Vini: Airhead-ish, Not Quite Airhead, But Airhead-like
Once the game started, Lee Yebin and I settled in side by side, watching the screen together as we kept the stream going.
The game opened with the protagonist, Ryuichi Soka, newly appointed as a lawyer and learning the ropes from his senior. That was where we kicked off the tutorial.
And as we worked through it, I spoke up with complete, deadpan sincerity.
"Miyasato noona is crazy hot."
Chihiro Miyasato — Ryuichi Soka's senior lawyer, and the absolute picture of a cool, gorgeous noona type.
The pig sitting next to me heard that and came back with something completely unhinged.
"Her makeup's way too heavy. Honestly, I think I'm prettier."
"Don't even start. She's taller than you, for one."
"I bet I'm taller."
"Absolutely not. With proportions like that, she's at least late 160s."
"My proportions are good too!"
"So you're admitting you're short."
"You're so dead."
I had to wonder if two people could really go at it this hard over a single character, but the viewers were eating it up, so it was fine.
"We are not a real couple."
I brushed it off casually, and by the time we finished the tutorial, barely an hour had passed.
"Hasn't even been that long."
"Did you only buy the first one?"
"I got the whole series. The bundle was cheaper."
"You planning to finish it alone later?"
"If you're not around, yeah."
"You want to collab again? Already?"
"Aww, look at her, she wants another collab with me. She'd love to stick right next to this oppa, but she just can't say it~"
The second I teased her —
Whack!
"Ghk—!"
— Yebin's counterattack landed immediately.
One sharp hit from her and I nearly crumpled.
"You maniac…! You hit me in the neck…!?"
"Darn, you're still alive. Close one."
"Hey!"
"Uh, chat, shouldn't we be reporting this?"
I grabbed Yebin's wrist and held our arms up to the camera so everyone could compare.
"She just hit me in the neck with an arm this thick, okay? An arm thicker than mine?"
"No matter what, my arm is not thicker than yours!"
"You're looking at all this soft, squishy flesh and still saying that?"
I gave the flesh on her arm a casual pinch, and she immediately started getting annoyed.
"That's forced! That's pure forced hate! My arm is not thicker than yours!"
"Look at this, chat. Who's thicker?"
Okay, fine — this was forced hate. That much was true.
Thanks to Yebin's recent hamburger torture campaign, I'd put on a little weight, and the workouts I'd been doing had added the tiniest bit of muscle. Compared to that, Yebin did have some softness on her, sure — but without it she'd basically be a skeleton.
So my arm was, if anything, a bit thicker.
But maybe my forced hate was entertaining enough, because our sharp-eyed viewers hopped right on board.
And the ones who couldn't take a hint? The rest of chat handled them just fine.
"How is mine thicker in any universe!? His is thicker!"
"ViniVini, this is life. Looks like you've got a reason to start living a little nicer."
"Don't you start! I'm nicer than you!!"
"Nope. Absolutely not. Naver not."
"KYAAAAAAAH!"
Yebin couldn't hold her rage in any longer and went for my shoulder, ready to bite.
And then…
Whack!
"Eek!"
This time I smacked her on the head and saved her from herself.
"What the hell, why'd you hit me!! Why'd you hit meeeee!!!"
"You were about to bite my shoulder like always, weren't you?"
"Yeah, so what!"
"Go ahead and bite my shoulder right now. See what happens."
Yebin blinked, then checked the camera at my fingertip.
Right now, the frame only went down to just below our shoulders.
If Yebin slipped even a little lower by accident? That filthy face of mine would be broadcast to the entire world in an instant.
"I just saved you, okay? You get that?"
"…Okay, I'll give you that one. But hey."
"Yeah?"
"Why do you assume I'd only bite your shoulder?"
"……Excuse me?"
Leaving my flustered voice behind, Yebin stood up from her seat and walked around behind me.
And then…
Chomp!
"AAAAAAARGH!!!"
She bit my head.
"You crazy woman, get off! Get off!!!"
"Grrrrrrr!!"
"AAAAAAGH! It hurts! This actually hurts so bad! Somebody help me! Okay I'm sorry! I was wrong! I said I was wrong!!"
"Grrrrrrrrrr!!"
"Is this an actual rabid dog!? AAAAAAGH!!"
And while Yebin and I were putting on that entire circus —
The viewers, those absolute bastards, were saying the most unhinged things imaginable.
You people need to call the police right now. Call 911 too.
There's a rabid dog biting a person over here — call both, hurry.
Once that brief chaos had passed, Yebin and I turned our focus back to the game.
And then…
"Huh!?"
"What? Why is Miyasato noona dying!?"
Miyasato, who we'd fully expected to be our reliable mentor figure, was dead.
"Probably died of shock because you called her pretty."
"Nope. She died of shock from your nonsense."
We forced-hated on each other as naturally as breathing, then kept playing.
As we progressed, we eventually made it to the courtroom, where we were using the evidence we'd gathered to corner the real culprit.
Along the way, Mayoi Miyasato — Chihiro's little sister — had stepped in as our medium and assistant.
"Mayoi's pretty cute too."
"You lolicon freak."
"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul."
"Ugh, disgusting."
"What, you don't know this? This is why uncultured people just don't make it."
"This is not a culture problem, you insane Lolita freak."
"I'm not 150!!"
"I am not a Lolita, and I dislike Vini even more. Forced hate, no thank you. My type is older noonas."
Even the viewers had joined the fray, and while we forced-hated on each other as naturally as breathing, Yebin and I hit a complete wall on one particular point.
What was it?
……The culprit's logic was airtight.
"What is this? There's no answer here."
Even the brilliant Yebin was saying that.
The viewers seemed to be enjoying the situation itself.
Meanwhile, I'd accidentally seen a spoiler — but the manager had banned them lightning-fast. Nice work, Manager.
Anyway, I'd already seen the answer, which meant I had no choice but to leave the deduction entirely to Yebin.
"Ugh… uuuugh… what do I do…."
"Hey, Vini."
"What, you think of something good?"
"I saw a spoiler. In chat."
"Huh? For real!?"
"Yeah. So you're gonna have to solve it alone."
"Tsk… damn it, why would you look?"
"Look with the eyes of a dragon…."
"Ugh, you Hanzo bastard."
After grumbling at me once, Yebin went right back to thinking, and in the meantime I decided to pull out my phone.
"What are you doing."
"Ordering pizza. We should eat dinner at some point."
"That's fair. What are you getting?"
"Pizza, chicken, or burgers. Pick one."
"Pizza for me."
"Okay, so not pizza — chicken and burgers."
"……Burgers."
"Okay, burgers."
The second the words left my mouth, Yebin shot up from her seat, and I immediately apologized.
"Okay, okay! Pizza, we'll do pizza! Pizza!"
"…I'll let it slide."
"Thank you."
Thankfully, she didn't try to chomp on my skull again.
Yebin went back to her deductions while chatting with the viewers, and I listened along at a leisurely pace.
"Hmm… okay, so this is the murder weapon, but since it's being treated as an accidental death, there's probably nothing more to find here. Right? The testimony doesn't have any real issues either… hmmm… and earlier the hint was to look at something else, so… uuuugh…."
She's thinking hard. She's almost there.
Which meant…
"Potato with gold upgrade, right? Sweet potato mousse with cheese crust."
"Mhm~ Thanks~"
Same order as last time.
I placed the pizza order without a second thought, then glanced at chat —
They were just throwing every possible forced-couple theory they could think of.
"Objection! She just shakes me down for free food!"
"What do you mean I shake you down! We always split it fifty-fifty!"
Yebin, you airhead — if you say that out loud, they're just going to push the couple theory even harder. Do you have a single thought in that head?
Whether she did or not, Yebin was already thinking about something else entirely.
"Ah! This! What if there's something on the other side!? The receipt!! We never used this as evidence even once!!!"
Yebin nailed the correct answer on the spot, and I just nodded along.
"Yeah… good job…."
All the while wondering how on earth I was supposed to deal with this girl — airhead-ish, not quite an airhead, but airhead-like all the same.