I Don't Want to Be Alone
The late afternoon of a long holiday weekend. The sun was already high in the sky by the time I opened my eyes.
Even though I'd gone to bed in the early morning, sleeping this long should have left me feeling refreshed. Instead, my body felt endlessly heavy, like I was lying on top of rebar.
And as if that wasn't enough, I was plagued by constant muscle aches all over. I felt like I was going to die. Sure, they say playing around also takes stamina, but did it really have to hurt this much?
The relentless pressure finally made me give up on getting out of bed. I reached for my phone instead.
When I turned it on, a flood of messages from Chae-yeon was waiting for me.
If I'd woken up even an hour later and seen all those messages, my phone would have been bombarded with notifications. I let out a light chuckle at the endless stream of texts from Chae-yeon and typed a reply.
She sounded completely fed up just from reading the messages, so I gave Chae-yeon a call. She picked up before the ringtone even sounded twice.
“Hello?”
“Why do you sound so angry?”
“Wouldn’t you be? I woke up early because I wanted to talk about yesterday, but you wouldn’t get up!”
“Unlike you, my stamina isn’t that great. Cut me some slack.”
“Sigh, your body really is made of paper. How are you supposed to keep up with me?”
“I’ll try working out a little harder. What were you doing while you waited?”
“I was looking at the pictures we took yesterday, rereading all our old chats from the beginning, stuff like that.”
Even though we’d spent the entire day together yesterday and seen each other’s faces the whole time, I still wanted to see her again. If this had been a few days ago, I might have hesitated. But what was there to hesitate about now?
We were dating, after all.
“Chae-yeon.”
“What?!”
“Want to meet up right now?”
“Huh…? You just woke up. And aren’t you supposed to be resting because you’re tired?”
“Meeting you is resting for me. I miss you.”
“I’d love to see you too, but aren’t you pushing yourself too hard?”
“I don’t want to be alone. I like being with you.”
“You sure know how to talk. You’re really okay, right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
“Then let’s meet in Downtown at four.”
“Got it. See you then.”
To be honest, it was exhausting. I probably needed to stay home and rest all day to fully recover. But what could I do when I missed her this much?
Once the holiday ended, we wouldn’t be able to see each other whenever we wanted anyway.
“Son, you’re up? Where are you headed?”
“I’m going to meet Chae-yeon. I won’t be back too late.”
“You’re going to see Chae-yeon again? You spent all day with her yesterday.”
“It’s like an after-party.”
Mom didn’t take her eyes off me the entire time I was getting ready. I had a pretty good idea what that look meant. She’d probably started to catch on.
It wasn’t a secret relationship anyway, and we’d promised to tell her eventually, so it didn’t really matter.
While riding the bus to meet Chae-yeon, I thought about what would come next. Now that we were officially dating, things would have to be different from when we were just friends. We’d need to do something new.
If I had to pick the first thing that changes between lovers… it would probably be pet names.
What kind of nickname would suit Chae-yeon? Taking the “yeon” from her name seemed like it would be easy to say.
Yeon. Yeona. Yeoni.
Yeoni sounded nice. I could call her “Yeoni-ya.”
Thinking it was a pretty decent idea, I got off the bus. As usual, Chae-yeon had arrived first and was waiting for me.
“Yeoni!!”
“…What?! What did you just call me?”
“I said Yeoni.”
“You were talking to me?”
“Yeah. I came up with the nickname while riding the bus over.”
“A nickname…?”
Well, of course she’d be flustered. Her name had suddenly changed overnight. How could she not be?
But what could she do? She was the one who chose this boyfriend. She’d just have to tough it out.
“Do you hate it?”
“I-I don’t hate it… It just sounds weird.”
“You’ll get used to it once you hear it more. Let’s go, Yeoni.”
“Ugh, dude. That gave me chills.”
“Yeoni, I lo—urk!!”
“Don’t say it!! Either one alone gives me goosebumps. How can you say both?!”
Still, there was no need to punch me in the stomach, was there?
I wasn’t actually upset, but I wanted to make the situation more fun, so I turned my back to her.
“Aigoo, if this is how it is, I don’t see how it’s any different from when we were friends. You won’t let me use a nickname. You won’t let me say I love you.”
“J-Jung-woo?”
“Nothing’s changed. Nothing at all. It’s not like I’m the only one in this relationship.”
“I… don’t hate it. It was just so awkward that I had a knee-jerk reaction.”
“I’m the one forcing myself to say it even though it’s awkward for me too.”
I heard careful footsteps approaching from behind.
She must have thought I was genuinely upset.
The moment I sensed she was close enough, I spun around and pulled her into a hug.
“…Hey!!”
“Gotcha.”
“You’re not actually mad?”
“Me? No way. Why would I get mad over something like that? I’m not that petty.”
“So you were doing it on purpose?”
“I thought it would be more fun this way… Ow!!”
“You were playing with my feelings?! I really thought you were angry!”
“It was pretty fun for me.”
“Someone almost had a heart attack over here. Seriously!”
I loosened my arms and took her hand. Even though she was grumbling and acting annoyed, she held my hand tightly.
“Want to go to a café?”
“Yeah, let’s do that. Why are you smiling so much?”
“Because Yeoni is cute.”
“That’s a sickness. Hey, watch where you’re—!”
“Huh? Ahead?”
—THUD!!
I’d been staring only at Chae-yeon’s face while walking and didn’t notice the utility pole right in front of me. I slammed straight into it.
If I’d seen it coming, it might have hurt less. But because it was completely unexpected, the pain was intense.
“Ow!! Yeoni, it hurts.”
“Are you an idiot? Why weren’t you watching where you were going?”
“Because you’re so pretty I couldn’t look away…”
“Sigh, seriously. From when we were kids until now, you’ve always needed someone to hold your hand.”
Chae-yeon stepped in front of me and examined the spot where I’d hit my head.
The area she touched would normally hurt like hell, but strangely, it didn’t hurt at all. If anything, it felt nice.
I caught the hand that was stroking my face and pressed a kiss to the back of it.
“Eek?! Hey, why all of a sudden…”
“Is that not allowed?”
“No, it’s… not that it’s not allowed.”
If someone asked me what was the most fun thing in the world right now, I could confidently say it was teasing Chae-yeon.
Every time I initiated skinship or said something couples say, the way she short-circuited was just too adorable. It’s only natural to want to tease the girl you like even more.
“You don’t seem like yourself. It feels like someone else.”
“So you don’t like it?”
“You keep asking if it’s okay or if I hate it. How am I supposed to say I hate it when you ask like that?”
“I was just asking.”
“Anyone can see that’s not a ‘just asking’ face!”
While chatting with Chae-yeon, we stepped into the café we always visited. We’d been here together many times, but today it felt like we’d stepped into a brand-new place, just like the train we’d taken yesterday.
We sat down at a table, and I slowly admired Chae-yeon’s hand. It was about the same size as mine. Her fingers were all long and slender, so when we held hands, mine felt smaller. Her hands really were pretty.
“Wow, can I say one thing?”
“What?”
“You look like a total pervert right now.”
“Why are you turning your perfectly normal boyfriend into a pervert?”
“Who just sits there fondling someone’s hand like that?”
“Right here. Yeoni’s boyfriend. Oh? You got goosebumps.”
“Chae-yeon, this is the relationship you chose. There’s no escaping it.”
It seemed like she was slowly starting to accept it. She wasn’t reacting as dramatically anymore. Though it looked more like she’d given up than truly accepted it.
“Jung-woo, should we set the photo we took at the train station as our wallpaper?”
“I look pretty wrecked here because we were exhausted after playing all day, but if Yeoni likes it, I’ll use it.”
“We can take as many photos as we want, but this is the first one we took after we started dating. It’s special.”
“Yeah, okay. Let’s go with this one.”
We set the photo we’d taken at the train station as each other’s phone wallpaper, just like Chae-yeon wanted. It was our first real couple thing.
“Oh, and I have something for you.”
“For me?”
“Here. It’s a gift.”
“A gift out of nowhere? You didn’t have to.”
“Open it.”
When I unwrapped the small package, I found a bracelet identical to the one I’d given her.
“I thought it would be nice if we matched on at least one thing. They happened to sell the same bracelet.”
“Wow, I really didn’t see this coming. I’m a little touched.”
“I’m still awkward, so I can’t act the way you want yet, but I’ll get used to it little by little.”
“You don’t have to try so hard. I like seeing Yeoni react like this too.”
“You like seeing people flustered? You really are a pervert.”
“Hey, I keep telling you not to turn your perfectly normal boyfriend into a pervert.”