I Didn't Look Because I Wanted To
I'd been in a similar situation before. The kind of casual remark that slipped out from hanging around guys all the time had ended up hurting Chae-yeon.
Back then, I knew I'd messed up right away, so I apologized immediately. But this time, I had no idea what I'd done wrong.
The warm atmosphere had frozen over in an instant, and I couldn't figure out why it felt like I'd screwed something up. Part of me wanted to chase after her and ask what was going on, but trying that on this ice rink would be like signing my own death warrant.
I stayed quietly by the railing and replayed what had just happened.
Chae-yeon had snapped at me, asking where I was looking. That meant the scene I'd been watching was the trigger for all this.
What I'd been looking at was a woman skating at what looked like a competitive level. Come to think of it, she'd also told me I should focus on the person I'd come with.
So was it wrong that I'd looked at that woman? No, I was just impressed. I still didn't fully get it, but at least I'd identified the cause of the current situation.
The real problem was figuring out how to apologize.
“Chae-yeon…”
She must have completed another lap, because she came back into view. I called her name thinking this was my chance, but she skated right past me without a word. It wasn't like she hadn't heard me—the distance was too close for that.
Waiting here until she came back to rest was an option, but… it felt like that would only make the river between us impossible to cross.
Well, it's not like I'd actually die.
I slowly pushed forward the way she'd taught me earlier. When she'd been helping me, I'd thought it was totally doable. But that had clearly been wishful thinking.
My legs wouldn't move the way I wanted them to. I was so scared of falling that I kept tensing up, and it felt like I was about to get a cramp.
“Chae-yeon… whoa!!”
My legs suddenly gave out and my body pitched forward. Right as the ice rushed up to meet my face, Chae-yeon appeared beside me and grabbed my arm.
“If you can't even skate properly, why are you wandering around alone like it's dangerous?”
“Wow… I really thought I was done for. Thanks.”
“I'll take you over there and then skate a bit more by myself.”
“Before that, can we talk for a second?”
“…Fine.”
Maybe she felt bad for me after I'd thrown myself at her mercy. Either way, things had gone the way I wanted this time.
We sat together on a bench outside the rink. The air felt even chillier than inside the ice arena.
I should probably speak first.
“Um… sorry?”
“Why was that a question?”
“Ah, no. I'm sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“Well… we came here together, but I was looking at someone else?”
Nothing definitive had come to mind, so the words had come out as a question without me realizing it. Chae-yeon glared at me with eyes so intense it looked like she might kill someone, clearly unhappy with my tone.
“If that's what you wanted to talk about, I'm going back to skate.”
“Wait!! I'm sorry that we came together but I was looking at someone else.”
“Even if you're resting, isn't it kind of wrong to have your eyes on someone other than the person you came with?”
“Yeah, you're right. I was taking a break and looking around, and that person was really good.”
“It was a woman?”
“Huh? Yeah, it was a woman.”
Oh, this was getting serious.
I'd answered her questions honestly without hiding anything. So why was she still looking at me like that?
“So in the end, you were so busy staring at some woman that you weren't even looking at me.”
“Well, if you put it that way, I guess it's true…”
“Did you like it? Your mouth was practically hanging open.”
“I didn't look because I wanted to.”
“Then did that woman tell you to look at her?!”
“No, that's not it. She was just so good that I got distracted.”
“How good was she?”
I looked around the rink and pointed at the woman I'd seen earlier. Chae-yeon was good too, of course. But that woman wasn't just skilled—every movement was graceful. I'd been watching because I genuinely wondered if she was a real athlete.
“I'm better, aren't I?”
“If you say so, then yeah.”
“And why have you been calling me ‘you’ this whole time? Did you just throw ‘noona’ in the trash?”
“Ah, right. Noona.”
“Too late.”
Chae-yeon gave me a cold look and stood up from the bench. I'd tried to guess the reason and said what I thought, but apparently that wasn't it. Then what on earth was making her act like this?
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Aren't you going to skate more?”
“Well… I want to, but I can't do it alone.”
A hand reached out silently in front of me. When I took it, Chae-yeon led me back onto the ice.
“You were doing pretty well by yourself earlier, though.”
“That? I was basically a baby giraffe that had just been born.”
“You didn't look like you needed training wheels.”
“That's when it's most dangerous. Let your guard down and you'll crack your skull or lose a hand.”
“I'll hold on less this time, so try moving forward slowly.”
The flow was so natural that it took me a while to process what was happening. The cold expression from before was gone, replaced by a smile. And the hand holding mine felt warm.
Looks like it had blown over.
“This should be fine to let go now, right?”
“No. Noona, seriously no.”
“I'll let go once. If it looks like you're going to fall, I'll catch you right away, so don't be scared.”
“Ah, no. I really mean it, don't.”
“You're too dependent. It'll be fine.”
Chae-yeon let go of my hand and watched me from just far enough away that she could reach me in one step. My legs moved slowly, still creaking along like rusty machinery.
“You're putting too much strength in your legs. Try relaxing them like when you skate inlines.”
“Relax my legs?”
“No. Pfft!! That was you letting go of all your strength. Think about walking normally.”
Following her advice, I focused only on the forward momentum and moved my legs. It felt smoother than before.
“That's it. Don't get too tense. Slowly. You're doing great.”
Had my body finally caught on?
My legs, which had only moved when I consciously thought about it, started moving more naturally.
“Just a little more. A little more. Yes!! One full lap complete!!”
“Haa… I'm exhausted.”
“Good job. At least you learned how to skate by yourself.”
“This time I'll go around alone.”
“You sure you'll be okay?”
“Don't stay too close. Keep some distance and follow behind me.”
“Okay, got it!!”
Even though Chae-yeon had been in front of me without holding my hand, I realized I'd still been depending on her for that whole lap. Having someone behind you instead of in front makes a huge difference, so this time I wanted to complete a lap with the mindset that I was truly alone.
I moved forward slowly and managed to finish a full lap much faster than the previous one.
“Wow, you've improved. At this rate you could come here by yourself and be fine.”
“That's it for real. My stamina is completely gone.”
“Want to go? I'll buy you food.”
“Huh? Really?”
“Yeah. But there's one condition. You have to call me noona until we finish eating.”
“The contract period suddenly got longer? That's illegal.”
“I didn't get to hear you call me noona enough today.”
Did hearing “noona” feel that good? Why had she suddenly turned into a noona addict?
“Okay, noona.”
“Let's wash up and meet outside.”
After returning the rented gear, washing up, and stepping outside, the insane heat greeted me. Yeah, cold weather was definitely better than this heat.
“Jung-woo.”
“Noona, you're here?”
“But isn't calling me noona way too natural now?”
“What kind of noona do you even want?”
“You know, the one that's a little more… hesitant and difficult to say! Like it's really, really hard to get out!!”
“The manual is too complicated. I'll just call you noona.”
“Tch. Boring.”
We went to a tteokbokki place and ordered separately. Chae-yeon got rose tteokbokki, and I got cream tteokbokki. Tteokbokki is such an easy dish to make at home that I wondered why we'd come to a restaurant, but I didn't feel like pointing it out.
“Ouch, hot!!”
“Eat slowly. No one's going to steal it from you.”
“Maybe it's because I moved around so much, but I'm starving.”
“Did you burn your tongue?”
“I think so…”
Chae-yeon stuck her tongue out a little and panted like a dog struggling in the heat. Where had that Spartan instructor gone? A cute little puppy was sitting in front of me now.
“What? Why are you staring like that?”
“Because you're cute.”
“Ehh?! W-who?”
“You. The way you're acting right now makes you look like a puppy.”
“Hey!! Calling a person a dog?”
“At this point, I feel like you should be the one calling me oppa. You're too cute to be called noona.”
“What are you saying?! How dare you tease your noona!!”
I popped a piece of tteokbokki into the growling puppy's mouth, and she went quiet. Chae-yeon, who had been about to get angry, happily ate the rice cake instead. That look was cute too.
“You know, sometimes you seem like a completely different person.”
“I'll take that as a compliment.”
“You couldn't say things like this at all before.”
I surprised myself sometimes too. Every time I said something out loud that I used to only think in my head, I wondered if it was really me. The fact that it only happened with Chae-yeon was even more surprising. Maybe it just meant we'd gotten that much closer?