Who Are You?
My university life had zero friends. Just the same endless loop between school and home. Honestly, it was boring. High school had been absolute hell because of the entrance exams, but these days I caught myself wanting to go back more than once. At least back then there had been some fun mixed in with the suffering.
Thanks to a Friday free period in my schedule, I spent the entire day just rolling around in bed. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. During this sweet three-day weekend, all I did was play games, read web novels, and write a few chapters of my own.
“Staring at your phone again?”
The holiday that had been so peaceful it bordered on tedious kicked off with my mom’s thunderous roar. If I had at least pretended to study, her lines might have changed, but nothing held my interest. What was I supposed to do?
“Mom, I’m bored.”
“Study your major. Keep slacking off and you’ll fall behind.”
“I already finished all my assignments.”
“Assignments aren’t studying!!”
With no other choice, I dragged myself up and sat in front of the computer. One hour of fake studying was mandatory if I wanted to calm her down. The moment I turned it on, the black coding screen greeted me like an old enemy. Every time I saw it I wondered if I had really chosen the right department.
“Mom!! I got an error.”
“What did you do this time?”
“I followed the book exactly, but it still errored.”
“Let me see.”
Having a computer-engineering professor for a mother meant problems like this were solved in seconds. She compared my code with the textbook for a while, then gave me a solid knuckle to the head.
“You’re supposed to input Row and Col, but you entered Row twice.”
“Oh… right.”
“Making a 3x3 table is so simple. How are you still messing this up?”
“Uh… because I’m a freshman?”
“You’re about to be a sophomore. You should be able to do this in your sleep.”
She delivered one more knuckle to my skull and left the room. Some people might think that would ruin her mood, but for us it was nothing. Studying alone was genuinely important to her.
After forcing myself to study for a full hour, I wandered into the living room and found Mom watching TV. Nothing looked more out of place than my always-busy mother relaxing on a weekday or weekend.
“Mom, you’re not going to school today?”
“I’m heading in late. No morning meetings.”
“So we can have lunch together?”
“Looks like it. What does my baby feel like eating?”
“Kimchi stew!”
“Got it. Mom will make it for you.”
Our mom, who would do anything for a son who barely listened to her. I could never shake the gratitude I felt. While she prepared lunch, I flopped belly-down on the living-room sofa and scrolled through my phone.
“Lots of new novels to read today.”
“Jung-woo, do you remember Chae-yeon?”
“Yeah, of course I remember.”
“We’re meeting Chae-yeon and her mom this weekend. Want to come along?”
Lee Chae-yeon.
Our mothers had been so close that we hung out together all through elementary school. She had been my only female friend back then. Time naturally pulled us apart and we stopped contacting each other, but because our moms stayed close, the invisible bond between us never really broke. I only ever heard updates about her; it had been ages since I actually saw her.
“Sure, I’ll go.”
“She said she’s curious how you’ve been living.”
“Tell her I’ve become a coding slave and I’m suffering.”
“You’ve barely started. How are you already calling yourself a slave? I’ve done this for decades and I still don’t think of myself that way.”
Isn’t that just because you’re the weird one, Mom?
From what I remembered, Chae-yeon had been the perfect daughter since childhood. Good at sports, top of the class, great with people. She never lacked in anything. I’d heard she got into a school of Oriental Medicine. Looked like she was still walking that straight, honest path without any detours.
“Do you still keep in touch with Chae-yeon’s mom and the other aunts?”
“Of course. All the time.”
“That really is a long friendship. It’s amazing.”
“I think so too. I’ve never had a relationship that lasted that long.”
Since I had called my friends’ mothers “Auntie” from a young age, the word just stuck. Honestly, calling them “ma’am” felt way too rude and awkward.
“Is Chae-yeon a sophomore now?”
“Yeah. She went after taking the CSAT three times.”
“Meanwhile I’m a twenty-three-year-old freshman.”
“Just because everyone starts at the same time doesn’t mean they end up with the same results.”
Mom repeated those words to me almost every single day, like she was trying to reassure me. After major surgery and retaking the exam twice, comparing myself to others and to my past self was inevitable.
“Any health issues lately?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Keep exercising. For you, exercise really is the only way to stay healthy.”
“I remember that very well.”
We sat across from each other at the dinner table, chatting about this and that. Ever since I was little, both my parents worked, so the table had always been just me. There was nothing better than having someone fill that empty seat with me.
“Mom, you put mushrooms in.”
“Give them to me.”
“Here.”
“You still can’t eat mushrooms?”
“Nope. They don’t digest well.”
After the major surgery that left me without a large intestine, one of my regrets was that I could no longer eat foods I used to love as a kid. Back in high school, if the cafeteria served sweet-and-sour mushrooms, that was the day I’d devour everyone else’s portions too.
“How is it? Okay? I couldn’t taste it while cooking.”
“It’s delicious!! I’m going to mix rice in it.”
“You’re not supposed to have too much broth.”
“One meal won’t hurt.”
With Mom’s homemade kimchi stew right in front of me, there was no way I could hold back. Part of it was because it tasted good enough to eat with rice, but I also wanted to reassure her. Since I couldn’t eat properly because I had no large intestine, I wanted to show her moments like this from time to time.
“Have some of the braised beef too.”
“Mmm!! This batch turned out really well.”
“It’s been a while since you last saw Chae-yeon, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah. Not once since elementary school.”
“You saw her once while you were preparing for the retake.”
“Oh, right. She met me to give me some tips.”
It had been a short meeting and we hadn’t talked much, so my memory of her from that day was hazy. This time, part of the reason for meeting up was to update that old image. In my head, the Chae-yeon from elementary school had been closer to one of the guys than a girl friend. All the kids who played together were boys except her, so I had never once thought of her as a girl. I wondered if it would be different this time.
“We’re going to eat buckwheat noodles so our baby can digest properly.”
“Okay~”
Time passed, and the weekend arrived. The day we were supposed to meet Chae-yeon and her mom. I was excited enough that I barely slept the night before.
“Jung-woo, are you ready?”
“Yeah, all set.”
“Let’s go.”
“Dad, I’m heading out.”
“Have fun.”
Bursting with anticipation, I left the house with Mom and headed to the buckwheat noodle restaurant we often visited.
“Chae-yeon has become quite the young lady now.”
“Really? I can’t picture it.”
“Why not?”
“In my head, Chae-yeon is… how should I put it.”
“Like one of the boys?”
“Exactly.”
“Kids grow up and mature, you know.”
When we arrived at the restaurant, I didn’t see anyone who looked like Chae-yeon. I wondered what she would look like now. I had even dressed up a little in my own way out of nervousness.
“She wears makeup too. And she stopped wearing glasses.”
“Wow, really? That’s surprising.”
“What’s so surprising, son?”
“Think about it. The girl who used to be such a tomboy doing all that? Can you even imagine?”
“How exactly do you remember her? You only saw her once back then.”
“I don’t remember, Mom.”
—Screeech.
The restaurant was crowded, but the sound of the door opening caught my attention. I turned my head and saw Chae-yeon’s mom and Chae-yeon walking in.
“Oh my, Jung-woo!! It’s been so long.”
“Hello, Auntie.”
“You’ve changed a lot. Earrings and dyed hair too.”
“I was the one who nearly fainted when I saw her, remember?”
“Why?”
“Right after the CSAT she dyed her hair without a word, then bleached it, and even got her ears pierced.”
“All the kids do that these days.”
“I almost passed out the moment I saw her.”
There’s a saying that forgiveness is easier than permission. I had simply put it into practice. Of course, the aftermath included watching my mom nearly collapse in the entryway.
Chae-yeon followed quietly behind her mother and sat down across from me. No conversation passed between us.
“Why are you two so awkward? You used to play together all the time.”
“That was then. This is now.”
Chae-yeon took a sip of the water on the table and looked at me. Following her gaze, I looked at her too. Glossy black hair that swayed with every movement. Gold earrings visible between the strands. Large, sparkling eyes I had never properly noticed before.
Had her eyes always been this big?
Her appearance kept exceeding my expectations, leaving me speechless. The proper thing to do would have been a light greeting and asking how the other was doing, but the words wouldn’t come out. While our mothers chatted, we stayed completely silent, only occasionally nodding along to their conversation.
“I’m going to the restroom.”
“I need to take a call.”
Both mothers left the table, leaving just the two of us. How was I supposed to break this suffocating awkwardness?
The one who broke it first was Chae-yeon with a short, hesitant voice. And what she said painted a picture I had never imagined.
“Hey…?”
Wh—who are you?