Penalty Time (11)
I already knew what Joy intended to make me do. Partly because she'd told me herself — but also because this was one of Joy's events from the game. You go out into town, pick out clothes for each other, and spend the whole day wearing them.
On the surface it looked like the most trivial little wish imaginable. For Joy, though, it was something desperately dear.
Joy might be scatterbrained, but she was no fool. She understood perfectly well the position she occupied as a duke's daughter. She knew how others perceived her standing, and she grasped exactly how every single word from her lips might be judged by the young noblewomen around her.
For all her villainess looks, she carried the soul of a timid high school girl — hardly the type who would press her own wishes at the cost of making others uncomfortable.
And so the dream she'd cherished since the moment she'd read about it in some book had remained nothing but a dream for nearly ten years.
That is, until she met the player of that game — the person now known as me.
Knowing all of that background, I resolved to grant Joy's wish gladly. If I could carve a smile onto the face of a girl who'd been an outsider even while surrounded by people, what on earth wouldn't I do?
"Alright! My lady! Today, you must address me by my name!"
That resolve of mine only hardened further the moment she showed up first thing in the morning, wearing that impish little grin. Watching Joy hide her upturned lips behind her fan, I found myself reminded all over again of exactly why I'd made her my favorite character.
"Is calling you by name enough for you, Joy? Really?"
"Of course! What more could I possibly want!"
"That so? Funny thing, though..."
"Something wrong? That's not what it sounded like the other day, when you were baring your every desire. Or is my memory playing tricks on me?"
"I... wasn't fully awake back then."
"Big Sis Joy."
"Big Sis Joy."
"...C-could you please say it one more time?"
"I don't feel like it?"
"You said it didn't matter just now, didn't you? Why the sudden change of heart, hm? I'm simply dying of curiosity."
"W-well, that's... ummm..."
After tormenting Joy to my heart's content — the poor girl clutching her fan with both hands to hide her flushed face — I moved on.
"Phoebe. You saw it just now, right?"
"Fumble Saintess. You saw it just now, didn't you? How Joy went completely red the second I called her Big Sis Joy? For someone with her face, she's surprisingly pure, don't you think?"
"Fufu. Perhaps it's because our young lady is so very adorable herself that she wished for a little sister like that?"
"If that's the case, then..."
"Hey, Joy. The Fumble Saintess thinks you wanted an adorable little sister just like me. Is that it? Is that really it?"
"...Please, for the love of everything, stooooop."
Having met up with Phoebe and milked Joy for another round of teasing over the morning's events, I headed for the teleportation circle to travel to the capital's shopping district.
"Oh, right. My lady? Would it be possible to bring Professor Karl along? We'll need someone to carry the clothes."
I could not, for the life of me, understand what Joy had just said.
All three of us had physical abilities far beyond those of ordinary people — why on earth would we need someone to carry clothes? And even if she was planning to buy an absurd, frankly intimidating mountain of outfits, couldn't we just stuff the whole lot into a Sub-space Pouch?
When I voiced these doubts outright, Joy and Phoebe exchanged a glance, then looked down at me with those fond, indulgent smiles of theirs.
"You'll understand when we get there. My lady."
The first shop we visited upon arriving at the capital's streets was the large clothing boutique that Joy apparently frequented.
"Oh my! Lady Patran! Welcome, welcome!"
It seemed her reputation as a regular was no exaggeration — the shopkeeper came rushing over the instant she spotted Joy, her face lighting up with delight.
"And Lady Saintess, it has been far too long. And... hm. Lady Alrn?"
The moment that gaze landed on my face, all that warmth drained away, leaving her expression pale and stiff.
...Just how much havoc had the Lucy of the past wreaked for someone to be this nakedly, this unapologetically repulsed?
I was long accustomed to looks of loathing, so I simply shrugged and accepted it — but the other two were not.
"Madam. Surely you aren't making that face because my friend here makes you uncomfortable?"
Cold seeped into Joy's expression.
This was no accident of her usual villainess features — this was a blade-sharp glare, deployed with genuine intent to crush her opponent.
Caught squarely in its path, the shopkeeper broke into a cold sweat and shook her head vigorously.
"N-no! Of course not! It's only... that is... back in the day, Lady Alrn—"
"Madam."
Phoebe's single word cut off the shopkeeper mid-explanation. Faced with eyes as gentle as ever and a voice so firm it was impossible to reconcile with them, the woman's mouth opened and closed wordlessly.
"I know nothing about what kind of person the young lady of the past may have been. But the lady standing here today is not that kind of person. On that, I give you my word."
"I feel exactly the same way, Madam."
When the daughter of House Patran and the Saintess of the Church of the Main God spoke as one, no soul on the continent possessed the standing to argue.
The shopkeeper could only nod her pale-faced assent, over and over.
"Now, back to business. Madam. We intend to gift Lady Alrn some clothes. Do you happen to have anything that would suit her?"
"O-of course! Lady Patran! What garment could possibly fail to suit someone as lovely and radiant as this young lady here?"
Voice pitched nearly to a shriek, the shopkeeper seized Karl, who had come along with us, and hurried off toward the back of the store in a frantic rush.
"How distasteful. To judge my lady by things from the past."
"It is a shame, truly. Whatever sins a person committed once upon a time, people are capable of change."
Uh.
Hm.
Look, I appreciate you two defending me, I really do.
But in this particular situation, isn't the shopkeeper the victim and I the perpetrator? No matter how I spin it, the one being wronged here is her, isn't it?
It's the terrifying intensity of the way you two are glaring at the spot where she left that's keeping me from saying it out loud, but this is tyranny of privilege, plain and simple.
If some strange rumor starts circulating about this, don't come crying to me!
A Saintess-abuses-her-power scandal? Not my fault!
Before long, the shopkeeper returned with Karl in tow, and I couldn't help but gasp.
The clothes in Karl's arms were stacked so high they towered over his head.
Whoaaaa. So that's why we needed someone to carry them.
Yeah, without a strong servant on hand, this would be a problem in more ways than one.
"Madam. Is this all of them?"
"Goodness, no! Of course not! What kind of establishment do you take us for!"
Eh?
This isn't everything?
There's MORE than this?!
I know it's for three people, but surely this is already more than enough?!
So even a scatterbrain stops being a scatterbrain when she's a duke's daughter, huh.
The sheer scale is on another level.
"Wonderful. Then send in the maids to assist us. We'll begin by having the lady try on all of these."
"At once, Lady Patran."
...Wait.
Did I just hear something strange?
Try them ALL on me?
Not split them between the three of us?
"Um. Joy?"
"Joy. You're planning to make me try on that entire mountain of clothes? Is that your scatterbrain side talking again?"
"What a joke, my lady. A lady of your past refinement, keeping a wardrobe as modest as... ah. My apologies — were you saying we needn't try them on? Fret not. That comes later."
No! That's not what I meant!
Don't just willfully misunderstand me, Joy!
You're seriously planning to put me in every single one of these?!
Just the changing alone would eat up the entire day!
"Joy. One moment, please."
Yes! Phoebe!
Be the Saintess you were meant to be and deliver a righteous rebuke to these extravagance-drunk nobles!
"We aren't limiting ourselves to just this one shop, are we?"
"Why even ask something so obvious? Browsing shop after shop to compare designs is simply common sense."
Watching the two of them smile and nod at each other, I realized that something had gone very, very wrong.
What?! Weren't we supposed to try on a few things and pick ONE?! That was the deal!
THIS was hiding in those few lines of flavor text?! THIS event?!
Oh... now that I think about it, by the time that morning event wrapped up in the game, it had transitioned to night.
I'd assumed it was just a description of spending a carefree day together — when in fact it was describing an entire day devoted to clothes shopping.
I see. So THIS is what counts as common sense among the nobility.
Escorted by Joy and Phoebe's hands into a chamber where dozens of maids awaited, I stared up at the chandelier with the dead eyes of the damned.
...This is hell.
"How can every single outfit suit her so perfectly? Truly, she is our lady."
"I knew the lady was beautiful, but I never imagined it was to this degree. I find myself almost envious."
One hour passed like that.
"Joy, what do we do? Every design flatters the lady so beautifully that I can't possibly choose just one!"
"Don't worry, Phoebe. When that happens, the answer is simply to buy them all!"
Three hours passed.
"This place is rather lackluster. Shall we buy only this one and this one and move on?"
"Joy, there was that shop we passed by earlier that caught my eye..."
"The one you mean, yes? Perfect. Then next we shall..."
Five hours passed.
"Whew. What a thoroughly satisfying day."
"I shall never forget today as long as I live."
Only after the sunset had spread across the sky was I finally released from my existence as a dress-up doll.
Just how many outfits had I changed into in a single day?
I doubt even a fashion model under a slave contract would be worked through a schedule this brutal.
Replenishing my collapsed blood sugar with snacks, fully convinced I would collapse the moment I returned to the dormitory, I suddenly remembered something.
"Joy. One thing..."
"My scatterbrained Joy. Haven't you forgotten something?"
"Me? I've forgotten some— Oh! Right! I was supposed to have you pick out MY clothes!"
Joy, who had been lamenting that she'd forgotten all about it because dressing me up was simply too much fun, furrowed her brow in thought before abruptly snapping her head up.
What now? What is it? Don't tell me you want to hit MORE clothing shops?
I am genuinely at my limit here!
One more step and I'm going to keel over from exhaustion!
"Lady Alrn. You promised that today, whatever I asked of you, you would grant it. Isn't that right?"
"...Isn't it?"
"But why?"
"Promise me! Later, you'll pick out my clothes! No — the dresses Phoebe and I will wear! And if you break that promise, you'll have to accompany me on yet another shopping expedition!"
...The sheer ruthlessness of this noble.
To think she'd pull a trick like this with a blank-check contract.
You two! Aren't you afraid of the Revolution my mace will unleash?!
Give me one day, and I will spark that revolution!
Fine!
I'll just promise, okay?!
Running the nobles' errands like their little lackey!
And you call yourself the Chief God after this?!
Just you wait! When the revolution comes!
...Ah. Right, then my head rolls first.
Seeing as I'm a completely degenerate noble myself.
Having nodded along helplessly under the threat of the penalty, I scowled at the sight of Joy beaming in satisfaction.
Haaah. Damn it all. Who knew lacking any real rights would sting this badly?
"Joy. So where..."
"Joy. Fumble Saintess. At least tell me where you're planning to wear the outfits I picked out for you."
A promise is a promise, though. I suppose I have to keep it.
It's been ages since I've done this kind of character customization, though — will I still have the touch?
Something from the eastern regions would definitely suit Joy...
"Why, we shall wear them at the Academy Semester-End Party, of course. I intend to brag to everyone that these are the outfits my lady chose for me herself."
Ahh, that? If it's there, easy. I'll just aim for wherever I'll be most visible.
"Oh! Right! And you must promise to wear the outfit I picked for YOU as well, my lady!"
Fine. That much is no big deal.
The endless changing exhausted me, but every design itself was actually quite nice.
...But hold on, Joy. You bought more than enough for all of us — which one am I supposed to wear out of all that?
Did you ever actually pick one? I kind of lost consciousness somewhere in the middle, so I don't remember.
"You FORGOT?! How cruel! Do you have any idea how much care I put into this?! I chose it knowing that the lady, ranked FIRST in the entire first year, would be taking the STAGE!"
Hm?
...
HuuuH?!
Stage? What do you mean, stage?! Joy?! Joy, my dear?!
The first-year opening address always went to Arthur...
Oh. Right! I beat him, didn't I!