Mother Is a Virgin (Part 1)
Darin tried desperately not to notice. She had denied it more times than she could count — that her precious son had become someone altogether different from the boy she once knew. Looking back, it hadn't started today. It had been this way since the very day Kael returned from the campaign.
But if things had come this far, she had no choice but to admit it.
Her angel had changed — profoundly.
But surely not… not toward his own mother. Anything but that.
She could accept that his temper had grown rougher, that anger lived closer to the surface now. She could even accept that something strange and unreadable had taken root in him. But that was all it could be. The mere fact that she was capable of harboring such filthy suspicions about her own son filled Darin with self-loathing. She wanted — needed — the fault to lie solely with her own twisted misreading of him.
"Kael, please just tell me straight. Your mother is too far gone right now to sit through roundabout answers."
It was a frantic plea, utterly unlike the composed noblewoman she was supposed to be. She might not have shown it outwardly, but Darin had been exhausted for a long time already. She needed a clear answer from her son — something she could hold onto and finally rest.
"This girl you've chosen as your fiancée… who on earth is she?"
"…Mother, a virgin? The woman I've marked as my fiancée is not a virgin."
"……"
Cold sweat beaded beneath the cascade of her vermilion hair. Darin had not meant virgin in the sense of a woman who had preserved her chastity. She had simply meant an unmarried young lady of noble birth. So why — why would he answer like that?
And yet, another part of her found it strange. Among noble daughters who prized their honor above all else, a woman who was not a virgin was far rarer.
"Not a virgin…?"
The bright, trembling anxiety in her voice was not the sorrow of a noble mother lamenting that her son would take a non-virgin as his bride. It was the terror of a woman who feared — just for a moment — that the woman in question might be herself.
"Yes. That's right."
Kael let a quiet smirk curl at the corner of his mouth and drew out his words with deliberate slowness. What could possibly be so amusing about watching his mother grow pale with unease? As a child, he had panicked at the slightest scratch his parents took while tending the orange trees. Today, he did not feel like her son at all.
"…E-even so, wouldn't a virgin be better? What could you possibly lack that you'd take a woman with experience as your bride? Among commoners, perhaps it wouldn't matter, but… Kael, you're a noble."
The Viscountess fretted at her hair, spilling out her opinions in a rush. On the surface, it sounded like any aristocratic mother fretting over her son's future. In truth, she was probing — praying that the non-virgin in question was not herself.
"…How unexpected. I wouldn't have thought Mother cared about such things."
Kael looked genuinely puzzled. Unlike other noblewomen, his mother had always been unpretentious, generous of spirit, endlessly understanding.
"That's…"
Darin lowered her head, ducking away from her son's relentless gaze. Of course he would react this way. She knew perfectly well that these were not words the usual her would ever speak.
Ordinarily, a mother who truly loved her son would have said it didn't matter — virgin or not. Darin had always been fiercely devoted to her children, but she had never been the kind of mother who forced her choices upon them.
A virgin? Of course any man would prefer one. But if the person you fell in love with happened not to be one, could you simply turn your heart away? No. She would have trusted Kael's judgment and stood behind him. But not now. Not today. The warning bells screaming inside her skull forbade it.
"Your mother may have been born a commoner, but she is a noblewoman now. Is it so strange that she wants her child to marry a woman without a single blemish…?"
She wrung every last scrap of composure from herself and stated her position, word by careful word. But her eyes remained fixed on the floor, and the whole performance rang hollow. Still — she had to play at calm. If she didn't, she would collapse right there.
Perhaps something of a mother's desperation reached her own flesh and blood. Kael's voice softened with what almost sounded like pity.
"Mother, why don't you take a sip of tea first and collect yourself before we continue? You look terribly unsettled…"
At her son's suggestion, Darin's gaze dropped to the porcelain teacup before her. The rosemary tea inside was a blood-red so vivid it made her stomach turn, and a fresh wave of unease rose unbidden.
J-just in case. You never know…
She shook her head, refusing her son's offering. She was the Viscountess of Bayorn, mother to two children. Scatterbrained as she might be, she had to keep her wits about her if she meant to protect her virtue.
"My stomach isn't well. I don't particularly feel like drinking anything."
"This is a tea for unsettled stomachs. Would I have ordered something without considering that — for the only mother I have?"
The only mother I have. A transparent phrase, but a sweet one all the same. On any other day, Darin would have flushed with a soft smile and accepted her son's request without hesitation. If only this weren't the situation it was.
"No — I'm sorry, truly — but right now I can't bear the thought of swallowing anything."
"…Haha."
Kael lifted the corner of his mouth in a smile. It did not look like pleasure. It looked like the expression of a man growing increasingly irritated that this woman kept defying his will.
"Mother…"
"Y-yes?"
The cool voice settled against her ear like a reprimand. Darin's eyes went wide, and she answered in a rush.
"The tea is truly excellent."
The man with the lowered blue eyes offered the cup with careful courtesy, murmuring the words slowly. The implication was clear: why refuse such fine tea — especially when it was being offered by her own flesh and blood?
To a third party, he would have looked like a thoughtful, devoted son. To the woman receiving it, the force behind the gesture was nearly unbearable.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kael…"
Still she shook her head, refusing as best she could. For a fleeting moment the face of the little boy he had once been overlaid the man before her, and guilt welled up — but today was thick with too many sources of dread. Caution cost nothing.
— Tsk.
Did that child just click his tongue? In front of me…?
The sheer disrespect of a son clicking his tongue before his own mother left Darin inwardly reeling.
No. No, Kael would never. He's been nothing but deferential to his mother since he was small…
She did not call him on it. The son who had always been so warm and familiar felt frightening today, and denial was the only direction she could turn.
"It's all right. There's no need to apologize. As I've always said, I have no intention of forcing anything upon you the way Father did."
"Right… thank you."
"In any case, Mother, you need not grieve so deeply simply because your son is seeing a woman who is not a virgin."
"B-but in noble society, a young lady who failed to keep her premarital chastity is far more likely to attract ugly rumors, isn't she? Information travels through the social circuit. The man who shared her bed could easily slander her."
"Even if that were so, it wouldn't matter. My affection is not so shallow that something like that would turn my heart."
"…I understand how you feel, but still — from a man's perspective, wouldn't it be better to marry a woman for whom he was the first?"
"I won't deny that much. But the woman who entered my heart is the only one there is."
"I-I heard somewhere that noble daughters who aren't virgins are more prone to affairs…"
Faced with her strained evasions, Kael's expression shifted into a smile that bordered on irritation. At a glance, it was impossible to tell whether he was amused or angry — a strange, unreadable look.
I heard somewhere, she said. His mother had not shown her face at even a provincial social gathering in over twenty years. Kael found himself wondering where such baseless information could possibly have come from.
"From whom did you hear that?"
"Alred… ah, no! E-Emma!"
She had nearly named the chief butler before realizing that a man of Alred's caliber would never peddle such vulgar gossip, and hastily redirected the source to her personal maid —
"Haa…"
As if Kael would miss a blunder that clumsy. He thought to himself: her mind was sharp, but her nature was so pure she couldn't lie to save her life, and so she made mistakes like this.
His mother, artless as a wild rose blooming by the roadside, was truly lovely. And yet it stung — that she would go this far to push him away.
"Couldn't a woman with little experience simply turn her gaze elsewhere? Having known only one man, she might grow all the more curious."
"A woman like that was always going to be unfaithful. A madwoman who would discard her honor and her household over mere curiosity has no worth whatsoever — virgin or not."
The reason Darin kept pressing her son to take a virgin as his bride was twofold: she desperately hoped the woman he loved was not herself — and if it was, she hoped he might still change his mind.
"Hmm…"
But clearly her intent was not landing. The way the man stroked his rough jawline made it plain he had no intention of compromising.
"Mother, I will speak honestly."
"About what…?"
"The woman I love is, aside from not being a virgin, a woman without a single flaw. There is no need for you to oppose this so strongly."
"Even so, a noblewoman sending her son off to be married is bound to have complaints. As far as I know, you have no experience with women yourself, do you? A marriage between two pure people would be more stable — emotionally, and for the generations that follow. It would be better in every way."
"Is someone who is not a virgin or a bachelor therefore impure? I don't think so."
"…That isn't what I meant, and you know it. This is useless. Stop playing word games and bring her here at once. I want to see this young lady you've chosen as your partner with my own eyes."
Darin's manner grew urgent. Her headache was already severe, and the longer this conversation dragged on, the more her strength drained away.
Today, her son felt like a complete stranger, and the sheer exhaustion of talking to him was immense. There was still much more to settle, but she wanted only to put this immediate dread to rest, retreat to her chambers, and collapse.
At Darin's demand to cut the conversation short, Kael's face began to twist. He understood his mother's position — but her constant stonewalling was fraying his temper. He had even offered her tea to create an irreversible fact she could not escape, and she had refused even that…
The man raked a hand roughly through his glossy white hair and stared into empty air as he murmured —
"Why do you keep pretending not to know…?"
Loud enough, clear enough, for his mother to hear every word.