Chapter 479: Proof of Existence (67)
Chapter 479: Proof of Existence (67)
Two silhouettes stood side by side upon the horizon.
The world at dusk was breathlessly still. As twilight descended and the boundary between light and shadow blurred, all things dissolved into darkness.
The countless corpses strewn about, the rock the man sat upon, and my own battered, broken body—all of it.
It was a bizarre sensation.
I was there, right in the center of a landscape painting staining my retinas. It felt as if I were observing the very spot I stood upon from somewhere far beyond.
It was a fleeting illusion.
As I turned my body with a stumble, my vision snapped back to normal.
A pair of utterly indifferent golden eyes were staring at me. It was a gaze devoid of even a flicker of doubt or anxiety.
Conviction, or perhaps a declaration.
The man had told me he would bring me victory. It was a promise he had never once broken, yet today, even I could not help but harbor doubts.
Was his opponent not a Master who had protected the Holy Kingdom for centuries?
That power, which toyed even with life and death, could truly be said to touch the authority of a god. No matter how strong the man was, it was uncertain whether he could truly stand against such a foe.
And that was separate from the matter of skill.
My body, having repeated death hundreds of times, was already refusing to obey the commands of my brain. Furthermore, my mana was so depleted that I could finally see the bottom of the well.
To be confident of victory despite such disadvantageous conditions?
It was a judgment I found difficult to comprehend.
Yet, on the other hand, I felt as though I could see into the man’s heart.
Since the arrival of the sixth letter, the man had been uncharacteristically absent. Even when I was pushed to the brink by 'Greed,' it had been the same.
It was all for this very moment.
From the beginning, he had been keeping the decisive battle with the Saint in mind. He must have judged that while it might have been impossible before, my body—having undergone constant development—now stood a chance.
Realizing this, a hollow laugh escaped my lungs.
It was reassuring, in a way. The man never spoke empty words, so if I simply left it to him, everything would be resolved.
I would no longer need to experience death hundreds of times over.
There would be no reason to fight the anxiety of potentially losing the Saintess, nor any cause to force myself to hold onto a mind already worn to a thread.
I could just close my eyes and pass out.
I only had to stay face-down, holding my breath, and wait for everything to end.
How desperately had I yearned for this?
It hurt so much; it was so agonizing. My mind was already in tatters, to the point where I could hardly distinguish between dreams and reality.
I, too, was only human.
The burden suddenly thrust upon my shoulders was bound to be heavy and overwhelming. Every time I heard that I had to save the world, or that the lives of those precious to me were in danger, I was plagued by an anxiety that drove me to the brink of madness.
Yes, enough now.
I wanted to rest.
And so, I—
"…Novice."
Just as I turned my head and took a single step.
A cold voice soaked into my eardrums. An indifferent gaze pierced through my back like an awl.
"Don't be stubborn… I believe I told you this is an opponent you aren't ready for yet."
My vision blurred. My legs shook and wobbled; as I took another step, my entire body tilted precariously.
But I gritted my teeth once more and stood straight.
Between my ragged gasps, the question I had repeated countless times rose up like a gathering cloud.
Why me, of all people?
"You already know. It is impossible for you."
Why did it have to be me?
"Leaving it to me is the best course of action. I told you, didn't I? Sometimes, you must know when to give up."
And why, of all things, was I insisting on this path?
"Surely, you aren't planning to stake her life on a gamble with no odds of victory?"
"…I won't."
There was no one to answer my recurring questions.
Only a certain dying wish suddenly came to mind, causing my lips to part instinctively.
The man’s brow furrowed slightly.
"What did you…?"
"I won't run away!"
Thump! I slammed my hand against the ground.
Still collapsed, I let out a scream that sounded like a desperate struggle.
Was it a sob, or a shriek?
Hundreds of deaths had pushed my mind to its absolute limit. These were the only words my broken intellect could squeeze out.
A wretched shout exploded through my throat.
"I won't be a coward! I said I wouldn't give up on anything… I said I wouldn't…!"
It was a wail drenched in moisture.
Sobs climbed over my Adam's apple. The screams I had suppressed until now showed no sign of stopping easily.
A human being, on the verge of drowning under the weight of fate, was howling right here.
For the first time, a faint crack appeared in the man’s expression. A flicker of bewilderment even passed through those indifferent eyes.
As if he truly hadn't expected me to act like this.
"…I promised, I promised!"
Smack! I struck the ground again, but there was no strength in my hand.
My clenched fist only gathered coarse gravel. In the world of silence, a dry noise echoed out.
A sunshower dampened the earth.
It didn't take long for me to realize that it was my own tears.
"Honestly, it's hard. I want to quit already…!"
"Then why do you persist?"
The man’s counter-question in response to my sobbing was cold as ice.
But I knew. I knew that a faint trace of doubt had begun to dwell in those golden eyes looking down at me.
Call it instinct.
Because he, too, was 'me.'
The man’s interrogation continued.
"You can give up. You can leave it to me… It’s a path you can’t walk anyway, so what does it matter if you reach the end on someone else’s back?"
"…It’s my path."
A faint heat was exhaled along with my ragged breath.
Even as I wept, I struggled and screamed.
The world of sunset and shadows let out a low, vibrating groan.
"I have to be the one to choose! If I keep giving things up one by one like that, how much of a path will be left for me to choose?"
"…It is the best path."
"And it would be your path…!"
My upturned eyes finally met the man’s.
The man remained expressionless. As if he were an artificial doll whose heart had worn away until it no longer beat.
Nevertheless, my outcry continued.
"Weren't you scared?!"
No, perhaps it was a plea.
The questions I had stored deep in my heart burst out as screams.
"Didn't it hurt? Wasn't it hard? Did you never feel it was unfair?! Why, why me…?!"
Drip. In time with the sound of a falling tear.
My head slumped. My gaze, directed downward once more, shimmered with moisture.
"Why me, of all people…?"
My exhausted body struggled even with the task of squeezing my lungs. Only the tears falling drop by drop left traces of the overflowing emotions.
"I’m… I’m just the second son of a rural viscount you can find anywhere… I was nothing! So why me?! Why do I have to bear all this pain alone!"
"Do not seek to know."
In a dry voice, the man spoke.
"Do not mistake this for your pain alone. Everyone, at least once in their life, asks that same question. 'Why me?' But surprisingly, many things in this world happen for no reason at all. You have no choice but to think of it as fate…."
"Is that why you accepted it?"
The man’s words came to an abrupt halt.
My reflection was mirrored in his deep, golden pupils.
Eyes so bloodshot the capillaries had burst, a trail of blood trickling from bitten lips.
It was a pitiful sight.
"So, did it not hurt?"
The desperate question followed.
Please, say yes.
Say it doesn't hurt anymore. Say that you got used to it and it’s nothing now.
Hoping he would say that, the man let out a sigh at the wish I had thrown his way.
"…Novice."
"How on earth did you endure it?! How can you act like it’s nothing… and stand so proudly before me!"
It was a vent of frustration that bordered on irrationality.
The man had maintained his usual calm face. At least, until I began to wail while clutching my chest.
"How on earth did you do it—!"
At my childlike cry, the man’s gaze froze.
A clear sign of bewilderment could be seen in his eyes. It was an emotion I was encountering for the first time since meeting him.
"Please…."
Sobbing, I pleaded feebly.
"Please, tell me… how I can keep from running away."
The man said nothing for a long time.
He opened his mouth, then closed it. His lips parted several times.
He seemed, quite unusually, to be hesitating.
Come to think of it, was this the first time?
This was the first time I had made a direct request to the man. Perhaps because of that, various emotions were flickering across his face.
Conflict, anger, regret, and finally, resignation.
Exhaling a sigh, the man finally turned his gaze away from me.
"…I am different from you. I have simply received so many wounds that there is no place left for it to hurt. At this point, losing a few more people doesn't stir much emotion in me."
"If that’s the case…."
Just before a look of despair could cross my face.
The man murmured in a voice steeped in reminiscence.
"But, yes… I suppose there was a time when I thought like you."
With that, the man slowly raised his index finger.
In a world where one could not distinguish between light and darkness, his finger pointed toward the far side of the sunset.
It was the direction I had been walking.
"If you want it that badly, then go there… The memory you seek will be there."
I stared blankly back and forth between the man’s finger and the distance.
Then, I staggered to my feet.
I almost fell several times. In fact, after collapsing twice, my entire body shrieked in pain.
I could have given up; I could have broken down.
It felt as if I could hear voices rebuking me, asking why I was being so stubborn.
Nevertheless, I finally stood on my own two feet.
By the time I took another staggering step, the man’s low warning followed.
"…You will suffer."
It was a phrase I had heard once before.
My eyes flickered toward my back. There sat the man, his expression more serious than ever.
"You are challenging the world… and at the end of that path, the other side of the boundary inevitably awaits."
My blurred pupils turned forward.
It was a vast, distant road. Beyond that horizon, where the end was not yet in sight, my fate was waiting.
"Can you keep from being swept away?"
I did not answer.
I simply caught my breath and took a step.
One step, then another.
As I walked and walked, dragging my legs, a thick mist settled around me before I knew it.
At the end of that clear light.
A familiar man was weeping and wailing like a child.
Resenting the entire world.