Penalty Time (10)
Phoebe, who had burst into tears leaning against my shoulder, had at some point drifted off to sleep.
She clearly hadn't slept properly that morning, and with that exhausted body she'd been through so much — it was no wonder she'd finally given out.
I laid her head down on my lap and spread my divinity around her so she could rest comfortably in its warmth. There was nothing urgent waiting on us, after all. If she didn't wake up after a while, I could just carry her back then.
With that thought, I turned my attention to the divinity engraved within Phoebe.
As my own divinity's rank had climbed, I'd grown far more adept at handling it — and my ability to sense the divinity of others was incomparable to what it once was. Seen through those eyes, the divinity dwelling inside Phoebe looked uncannily similar to the Chief God's divinity that I carried.
So Armadi had acknowledged Phoebe's nobility of spirit, had she?
Ha. Yeah. That's right. This is how it should be.
Phoebe is someone far too precious to be wasted on that pathetic pervert of a Chief God.
If anything, the fact that she never acknowledged her until now — kept turning her away — is what's truly insolent. Who does she think she is, granting or withholding recognition? A useless Chief God who couldn't do anything without me.
Lost in those thoughts, I noticed Phoebe murmuring in her sleep and gently stroked her hair.
'Grandfather.'
⟨What do you call me for?⟩
'You already know, don't you?'
You've always been so quick on the uptake — pretending not to know now would be a real problem. Surely the man once called a Hero isn't about to claim his memory is failing him?
⟨Aye. You were right. This child was one who deserved to bear the name of Saintess.⟩
'See? So Grandfather was in the wrong, wasn't he?'
Anyone else doubting me would be one thing, but you doubting me? That was way too much. After everything I've shown you, you still insisted on testing Phoebe.
'How does a so-called noble holy knight end up this bad at trusting people, huh?'
⟨...I have no defense. I'm sorry. It is plainly a bad habit of mine.⟩
'Well then, Grandfather, you'll have to pay the price of your doubt.'
⟨And what price would that be?⟩
'Since your distrust wounded me, you'll have to suffer in equal measure.'
I already knew exactly what suffering I'd inflict on him. I'd been planning to stop by the place where Grandfather's doll resided during this vacation anyway.
I'd make him explain the meaning behind every single action, every single line of dialogue the doll produces. Hehehe. Just imagining Grandfather's face as he explained, one by one, every piece of cringe-worthy black history I'd witness there was almost too much to bear without laughing out loud.
⟨Insofar as my error contributed to this affair, I shall not seek to escape punishment.⟩
'Oh. Really?'
Unexpected. I figured Grandfather would come up with some excuse — it was all for your sake, that sort of thing.
⟨However! Was I truly the only one at fault in this matter?!⟩
...I take back the "unexpected" part.
An excuse would have been better. I can't believe he's trying to drag someone else down to share the blame.
This is the legendary holy knight? Are we sure the stories didn't get garbled somewhere along the way?
I was tuning out Grandfather's indignant shouting when I caught a flicker at the corner of Phoebe's eye.
"...Oh? My lady?"
'You're awake?'
"Already up? Too bad~ You were mumbling like a baby. It was adorable."
Before I'd even finished speaking, Phoebe shot bolt upright and darted her eyes this way and that, avoiding my gaze.
"I— I'm so sorry. To impose upon you, my lady, of all people—"
'It's fine. Don't worry about it.'
"Don't worry about it? You bawled your eyes out all over my uniform, then used my knee as a pillow, and mumbled baby talk on top of it — but sure, no big deal?"
"I'm soooorry!"
Phoebe, red to the very tips of her ears, bowed her head over and over, apologizing for her rudeness.
I didn't consider it an imposition at all — I actually thought it was cute. But I knew that if I said it out loud, the mesugaki filter would twist it into something that would make Phoebe explode, so I simply waited for her to calm down.
"...To think I, of all people, couldn't control my own emotions."
'That's enough of that, Phoebe.'
"Phoebe? Can't you see that dwelling on it after I said it's fine is the real imposition? Did you cry your intelligence out along with your tears?"
"Th-that's not... exactly true, but..."
'More importantly...'
"More importantly, how does it feel, carrying the divinity of that pathetic Chief God?"
Phoebe had believed in Armadi since she was very young. To hear the Chief God's voice and receive the Chief God's blessing had been her lifelong dream. Now that the dream had come true, she ought to be overjoyed — and yet her expression as she gazed at her own divinity was strangely complicated.
'Not happy?'
"What's this? Not happy? Is that not enough for you? All that posturing about being pure-hearted, and you were a greedy little thing all along?"
"No! It's not like that. It is surely a joy that the Chief God has looked upon me."
Phoebe passionately explained just how long she had yearned for this moment, then fell silent — and only after a few seconds did she continue, with a single, quiet but.
"However... there are simply too many things lurking in this world for me to savor that joy purely."
Translation: now that I carry the Chief God's will, I'm not allowed to giddy like a child.
Hearing it, I asked Phoebe to kneel so we'd be at eye level. It was a bizarre, contextless request, but she followed it with complete sincerity.
And the instant her eyes met mine, I delivered a crisp flick to her snow-white forehead.
"Hyah?!"
Did she really not see this coming? Phoebe clutched her forehead with both hands and stared at me in bewilderment.
"Silly Phoebe♡ By your logic, that makes me — someone who wears her joy right out in the open — just a hopeless little brat, doesn't it?♡"
"...What?! No! That's not what I meant at all—!"
"Hmm~♡ So this is how you've always thought of me?♡ I'm so disappointed♡"
"I really wasn't! My lady!"
Watching her flail her arms wildly while spouting one rambling excuse after another, I finally burst out laughing.
Honestly. Still hasn't even graduated from school, and she's playing the savior.
...Wait. No — actually, maybe it's precisely because she hasn't graduated that she's playing the savior?
Considering Phoebe's age, it's exactly the window where chuunibyou should strike.
"Why are you looking at me with such an ambiguous expression?!"
I flicked the protesting Phoebe's forehead one more time, then gazed at her now fully tear-streaked face and continued.
"A newly-minted, pathetic rookie divinity-bearer flexing her new power♡ Of course it looks pathetic♡"
"Th... that's..."
"Pfft♡ I'll have to tell Joy all about it later♡ About how ridiculous you looked, drunk on your own self-importance♡"
I deliberately did an over-the-top impression of Phoebe, and a strangled shriek burst out of her.
"MY LADYYY!"
You see, I did like Phoebe — the noble Saintess from the game. But I never wanted the Phoebe who'd be my friend, right beside me, to become that.
Revered great figures look magnificent from a distance. Up close, they just break your heart.
Phoebe. Just like the you in the game, you don't have to shoulder everything — everything will work out fine anyway. So just stay the way you are now. That's all I want.
Hiding those tangled feelings inside the laughter my mesugaki skill had produced, I led Phoebe — begging me with everything she had to at least never tell Joy — out of the basement.
Two days had passed since the day Phoebe received the Chief God's divinity.
As for what happened in the meantime — well, let me walk you through a few of the highlights.
Yeah. Let's start with this one.
The moment we escaped the orphanage, I shot down Karia's suggestion that we head straight back. So she could pay the price for doubting me.
As if she'd anticipated I'd come out swinging like that, Karia just shrugged and told me to do whatever I liked.
So I did exactly that.
'Dumb Father told me all about it, you see. Back in the day, Auntie was a lonely shut-in who couldn't communicate with people at all.'
"...You mean your instructor, my lady?"
'Something about how humans are animals that can't be trusted—'
"GWAAAH! STOP! CEASE! Employer! I was wrong! I was wrong!"
Even with Karia's monster-level intuition, she clearly never imagined I'd dredge up her black history — and in front of her own apprentice, no less — because she threw herself desperately in front of my mouth to stop me.
Of course, having lost most of her old combat strength, Karia had no hope of beating me by force.
'And also, there was this one time—'
"NOOOOO!"
I left Karia's screams behind me and launched into the next anecdote. It's true that Karia never appears in the game — but separately from that, the cringe-inducing exploits of the "former Shadow of the Kingdom" were in no short supply.
My head held a full 101 stories guaranteed to make Karia scream.
Unfortunately, I couldn't get through all of them. By the time the second anecdote wrapped up, Karia's expression had gone positively vicious. One look at those eyes — the kind that said she'd kill me and then herself if I pushed further — and I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth again.
⟨...If that is what befalls Karia as her punishment... then surely mine will...⟩
Someone watching the whole scene had just glimpsed her own grim future, but it wasn't important enough to dwell on, so moving on.
Oh — I should mention this too.
Did my relentless teasing of Phoebe on the walk back to the dorm the day she received the Chief God's divinity actually work?
The next morning, Phoebe never once brought up her mission, her burden, or anything of the sort. On top of that, blushing furiously, she even admitted she'd been spouting nonsense in the heat of the moment. The mesugaki-style chuunibyou treatment could be declared a complete success.
But I didn't let my guard down. Having lived through an era I'd rather never remember, I knew exactly how tenacious the seeds of chuunibyou could be.
So once I'd confirmed the treatment took, I moved straight into preventive care for Phoebe's condition.
What nonsense is that, you ask?
'"To savor that joy..."'
"Kk— khhm."
"My lady! I begged you not to do this!"
'Huzzmuhlgrug grilzlzuh~'
"PUWAHAHA! Phoebe! What do you think about saying THAT during your next sermon?!"
"WAAAAAH!"
I ignored Phoebe's pleas and told Joy everything. To be fair, my honoring her request had a shelf life of exactly one day. Once that day passed, no force in this world could restrain this mesugaki!
Ah — of course, I left out all the heavy parts when I told Joy. If I'd explained the full context of what happened that day, there would have been nothing left to tease her about.
Anyway, thanks to the joint treatment administered by me and Joy, Phoebe's chuunibyou withered and died in the soil. There was a minor side effect — Phoebe genuinely sulking at me — but compared to the devastation of a fully-bloomed chuunibyou outbreak, that was nothing. Yep.
Beyond that, my dungeon write-up in the academy journal got rave reviews. Frey, who showed up at the training grounds after a few days' absence, took one look at my face and fled. And Arthur, upon receiving the dungeon mechanics manual I'd personally authored, let out a shriek of pure joy at my order to memorize all of it before the vacation ended.
All told, these past two days of daily life had been truly peaceful and pleasant.
...
It would have been nice to know in advance that this was merely the calm before the storm.
"Joy, what about this one? For a lady so doll-like, wouldn't this suit her perfectly?"
"It's not bad, but... hmm. Let's think about it once she's actually tried it on. We still have plenty of time."
'Um, Joy...'
"Joy? Are your eyes going bad? Do you not see the mountain of clothes in her hands right now?"
"That's precisely why we'll have her try this one, and then this one too. My lady."
Brushing off my protest with one ear, Joy handed yet another pile of clothes to Carl, who'd been dragged along as our pack mule.
Whoa. The stack of clothes on Carl's arms has climbed past his chest and is about to reach his shoulders.
How many hours would it even take to try on all of that?
"Phoebe, what about this one?"
"It wouldn't have suited the lady of old... but on the lady of today, it would be utterly charming."
'Right?'
...Are you two seriously treating me like a dress-up doll instead of a living, breathing human being?