Don't Stand Before the King
That evening's stream—the same day I'd headbutted Lee Yebin—I shamelessly launched into a little skit, calling out to the pig, the cat, and the dog sitting in front of me.
"Vini, Toto, NewNeoYoungOmegaVini. When is Vini-Vini going to show up?"
—Oink!
—Myaaang~
—Woof!
One right-click each, and the animals all made the perfect sounds for their species. Hearing them only made me more pleased with myself.
For the record, that dog was a SuperCutePomeranian I'd pulled after burning through my remaining thirty free attempts plus in-game currency for a combined fifty gacha rolls.
I'd named the Pomeranian NewNeoYoungOmegaVini, so I figured Yebin would be happy. Sadly, she was not.
The moment she heard my little joke, Yebin stormed in and started pounding me with her fists.
"You absolute bastard! I told you to change the name! And now you're doubling down on the nonsense?"
"Ow—ow—ah, why?! I can not change the name if I want!"
"Are you actually insane?"
"So what? I named the dog NewNeoYoungOmegaVini instead."
"You seriously need a psych evaluation. You'd come back a certified psychopath."
What? A psychopath?
"Maybe it's 'cause I'm an emotionless psycho, but hearing that doesn't even make me flinch. Makes me laugh, if anything? This is nothing. I've been a psychopath who's seen uncensored Vini for over a decade. Looking at these little animal Vinis just makes me smile. Heh heh."
"What kind of deranged herbivore nonsense is that?"
How does she not know this? It's a famous meme. This is exactly why you need to study your memes.
"You don't know it?"
"I don't."
"Then just stay that way. Stay pure."
"What even is it?"
"Vini chat, don't teach her~ Our viewers, don't go tell her either~ Protect this innocence, got it?"
"Nope? Never watched the original. But I know enough to know you shouldn't."
Bantering with chat like that, I casually cut Yebin out of the conversation until all she could do was spam question marks in the Discord chat.
But that wasn't the important part.
"Stream's wrapping up for today."
"Yeah…"
Honestly, when I first joined this Discord server, I hadn't walked in with any huge expectations. It was a healing server, so I'd mainly figured it'd be fun content for stream.
But once I was in, just mining away without a thought and teasing Yebin… it was just fun. If more stuff like this came up, I wanted to do it often.
"Want to get the Gyeoljagye members together and do something?"
"Not a bad idea, but what?"
"Yeah… uhhhhhmm…"
Yebin was chewing it over too, so clearly I wasn't the only one itching for something.
I stepped outside and went straight to the neighbors to ask.
"Hellooo~ Gyeoljagye everyone~ Planning anything after stream tonight~?"
"I'm in, I'm in~"
"Sounds good~"
"I'm down~?"
"I'm good with it~"
"I'm in too!"
Everyone was on board, so now all we had to do was figure out what.
While we were still mulling it over, a surprisingly good suggestion dropped. And the person who made it was, of all people, Mei…
"KartRider~ How about that~?"
Even more unexpected than who suggested it—I was completely thrown.
KartRider. If you'd been born and raised in Korea and ever touched a game, there was no way you didn't know it.
Cute two-head-tall characters hop into karts and race each other until winners and losers are sorted out.
"If we stick to base karts and item mode~ anyone can have fun regardless of skill~ What do you think~?"
"Sounds good. Anyone object?"
Nobody did. So the whole Gyeoljagye crew logged out, started downloading KartRider, and kept chatting over Discord while it installed.
"Anyone here actually played KartRider? Like, for real?"
"Ah, I have."
Of course the one who spoke up was Elia—by far the most game-obsessed member of Gyeoljagye, if our estimates were right.
"Elia, go easy on us."
"Aww~ If everyone's on base karts and item mode, it'll even out~"
Yeah, right. Even in item mode, experience is a whole different level.
Racing games are designed to massively favor people who've played before. If we wanted pure luck, we should've just played Yahtzee.
Not that it mattered—the game was so old the download finished in no time, and the entire Gyeoljagye, including me and Yebin, piled into the lobby.
"Let's go~"
"Let's roll~"
"Oh, are we doing solo or teams?"
"We can decide once we're in?"
"Good good~"
"Vini, I'm dunking on you."
"Bring it, Badobodo."
"What the hell is a Badobodo?"
"Dumb-dodo."
"Ah. Got it."
For the record, that "Badobodo" nickname Yebin made up on the spot had become my official stream nickname. Something about the sound of it was just… infuriating? That was the vibe.
Annoying as it was, it wasn't the kind of nickname I could really complain about. Compared to that "NewNeoYoung"… whatever-it-was Vini I'd named, it was at least simple and cute.
Still—getting called an idiot by Yebin pissed me off. I was going to dunk on her no matter what. Lee Yebin, you're done.
We settled on teams, and we deliberately split the couples apart.
The Fantasy Live senior-and-junior pair who were only questionably a couple got split, Marty and Ggyumyong got split, and Yebin and I got split.
Being free to attack Yebin made me perfectly happy.
"Alright, I'll roll the rest randomly~"
We only locked in the pair-splitting rule and randomized everything else. The teams that came out of it… were wildly unbalanced.
How so?
All six of us were professional streamers who played games for a living, but even within the group there were clear skill tiers.
Openly terrible: Yebin. Better than Yebin but still firmly in the bottom tier: Ggyumyong. That was the bottom.
Middle: Mei, who was technically an ASMR streamer but quietly known for being good at games, and Marty, who sat right at the average skill level of a proper gaming streamer.
Top: Elia, who hit the absolute top ranks of almost every game she touched and was especially dominant in her main RPGs and soulslikes—and me, who hit the top ranks in every game I main and was better than most streamers even in games I was playing for the first time.
For balance, Elia and I had to be separated. It was non-negotiable for the sake of peace.
And yet…
Dodo / Elia / Ggyumyong
Mei / Marty / Vini
No matter how the roll went, how did it land like this.
"Why are Dodo and Elia on the same team!?"
"Shouldn't those two be split?"
"If I have any conscience left, I'll swap with Ggyumyong noona."
"Marty, noona likes it here just fine~ Let's just leave it?"
Ggyumyong, who got to ride the bus, casually brushed off Marty's teasing.
But I agreed that this would kill the stream entertainment value, so I finally took the bullet myself.
"I'll swap with Vini. We need balance."
"For real?"
"What, you think I'm joking? Swap."
"Okaaay~"
My sacrifice cleaned the whole mess up instantly. The final teams looked like this:
Vini / Elia / Ggyumyong
Dodo / Mei / Marty
"Now that looks balanced."
"I'll make the room right away~"
"Okaaay~"
Marty made the room, the rest of us punched in the password and piled in, and the game started immediately.
And then, in that very first race, something completely unexpected happened.
"Kyaaaaah~! Niiice~!"
Around the third lap, Yebin had climbed into first place.
Meanwhile Elia—who I'd expected to go neck-and-neck with me for the win—had been buried under a concentrated barrage of attack items and fallen all the way to last.
This really was a luck-based garbage game. How was Yebin in first.
Still, it was fine. I was in second.
"Hey, hey! Stay away! Stay awaaay!"
As if she'd already seen her future, Yebin screamed at me not to come while still flooring it ahead.
I was planning to catch her on the final curve. If I missed her there, it was a straight shot to the finish—she'd take first for sure.
—Screeeeech! Vroooom!
I drifted, grabbed the booster, and picked up an item. And that item was…
—Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!
A missile.
"Die, Vini."
"Kyaaaak! I have a shield! I have a shieeeld!"
"Liar, you just used your booster!"
—Vroooooom! BOOM!!
My missile launched Yebin's kart into the air, and I blew past her on pure speed to take first place.
Basking in that glorious rank, I immediately started needling Yebin.
"Move."
"Don't stand before the king, Vini."
Honestly, if I'd needled her this hard on a normal day, Yebin would already be trying to murder me.
So I was busy calculating how to get hit in the least painful way today…
"…… One more round? I'm killing that bastard today."
Apparently she was stacking her rage for later.
Okay, that was a little scary. Someone please save me.
"They're having another couple fight~"
"Right~"
"This is peak true couple content."
"Damn right it is."
I said save me. Why is everyone just calling it true couple content.
That's it. I'm leaving this fund group.