and stockings were a mess of saliva and vomit. Once I got her lucid and made her take a shower, my job would be done.

Thud.

But a problem arose. Ah-rin had fallen asleep clutching the toilet.

......

You've got to be kidding me. What now?

I couldn't just leave Ah-rin like this. She'd catch a cold. But I couldn't just lay her down in the bedding like this either. Which meant... I'd have to wash her...

"Hey...! Hey! Wake up! Hey!!"

I shook Ah-rin. But she didn't so much as twitch. Don't tell me... she's not dead, is she?

I put my ear to her mouth.

"Haa... haa... haa..."

Thankfully she was breathing. She was completely wrecked. I bitterly regretted not stopping her from downing that whole bottle of soju in one shot.

If she were a guy, no problem. But this friend is a woman. Granted, she talks like a guy...

What do I do? How am I supposed to handle this? I'd fallen into a thoroughly unpleasant trap. If I don't wash her, I'll get cursed out for abandoning someone who couldn't even stay conscious. And if I do wash her? I could get branded a pervert.

What do I do. What the hell do I do?

"Ahh... haaah... please... don't hit me... haaah... I'm sorry... I... I... I won't do it again... please..."

Ah-rin was trembling, clutching the toilet. Was it pity? I felt like I couldn't just leave her like this.

Alright. I've bathed my daughter before. If I just think of her as a log, I can wash her.

"Ugh... it hurts... please... please... haaah..."

I looked at her. Ah-rin, suffering. She'd always been bright in front of me. So I'd thought she was a bright kid. But that wasn't it. She was more unfortunate than anyone.

Family. I know the value of family better than anyone. I know all too well the pain that comes when family goes wrong. I know the grief of losing a family member. I've experienced a family member doing something they should never have done, tearing me apart. I've felt happiness watching a family member grow.

My daughter. Min-ah. She was everything to me. And receiving my love, she grew up well into an adult.

That's why I understand what Ah-rin must be feeling. The sorrow of the only family you have using violence against you. The sorrow of having to erase that family from your life. The desperate struggle to overcome all of it.

Alright. I rolled up my pants and sleeves. And I approached Ah-rin.

This is a log.

This is a log.

This is a log.

I took off her blouse, and a white bra with an ornate lace pattern appeared. Ah-rin's breasts were enormous. But their shape was absolutely perfect.

"This kid... did she get... breast surgery?"

Right. Back in college... and right after she first came to my hospital, her chest wasn't this big. But at some point it had gotten huge. I never asked about it separately, though. Even if you're close, this is a world where casually commenting on a woman's body can get you arrested.

But why did this kid get breast surgery. She said she doesn't even have a boyfriend. Weird.

Tap.

I unhooked the bra. It had a standard clasp, so it came off easily. Her breasts dropped with a soft thud. Yep, those are surgically enhanced. The shape was far too beautiful. I hear natural-looking surgery is in vogue these days, but it seemed she'd chosen beauty over a natural look. And her nipples were the finishing touch. Pale pink.

......

By the way, why do I keep staring at this kid's chest? I must be losing it.

I pulled off her skirt and stockings. She was heading toward her mid-thirties, but her legs were still smooth, without a single ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠bit of muscle definition. When I pulled off her black panties, a black ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠forest appeared.

"Thank goodness. She's got hair."

Strangely, I get turned on when I see a woman's genitals without any hair. You know... I guess it's a kind of fetish. Anyway... I leaned her against the shower stall and gave her clothes a rough first wash by hand. The stockings had torn while I was taking them off, so I threw those away. Then I put the laundry in the front-loader in the kitchen, added detergent, and started the machine.

"Ah... they say you shouldn't just throw women's clothes in the washer."

...Can't be helped. I left a text on her phone.

I went back into the bathroom. Ah-rin still hadn't come to. Her naked body.

That's a log.

I adjusted the shower to a warm temperature and sprayed it on her head.

"Haaah..."

Seeing that she didn't wake even with water on her, she was properly drunk.

"Sigh..."

I'd hoped the shower water would wake her, but I was disappointed when it didn't. I had no choice but to put my hands on her body.

I pumped shampoo and washed her hair. Ah-rin's hair was thick and full. A baby powder scent quickly wrapped around my nose.

Scrub, scrub. I washed her face and neck with body wash. Those were, in a way, the parts that needed the most thorough cleaning. Black eyeliner came off in the foam. Lipstick and various creams washed away with the suds.

Now the body. I needed to get my hands off her as quickly as possible. I looked for a washcloth. But there wasn't one.

"Come on... what does this kid even wash with."

No choice. I'd just have to quickly run my hands over Ah-rin's body. I pumped both hands full of body wash. And I leaned her up.

Slap. I started from the shoulders. Shoulders. Armpits. I felt hair in her armpits. What.

"...So she doesn't even shave because she doesn't have a boyfriend? Good grief..."

Scrub, scrub. From the armpits I moved to her chest. It felt fairly natural, but in the end they were surgical breasts. There was an artificial quality to the touch.

......

That's not something I should be paying attention to.

Waist. Belly. Nice lines. Her pelvis was on the wide side. And her legs were really long.

Scrub, scrub. I ran over them quickly. Success!!

I turned the shower on full blast. I intended to rinse her off fast. Even with all that movement, she didn't stir. I wasn't sure if that was fortunate... ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠or unfortunate.

I dried her off and spread out the bedding in the corner, sitting her up against the wall. Then I roughly dried her hair with a hairdryer. Unlike before, her face was peaceful. Having thrown up the alcohol along with the vomit and then taken a warm shower, she seemed to be feeling better.

"I... had a rough time, but... well... at least her face looks peaceful."

After drying her hair, I laid Ah-rin on her side. I'd heard of cases where people laid on their backs choked on their own vomit and died. Looking at her covered with the blanket, I finally felt at ease.

"You... don't you dare wake up and sue me for sexual harassment, okay?"

A little fidget. Ah-rin moved at my muttering. I jumped. Did she wake up?

I looked at her face.

Sssrrk. Sssrrk. She was sleeping. Scared me.

I turned off the lights and left Ah-rin's apartment. It was already ten o'clock. I'd promised my daughter I'd be home by nine...

I hurried my steps.

Min-ah was sitting somewhere with a clear view of the front door, staring it down.

Repeating those words, over and over, without end.