Chapter 53
Have you finally lost your mind? One of the most effective ways to deal with Radgridz is to pray that the healer doesn't get banished and knocked out of the fight. Sure, they come back after a set time, but the difference between handling regular trash mobs and a boss-level threat shows up right away in the damage intake—not to mention that the healer's presence is essential every turn to keep the players alive. And once banishment hits, items that dispel debuffs like silence, confusion, or stun just don't work. So from the player's perspective, there's nothing to do against Radgridz but stuff your pockets with healing potions and pray the healer doesn't get exiled.
'But using banish like this? Hell, thank you very much.'
She'd thrown banish at me and Geum-hwa right from the start, and once again, I was reminded that RPG games and reality are different beasts. I called out to Geum-hwa, who was glaring at Radgridz with full tension.
"Geum-hwa."
"Don't call me like we're buddies! More importantly, what? Got some genius plan?"
"You confident you can take those grunts without your Valkyrie Suit?"
"What kinda nonsense is that? Those losers? I'd smash 'em bare-handed, no problem. Didn't you see yesterday?"
Geum-hwa puffed up with confidence, making it clear these small fry weren't even worth her time. Her eyes stayed locked on the tanned-skinned, light-purple-haired female general—Radgridz herself—like that was her real opponent. She didn't seem fazed at all, ready to fight, so it shouldn't be an issue. Reliable as hell.
"If you're that sure, no problem then. See, I wanna fuck that big sis over there. I want her as my meat toilet, so you catch her and offer her up."
"Have you finally lost your mind? What the hell are you saying in a situation like this?!"
"Hooh…?"
Even on the verge of swords clashing, Geum-hwa was yelling some nonsense, but Radgridz seemed intrigued by my words. She crossed her arms, emphasizing her massive tits, and spoke up.
"Make me your meat toilet? I've seen plenty of fools babbling nonsense from panic-induced hysteria, but you're a first. Make me your sex slave… Fine. It's unlikely, but if I lose to you, I'll gladly become your sex slave."
"Surrender now, and I'll settle for sex slave. Refuse, and it's meat toilet! Think it over!"
"…What? So if I resist, that's meat toilet?"
"You get it."
"Hey!"
The trickiest part of fighting Radgridz is when banish yanks the healer off the front lines. But if she wastes it like this, it's just an arena with no outside interference.
"Alright, before we tackle big sis, let's clear the grunts first."
"Why are you so damn calm? Talking about turning a infamous villain into a meat toilet—you're properly insane. Whatever, I'm going first—here I come!!"
BOOM!!
Geum-hwa kicked off the ground and charged the surrounding grunts—what the game called Combatant A, B, etc.—slamming her greatsword down like tenderizing cutlets with a meat mallet.
"Aaaagh?!"
"Wh-what's with that speed? And the power?!"
"Don't panic! Rush her now!"
"She just used a big move—can't recover her stance right away!"
The grunts panicked at their comrades flying like autumn leaves, but as villains who'd tangled with Valkyries before, they weren't total noobs. Ignoring their fallen buddies, they rushed the off-balance Geum-hwa.
But Geum-hwa didn't flinch.
"Master!"
"Right behind you—here I go!!"
"Gaaah?!"
"Agh, d-don't interfere, you damn guy?!"
ZZZAP-CRACK!!
Because we'd synced up in the dungeon yesterday multiple times—she trusted I'd cover her back.
As she recovered her greatsword from cratering the ground and reset her stance, I shield-bashed an incoming grunt with my electrified riot shield. Geum-hwa then plunged into the pack like a wolf among sheep, spinning into a rotational slash.
"Break their formation!"
"No weird sound effects! Just support me quietly!"
"Got it."
Who was the master and who the meat toilet here?
Geum-hwa's Lewd Greatsword—pure 100% mithril—whirled like a helicopter propeller. By setting, these grunts weren't real lifeforms; they were mana constructs from the Void Empress, leader of villain group Hell's Offspring. Thanks to the game's super-pervy idea that bloodshed should only come from dungeon monsters and heroine virgin pussy blood in a yuri game, humanoid mobs don't bleed—they just crumble to dust like before.
"Kinda looks like sweeping up leaves."
"Quit chit-chatting and move!"
"Hold still!"
ZZZAP-CRACK!!
Geum-hwa halted her spin, and I matched her with another shield bash. My custom 'stun-specialized riot shield'—made with Breeding Uncle's shady knowledge—zapped another grunt eyeing her with delicious electricity.
"That guy's the real problem now. Take him out first!"
"Kill that bastard! Cut off his dick and make it a dildo! Gyaaah—!!"
"Crazy fuckers."
GRIND-GRIND-GRIND!!
Most of their forces were shredded by Geum-hwa's spin attack, leaving scraps that weren't even worth calling remnants. They finally realized I was the annoying one and charged, only to get mulched by Geum-hwa. With their trash-tier combat power—basically walking XP fodder—they had no chance against her endgame weapon.
"As expected of my meat toilet. Pumped up 'cause you've got backup now?"
"Keep it up, and I'll rip that mouth open!"
"Heh heh heh. Anyway, now the real fun starts."
"Yeah…"
Geum-hwa looked unscratched, no debuffs, so we turned to our main target.
"I thought you were just fledglings, but you talk big for a reason, it seems."
"You! Get over here! Or I'll come to you?!"
"Yeah! Hurry up and become a sex slave—it's for your own good!"
"…Is that a threat?"
"An offer."
Radgridz watched us with interest, her eyes on the duo bantering like master and meat toilet after wiping out twenty-plus grunts without a scratch. Despite facing a top villain exec, we weren't cowed, so like when she first dragged us here, she approached with disciplined steps, drew her waist sword, and yelled as we prepped.
"You there, cadet with the greatsword! You've got potential! If I capture you, Her Majesty will be thrilled!"
"Bullshit. Let's see how long you keep grinning."
"Oh? And you?"
"Your arrogance pierces the heavens. Normally, I'd execute you here, but you've got some entertaining tricks, so I'll make you my pet."
"Hm, so meat toilet it is."
Chugging punishment liquor? Can't be helped.
I stroked Geum-hwa's ass as she crouched to leap at approaching Radgridz.
"No matter what, don't panic. It's all part of my plan."
"What? What the hell are you— you crazy master bastard, pretending to be serious just to grope my ass!"
"Just the ass? I grope pussy too. Here."
"Ahhh♡ Y-you crazy fuck…♡"
"Hooh… Quite leisurely even before me. But how long can that last?"
Radgridz's eyes chilled, mistaking my fingering of Geum-hwa's heated, quivering pussy—aroused from the Lewd Greatsword—for mockery, her amused gaze turning cold.
Tension eased, I wound up for one last ass smack and yelled.
"Looks like the taunt worked. Time to go!"
"Ack, you madman, slapping my ass again—!!"
SMACK!!
Geum-hwa shot out like a bullet, glaring back in annoyance. I hustled after her.
"Bold indeed. Come! I admire your spirit—I'll request Her Majesty make you my adjutant!"
"Don't need it?!"
Radgridz charged Geum-hwa with precise steps.
'Key to beating Radgridz: overwhelm with massive DPS!'
I stuck tight behind Geum-hwa, out of Radgridz's sight, faked raising my shield, and dug into my pocket. Remote in hand, I hit the button just as Geum-hwa was about to clash.
"Come at me! Prove your worth— wh-what's that look?!"
"Y-you crazy bastard… 'Don't panic' meant this?! Ughhh, wh-what are you staring at?!"
"Trying to distract me with an il— …what is this power?! Urgh?!"
CLANGGG!!
Cold to me but fond of Geum-hwa, Radgridz confidently met her sword—only to freak at Geum-hwa suddenly going buck naked before her. Enraged, Geum-hwa's greatsword sent her flying far off.