The Naked Waltz
The banquet hall's air froze instantly at Roderick's chilling command.
Dozens of soldiers surged forward in unison, their sharp spears and swords bristling as they closed the tight dragnet.
"My Lady! Get behind me!"
Astrid shielded Eliana behind her back, shifting her grip on her sword.
Cold sweat trickled down inside her helmet.
Supported by Jill, Eliana closed her eyes in sheer terror.
'Is this the end...?'
Astrid fell into despair.
No matter how skilled she was, there was no surviving against this many elite soldiers and a Mana Blade user.
Just then, Penis stepped forward.
Even as a rain of spears and swords bore down on him, a savage smirk played on his lips.
"It's dangerous, you lunatic! Get out of the way!"
Jill screamed.
But Penis didn't budge. Instead, he took a deep breath, gathered the energy throughout his entire body, and let it detonate.
"Huuuh... Hah!"
BOOM!
"Blow away!"
An invisible, devastating shockwave erupted from Penis's body.
The spearheads and sword blades thrusting toward him clashed against an invisible wall, clanging loudly as they were deflected away.
The soldiers closest to him were swept up by the shockwave, scattered in all directions like scraps of paper.
"W-What?!"
A sudden silence fell over the room.
The soldiers stared, mouths agape at the surreal spectacle unfolding before their eyes.
And an even more shocking sight awaited them.
In the wake of the shockwave, the cloak Penis had been wearing fluttered and flew wide open.
"Hieeeek?!"
"H-He's naked?!"
One of the soldiers shrieked in horror.
Standing majestically in the center of the battlefield, the man's completely nude body—and his colossal, dangling manhood—was far more threatening than any conventional weapon.
"Are you not coming?"
Penis muttered nonchalantly, his massive shaft swinging heavily.
"Then I'll go to you."
He lowered his stance, swaying his upper body with serpentine fluidity as he glided forward.
"Time for some wavedashing!"
Swish! Swish! Swish!
Approaching at a speed that left afterimages, he closed the distance in the blink of an eye. Twisting his hips, he drove his right fist vertically upward from beneath a soldier's chin.
*CRACK!*
Blue electricity crackled with a sound like a clap of thunder. Hit dead-on, the soldier launched high into the air without even having time to scream.
"Aaaaagh!"
With every wavedash and punch, soldiers were sent flying into the sky one by one.
"W-What on earth is that...!"
Roderick stumbled backward in panic. To send heavily armored soldiers flying barehanded—and completely naked, no less!
"I will handle him! The rest of you, capture the Duchess!"
Roderick barked orders at his men as a brilliant blue light enveloped his sword. A fully manifested Mana Blade—a power accessible only to those who had reached superhuman heights. The blade energy, said to slice through solid steel like tofu, came crashing down, poised to split Penis's skull in two.
"Die, you monster!"
But Penis merely smirked, casually raising his bare arm into a guard position.
*THUD!*
Roderick's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. The moment his Mana Blade struck Penis's bare arm, it was deflected with a dull ring. There wasn't even a scratch on Penis's skin.
"T-This... How can a bare body block a Mana Blade?!"
The other knights watching the exchange were equally paralyzed with shock. Penis snorted.
"Yeah, your bro here can react and block everything."
He wavedashed forward once more, closing in on Roderick.
Snapping out of their daze, the remaining soldiers and knights lunged toward Astrid, Jill, and the Duchess.
"You bastards! Keep your hands off Her Grace!"
Astrid snatched up a fallen knight's sword and fought back desperately, but the sheer weight of numbers gradually forced her backward.
Jill panicked as she watched the armed soldiers closing in on her.
'What do I do? What do I do?!'
Taekwondo, boxing, kendo... she had dabbled in them back when she was a man. But a real life-or-death battle was completely different. Moreover, her opponents were literal killing machines armed to the teeth.
'How the hell am I supposed to win this?! Damn it!'
As a blade slashed toward her, Jill recoiled in fear. But then, something strange happened.
*Whoosh.*
The soldier's blade grazed past Jill's eyes.
'Huh?'
It was slow. Incredibly slow. She could see the soldier's movements with crystal clarity, as if watching in slow motion.
'Wait... I can actually do this.'
Had her physical abilities been enhanced without her realizing it? Jill clenched her fists tight.
"Screw it, here goes nothing!"
Squeezing her eyes shut, she threw a punch straight at the soldier's face.
*SMACK! SQUEAL!*
Feeling a solid, heavy impact, she opened her eyes to find the soldier flying several meters backward, his face completely caved in before crashing to the ground.
"..."
Jill stared blankly down at her fist.
"Huh? Am I... actually strong?"
Her confidence skyrocketed. She turned back to Eliana and thumped her chest proudly.
"Don't worry, Eliana! Leave them to me!"
"Lady Jill, behind you!"
Just then, the spears and swords of other soldiers thrust toward Jill.
"Yikes!"
Startled, Jill twisted her body this way and that.
Yet, her movements were bizarrely fluid.
Swaying back and forth as if performing a dance, she narrowly evaded every single incoming strike.
"You slippery bitch! Die!"
Toyed with by Jill's dance-like evasions, the soldiers swung wildly, hitting nothing but air.
With every step Jill took, her cloak billowed, exposing her naked body in vivid detail.
"The crazy exhibitionist is doing some weird dance!"
A soldier shouted, his face flushing red.
"It's not a weird dance!"
Jill protested indignantly as she launched her counterattack.
"One-two! Two-one! Forward-two-four!"
*Thud! Bam! Crack!*
Jill's fists and kicks dug deep into the soldiers' vital spots. Her form was unrefined, but her strikes were incredibly fast and heavy.
At that moment, a knight charged at her in a rage.
"You insane wench! Die!"
The knight's sword swept toward Jill's neck.
"Eek! No way I can block that!"
She didn't have the confidence to test if she could block a blade with her bare skin like Penis did. Instinctively, she ducked.
Sweeping low to the floor, she whipped her leg out toward the knight's exposed shin.
*CRACK!*
"Aaaagh!"
Gritting his teeth through the agonizing pain of a fractured shin, the knight swung his sword. But Jill evaded it effortlessly, as if she had anticipated the move, and immediately snapped her leg toward his face.
"Yep, dodge and... Ro-Hi!"
*Tap, CRACK!*
A quick tap to the shin, followed instantly by a devastating blow to the face.
"Gah!"
The knight stumbled, completely unable to react.
Seizing the momentum, Jill drove her fist straight into his face.
"Not a bad effort, but this is my win!"
The knight collapsed, completely knocked out.
"Wahahaha! Did you see that?! I can kick ass when I want to!"
Jill burst into triumphant laughter, her confidence soaring.
The tide of battle had turned in an instant.
Meanwhile, Roderick was suffering a one-sided beatdown from Penis.
"Cough!"
Tripped up by Penis's low sweep, Roderick was immediately struck in the abdomen by a follow-up punch, coughing up blood as he was sent skittering backward.
"T-This... This can't be happening..."
He trembled violently, utterly denying reality.
To think that he, a man aiming for the realm of a Master, was being utterly demolished by a naked, exhibitionist brawler.
"Who... Who on earth are you?!"
"I told you. I'm Penis."
Penis yawned, looking thoroughly bored.
"You bastards... Do you think you can survive this?! The knights who serve the Viscount..."
"You talk too much."
Annoyed, Penis threw a punch straight at Roderick's face.
*CRACK!*
Roderick's face caved in as he was launched across the room, slamming hard into the wall.
"Just a small fry after all."
Penis dusted off his hands.
With their commander Roderick defeated, the remaining handful of soldiers lost all will to fight, throwing down their weapons in surrender.
"W-We surrender!"
Once the situation was settled, Jill spotted the Crimson Baron trembling in a corner.
"Hey! You, get over here!"
Just as Jill was about to bark at him, huffing with anger—
The Baron threw himself forward with a speed that made him look like a flying pig.
"Yikes?!"
Jill flinched in surprise, but to her astonishment, the Baron slammed his forehead onto the floor, executing a flawless dogeza.
*THUD!*
"My Lady! I believed in you! I knew it all along!"
"...?"
"I knew that traitor Roderick was plotting to harm you, so I deliberately let him lower his guard! I knew Your Grace would triumph!"
The Baron shamelessly flipped his stance, showering her with sycophantic flattery.
"What a spineless bat..."
Jill let out a hollow laugh, utterly dumbfounded.
Meanwhile, Astrid gazed bitterly at Roderick's mangled, lifeless body. After staring at the miserable end of her former mentor, she turned her gaze toward Penis.
'With that level of power... he is undoubtedly a Master.'
A bizarre physique capable of blocking a Mana Blade with bare skin, coupled with invisible speed and destructive force.
She had heard that those who reached the realm of a Master could manifest blades of pure mana without a weapon and slice through steel with their bare hands.
'The legendary realm reached only by the Duke's Knight Commander or our sworn enemy, Viscount Valentine...'
Astrid swallowed hard as she looked at Penis.
'Penis... He may be a pervert, but he is someone we absolutely must keep on our side.'
And as memories of the passionate night she had shared with him flashed through her mind, her face flushed hot.
'Ugh... No! Now is not the time for such thoughts!'
She shook her head vigorously to clear her mind and stepped toward the groveling Baron.
Penis nudged the Baron with his foot and asked,
"Hey, should I kill this pig or what?"
At Penis's chilling question, the Baron trembled like an aspen leaf.
"S-Spare me! Please, just my life!"
Astrid pondered for a moment before turning to Eliana to offer her polite counsel.
"My Lady, it may be presumptuous of me, but I believe it would be wise to keep the Baron alive."
"A traitor like him?"
Jill snapped, but Astrid calmly continued her explanation.
"If we kill him now, we will have the satisfaction of executing a traitor, but it will only lead to an endless, bloody purge. It is better to show clemency and bring him to our side. The Crimson Baron's wealth and influence will be of great help in our journey ahead."
Jill grumbled.
"And what if he stabs us in the back? That guy is clearly not to be trusted."
Penis chimed in.
"Then we can just kill him then. Simple, right?"
He lightly patted the Baron's cheek.
"Hieek! O-Of course! I will never betray you! Please, just spare my life!"
The Baron swore, sweat pouring off him like rain.
Eliana found merit in Astrid's words. Rather than being swayed by emotion and executing him now, securing practical benefits would be far more advantageous in reclaiming her family's house.
Clenching her trembling hands, Eliana nodded with a look of firm resolve.
"Yes, Sir Astrid is correct. Now is the time to build our strength."
She stepped toward the Baron, looking down at him coldly.
"Crimson Baron, I shall spare your life for now. However, there is a condition."
"J-Just give the command! I will do anything!"
"Provide us with all the supplies and troops we require. And to Viscount Valentine... send a false report stating that we were killed at Roderick's hands."
"Y-Yes! Understood! I will carry it out exactly as ordered—no, I will handle it flawlessly!"
Overwhelmed with relief at surviving, the Baron repeatedly slammed his head against the floor.
"Whew..."
As the tension drained from her, Eliana's legs gave out, and she nearly collapsed. Jill quickly caught and supported her.
"Good job, Eliana!"
When Jill gave her a thumbs-up, Eliana offered a shy smile.
Just then, Penis suddenly stepped forward. The group watched him with tense expressions, wondering what shocking declaration he was about to make next.
Instead, Penis rubbed his rumbling stomach and asked with deadpan seriousness,
"So, when do we eat? I'm starving."
"..."
The group was left utterly speechless by his sheer absurdity.
To whine about food right after beating men to death and holding a serious discussion about their future...
"Of course..."
Jill shook her head.
After instructing the Baron to clean up the mess, they left the corpse-strewn banquet hall behind and headed off to get some food.